Your “Well Joe, My Opinion Is, ‘DOOONN’T CAAARRE’” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes:

• It’s getting crowded in the booth, as Jay Cutler has apparently auditioned for John Lynch’s old job at FOX.
  • He must need the money, as he’s not doing it for the health plan.

• The Lions are trying to get Matt Stafford to sign a long-term deal so they don’t have to franchise-tag him in 2018, when his value will be … $26.4 MILLION?! Not even 5-Super Bowls Tom Brady is worth almost $2 million per game.

• 

  Continuing this week’s trend of pouring salt on the Bears’ draft is PFT, who note the Bills’ refusal to pick up Sammy Watkins’ fifth-year option is another sign that “trading up in the NFL draft is a big risk, one that usually doesn’t pay off.”

• “Max Bullough of the Houston Texans has been suspended without pay for the first four games of the 2017 regular season for violating the NFL policy on performance enhancing substances,” says the NFL.
• Do you remember LB Daryl Washington? Neither to the Cardinals, who were informed this week that his three-year suspension for substance abuse violations and a guilty plea to an aggravated assault charge has expired.
  • He hasn’t played since 2013, but he’d like to come back.
• Starting the hate early, Bovada has listed the Patriots as 7/2 favourites to win the Super Bowl.

Finally, your long read of the day comes from Deadspin, and involves a guy who was arrested, detained & released the day of the NFL Draft for flying a drone in the airspace that abut the museum where the festivities were being held.

• For a Deadspin story, it’s pretty evenly handled. None of the usual Gawker or Jezebel overtones; just a straightforward account & analysis of something that happened which probably shouldn’t have escalated to the point it did.

Or, if you’re so inclined, because it’s “Star Wars Day”, have a tiny-font read over at philadelphiaeagles.com about the Eagles fan who works at Skywalker Sound and sneaked some Eagles references into “Rogue One”.

• What I spotted on that website was that the Eagles sell tickets to their cheerleader auditions.

• It’s sure to be a classy affair, attended by the classiest of people.

I only found the Draft-drone story because I was reading Drew’s FLAMING piece on the Penguins being “flopping shitbirds”.

Now, I was also watching the game, and while I agree that this was absolutely not a penalty,

TJ Oshie's stick hit Nick Bonino in the shoulder pic.twitter.com/wLrejn1NNl

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) May 4, 2017

he absolutely abused his reputation for not being an embellisher by doing so here. If you’re going to use up that card, make it count. Plus, it doesn’t help Oshie’s case that he’s done this before, to Nick Bonino: (h/t Pensburgh)

Here's the working gif. pic.twitter.com/mMfyTJvQtQ

— The Cult of Letang (@letangcult) May 4, 2017

Of course, none of this matters if the Capitals don’t live up to their reputation of playoff ineptitude.

Ooh, on that note, WHAT THE FUCK, OILERS?!1?!

Pour one out for don_t – Puerto Rico declared bankruptcy.

According to USA Today, “the oversight board appointed to lead the U.S. territory back to fiscal sustainability declared in a court filing that it is “unable to provide its citizens effective services,” crushed by $74 billion in debts and $49 billion in pension liabilities.” Smarter analysis at The Economist and Bloomberg.

My favourite reach on the subject is the attempt by Democrats to lay partial blame on Donald Trump and his involvement in turning the Coco Beach Golf & Country Club into the Trump International Golf Club Puerto Rico.

It filed for bankruptcy under the old name in 2015, owing more than $78 million but only having $9 million in assets. The difference was compensated from the government. out of the Puerto Rico Tourism Development Fund. From what I can tell on Politifact, his name was brought in to save it, but the issues that led them to try this desperate measure were the ones that still brought it down. But, politics! Sad!

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL:
  • Senators at Rangers – 7:30PM | NBCSN / CBC
• NBA:
  • Celtics at Wizards – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
  • Jazz at Warriors – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN
• MLB:
  • Orioles at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet360
    • it’s been a headhunting gong show of homers & beanballs
• FIFA:
  • Beach soccer World Cup – from The Bahamas
    • Quarterfinal #3 – 6:20PM | TSN3
    • Quarterfinal #4 – 7:50PM | TSN3
    • Quarterfinal #1 – 9:10PM | TSN3

Sorry I didn’t send you a celebratory 60-oz bottle of Bombay Sapphire as congratulations, litre_cola. It got recalled for being too strong. STRONG LIKE YOUR CHILD!