When we last left our dismal duo, Joe was lamenting the entirety of the state of Wisconsin. Troy was Eggman. Standard Operating Procedure in other words. As it turns out FOX gets the Superb Owl this year, so once again unto the breach go our beloved broadcasting team. Let’s see how they find themselves in somewhat foreign lands.
We come to you LIVE from Superb Owl L-I. Lie, as in my life has been a lie. It has to be right? No loving entity would enforce this upon someone willingly right? I mean HOUSTON? They don’t even have a football team! Yes they have Baseball, but not really. OH FATHER I’M SO SORRY. It’s so close to the border! DangeRUSS! Oh wait, this is NFC/AFC. Sorry folks, new environ, new taints to taste. I predict the best tackling in the next 16 hours will happen 7 hours away from here. Anywho…here’s my distinguished colleague Troy who should hopefully be at home here in Texas amid all the pageantry. So Troy, how are you?
OH I’M EGGCELLENT! A WHO’S WHO OF EGG-EL-ENT?! THIS KIND OF SPECTACLE IS EGGSTRODINARY!
Huh. I’m just going to keep hitting him in the head folks until I find a halfway competent being to read my final note to. So Troy, these teams? *bonk*
OH HOW PURRFECT THIS OPPORTUNITY!
What exactly is that belt supposed to hold up Troy?
THAT LITTLE BIRD WILL PURRISH!
Uhh…so not Atlanta Troy? *bonk*
IT WILL BE A COLD DAY BEFORE I ALLOW IT!
Ok. Four levels in…five to go. Happy Dante? So folks, some drunken country guy sang the anthem, shit happened. It’s 10-0 New England. I admit I don’t know them much thanks to our Glorious ginger leader. Troy? *bonk*
MASSSTER KNOWS ALL! MASTER RULES US! HIS EYE SEES US ALL! ARRGH!
Shit. We’re violating all the copyrights now. Fuck it. Dad I apologize, I wanted to make you proud but money made me sway. I’ll never be you. I’m sorry. *Shakes head* Sorry folks, I don’t know what happened there! Troy? *bonk*
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOUR WAYS WILL BECOME OURS. ASSIMILATION.
Wait? Am I Borg or Cyberman now? *Bonk*
BOTH.
Ok then. Uhh…folks we’ve hit halftime. Lady Gaga is coming up. Enjoy I guess. 15 seconds to doomsday right? *bonk*
**HALFTIME**
We can all agree that was a disgusting act right? I mean really. Who knew labia could do that? With staples even? I thought they’d call it after the raver’s dick ignited in his mouth. And calling it “Murica Face First” was a bit much. Art I suppose. Just horrific. So Troy, what say you at this 36-13 score?
Joe, I think we need to have a talk. You need to do something.
Sure Troy. You seem fairly competent for once! Alright then, awesome! FINALLY a true partner! It’s 38-20, but nevermind that. What Troy?
Something big, something GRAND. Something that will make people forever remember you. You know it’s right. This.
But the end of the game is coming and I haven’t even said good bye to my little baby Ben. I’ve done and said many awful things! So much fluid. So much regret. So many tiny globes of fecal sadness placed delicately upon an immigrants chest without fulfillment!
*ACKK..BLEGH*..Wha..Wait…BEN?
Ben the two of us need look no more…
*SLAM*
shh…shh…it’s ok now joe…go to ben…Trophy presentation is coming up. Sleep well America. I’m Troy, and I’m in control…
The main reason I would’ve liked to be a baby boomer:
http://imgc-cn.artprintimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/60/6068/H5YD100Z/posters/michael-crawford-when-dads-were-dads-new-yorker-cartoon.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/06bb33236d969cd40e1b95257dd6cfdd/tumblr_mlq2gtC02L1r4zr2vo1_500.gif
I’ll spare the rant about *certain* architects……
http://68.media.tumblr.com/eaea2f84188d5a0ac81a40d3165141c2/tumblr_nrhd4oFk2X1qfmptao1_1280.png
So I was on the receiving end of a miracle tonight.
I went out to see a musician I love named Mark Eitzel. There was one Black woman in the audience. I think she and I are now required to go on a couple of dates, just because.
That wasn’t the miracle.
I had one white russian, and it got me absolutely drunk off of my ass. Keep in mind that I have the same alcohol tolerance that the rest of you do, and yet one drink got me sooo damn drunk. Didn’t need to drink anything else for the rest of the night.
I dunno, maybe they used Everclear instead of vodka? I have no explanation for how such a thing could have happened. It has never happened at that bar in the past.
I thought you said she was a Black Russian?
/sorry, had to.
I’m pretty sure that if you see a Black man in Russia, it’s probably the Nigerian ambassador.
I’ve been to a couple of countries like that.
Wasn’t that good of a joke anyway.
I wasn’t crapping on your joke. Hell, I laughed.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/d8e6830c548c831b1bc353ab6884cd8d/tumblr_nh2yz4E2zh1qfmptao1_1280.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/f17b5ad00a5dc82173a9776e8042f8cc/tumblr_nhlenhKYqN1qlq9poo3_500.gif
So I watched John Dies at the End. I enjoyed it very much. Yes, drunnk.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a69b4fde2169d101b8c80d78e419dfb3/tumblr_mxv4u6qHyr1sl2q4wo3_1280.png
http://68.media.tumblr.com/c8993e7070d42481a871f9714a563581/tumblr_mxv4u6qHyr1sl2q4wo2_1280.png
I’m rather fond of that movie, even sober.
Unless someone throws a lot of money at them, tonight was Black Sabbath’s last show. They wrapped up where they started, in Birmingham, UK.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkXHsK4AQPs
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a77f6215e2f77eb5a6e4e77d7298809d/tumblr_ml7zk1OOGN1s99remo1_500.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/1f37e6c5cacc1696d029bb090b2d2cc0/tumblr_nnvs79H4nI1qzfebyo1_400.gif
Dad?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/abd9cb952bfe66bb266c64110ffcf0ff/tumblr_njjth6mOh41sjcqg0o1_1280.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/acb92a97c020b4999a45e08299a6e6f4/tumblr_nkktxyhBPr1qzft56o1_1280.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/2e3ef9d76b561e985ffee93643d9a98e/tumblr_nltwehefN61qfmptao1_1280.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/8ada2d464bd297ab11a71ea2383c7fb4/tumblr_nkbw8mAoOp1qfmptao1_1280.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/78f8b7e064e73530d7fca1fe48cc17ea/tumblr_nelf9iyGCK1rt28efo4_500.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/94cd6e1a8321ed6e9434d12ab25bea14/tumblr_no8aapW4Ni1r539hzo1_500.jpg
Tim Lincecum, ladies and gentlemen!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq5-_0sRUWg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/ef28c3ad85e648a0ba385411facab40f/tumblr_okq8k5jHNy1ric2iqo1_540.png
Ouch.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/b3b8ff35f05d895b4e59179b3325f075/tumblr_npateqs5Jo1tlb56zo1_250.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/4b50e2e16bb492822c13029b9788762a/tumblr_nn797i05kW1sjcqg0o1_1280.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM9zCfFS0LA
http://68.media.tumblr.com/9b82dd76872d3f135207f1ab33da02dc/tumblr_npcrltjMwO1rn12nzo1_500.jpg
NO WORRIES! IT’S FINE.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9ozckh93c1qedb29o1_500.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/27e6daca8015b20f789627756eef08ea/tumblr_nozzqriggp1tac1mao1_500.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/60a08273c17afe06c79e402b3f5cb5ae/tumblr_n759d8d0LR1resa7po1_400.gif
You can play this when you master the B.
