Greetings folks. Welcome back.

A couple of quick disclaimers before we get started: Today’s recipe has nothing to do with the NFL’s least favorite franchise still playing in the playoffs and also, apart from this reference I will not be calling today’s recipe New England style clam chowder and I sure as FUCK will not be calling it “chowdah”.

Fuck that.

Ready?

Cool.

I’ve mentioned this before but after speaking with a couple of commentists about these recipes I was told more than once that they are intimidating. That was never my intention. I’m not trying to post shit that says “Look at what a gourmand I am you feelthy peasants” in a shitty French accent.

I honestly want to give you good people some recipes that you can cook at home. I will admit that I had a couple of recipes last year that were a LOT of work and I’m not saying I won’t do something challenging in the future but I really do hope that you can find the time to try out at least a few of these.

Today? I promise you can make this recipe.

Inspiration for this dish was simple.

We’re in the middle of fucking Winter*.

This is obviously more appropriate in colder months since it’s a nice warm, filling delicious soup that helps to brighten up the day when it’s dark, dreary and just cold as fuck outside. That’s not stopping you from having it in the Summer but this is more of a Wintry dish.

*Yes I have been in California too long and am a complete wimp in the cold weather but in my own defense it’s been rainy as hell and it has gotten into the lower 40’s recently.

Right. I’ll stop.

Who doesn’t love a good clam chowder? Almost everyone I know will eat the fuck out of some chowder if it’s on the menu. C’mon, if you’re in a restaurant and they give you soup choices and chowder is available don’t you always order it?

Of course you do because it’s goddamn delicious.

How many of you order the chowder in a bread bowl?

That’s what I thought.

Now how many of you just order it by the bowl so you don’t fill up on bread and can eat more chowder along with them little oyster crackers?

A wise choice also.

However you order it, you know it is always warm, satisfying and fuckin’ delightful. What you probably didn’t know is that it’s easy as hell to make. Just a handful of ingredients and it comes together really quickly. No shit my friends, from start to finish today’s recipe took less than an hour. Vegetable chopping time included.

Now let’s do this motherfucker.

Clam Chowder:

1 medium onion chopped pretty fine.

2 stalks of celery washed and chopped pretty fine. (No shit, celery is one of the dirtiest damn veggies ever when you bring it home from the store. Wash it’s nasty ass down well before starting.)

2 cloves of garlic minced.

1 pound of potatoes cubed.

(1) 8 ounce bottle of clam juice.

(2) 6 1/2 ounce cans of chopped – not minced – clams. (Sorry we’re making this easy today. You can spend the extra 50 bucks to buy fresh but that’s for another time.)

1 cup of chicken stock. Store bought is OK.

1 pint of half and half.

1/3 cup of flour.

4 slices of bacon.

Salt to taste.

Freshly ground black pepper to taste.

1/2 teaspoon of dried thyme.

Let’s get started by washing and chopping the vegetable items.

Heat a large soup pot or Dutch oven up on the stove top over medium heat. You’re now going to do something you’ve done about 117,500 times. Cook same damn bacon. Of course you can make extra to graze on while you’re finishing this meal. Cook the bacon crispy and set aside for now.

Using that glorious bacon grease we will now saute the celery and onion for about 5-7 minutes until they are tender. You can add in the dried thyme here too.

Next add in the minced garlic and the cubed potatoes and immediately cover with the cup of chicken stock and the clam juice and bring to a medium-low simmer. You can also open up the 2 cans of clams and dump the juice from the clams into the pot. Reserve the clams for later.

We will be cooking at this stage for about 15-20 minutes until the potatoes become just tender.

While this is simmering go ahead and rinse those clams off. Use a colander and run under some cold water.

You know why?

Clams are GRITTY! Of course they are.

Next, in a small bowl combine 1 cup of the half and half and the 1/3 cup of flour and mix together well. Be sure to mix the lumps of flour out since this may be your only chance to do so. Add this mixture to the soup and cook for about 2 minutes to begin the thickening process.

Here’s the 2nd simmer.

Lastly add in the clams and the remaining cup of half and half and season with salt and pepper. You won’t need too much salt due to the brininess of the clams and the clam juice.

Reduce the heat to LOW and bring to a gentle simmer. You don’t want to bring this to a full boil because that would just fuck all this shit up.

Final simmer looks like this.

Yes, these photos DO look alike. I told you this was an easy recipe and I needed to take photos of something.

Now, grab a ladle and fill up a bowl with some of the chowder. Are you like me and no matter how much pepper is in the soup you always put on a couple of more grinds right before you eat it? I thought so.

Take a strip of the reserved bacon and crumble over the top of the soup.

That’s right! Bacon as a garnish dammit!

I also sprinkled just a little bit of chopped parsley over the top. Primarily to sexy up the photo. Serve along with some warm crusty bread. I used sourdough for this.

Let’s look at that photo one more time.

First thing I want to point out, in addition to giving new recipes I’m fine tuning a lot of my techniques. One of the things I’m working on is the food porn photography. Eldest right assisted greatly by giving me some colorful plates to present the food on rather than my regular boring ass beige plates. She also sent me to a link that had tips and tricks that food photographers (a whole goddamn cottage industry) use to make their photos stand out. You know those photos of breakfast cereal in a bowl of milk where the cereal floats majestically on top of the glistening white milk? You know how they do that? That’s not milk, it’s Elmer’s fucking glue and that is just goddamn nasty.

I promise my photos of the food are all real food that I am mere seconds away from consuming.

Sorry. Back to the food.

See that picture with the crumbled bacon and the freshly ground black pepper over that delicious steaming bowl of REAL soup? That came together in about an hours worth of work.

The soup is warm, hearty, briny with the hint of thyme and black pepper. The bacon adds some savoriness and you have the heartiness of the warm tender potatoes along with a tender chew to the clams and this bowl is just begging you to tear off a piece of that warm bread and just dip it straight into the bowl. Fuck being dignified, something this tasty tells you to throw dignity right out the window.

Use a spoon though. Don’t be an asshole and slurp if there is anyone else around. If you’re by yourself, Hell, go to fucking town. The first time I made this, about 20 years ago, my two daughters and my girlfriend at the time just grabbed some spoons and ate directly from the pot like a buncha fucking animals. No bowls to clean up! We wiped that pot out in about 10 minutes.

There you go.

Entry level easy and insanely delicious. This is much better than store bought and I challenge you to find a better chowder at any restaurant.

Blow some minds with your homemade chowder skills.

More importantly, get your ass in the kitchen and learn to cook something proper.

Much love to you people.

Be nice to each other.