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25 Questions About the NFL from a barely interested former “fan”

ballsofsteelandfury

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I’ve changed the title a bit, but we’re back with 25 questions.  I want to keep it at 25 although I am totally tempted to include the following song in every post:

Today, we tackle the NFL Offseason and what people do to spend the time.

***

So, today I got a Groupon email.  If you’ve ever used Groupon, I’m sure you have gotten these on a regular basis.  Something caught my eye:

 

1- Why am I getting this email AFTER Valentine’s Day?

2- Has anyone ever gotten those 3 free DVDs from Adam and Eve?

3- They’re never any good, are they?

4- Would it kill them to include “Pirates”, “Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge”, or even one of the funnier XXX parodies?

5- Is it some kind of licensing deal that prevents that?

6- Why does everyone hate Evan Stone?

7- Isn’t Steven St. Croix the best porn name ever?

8- Assuming the girl in the picture above got the deal, what do you think is in the box?

9- Does the deal include gift-wrapping like that?

10- Would what she ordered fit in that box?

11- What does it say about America that all the other deals in the email showed 50 bought, 100 bought, 350 bought, and this one has over 25,000 bought?!?

12- Are we cheap bastards or just cheap perverts?

13- Have you ever ordered from Adam and Eve?

14- Was it quality stuff or did it break right away?

15- If it broke, did you have to go to the ER and then end up on that show “Sex Sent Me to the ER”?

16- My friend told me about one show she saw where two gorgeous blondes walk into the ER and then strip and the doctor calls for help because it turns out they have penises and he was not expecting that.  How does that throw a doctor off?

17- Do you think the doc was jealous that their penises were bigger than his?

18- Can we call this doctor Dr. Roger Goodell?

19- Roger Goodell is one of the 25,000+ cheap bastards that bought the Groupon, isn’t he?

20- Do you think Roger Goodell is an expert on deflating inflatable women/men?

21- Why do girls paint their fingernails in different colors/patterns now?

22- Don’t you think it’s kind of distracting?

23- Does it bother anyone else when the color of the nails and feet don’t match?

24- Just me, then?

25- Do you think it bothers Rex or does he just “plow” right on through?

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[…] case you were interested, no I did not buy the Groupon from last week. Now that I know that tWBS lives within miles of Adam and Eve HQ, there is no need.  That will, […]

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1
Unsurprised

There were two Adam and Eve stores in Salem and I didn’t even find it odd. I kind of assumed it was based there. Never checked. Guess not unless tWBS lives there and I didn’t know.

6. Have you seen that greasy, grinning, ass-chinned bastard?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I need to find/watch this video…

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

13- Have you ever ordered from Adam and Eve?

Don’t have to. Their headquarters (and huge walk in store…or so I’ve heard) are mere miles from my home. No shit.

balls, shall I bring you a care package when I visit? I might have some tense moments in airport security, but you’re worth it. :3

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Clickbait article;

10 THINGS YOU WON’T REGRET STICKING UP YOUR BUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT.

1
LemonJello

“TSA Agent expected a normal day, but you won’t believe what they found when they checked tWBS’s luggage”

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

At that point, yelling “it was for balls!!!!” probably wouldn’t help my case, huh?

5
LemonJello

If you enjoy Pepper Spray and being Tased; Yes.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is a troubling kink which is gaining popularity.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m not sure if she was exaggerating but a friend of mine said her vibrator turned on in her carry-on bag and the TSA guy and girl made her empty the bag.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

tWBS in store, notices attractive sales clerk “CAN YOU PLEASE SHOW ME HOW TO USE THIS?!?!”

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

fucking classic.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

The response I’d hoped for….
comment image

The response received….
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/ftpuploads/bloguploads/laughing-gifs-how-couldyou.gif

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Really it was more like.

http://media.giphy.com/media/bLBIanKJW0Iuc/giphy.gif

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She is hot even when throwing up a little from Moose creepiness.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a tempting offer…

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You will need the lube cart.

http://www.americanlube.com/images/TIM-730_l.jpg

4
LemonJello

Is that from the Adam & Eve commercial or professional catalog?

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Keeping these studies in mind and the massive amount of free internet pornography available, let’s conservatively estimate the U.S. pornography industry at around $8 billion. Comparatively, this estimation would place the pornography industry at the same size as the $8 billion U.S. bottled water industry. Additionally, pornography would make as much as eBay expects customers to buy and sell in merchandise in 2012. Finally, the pornography industry would equal the amount of digital merchandise iTunes is on pace to sell in 2012.”

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, that is old; it’s an even bigger business now, it’s changed to fit the times.

Twenty years ago the porn stores seemed to be mostly trench coat male dominated business model. From what I’ve seen most successful now cater to women with toys and lingerie.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Most of Adam and Eve’s products are from various manufacturers so research the source…. so I’ve heard.

For porn names; The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem is a sentimental favorite.

4
LemonJello

25. Rex doesn’t do anything as plebeian as “plow through.” He pussytubes like a stallion, then gets a goddamned snack.

0
Beerguyrob

“I liked Aunt Peg.”

— Aaron Rodgers

1
laserguru

Never watched the movies more than once.
The vibrator must have been of good quality because the girlfriend took it with her when we broke up.

Johnny Wadd was the best porn nickname ever.

2
Beerguyrob

something…something…her box.

Harry Reems was the best porn name.

2
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

8. Depends on what movies you watch. Se7en would suggest Gwyneth Paltrow’s head. UHF would lead you to suspect NOTHING! ABSOLUTELTY NOTHING! STUPPPAAAAD! YOUR SO STUPPPAAAAAD!

2
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
0
jjfozz

Is “nails and feet matching” today’s version of “carpet and drapes matching”? I’m way out of the loop.

1
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Not you. I’m feeling like this is one of those social blind-alleys you wander down and then find out that there is a small but intensely serious fetish group associated with something somewhat mundane.

That was how I found out about “furries”. What the shit, humanity?

1
jjfozz

Some say violence isn’t the answer. When it comes to furries and 4o year olds into my little pony, violence is not the answer, it’s the fucking cure.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will fight you to the death to defend a fucking pervert’s right to be a fucking pervert (assuming consensual pervertedness)….unless they are a Trump voter, then by all means, and I will start digging just to be helpful.

1
SonOfSpam

“Has anyone ever gotten those 3 free DVDs from Adam and Eve?”

The first one was Mitch McConnell jacking off in an Adirondack chair while watching his wife get rotisserie’d by two guys wearing Obama masks.

I didn’t watch the other two.

9
Enrico Pallazzo

6. Who hates Evan Stone? IDENTIFY YOURSELVES AT ONCE! He was fantastic in Pirates!

7. Dick Rambone is the best porn name ever. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

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