I’m working on it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuIzurUfZoE
http://68.media.tumblr.com/10902c09db44fa7f97417fc0a8693050/tumblr_npzckvfBfp1qfmptao1_500.gif
I’m spent. Gonna go watch the episode of Cheers where Tip O’Neill has a cameo and then hit the hay. See you when the balls are inflated.
You’re jerking off to Tip O’Neill? Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/fdbe8b2edaf6fe621f547f4092edcd4b/tumblr_npo4u4ZSUZ1sjcqg0o1_500.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/44eace7dbd1523081077fef890756157/tumblr_npzdo3KDDc1r2irebo1_1280.jpg
Played guitar tonight.
Even worked a true B and a true F.
Now my fingers hurt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j73OsXo19vI
TRUE B OR NOT TRUE B?
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uxFOsh9NuFQ/VSjWFvz0W1I/AAAAAAAADLQ/L-gVwqqHAts/s1600/1869595498.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/308d66cb4250659b380a55744498bb2e/tumblr_nj5ipebT6f1qzhjh2o1_1280.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/fe9d6543ab46ab74c8be0e5daf36d577/tumblr_npw2s1mpLL1qd5mq1o1_1280.jpg
Officer GRONK reporting for booty, I mean, duty.
HOW MANY FUCKING COPS ARE IN THAT GODDAMN CAR?!?
12, and they have progressively larger shoes.
At least the younger generations have a fine crop of “patriot” militias and Nazis to go into the future with.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/c1d10a78ceac7460a7fb54c3df097b65/tumblr_mgr0njoPzJ1r7cd5co1_500.gif
It’ll be okay!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2ETsQ-DveY
http://persephonemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/unicornrainbowanimated.gif
Game on!
http://s.afl.com.au/staticfile/AFL%20Tenant/AFL/Files/Images/afl-vic-women-620×370.jpg
Fuck yes!
IDIOT noun
IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but “pervades and regulates the whole.” He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ilDhb2qk1M
Re: an item raised earlier in the thread:
Of COURSE Chris Berman will get elected to the NFL HOF, because God hates us.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/d4253e14b302e6c46f26315d070ec8f0/tumblr_nitwsz76F01s391qwo1_400.gif
This NFL FIlms on SB 42 has footage featuring then-Giants defensive coordinator, Steve Spagnoulo, and then-(and current) New England offensive coordinator, Josh Shithead McDaniels spending time on a white-board, talking about their respective schemes. Two failed head coaches, who actually come off as knowledgeable and insightful talking to each other. Of course, I can’t put everything on Spags’s term in St. Louis. That team was god-awful. McDaniels, on the other hand, gave us Tebow. Fuck him forever for that.
The better cover
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuUDRU9-HRk
I could listen to Ben GIbbard song the local building code
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnAM4SliBWI
Men, I have a confession: I realized I fucked up in my owners post the other day by skipping the other new Jersey football team. Woody Johnson donated four figures to Trump’s campaign. A) Can you all ever forgive me? 2) Fuck the Jets.
As a Jest fan, I am disappointed that you didn’t absolutely tear them a new one. Also you’re forgetting that Woody Johnson is also awaiting confirmation to be Ambassador to the UK.
Which is why I shouldn’t have overlooked it. You don’t get ambo without direct cash plus bundling.
Forgiven.
Research sucks.
OT in Sac. FUCK KD!
Already posted, but once again:
“Three point on a bitch like Dirk Nowitski,
Up in the club like Dirk Nowitski.”
I have no idea what that means. What is Dirk Nowitski like in the club?
A simpler time to get an erection
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvvX5QM4z3Y
THAT’S A FUCKING GREAT SONG.
This party needs an enema.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu7o5akn11o
Reliance and Shamrock III, 1903 America’s Cup
Reliance had a 90′ waterline, 200′ total length, 200′ mast, and over 16,100 sqft of sail area. She had a crew of 64: 4 steered the boat and 60 handled the massive sails.