A Completely Neutral, Thorough Preview of the AFC Championship Game

WCS: Well, strangely enough, the Steelers are in the AFC Championship Game. Again. Oh, and it’s against the Patriots. Again. This after being 4-5 at one point in November. They’ve since run off nine-straight wins, won the AFC North, and got through their first two playoff games. Mike Tomlin and Antonio Brown have caught some weird heat, the former for saying that the Patriots are “assholes,” the latter for posting it on Facebook. That said, who really refutes that? What do you think, baby?

LIL’ WCS:

 elizabeth and me

(is a baby, coos and drinks from bottle)

WCS: I suppose that’s a fair point. New England was clearly the best team in the league all season, even with Dreamboat suspended for the first four games. Once again, Brady and Belichick demonstrated why they’re going to be one of the greatest combos in sports history. They’ve got a terrific ground game behind Dion Lewis, and a quietly excellent defense. Plus, this game is in Foxboro. Not a good combination of things. Thoughts?

LIL’ WCS: (is a baby, dozes off while drinking from bottle)

WCS: Yeah, totally. At least the Steelers are healthy, and Le’Veon Bell has simply been brilliant in his first two playoff games. I mean, he ran set a franchise record with 167 yards rushing against Miami in the Wild Card round, and then he upped that with 170 against Kansas City, last week. Antonio Brown has continued to be a god among men thus far. The offensive line is plowing ahead, and the defense is not just playing well, they’re creating the “splash plays” Mike Tomlin covets so much. Any thoughts, Kosmo?

kosmo

KOSMO: (is a cat, stares into the distance)

WCS: That’s a great point. While I give the Steelers a 35-40% chance of pulling the upset, special teams could really be the difference. The Patriots ran back a punt and a kickoff return for touchdowns against the Steelers in both of their previous AFC Championship Game wins, in 2001 and ’04. Fun fact, I personally attended both of those games, before any of you were born. That said, Steelers kicker Chris Boswell has been incredible since they signed him off the scrap heap back in Week 4 of the 2015 season. Hell, he single-handily won the playoff game against the Chefs. What do you think, Puffin?

shitten

PUFFIN: (is another cat, throws up hairball on living room carpet, three inches from kitchen hardwood)

WCS: Fair enough. I appreciate your candor, especially in regards to the potential weakness in the Steelers secondary, that Brady could exploit. Wait a second.. do you hear that? Sounds like a sports car, and it’s getting VERY close…

(wall crashes open)

((CAMARO door flies open))

BOSS TODD 2

BOSS TODD: ALL RIGHT YOU LIMP-DICKED, FAGGOTS, GATHER ROUND AND LISTEN THE PISS UP. BOSS TODD IS HERE TO LEARN YOU SOME MOTHERHUMPING TRUTH. THIS SUNDAY, WE’RE GONNA UTTERLY CURBSTOMP THOSE SHITDICKS FROM NEW ENGLAND. BOSS TODD HERE HAS DESIGNED SUCH A PERFECTLY AMAZING, TOTALLY IMPERVIOUS OFFENSIVE SCHEME THAT EVEN RAPEY MCGRAYDICK COULDN’T FUCK THIS UP, EVEN IF HE FOUND IT IN A BATHROOM STALL IN A SOME SHITHOLE BAR IN GEORGIA.

THROUGH A CAREFULLY PLANNED AND CONSTRUCTED METHOD OF SUBSISTING ON MARLBORO REDS, OLD CROW, AND HARDEES (CARL’S JR. FOR YOUR JIZZSTAINS ON THE FUCK COAST) WHILE LIVING IN THE BACKSEAT OF BOSS TODD’S BITCHIN’ CAMARO,  THERE’S NO WAY THOSE DOUCHEBOXES FROM DICKBORO CAN OVERCOME MY GREATNESS. WE’RE GONNA RUN SMO’KEY BELL ALL OVER THEIR DICKHOLES, BOOKFACE BROWN IS GUARANTEED TO CATCH 250 PASSES FOR 8400 YARDS AND 36 TOUCHDOWNS (HE BETTER, OR I’LL HAVE HIS ASS THROWN INTO ONE OF THOSE HORRIFICALLY DISGUSTING RIVERS BACK IN SHITTSBURGH), AND EVEN BROKEN-BRAINED LADUMBARCS GREEN CAN STILL DO SOMETHING POSITIVE WHILE INVOLUNTARILY PISSING HIS PANTS ON THE SIDELINES. IF HE CAN’T PLAY DUE TO HIS DUMBFUCK BRAIN NOT WORKING, I’LL FORCE-FEED SLAPDICK JESSE JAMES AN ENTIRE FOOTBALL. THROUGH HIS ASS. THAT MORON FROM PENN STATE WOULD PROBABLY ENJOY IT.

NOW, BOSS TODD DOESN’T KNOW JUST HOW BADLY THE OTHER FUCKHEADS THAT DON’T PLAY OFFENSE ON THIS TEAM ARE GONNA DO. TRUST ME, KEITH BUTLER CAN’T GET THIS SHORT-ASS WANG OUT OF HIS PANTS TO PISS WITHOUT LEAKING ON HIS LEG. THAT GUY IS DUMBER THAN LANDRY JONES, AND THAT’S REALLY SAYING SOMETHING. SERIOUSLY, HE WIPES STANDING UP WHEN HE TAKES A CRAP.

