Your “Oscars Eve Razzie Night” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Bienvenido a la noche del sábado, Commentistas.

If you are on the verge of either going out, or **shudder** talking to relatives, the Razzies ceremony is this evening, possibly even on their YouTube channel.

The winners were announced earlier today. Find them on a regular entertainment site, as their homepage looks like it was first developed on a GeoCities site & ported over exactly. I will link to the channel above but not embed it, because their videos run on autoplay.

Sandra Bullock was the last big-name actor to show up in-person to collect, for All About Steve, doing so the night before she won for The Blind Side.

On that topic, Cracked had a very good article about “4 Reasons The Razzies Suck (And Should Be Abolished Forever)“. They’ve always been a good read, and I especially enjoy their history articles because I can use some of them with students; they seem to enjoy the snark, and get some of the references. This one seems pretty on-point.

No big adventures for me tonight. The big incident from delivering Greek food last Saturday was my first order of the evening. It was $85 in food to a house that I quickly discovered was hosting a bachelorette party. So, basically, a few girls in their early-30s drinking chardonnay. Sadly, or fortunately, they were not expecting “sexy middle-aged delivery man”, but I gave them a quick 5-second “white man’s overbite”, faked blowing a hip, and assured them that the “cop” they were expecting to come check their IDs would be there shortly. (In retrospect, I should have said, “firemen to come handle this hotness with their hoses”, but I was representing a friend’s restaurant and not my own Netflix special.)

Artist’s rendering.

Squeals ensued; retreat was hasty.

Oscars & “Walking Dead” tomorrow; you’ll be hard-pressed to figure out which smells their farts more.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Habs at Leafs – 7:00PM | CBC
    • Flyers at Penguins – 8:00PM | NBC / Sportsnet – outdoors at Heinz Field
    • Sharks at Canucks – 10:00PM | CBC
  • NBA:
    • Bulls at Cavaliers – 8:30PM | ABC / TSN2
  • NCAA:
    • Alabama at Texas A&M – 8:00PM | ESPN2
    • UCLA at Arizona – 8:15PM | ESPN
    • BYU at Gonzaga – 10:00PM | ESPN2
  • Fútbol Mexicano:
    • Tigres vs. Monarcas – 8:00PM | Univision
    • América vs. Cruz Azul – 10:00PM | Univision

Be careful tonight,

SAVE YOURSELVES FROM THE JACKALS OF THE STREET!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

I totally need to see Slap Shot again.

Senor Weaselo

I saw a “Stay Weird” spelled some way or another today.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Fronkenshteen

Done working. Fucking banged up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cheers….. hopefully.

Brocky

I swear, I walk away for 20 minutes…

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King Hippo

we in 7-card stud room

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A misnomer if there ever was one.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think they went to the 7 card table. I’m in the bat… currently unavailable. Damn Tikka Masala!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m so excited to be flying during the oscars tomorrow night. Fuck awards shows.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is that a drug reference? If so, can I have some?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nope but sure

Unsurprised

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King Hippo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

I think this is bigger than life.

h
ttps://i.imgur.com/2VQWhuW.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

So big I couldn’t see it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s what she said.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Things Are Not Looking Great

The DFO’s Unabridged History of the Last NFL Commissioner, National Disgrace Roger Goodell.

King Hippo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Can it get in the country now?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

White House Advisor Stephen Miller thinks that is Muslim Mexican coffee… so no.

Senor Weaselo

Godzilla’s son speaks? What the shit?

ballsofsteelandfury

Moose is here!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cheers.

Bloody Lethal

There’s a poker room?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes! We are making an announcement tomorrow in the AFL Beat. If you want to join, go to Poker stars, download the software, and create an account with your DFO name. It’s the DFO Poker Club and it’s for play chips. The invite code is National Disgrace

ballsofsteelandfury

You can join the Poker Club by clicking the Three Dots (…) saying “More” on the far right on the Main Lobby and then “Home Games”. That will get you to a window where you can click “Join a Poker Club”

Bloody Lethal

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Mr. Ayo

It’s asking for the Club ID

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

You play poker, Moose? Join us!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fold…..

at least for tonight.

Thank you.

ballsofsteelandfury

Cool. Next time maybe

Spanky Datass

Ummm … will there be a physical pat-down or a metal detector at the DFO poker table? … asking for a friend.
http://pokerbankrollblog.com/wp-content/Texas-Hold-Em-Rules1.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Full house; three LOL cats and two overused mems.

Senor Weaselo

Johnnies win, Ice Giants win AND Wood Giants win? When’s the last time that’s happened?

Bloody Lethal

BANG!

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laserguru

I just now finished watching Hacksaw Ridge.
Rock solid film. One of the top 3 or so from the past year.

It’s not going to win but it was a great watch.

I fucking love war movies.

Bloody Lethal

That guy Andrew Garfield is a total mouthbreather. How was his performance?

herodotus450

I’m still watching this out-of-doors hockey game because there’s still a chance that Chris Pronger come out of retirement for the third period, throws a cheap shot elbow to the head/slew foot combo on Hornqvist, they are both out of hockey forever, and their respective franchises shut down, also forever.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Columbus Blue Jackets are the Ice Panhandlers. We talked about this:

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2017/02/14/the-official-dfo-guide-to-other-sports/

Senor Weaselo

But where is there a panhandle in Ohio?

ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

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King Hippo
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. How come nobody’s in the poker room yet?

ballsofsteelandfury

We were there for an hour and then took a break. WCS is coming at 8 Pacific.

No word on if he’ll play poker…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought he was just breathing fast

King Hippo

I shall go back whenevs

ballsofsteelandfury

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King Hippo

But the sex scenes with Batman and Supes were pretty HAWT too ,, ppl foget that

King Hippo

new song from one of my obvs favourite bands:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvcco5SM9Do

King Hippo
ballsofsteelandfury

Just making my case…

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ballsofsteelandfury

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King Hippo

Are Ice Stillers any good? I pay no attention until playoffs.

/also crunk

Senor Weaselo

The Metro has the Ice Redacteds, Ice Stillers, Ice Bengals(?), and Ice Giants. I think whoever finishes 4th in the division has the cleanest path to the conference finals.

ballsofsteelandfury

Since when does Cincinnati have a hockey team?

King Hippo

Ice tOSU

Senor Weaselo

I’m not sure if Columbus is the Ice Browns or the Ice Bengals. Ice Buckeyes seems too good for the JV squad.

Bloody Lethal
Senor Weaselo

It’s bad when you’re near the bottom of the hot sauce bottle and it starts coming out in droves and you eat that piece of chicken anyway. It’s worse when you’ve been drinking soda. Carbonation bad.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re winning at poker…stfu.
Oh no wait, that was before Hippo went all batshit and went up. So then Hippo, stfu.

Senor Weaselo

No, Hippo knocked me out too!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup, I edited.
My short term memory is currently being affected adversely by certain….things.

King Hippo

why everyone go away??

Bloody Lethal

Poker where?

makeitsnowondem

No goddamned way is Batman v. Superman worse than Suicide Squad. I’m starting a riot.

Shogun Marcus

Tomato, tah-endstage syphilis.

Senor Weaselo

Fuck, riot anyway.

King Hippo

KILL THEM ALL!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Suicide Squad had Harley Quinn in short shorts. Batman v. Superman had not hot girl in skimpy outfits.

Your honor, I rest my case.

...

“You must address me by my title: Countess von Fingerbang.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

What about the band Fingerbang?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLS_HARAYZQ

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The drummer is the one in the stink.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

That’s somehow more terrifying than usual!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t worry; it’s symbolic of slowly poisoning people.

...

“What is your deal with calling me a racist?”

“Well, you’re American.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT IS A HUGE GENERALIZATION!!

*But the odds are there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION!

Unsurprised

I think he shot a black guy!

...

“I know! Welcome to America.”

...

Somehow the “you shot a cow?” line from Archer cracks me up every time.

Unsurprised

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is tonight, which is the eternal champion of fart sniffing. Except for that one time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X93u3anTco

Unsurprised

I take that back. Colbert was ruthless, but the entire rest of the room acted like he took a shit on the dais and flung it around the room. That’s only kind of true if you think like they all did that the truth is shit.

Croooow

Iowa just beat Maryland by double digits in College Park. Wow.

...

Nice to see it get cold again so everyone can grumble twice as much about winter as they would have had been it been about 30 degrees for all of this month.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Here it actually feels like winter again after a couple of months of warm and dry.

Brocky

evening, its saturday, and once again my feet hurt.

Brocky

… I deserve that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Alternative snap count???!?

herodotus450

Canadien Hockey announcers: biggest homers, or THE BIGGEST homers?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450

Not sure what this guy’s crime is, but i’m betting it’s something s ick and twisted
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herodotus450

Surprisingly, Marlon Brando DID show up to accept his Razzie for “The Island of Dr. Moreau”

Horatio Cornblower

My wife loves Sandra Bullock and consequently I have seen, in its entirety ‘All About Steve.’

That Razzie was well-earned.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Have you ever said; “Um, she’s OK, I still fuck her, given the chance.”

I’m guessing not.

Unsurprised

To his wife, or in general? Because I think we’ve all said it to each other or privately.

Unsurprised

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