Bienvenido a la noche del sábado, Commentistas.
If you are on the verge of either going out, or **shudder** talking to relatives, the Razzies ceremony is this evening, possibly even on their YouTube channel.
The winners were announced earlier today. Find them on a regular entertainment site, as their homepage looks like it was first developed on a GeoCities site & ported over exactly. I will link to the channel above but not embed it, because their videos run on autoplay.
Sandra Bullock was the last big-name actor to show up in-person to collect, for All About Steve, doing so the night before she won for The Blind Side.
On that topic, Cracked had a very good article about “4 Reasons The Razzies Suck (And Should Be Abolished Forever)“. They’ve always been a good read, and I especially enjoy their history articles because I can use some of them with students; they seem to enjoy the snark, and get some of the references. This one seems pretty on-point.
No big adventures for me tonight. The big incident from delivering Greek food last Saturday was my first order of the evening. It was $85 in food to a house that I quickly discovered was hosting a bachelorette party. So, basically, a few girls in their early-30s drinking chardonnay. Sadly, or fortunately, they were not expecting “sexy middle-aged delivery man”, but I gave them a quick 5-second “white man’s overbite”, faked blowing a hip, and assured them that the “cop” they were expecting to come check their IDs would be there shortly. (In retrospect, I should have said, “firemen to come handle this hotness with their hoses”, but I was representing a friend’s restaurant and not my own Netflix special.)
Squeals ensued; retreat was hasty.
Oscars & “Walking Dead” tomorrow; you’ll be hard-pressed to figure out which smells their farts more.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Habs at Leafs – 7:00PM | CBC
- Flyers at Penguins – 8:00PM | NBC / Sportsnet – outdoors at Heinz Field
- Sharks at Canucks – 10:00PM | CBC
- NBA:
- Bulls at Cavaliers – 8:30PM | ABC / TSN2
- NCAA:
- Alabama at Texas A&M – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- UCLA at Arizona – 8:15PM | ESPN
- BYU at Gonzaga – 10:00PM | ESPN2
- Fútbol Mexicano:
- Tigres vs. Monarcas – 8:00PM | Univision
- América vs. Cruz Azul – 10:00PM | Univision
Be careful tonight,
SAVE YOURSELVES FROM THE JACKALS OF THE STREET!
I totally need to see Slap Shot again.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/530c5c6cc8155e94694e1b4a7ccf2506/tumblr_oiirkgtbLz1u9dc3yo9_400.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/4a227e72ec4a09491d7b829fa1b61f69/tumblr_oiirkgtbLz1u9dc3yo6_1280.jpg
I saw a “Stay Weird” spelled some way or another today.
Fantasy #8,976,398,475: Dan Snyder last sight.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/c731acc61ea761179862329a0371f00e/tumblr_nqmqwbOVYF1qdezf9o1_400.gif
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/stop_penis_erect_archer.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/1a4fa5e367e1fc32da730eddf7ab7b76/tumblr_ok3x9tNVn11qfuivao1_540.jpg
Done working. Fucking banged up.
Cheers….. hopefully.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/20ba424f2786fd98d627c73d77f9c6a2/tumblr_n0maen1jIA1qzgak3o1_r2_500.jpg
I swear, I walk away for 20 minutes…
we in 7-card stud room
A misnomer if there ever was one.
I think they went to the 7 card table. I’m in the bat… currently unavailable. Damn Tikka Masala!
http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/why-slap-shot-is-the-perfect-1970s-sports-movie-w468651
I’m so excited to be flying during the oscars tomorrow night. Fuck awards shows.
Is that a drug reference? If so, can I have some?
Nope but sure
http://68.media.tumblr.com/0df98db25948a8a81ced6555add81d84/tumblr_olo7jmwwIE1tbcweeo1_400.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NCV2vmQT_4
mah brain WOO
“WHOA! That is a big dog.”
http://68.media.tumblr.com/78087d461c66be6c3a5d4229c5bdb031/tumblr_okf69jXwHP1s2wio8o1_540.gif
I think this is bigger than life.
h
ttps://i.imgur.com/2VQWhuW.jpg
So big I couldn’t see it.
That’s what she said.
Chapter One
http://68.media.tumblr.com/3ae3b4f3a88acec19881d5026295da53/tumblr_okom0w6N0J1s3mivlo1_1280.jpg
The DFO’s Unabridged History of the Last NFL Commissioner, National Disgrace Roger Goodell.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nptMn4YMCCM
Can it get in the country now?
White House Advisor Stephen Miller thinks that is Muslim Mexican coffee… so no.
Godzilla’s son speaks? What the shit?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/1878bd2c8486fd02982f7d5a0328b6f5/tumblr_oa2uh9sMhZ1ss6i1no1_500.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a3d2f839de07dcaeabb4e8d29c238d20/tumblr_olf8psa93m1s2wio8o2_540.gif
Moose is here!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/755da2f87349d265cd84919bcc926d18/tumblr_ocy3jbC8Cm1tr6ni8o2_500.gif
Cheers.
There’s a poker room?
Yes! We are making an announcement tomorrow in the AFL Beat. If you want to join, go to Poker stars, download the software, and create an account with your DFO name. It’s the DFO Poker Club and it’s for play chips. The invite code is National Disgrace
You can join the Poker Club by clicking the Three Dots (…) saying “More” on the far right on the Main Lobby and then “Home Games”. That will get you to a window where you can click “Join a Poker Club”
It’s asking for the Club ID
You play poker, Moose? Join us!
Fold…..
at least for tonight.
Thank you.
Cool. Next time maybe
Ummm … will there be a physical pat-down or a metal detector at the DFO poker table? … asking for a friend.
http://pokerbankrollblog.com/wp-content/Texas-Hold-Em-Rules1.jpg
Full house; three LOL cats and two overused mems.