SO, AFTER THIS SHITASS DEFENSE GIVES 50 OR 60 TOUCHDOWNS TO BRADY AND FUCKNUT BELICHEAT, BOSS TODD’S GOT A PLAN TO COUNTER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. THIS WILL BE MINE AND THE CAMARO’S MAGNUM OPUS. THIS IS MY APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION, COCKFUCKS.

NOT ONLY ARE MY STEELERS GOING TO KICK THE SHITATRIOTS INTO NEPTUNE’S ORBIT, WE’RE GONNA BURN THE ENTIRE STATE OF MASSHOLE TO THE GROUND. SHERMAN’S MARCH TO THE SEA WILL LOOK LIKE A BITCH COMPARED TO WHAT WE’RE GONNA FUCKING DO THOSE CHEESEDICKS. WATCH AND TREMBLE BENEATH BOSS TODD’S GREATNESS, COCKSHITS. BOSS TODD, OUT.

 

(CAMARO DOOR FLIES CLOSED)

((CAMARO TEARS OFF FOUR DOUGHNUTS ON WCS‘ LAWN AND PEALS OFF INTO DISTANCE))

KOSMO and PUFFIN: (have run for cover long ago)

LIL’ WCS: (cries in terror and confusion)

WCS:

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Moose -The End Is Well NighDunstanUnsurprisedFronkenshteenHoratio Cornblower Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

On one hand, I agree with equating them to Space Nazis. On the other, fuck the Steelers.

http://www.post-gazette.com/image/2017/01/20/ca0,0,3079,2055/Steelers-Patriots-Star-Wars.jpg

Dunstan
Dunstan

But you have to admit, Big Ben is quite proficient at using The Force.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

air ice football

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Football!!!!111ONE!1!!!

Fronkenshteen

Top Trump aide Kellyanne Conway also criticised the media in a feisty exchange on NBC.
She was challenged by Chuck Todd on NBC’s Meet the Press to say why Mr Spicer’s first appearance had been to “utter a probable falsehood”.
“If we are going to keep referring to our press secretary in those type of terms, I think we are going to have to rethink our relationship here,” she said.
Pressed on Mr Spicer’s claims, she said he had been presenting “alternative facts”.
“Alternative facts are not facts they are falsehoods,” Todd replied.

I want to pull my own face apart.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Trump visits CIA to mend fences; stands in front of intelligence officers backed by their own wall of fallen comrades and bitches about the press for 40 minutes after making some vague promises about supporting them.

http://memecrunch.com/meme/BM65U/everything-is-fine/image.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I also like how they expect feminist minded people to be on board with her. She was anti-Trump before he hired her, before that she has publically stated things that at best make her a self-loathing woman, and she was a major player in getting someone as personally and soon to be implementing policy that is anti-woman.

http://www.relatably.com/m/img/afraid-memes/3d351371cc478237c036d7f9eda7c3bee088903c5f61194e4af9f75ed04338ea.jpg

Horatio Cornblower

Referees in the Arsenal-Burnley game went from being almost certainly beaten to death by Arsenal fans to almost certainly being beaten to death by Burnley fans.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The best part is when you can see Kellyanne Conway literally choke down the bile before saying “alternative facts”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I kind of want to print up some “alternative money” and use it to pay for my breakfast.

Horatio Cornblower

Big Ben is a fan of “alternative consent”

Fronkenshteen

Sorry. Didn’t see your clip before I posted

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I wish I could’ve been more useful but I went looking for a backed-up file and got distracted with old shit that I haven’t looked at in five-ten years.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I just started watching Strangers with Candy, and cannot stop laughing.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/676c25e97f2efb9b16e93d89930abe5b/tumblr_mwfk79s7AC1r7vt2no1_400.gif

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image
How good was 3-strip Technicolor? Here’s an 8-bit brutally compressed GIF file from a dye-imbibition Technicolor print. Try and replicate this with the best digital camera using the finest post-production color grading there is. You can’t.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You and my brother would get along swimmingly.

Horatio Cornblower

Of course I can’t. I don’t understand a goddamn word you just wrote.

Now get the hell off my lawn.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Not a song. I regret nothing.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I, too, do not regret this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image
Another shot of a blimped Technicolor camera on set. That’s director Victor Fleming looking at the viewfinder, so this is on the set of either “Gone With The Wind” or “The Wizard of Oz.”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image
An unblimped Technicolor camera filming Gene Kelly for “An American in Paris.”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image
3-strip Technicolor required tremendous amounts of light. This is a “night scene” on a sound stage for “The Wizard of Oz.” Fireproof hairspray had to be developed for Technicolor shoots, as well as make-up that wouldn’t melt.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I bet she gives great helmet.

Brocky

Senor Weaselo

Have you ever wondered what a Classical musician listens to the night before a concert? No? Well fuck you anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Woah. We need a weekly post with your personal ratings of all songs (at least those worth mentioning) posted in the evening threads.

Senor Weaselo

Am I allowed to be crotchety and snobby, even if it’s good?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That would be encouraged! Nothing better than reading a scathing review of a publicly beloved musical piece.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

RIP C. Martin Croker

guy did zorak and moltar. such a talent

Horatio Cornblower

Pictured: A public school in Wyoming.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Brocky

and now i’m on a journey kick…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I love lunch

Brocky

if this is where a journey kick leads, i think i’ll continue

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh