Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Today’s topic – the Atlanta Falcons.

 (posted with permission)

It’s been my curse to have to follow the Falcons for DFO this year. Since I volunteered to do their season preview and their bye week update, they have done their utmost to ensure it has been a royal pain-in-my-ass to do so.

(Tweet via Low Commander)

But at least not a permanent stain on my leg.

They beat both of my NFC teams in the process of getting to the Super Bowl. The worst part is that they deserved both victories.

Remember this, from earlier in the season?

[Fun fact: typing “Richard Sherman pass interference” into google gets you 400,000 results.]

At the end of the day, that non-call was integral for the Falcons getting to “The Big Game”®. The Seahawks still finished behind the Falcons, but this victory helped the Seahawks finish third. Had they lost, they would have finished fourth and gotten the Giants in the first round. Had Atlanta not beaten the Packers earlier this season, they also could have finished third in the conference, and would have faced the Lions and then the Cowboys. This means the Packers wouldn’t have gotten to the Cowboys in the Divisional Round, and I don’t think anyone here trusted the Giants or Seahawks to do in the Cowboys.

Who knows what would have happened if Atlanta had to go to Dallas in either circumstance? Thanks to fate, and bad officiating, that answer is left to mystery.

Another mystery? Almost no one hates the Falcons.

I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find actual Falcons hate on the internet. They engender no real hate in any fanbase, outside of Saints fans,

and I believe most can agree Saints fans are actually worse.

 

Patriots fans have their own stuff going on this week, but outside of “The Big Game”®, most didn’t even know or care that the Falcons existed. Even the Falcons recent-ish “-gate” scandal – “Inflategate” – has mostly disappeared from the conversation because Arthur Blank accepted the punishment ($350,000 fine; loss of a draft pick) and moved on. Aaron Rodgers tried to allude to it prior to the NFC Championship,

but it didn’t resonate. They didn’t whine like the Patriots did, so people have seemingly let it slide. It helps that no one on their team comes across as entitled and/or a demon in a hoodie.

Or slides cleats-up.
Or slides cleats-up.

Even the jokes about the Patriots being threatened are more shots at the Pats than actual Falcons hate.

The banner image, created by our own Low Commander, is the closest representation of Falcons hatred I could find on the internet.

Don’t worry – there’s plenty of others.

The Michael Vick dog-fighting case is the only consistent theme I can find as examples of people being against the Falcons. PETA was pretty forefront when the case broke, and they still pay attention to him. But there’s more hate towards the Eagles & Jets for signing him after his suspension than there is for the Falcons at missing it in the first place.

Besides, they've got better things to do.
Besides, they’ve got better things to do now.

As for the present-day Falcons, look at their lineup. There’s not a real object of hate on the team. Matt Ryan is a mobile bowl of vanilla soft-serve, and how could anyone hate Julio Jones? Most of the Falcons people remember hating either lost their houses to crazy women

or have long-since been retired.

And therein lies the key to actually hating the Falcons: they need this Super Bowl in order to make them memorable.

That, and the fact that we – as non-Patriots fans – need them to win in order to avoid the resultant gloating that will seep out of New England, poisoning all like radiation fallout. The League loses more fans if the Patriots win; look in your hearts, and you will know this to be true..

The worst thing about a Falcons victory? It validates & saves Roger Goodell’s job.

So “good fucking luck, Atlanta”. It’s a no-win situation. If you win, you reprieve the devil. If you lose, we all lose.

KEEP THIS UNFINISHED!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick MeathookMoose -The End Is Well NighPorky PrimeBeerguyrobUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

A few of you were saying how good “The Good Place” was, so I am gonna give it a try and probably end up marathoning it til way too late.

laserguru

Quick Tuesday morning synopsis.

Weather was fucking tits, about 54 and sunny.
Did the whole 5 mile.

Come home feeling great, drank a Gatorade that could have been colder.

Shower, get ready for work.

I’m a clean cut guy.
I shave 7 days a week.
Always have.

So I lather up with some shaving cream and on the very first swipe I cut out a piece of flesh about an inch under my right eye.
About 1/4″ long but bleeding pretty damn profusely.

First reaction you all know.

FUCK!
All of us know when we cut ourselves.

I have one of those blades with the replacement cartridge on top?
I yelled “FUCK!” and threw the blade into the sink because I know I just cut my own ass and the cartridge goes flying across the bathroom so now I have to wipe up blood and shaving cream and find the shaving blade.

Bleeding profusely I realize I have to shave fast and stop the bleeding.

I find the blade cartridge, reattach it, wipe away the tears and on the first swipe? I shave off part of my chin.

All I could do was grab a towel and swear into it for a long period of time or until the bleeding stopped.
Whichever was first.
Then wait for the bleeding to stop.

And go to work.

How was your day?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Better than yours, it seems. Sorry.

laserguru

It’s cool.

Chicks dig scars.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup….still funny.

Senor Weaselo

Plot twist: That’s actually Season 3, we’re waiting on Season 4 of Rick & Morty!

laserguru

Just watched episode 4 of Taboo.

A synopsis.

laserguru

That banner image is sent from God.

Senor Weaselo

Oh hey, Charmslinger’s on Conan.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did he wait a long time to come?

theeWeeBabySeamus

G’nite folks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hate everything.

Brocky

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Why would you need a toaster but not bread?

Brocky

who knows man, people are weird

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Senor Weaselo

Next week on DFO!

Brocky

i’m bored and I have a bunch of random shit bookmarked. enjoy:

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WCS

I loathe this gif, but, of all times, it does seem appropriate…

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/escalated.gif

Brocky

jesus fuck

not jesus, fuck

but jesus fuck

theeWeeBabySeamus

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are these your shots?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sadly, no. But I do hope to have some of my very own in the next few months.
Mostly, I’m just excited because I’m staying less than a mile from the pier when I go out in a few months.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’ve got a pretty good eye, so there was a chance. That’s an awesome pic.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow/ever again.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Neither do I

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus
Senor Weaselo

What is… Marshawn Lynch’s Pacman Jones impersonation?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
WCS

Why the shit did Comedy Central give BAHHSTOHL SPAWRTS a FACKIN’ SHOW?! This is just compressed MASSHOLE WEEI callers, distilled and concentrated into horrendous TAWMMY FACKIN BRAHHDY love. On Comedy Central. This is Drumpf’s America, sheeple. WAKE UP.

Senor Weaselo

So they go from the Nightly Show, which was the 11:30 slot and @midnight actually at midnight, to… THAT?

WCS
theeWeeBabySeamus
Brocky
theeWeeBabySeamus
Brocky

Evening

Curse of Marino
Curse of Marino

Oh my god why the fuck did Comedy Central Give Barstool Sports a TV show?

Senor Weaselo

Is it at least PFTC spouting the stronest of taeks?

Curse of Marino
Curse of Marino

I dont know man, I have to shut this shit off before I blow my brains out

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck PFTC

Senor Weaselo

And one last one since on the East Coast it’s now Wednesday.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can confirm that it is indeed, just barely Wednesday on teh east coast.

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
ballsofsteelandfury

Does anyone remember when Spiderman was a smart-ass like Deadpool? It was in the cartoons when i was young. I miss that Spiderman!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He is in Cap 3. :-/