A Completely Neutral, Thorough Preview of the AFC Championship Game

WCS: Well, strangely enough, the Steelers are in the AFC Championship Game. Again. Oh, and it’s against the Patriots. Again. This after being 4-5 at one point in November. They’ve since run off nine-straight wins, won the AFC North, and got through their first two playoff games. Mike Tomlin and Antonio Brown have caught some weird heat, the former for saying that the Patriots are “assholes,” the latter for posting it on Facebook. That said, who really refutes that? What do you think, baby?

LIL’ WCS:

 elizabeth and me

(is a baby, coos and drinks from bottle)

WCS: I suppose that’s a fair point. New England was clearly the best team in the league all season, even with Dreamboat suspended for the first four games. Once again, Brady and Belichick demonstrated why they’re going to be one of the greatest combos in sports history. They’ve got a terrific ground game behind Dion Lewis, and a quietly excellent defense. Plus, this game is in Foxboro. Not a good combination of things. Thoughts?

LIL’ WCS: (is a baby, dozes off while drinking from bottle)

WCS: Yeah, totally. At least the Steelers are healthy, and Le’Veon Bell has simply been brilliant in his first two playoff games. I mean, he ran set a franchise record with 167 yards rushing against Miami in the Wild Card round, and then he upped that with 170 against Kansas City, last week. Antonio Brown has continued to be a god among men thus far. The offensive line is plowing ahead, and the defense is not just playing well, they’re creating the “splash plays” Mike Tomlin covets so much. Any thoughts, Kosmo?

kosmo

KOSMO: (is a cat, stares into the distance)

WCS: That’s a great point. While I give the Steelers a 35-40% chance of pulling the upset, special teams could really be the difference. The Patriots ran back a punt and a kickoff return for touchdowns against the Steelers in both of their previous AFC Championship Game wins, in 2001 and ’04. Fun fact, I personally attended both of those games, before any of you were born. That said, Steelers kicker Chris Boswell has been incredible since they signed him off the scrap heap back in Week 4 of the 2015 season. Hell, he single-handily won the playoff game against the Chefs. What do you think, Puffin?

shitten

PUFFIN: (is another cat, throws up hairball on living room carpet, three inches from kitchen hardwood)

WCS: Fair enough. I appreciate your candor, especially in regards to the potential weakness in the Steelers secondary, that Brady could exploit. Wait a second.. do you hear that? Sounds like a sports car, and it’s getting VERY close…

(wall crashes open)

((CAMARO door flies open))

BOSS TODD 2

BOSS TODD: ALL RIGHT YOU LIMP-DICKED, FAGGOTS, GATHER ROUND AND LISTEN THE PISS UP. BOSS TODD IS HERE TO LEARN YOU SOME MOTHERHUMPING TRUTH. THIS SUNDAY, WE’RE GONNA UTTERLY CURBSTOMP THOSE SHITDICKS FROM NEW ENGLAND. BOSS TODD HERE HAS DESIGNED SUCH A PERFECTLY AMAZING, TOTALLY IMPERVIOUS OFFENSIVE SCHEME THAT EVEN RAPEY MCGRAYDICK COULDN’T FUCK THIS UP, EVEN IF HE FOUND IT IN A BATHROOM STALL IN A SOME SHITHOLE BAR IN GEORGIA.

THROUGH A CAREFULLY PLANNED AND CONSTRUCTED METHOD OF SUBSISTING ON MARLBORO REDS, OLD CROW, AND HARDEES (CARL’S JR. FOR YOUR JIZZSTAINS ON THE FUCK COAST) WHILE LIVING IN THE BACKSEAT OF BOSS TODD’S BITCHIN’ CAMARO,  THERE’S NO WAY THOSE DOUCHEBOXES FROM DICKBORO CAN OVERCOME MY GREATNESS. WE’RE GONNA RUN SMO’KEY BELL ALL OVER THEIR DICKHOLES, BOOKFACE BROWN IS GUARANTEED TO CATCH 250 PASSES FOR 8400 YARDS AND 36 TOUCHDOWNS (HE BETTER, OR I’LL HAVE HIS ASS THROWN INTO ONE OF THOSE HORRIFICALLY DISGUSTING RIVERS BACK IN SHITTSBURGH), AND EVEN BROKEN-BRAINED LADUMBARCS GREEN CAN STILL DO SOMETHING POSITIVE WHILE INVOLUNTARILY PISSING HIS PANTS ON THE SIDELINES. IF HE CAN’T PLAY DUE TO HIS DUMBFUCK BRAIN NOT WORKING, I’LL FORCE-FEED SLAPDICK JESSE JAMES AN ENTIRE FOOTBALL. THROUGH HIS ASS. THAT MORON FROM PENN STATE WOULD PROBABLY ENJOY IT.

NOW, BOSS TODD DOESN’T KNOW JUST HOW BADLY THE OTHER FUCKHEADS THAT DON’T PLAY OFFENSE ON THIS TEAM ARE GONNA DO. TRUST ME, KEITH BUTLER CAN’T GET THIS SHORT-ASS WANG OUT OF HIS PANTS TO PISS WITHOUT LEAKING ON HIS LEG. THAT GUY IS DUMBER THAN LANDRY JONES, AND THAT’S REALLY SAYING SOMETHING. SERIOUSLY, HE WIPES STANDING UP WHEN HE TAKES A CRAP.

SO, AFTER THIS SHITASS DEFENSE GIVES 50 OR 60 TOUCHDOWNS TO BRADY AND FUCKNUT BELICHEAT, BOSS TODD’S GOT A PLAN TO COUNTER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. THIS WILL BE MINE AND THE CAMARO’S MAGNUM OPUS. THIS IS MY APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION, COCKFUCKS.

NOT ONLY ARE MY STEELERS GOING TO KICK THE SHITATRIOTS INTO NEPTUNE’S ORBIT, WE’RE GONNA BURN THE ENTIRE STATE OF MASSHOLE TO THE GROUND. SHERMAN’S MARCH TO THE SEA WILL LOOK LIKE A BITCH COMPARED TO WHAT WE’RE GONNA FUCKING DO THOSE CHEESEDICKS. WATCH AND TREMBLE BENEATH BOSS TODD’S GREATNESS, COCKSHITS. BOSS TODD, OUT.

 

(CAMARO DOOR FLIES CLOSED)

((CAMARO TEARS OFF FOUR DOUGHNUTS ON WCS‘ LAWN AND PEALS OFF INTO DISTANCE))

KOSMO and PUFFIN: (have run for cover long ago)

LIL’ WCS: (cries in terror and confusion)

WCS:

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
264 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

comment image
Technicolor 3-strip camera, open for display. The camera ran 3 strips of B/W negative film, each of which exposed a different red, green, and blue record. This was accomplished with a complex series of dichroic beam-splitter prisms and a bi-pack gate. The release prints were actually printed with ink on clear celluloid, using an offset process generated from the negatives. Some consider this to still be the greatest motion-picture color process of all time, including modern digital.

Brick Meathook

comment image
Another display.

Brick Meathook

comment image
Here’s a Technicolor camera inside it’s “blimp” or soundproof housing. This particular model belongs to the Smithsonian but is no longer on display. Very few complete cameras exist.

Brick Meathook

comment image
A limped Technicolor camera sealed up and on set. All the exterior fittings remotely operate the various camera controls inside the box. Check out the linkages on the access door locking mechanism.

Mr. Ayo

I love donuts

Mr. Ayo

RIP robocop

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Walk is like crack to toddler boys. It’s the first song my kid ever rocked out to.

Gratliff

Marriage material in training right there

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

shouldn’t make a difference.

Brocky

my buddy has a hilarious story set to “walk”

guy’s dad was a total metal head, would play every hard band under the sun, buddy eventually starts sing it around the house (he was like 4 apparently)

Respect walk!
what did you say
Respect walk!

His mom didn’t know the song, suddenly ask’s him, little stevie, what are you saying?

Little guy looks her dead in the eye….

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

just based on the people telling the story, I give them the benefit of the doubt and believe its true. that just reminded me of that anecdote.

blackroseMD1

This legitimately made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
litre_cola

No, but it sure helps the ride

Mr. Ayo
Unsurprised

How the fuck did anyone live through that fucking idiot’s two terms?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Konichiwa, bitches. Just finished driving from DC to Colorado. I’m spent.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’m spent.”

– Trump’s political capital.

Mr. Ayo

HAHA. I did not see that coming. /phrasing

Mr. Ayo
Brocky

Journey has more than one song?

– Millennial kids

Mr. Ayo

That’s a thing? Which one is the one?

Brocky

it seems like everyone under age 25 know’s don’t stop believing and that’s it. no wheel in the sky, no separate ways, no loving touching squeezing.

I blame glee….

http://68.media.tumblr.com/50dd06b96f42c0e0717c521df7a02f0b/tumblr_nliz23ArPu1qzpi9mo1_500.gif

Unsurprised

Because Don’t Stop Believin’ was the song that is played at the climax of the Glee pilot.

Unsurprised

Separate Ways was used during a climactic scene in the first season of The OC, so people under 35 know that one.

Man, season 1 crammed in so much fucking amazing storylines and episodes. The rest of the series couldn’t ever compete. Season 1 would be perfect except for Oliver. Fuck that piece of shit. He was useful and I actually like those episodes, but he was in 1 or 2 too many. It did give the world the end os The Countdown, which just me thinking about it now gave me fucking chills.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9IyJ3w4SWY

Brocky

can’t say i ever gave many live action fox shows a chance.

still though, for that band’s entire discography to essentially be regarded as a one hit wonder bothers me on such a deep level.

again, fuck glee

Unsurprised

That climax with the coach deciding that was going to be the song they do was actually what made me certain that it was going to be a shitty series. I watched part of one other episode later, I think it was still the first season, and it was just as stupid. I got it that the whole thing was a fucking farce, but yeah, fuck Glee.

Plus, they were incorrigable shitheads about stealing from artists, so motherfuck Glee forever.

Senor Weaselo
Brocky

for years, I told my friends that “the chicago bulls theme song” was a regular song I heard on a tape somewhere, but NONE of them believed me….

Senor Weaselo

Technically, “Sirius” and “Eye in the Sky” are two tracks, but it’s still real!

Brocky

yeah, but i always heard them together, didn’t disassociate them for years.

kind of like “we will rock you” leads into “we are the champions”, so I thought for a time they were all just one big ass long song.

i was a dumb kid

Senor Weaselo

I didn’t know about that one actually. TO THE INTERNETS!

Senor Weaselo

Hmm, they are, but then there’s a long enough pause in between that if you didn’t see they were consecutive you wouldn’t realize it.

Brocky

the weird thing was the radio always seemed to play them together.

like i said, i wasn’t very bright

Brick Meathook

comment image
Speaking of Mitchell cameras and Stanley Kubrick, here’s Kubrick’s own Mitchell 35 BNCR. Although a reflex camera, it still has a parallax viewfinder attached.

Brick Meathook

comment image
A closer look.

Mr. Ayo

I’ve been informed this is not a reflex camera, just a regular BNC.

Brocky

so….me realizing the full scale of the anti trump sentiment….

http://media.tumblr.com/a50ab7f3e6bf3f7db774bf361c40041f/tumblr_inline_mo8jmvccv71qz4rgp.gif

where the fuck were you people in november

Gratliff

It somehow makes the anti-Bush sentiment appear quaint

Big Black Richard

Same place we’ve always been……mainly living in states that Trump lost.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Brilliant.

Senor Weaselo

…Why is Big Sean?

Shogun Marcus

Agreed. And by whose standards is he Big?

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Mr. Ayo

FLAT OUT!

Shogun Marcus

I really need to stop licking myself. Shits getting…weird.

Col. Duke LaCross

So, not to brag, but I just got home from a Sundance film called “The Little Hours.” Afterward the director and some of the cast did a little Q&A session, so I can definitely say that I’ve now been in the same room as Allison Brie and Aubrey Plaza. Sure, they were like thirty feet away, but they walked right by me to get to the stage so that totally counts, right?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5666304/

Yes, they are both quite striking in person.

Shogun Marcus

THAT’S GOOD PASSIVE HUSTLE!
/suggestively motions to slap ass, camera pans to open window with curtains blowing

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I NEED TO SMELL YOUR FINGERS RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!

Senor Weaselo

Somehow I thought of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDgTRY9vGCM

Col. Duke LaCross

I should mention that the film did feature the two of them as nuns during the dark ages. Cursing, drug-doing nuns that make sex on each other and Dave Franco. Also has John C. Reilly as a priest, Nick Offerman as a wealthy dude with a filthy whore of a wife and a donkey.

Big Black Richard

You had me at “nuns.”

Shogun Marcus

YOU AIN’T DONE DANCING…I THINK YOU’RE SEXAY!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=VOq_D-iLQWM

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

In honor of the marches.

Bloody Lethal
Brocky

Turn on the tv, cable is set to amc, titanic is on.

All I got to say is….

http://img.memecdn.com/fuck-you-ice_o_291999.jpg

Senor Weaselo

The only good part of Titanic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tz4JSTXuP9E

Brocky

That and the scene where the smoke stack falls on leo’s friend

Bloody Lethal
King Hippo

FUCK IT, Cayucas deserves a double shot!!

CHUH CHUH

Shogun Marcus

Well I’ll be damned. I’ll stick with what works.
/stupid wp oddities

King Hippo

hey, we doin’ SEXXXXAY dance music?

Shogun Marcus

Well sexay is in the hand of the holder, but yes!
/all holding legal as of 36 hours ago
//tomorrows games shall be a hoot
///is footbaw NAWT political!

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

And they don’t show Neil shredding! They screw it up.

JerBear50

Goddamn Bonnie was smoking back then.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3z-GwdaKrn8

Bloody Lethal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijrkKNZRIfM

Neil Young is not recognized enough for his work on a guitar.

Shogun Marcus

Comment first, then video. Odd quirk.

JerBear50

Shit, is that really what causes it?

Shogun Marcus
JerBear50

Agreed, and that’s one of his best songs on top of it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to go watch a movie or something.
Later taters….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb3iPP-tHdA

Unsurprised

I’m ready to run through a goddamn brick wall now. God damn, that’s some good Boss Toddin’.

(Wishes he had the IROC stall out just as he slammed it into gear)

Shogun Marcus

Top 2 of the loudest, yet best sounding, shows I’ve attended. The other was Hum.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=iJ8V-78-_hM

theeWeeBabySeamus

How the fuck did we manage to lose to this Miami team?
Oh yeah, that’s right…sorry.

Unsurprised

Pure. Sex.

Bloody Lethal
JerBear50

Well, as long as we’re getting weird tonight
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvAijRKZdjA

Bloody Lethal

Haha both are very suggestive screenshots.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Bloody Lethal