Johnnies win, Ice Giants win AND Wood Giants win? When’s the last time that’s happened?
BANG!
I just now finished watching Hacksaw Ridge.
Rock solid film. One of the top 3 or so from the past year.
It’s not going to win but it was a great watch.
I fucking love war movies.
That guy Andrew Garfield is a total mouthbreather. How was his performance?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/9a3d7db321250216323facd30e239120/tumblr_mvytbv681O1rlpicfo1_1280.jpg
I’m still watching this out-of-doors hockey game because there’s still a chance that Chris Pronger come out of retirement for the third period, throws a cheap shot elbow to the head/slew foot combo on Hornqvist, they are both out of hockey forever, and their respective franchises shut down, also forever.
The Columbus Blue Jackets are the Ice Panhandlers. We talked about this:
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2017/02/14/the-official-dfo-guide-to-other-sports/
But where is there a panhandle in Ohio?
ah’m flying!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNAkbbKycCM
Evening. How come nobody’s in the poker room yet?
We were there for an hour and then took a break. WCS is coming at 8 Pacific.
No word on if he’ll play poker…
I thought he was just breathing fast
I shall go back whenevs
But the sex scenes with Batman and Supes were pretty HAWT too ,, ppl foget that
http://static.srcdn.com/wp-content/uploads/Batman-Superman-Lego-Movie.jpg
new song from one of my obvs favourite bands:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvcco5SM9Do
also this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o63YMUC9y6Y
http://www.nerdimports.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/tumblr_n9uac9EnAx1s4ddyqo1_5001.gif
Just making my case…
Are Ice Stillers any good? I pay no attention until playoffs.
/also crunk
The Metro has the Ice Redacteds, Ice Stillers, Ice Bengals(?), and Ice Giants. I think whoever finishes 4th in the division has the cleanest path to the conference finals.
Since when does Cincinnati have a hockey team?
Ice tOSU
I’m not sure if Columbus is the Ice Browns or the Ice Bengals. Ice Buckeyes seems too good for the JV squad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOfHr7H4SGU
It’s bad when you’re near the bottom of the hot sauce bottle and it starts coming out in droves and you eat that piece of chicken anyway. It’s worse when you’ve been drinking soda. Carbonation bad.
You’re winning at poker…stfu.
Oh no wait, that was before Hippo went all batshit and went up. So then Hippo, stfu.
No, Hippo knocked me out too!
Yup, I edited.
My short term memory is currently being affected adversely by certain….things.
why everyone go away??
Poker where?
No goddamned way is Batman v. Superman worse than Suicide Squad. I’m starting a riot.
Tomato, tah-endstage syphilis.
Fuck, riot anyway.
KILL THEM ALL!!!!!
Suicide Squad had Harley Quinn in short shorts. Batman v. Superman had not hot girl in skimpy outfits.
Your honor, I rest my case.
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/absolutely_right_zoolander.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/36fe9f975d5f86da4478058c38ca7b04/tumblr_olmuxpJBON1r4w8k5o1_1280.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3ZmHV-Dqo8
“You must address me by my title: Countess von Fingerbang.”
http://68.media.tumblr.com/880d4f5263982a17d29a74bd91eb8043/tumblr_ocpjfbU6Rn1tr6ni8o1_500.gif
What about the band Fingerbang?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLS_HARAYZQ
The drummer is the one in the stink.
No, not cancer; just Corporate Clown pattern baldness.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/11af00ef755e0dab996c5b0e5698b321/tumblr_ol1tezMMP41r539hzo1_500.jpg
That’s somehow more terrifying than usual!
Don’t worry; it’s symbolic of slowly poisoning people.
“What is your deal with calling me a racist?”
“Well, you’re American.”
THAT IS A HUGE GENERALIZATION!!
*But the odds are there.
At least we think of the children!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/670fdd82c3b0da872226a9f311312192/tumblr_oli2cpoIFp1rvzucio1_1280.jpg
EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION!
I think he shot a black guy!
“I know! Welcome to America.”
Somehow the “you shot a cow?” line from Archer cracks me up every time.
http://djournal.com/tipsheet/wp-content/blogs.dir/70/files/2016/04/Not-the-livestock.gif
The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is tonight, which is the eternal champion of fart sniffing. Except for that one time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X93u3anTco
I take that back. Colbert was ruthless, but the entire rest of the room acted like he took a shit on the dais and flung it around the room. That’s only kind of true if you think like they all did that the truth is shit.
Iowa just beat Maryland by double digits in College Park. Wow.
Nice to see it get cold again so everyone can grumble twice as much about winter as they would have had been it been about 30 degrees for all of this month.
Here it actually feels like winter again after a couple of months of warm and dry.
evening, its saturday, and once again my feet hurt.
http://image.nj.com/home/njo-media/width620/img/jets_impact/photo/rex-ryan-smiling-jets-tight-file-403ec7d60fc5a163.jpg
… I deserve that
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rVFp4cfQeQ
Alternative snap count???!?
Canadien Hockey announcers: biggest homers, or THE BIGGEST homers?
Crimebeets; minor.
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/feb/25/oklahoma-baker-mayfield-arrested-public-drunkenness
Not sure what this guy’s crime is, but i’m betting it’s something s ick and twisted
Surprisingly, Marlon Brando DID show up to accept his Razzie for “The Island of Dr. Moreau”
My wife loves Sandra Bullock and consequently I have seen, in its entirety ‘All About Steve.’
That Razzie was well-earned.
Have you ever said; “Um, she’s OK, I still fuck her, given the chance.”
I’m guessing not.
To his wife, or in general? Because I think we’ve all said it to each other or privately.