Note from Balls: I apologize for having Episode 2 run a week late.  I was in Europe…busy.  Enjoy!  

¡Hola damas y caballeros!

Welcome to Episode II of Fuck a Drive-Through!

Although my ancestry is decidedly European, I’ve lived in South Texas the majority of my adult (chronologically vice behaviorally) life.  During that time I’ve developed a considerable fondness for the predominant Mexican culture, especially the food.  I consider my city to be the cradle of modern Tex-Mex, especially the iconic breakfast taco.  Beef and chicken fajitas are a mainstay of the cuisine and part of any good barbecue, and if you ask 10 different Mexican grill masters how they prep their proteins, you’ll likely get 10 different answers.

I’ve tweaked this recipe over the years, I think I have it where I like it.  Surprisingly it works well with both beef and chicken, that’s a good thing because I usually make both at once.  We’ll start with the marinade and meat prep, you can always do this part the night before to save time.  Bust out that blender baby!

Oh yeah, the ingredients:

3/4 C olive oil (the cheap shit)

1/2 C soy sauce

1/3 C lime juice (bottled is fine)

3 big garlic cloves-smashed

1 small red onion or 2-3 shallots – roughly chopped

1 tsp cumin

4 tbsp packed brown sugar (dark if ‘ya got it)

Several grinds of black pepper

Dump all this into a blender and whip it up.  If you have a smoothie setting, that works well.

Yes, a Dallas Texas Football Cowboys growed-up sippy cup is a mandatory accessory if this is to be successful, that’s the only reason I included this pic.

And now to the stars of our show:

Look. I like hooters as much as the next red-blooded ‘murican male, but not this time.  Chicken breasts suck ass on the grill, they just do.  Restaurants have plenty of shady tricks up their sleeves to make grilled chicken fun-bags good as opposed to an asphalt roofing tile, but I don’t roll like that.  Thighs are far superior for this application and considerably cheaper, especially in bulk.

You’ll also notice I got blade-tenderized skirt steak.  This is usually frowned upon by the purists but I have to admit I prefer it.  Fajitas are cooked hot and fast so there is little time for any connective tissue to break down, which means tough meat.  Mechanical tenderizing basically does some of the chewing for you and is far superior to chemicals.  I also like the extra surface area the process creates, it sucks the marinade up like a sponge.  If it’s not available like that in the case, ask the butcher if they can run it through the machine for you.

Trim away the thicker layers of fat, with the cubed beef it scrapes off pretty easily as you can see.

If you use unmolested skirt steak, you’ll want to remove as much membrane as you can, or at least score it liberally so the marinade can penetrate.  Yes, those are food service gloves.  I use them all the time as I have a healthy paranoia against unsanitary food prep.

Let’s not ignore our bird now…

Let’s trim those thighs like Mama June!  Yeah, killed my appetite too.  Anyway, this is the chicken before and after the excess fat is removed.  I found the best way is to scrape the fat to the edge of the meat with a knife then cut it away.  Chicken fat doesn’t seem to render as nicely on the grill as it does with beef or pork and thighs are tender enough by nature, so trim accordingly.  If you flip the thigh over to the more gruesome side you’ll see a knot of nasty fat (circled for your convenience):

Be sure to cut this out as it turns into a gnarly yellow wad of snot on the grill.  Mmmm…

Put a 2 gallon zipper bag in suitable container then dump all the prepped meat inside.  I often do all this the night before and stash it all in the fridge overnight.  Keep the bag in the container as they can leak and make a nasty mess.  The next morning before work, I give the marinade a quick spin in the blender and pour it into the bag ‘o proteins.  Make sure to mix the meat around so there is plenty of contact with the liquid, especially the skirt steak as it tends to fold up.  Push out as much air as you can and zip the bag shut, then return it to the container and back in the cooler.  Flip it after a few hours if possible, but that ain’t critical.

Eight hours is plenty of time, much more than that and it can get a bit salty.  Remove the meat and scrape/wipe away any excess marinade and everything in a big bowl.  While your fajitas spend some time on the counter shaking off the chill, get your grill up to temp.  We want it hot…really hot.  I’m talking Megan Fox opening Bumblebee’s hood hot.  I’m talking Katy Perry before Russell Brand ruined it for everybody hot.  Whether you use gas or charcoal, cast iron grates are far better than wire for heat retention.  Once the grill is hot and the grates are cleaned, toss on teh meat.

Most gas grills are hottest at the back (there’s gotta be a tacky joke to go with that), that’s where the beef goes.  There’s gonna be lots of flaring so be quick with the tongs if things get out of hand.  That’s a pretty full grill, but fortunately mine has the horsepower to keep up ##coughcoughWebercoughcough##.  I know, flaring grills are thought to sprinkle cancerous fairy dust all over your food, but you’ll die sooner eating a #4 with cheese and a chocolate shake.  Hell yeah we’ll go large with that!

Give this about 5 minutes but don’t walk away.  Keep the lid open and watch for burning.  If a lot of liquid pools up on top of the raw sides, it helps to soak some up with paper towels before flipping or you’ll have a Scorpions concert in your grill.  Speaking of fire:

It never fails, your halfway into a marathon grilling session when you hear “pffff…thoop” and the fire dies.  You done run outta gas!  I always keep a spare tank around and can swap that sucker out like a NASCAR pit crew so the grill doesn’t cool off.

Time to flip!

That’s more like it!  Keep the heat maxed out to get some color on the other side.  Give it a few then find a fat piece of bird and take it’s temp.

Shoot for about 160 deg F.  I’d normally translate that to Celsius for our Canadian friends, but it doesn’t involve gnawing on a raw seal carcass so I won’t bother.  The safe zone is a bit higher, but it will coast to that.  If there’s plenty of browning but still not done, then close the lid and kill the fire.  After a few minutes check it again.  The beef kinda takes care of itself, just get it nice and charred and it’ll be good.

Evacuate to a clean pan, cover with foil and let it rest for awhile.  I like to keep it in a cold oven because I have a big dog that can reach the counter top.  While we’re waiting we can heat up the tortillas.  In Episode I, a commenter threw shade towards my electric stove.  I hope he enjoyed the burning bag of dirty diapers that found its way to his front porch!  Glass top ranges work great for tortilla heating, a hot nonstick pan will work fine with coil or gas burners.  NO MICROWAVES!!!  Stack them up in a tortilla warmer.

Factory tortillas suck all the ass.  Hopefully you have a bakery that makes them fresh, the only thing better is homemade.  I’ve tried it…wasn’t good.  They all came out shaped like Florida, my baking skills are lacking.

I don’t know about you, but my meat has rested enough.  Time to cut:

Nice and thin, against the grain for the steak.  Not an issue with the bird, just slice it up.  I put a paper towel in the bottom of the container so the bottom pieces aren’t swimming during storage.

Let’s eat!

I keep it simple, just a little onion and picante.  Sliced jalapenos and some shredded cheese is always good, afraid I don’t do cilantro.  If I want the taste of soap I’ll chew on a bar of Zest, thank you.

No grill?  I suppose you could brown this in a cast iron pan and finish in the oven, never tried that but it might work OK.  Regardless, give this a try before someone puts a tariff on it.  ENJOY!!