25 Questions about the NFL from a barely interested former “fan”

Thanks to Beerguyrob, I know a ton about what happened in relation to players getting signed and tagged.  This,  of course,  brings up some…. questions.  25 to be exact.

1- Is anyone else surprised that Goodell did not fine James Harrison $50,000 for signing an extension with the Steelers?

2- Or is Goodell simply enjoying the fact he has two more years of fining ahead of him?

3- Since LeVeon Bell got tagged by the Steelers,  does that mean he’ll be happy or pissed?

4- Wait, wasn’t I a “former” fan?

5- Why do I care about Antonio Brown extending and Bell tagging and Harrison resigning?

6- Jesus,  is this a relapse?

7- Or is it more like when you have sex with your ex?

8- Like,  you’re still broken up,  but she does that thing you really like and you just can’t help yourself?

9- I’m going to feel like shit in the morning,  aren’t I?

10- Am I a bad person for doing this?

11- Can you blame me, though?

12- If you had your ex naked in front of you wearing those matching Bell Brown stiletto heels and that Harrison hat,  would you be able to resist?

13- In this scenario,  does that make my penis Big Ben?

14- Considering the results of our commentist survey,  do you think the majority of us have grey pubes?

15- At that point,  isn’t it better just to shave them off?

16- More appealing for the ladies,  amirite ladies?

17- Speaking of ladies, did you know the Steelers do not have cheerleaders?

18- And that their owners are hypocritical assholes?

19- Am I doing this to remember why I broke up with them in the first place?

20- Was that a rhetorical question?

21- Isn’t it good that least I wasn’t a Jaguras or Jets fan?

22- Wouldn’t that be like going back for sex to your ex that doesn’t shave her pits, has gained too much weight,  and has taken up crack?

23- Or would the Jaguras be meth?

24 The Browns would be Krokodil,  wouldn’t they?

25- At that point,  wouldn’t it just be easier to kill yourself?

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
nomonkeyfun

What does she know about football?
http://cdn1.thr.com/sites/default/files/2014/02/cch_pounder.jpg

Oh, you meant Christian Ponder’s wife.
Again, what does she know about football, she married a FSU QB.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So…. I was looking for something funny to reply with. First fucking name/occupation that pops up:

Samantha Pounders 28 yrs, manwiththescreamingbrain

Samantha Pounders, from Panama City FL
Panama City, FL

Male Stripper
– Arnold High School
– class of 2007

Samantha Pounders, 28 years old, lives in Panama City, FL. She is a 2007 graduate of Arnold High School and she works at Male Stripper. Online, Samantha goes by the alias manwiththescreamingbrain

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[emphasis added by editor]

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I know there are strong views on basedball around here (DEATH TO BFIB), but this may be the dumbest thing I’ve ever read in the New York Times: https://nyti.ms/2lxJ8Am

litre_cola

Dumbest thing you have ever read? Come on now. Have you read my futbol posts?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What? This is not written by Peter King!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

LAZER Away the Grey! (TM)

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz

My chest pubes are 90% gray, but my ball-fro remains as black as the middle of midnight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THIS IS GOOD TO KNOW; SOMEBODY MAY BE ABLE TO USE THIS INFORMATION IN A STREET FIGHT OR OTHER DANGEROUS SITUATION.

litre_cola

If someone were to umm mention this in, I don’t know, in a novella on its way to Tijuana, while in a donkey brothel fight, it may turn the tide.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ALSO YOU ARE APPARENTLY A NATURAL RAIDERS FAN.

King Hippo

OF COURSE, you’ll be back for Stillers WOO!! come August/September. The fuck else we have to live for but our sweet, sweet footbaw heroin??

Also, what’s the general ETA between grey pubes and grey in the area visible to the outside world?? Asking FOAR a friend, naturally.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, let’s get some information before we can make a guess; has your dick seen a ghost?

King Hippo

It’s been in solitary a long time ppl forget that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At what age did your grand mother’s pubs turn grey? The effect of seeing this is the same as seeing a ghost.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz

Oh, sex with ex. What a memory.

In fact, when I was around 23 I was going to spend New Year’s Eve with my ex. So I could get laid. And as I was leaving my parent’s house, acting all cool, my mother just goes off.

“I know where you’re going and what you’re doing! Do you think I’m dumb? That’s right, go on back so you can have sex with her! Hope you don’t get her pregnant!”

And I was like, “Ummm.”

And mom was like, “How dumb do you think I am? Don’t come crying to me when you get all mixed up with her again.”

And I went and got laid. And it was the shittiest way ever to start a new year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sung to the tune of Antonio Cromartie’s former councilor’s song

Wearin’ a Condom
Checkin’ it Twice

litre_cola

I found my 1st grey pube last week. It was ghastly. It no longer resides on my body.

King Hippo

Hmmm. If only they didn’t come back. Or if they would come back brown, as Jeebus intended.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

16. Do whatever you need to do, but it may seem like the 55 year old woman in a pink miniskirt and pigtails; you may be trying a bit too hard.

Trevor Semen
Trevor Semen

Like 90% of the answers are “Yes”

King Hippo

Dispelling the old myth of “when in doubt guess C” yeah?

Senor Weaselo

THESE 25 QUESTIONS, I CALL THEM IMPROV 101 BECAUSE WHEN IN DOUBT YOU CAN JUST GO “Yes, and…” AND KEEP IT GOING.

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

Where’s yeah right? I gotta make something with all the leftover ingredients from my chimichurri sauce.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

Yes, if I wanted to make more chimichurri sauce.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Read comprehension; FAIL.

MAKE MORE FOR MORE LEFTOVERS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shitty gambler; double down!

Freeze it in portion containers if you have the space.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Ever tried Sarah’s Hot Bean and Chimi Dip? It’s worth the effort.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NOT THE SARAH YOU BANGED IN COLLEGE….. THE OTHER SARAH.

entropy

It really says something about the Jets that in a league that contains the Cleveland Browns it’s still easier to mock the lesser New York team.

nomonkeyfun

I wouldn’t mock the kid born with Down Syndrome, but I will mock the shit out of the rich little shit that wraps his Lambo around a light post when he’s drunk.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Isn’t Haslam more like Cartman pretending to have Down Syndrome?

Enrico Pallazzo

I respect anyone that is tired of being white trash and quits being a Steelers fan because of it.

SonOfSpam

Just make like Mike Webster and forget you ever were a Steelers toaster puppy sweatshirt.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Trent Green nods nostalgically, then pisses his pants because he got too close to the microwave in the break room.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Jaguras would definitely be meth – but not the good Heisenberg-type meth, more like first timers that think they know the recipe but may not have all the right ingredients-type meth.

What’s that? We’re not talking about the N.FLA/S.GA locals? Nevermind.