Your “Well Joe, My Opinion Is, ‘DOOONN’T CAAARRE'” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes:

  • It’s getting crowded in the booth, as Jay Cutler has apparently auditioned for John Lynch’s old job at FOX.
    • He must need the money, as he’s not doing it for the health plan.

  • The Lions are trying to get Matt Stafford to sign a long-term deal so they don’t have to franchise-tag him in 2018, when his value will be … $26.4 MILLION?! Not even 5-Super Bowls Tom Brady is worth almost $2 million per game.
  • “I’m synonymous with failure!”

    Continuing this week’s trend of pouring salt on the Bears’ draft is PFT, who note the Bills’ refusal to pick up Sammy Watkins’ fifth-year option is another sign that “trading up in the NFL draft is a big risk, one that usually doesn’t pay off.”

  • “Max Bullough of the Houston Texans has been suspended without pay for the first four games of the 2017 regular season for violating the NFL policy on performance enhancing substances,” says the NFL.
  • Do you remember LB Daryl Washington? Neither to the Cardinals, who were informed this week that his three-year suspension for substance abuse violations and a guilty plea to an aggravated assault charge has expired.
    • He hasn’t played since 2013, but he’d like to come back.
  • Starting the hate early, Bovada has listed the Patriots as 7/2 favourites to win the Super Bowl.

Finally, your long read of the day comes from Deadspin, and involves a guy who was arrested, detained & released the day of the NFL Draft for flying a drone in the airspace that abut the museum where the festivities were being held.

  • For a Deadspin story, it’s pretty evenly handled. None of the usual Gawker or Jezebel overtones; just a straightforward account & analysis of something that happened which probably shouldn’t have escalated to the point it did.

Or, if you’re so inclined, because it’s “Star Wars Day”, have a tiny-font read over at philadelphiaeagles.com about the Eagles fan who works at Skywalker Sound and sneaked some Eagles references into “Rogue One”.

  • What I spotted on that website was that the Eagles sell tickets to their cheerleader auditions.

  • It’s sure to be a classy affair, attended by the classiest of people.

I only found the Draft-drone story because I was reading Drew’s FLAMING piece on the Penguins being “flopping shitbirds”.

Now, I was also watching the game, and while I agree that this was absolutely not a penalty,

he absolutely abused his reputation for not being an embellisher by doing so here. If you’re going to use up that card, make it count. Plus, it doesn’t help Oshie’s case that he’s done this before, to Nick Bonino: (h/t Pensburgh)

Of course, none of this matters if the Capitals don’t live up to their reputation of playoff ineptitude.

Ooh, on that note, WHAT THE FUCK, OILERS?!1?!


Pour one out for don_t – Puerto Rico declared bankruptcy.

According to USA Today, “the oversight board appointed to lead the U.S. territory back to fiscal sustainability declared in a court filing that it is “unable to provide its citizens effective services,” crushed by $74 billion in debts and $49 billion in pension liabilities.” Smarter analysis at The Economist and Bloomberg.

My favourite reach on the subject is the attempt by Democrats to lay partial blame on Donald Trump and his involvement in turning the Coco Beach Golf & Country Club into the Trump International Golf Club Puerto Rico.

It filed for bankruptcy under the old name in 2015, owing more than $78 million but only having $9 million in assets. The difference was compensated from the government. out of the Puerto Rico Tourism Development Fund. From what I can tell on Politifact, his name was brought in to save it, but the issues that led them to try this desperate measure were the ones that still brought it down. But, politics! Sad!


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Senators at Rangers – 7:30PM | NBCSN / CBC
  • NBA:
    • Celtics at Wizards – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
    • Jazz at Warriors – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Orioles at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet360
      • it’s been a headhunting gong show of homers & beanballs
  • FIFA:
    • Beach soccer World Cup – from The Bahamas
      • Quarterfinal #3 – 6:20PM | TSN3
      • Quarterfinal #4 – 7:50PM | TSN3
      • Quarterfinal #1 – 9:10PM | TSN3

Sorry I didn’t send you a celebratory 60-oz bottle of Bombay Sapphire as congratulations, litre_cola. It got recalled for being too strong. STRONG LIKE YOUR CHILD!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am not going back to bed so I am gonna half ass this Psych paper I have to do today. It has the added qualities of “Write it in your own voice” and “I am running this through a scanner to make sure you didn’t plagiarize, even though I want every single line linked to a source”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Nevermind. I have til Monday, this thing will get written at 10pm Monday

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Wait, so what happened when I got drunk? When did our president just start supporting exclusively every terrorist or anti-America country?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is a fan written song that uses Patton Ozwalt’s book talking about D&D for lyrics too nerdy? Too late to stop it now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnKOvOjKLH0

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I napped for like 5 hours so 2 am isn’t feeling like 2 am. This popped up on my youtube autoplay. I think I have to watch Deadpool before bed now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7x9UUMmuTw

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s driving me to the airport tomorrow morning?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not me. Not after you sneaked away from the poker table while I was taking a leak.
You’re dead to me, Pal.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I would, but there is 100% chance I will still be drunk.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is acetaminophen one of those things you’re not supposed to flush down the toilet? Asking for a friend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not the worst med to flush, but prolly still better not to.

theeWeeBabySeamus

A special treat for BFC….and the rest of you too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6w_3P_l5FA

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sloppy on HH sixteenths, would not bang!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/am I doing a meme right?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
BrettFavresColonoscopy

He’s no Keith Moon, but one of these is Mallory’s favorite. I think it’s the one with the teeth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56sZOUPegUw

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just because it’s been in my head since DFO radio like two weeks ago:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0X3CLJVMJU

theeWeeBabySeamus

BFC’s fault…indirectly, at least.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ydpSVvXE9k

theeWeeBabySeamus

It really is amazing how infrequently you hear him mentioned these days. It never occurred to me until you said that….but true enough.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You were gonna find a reason to go Green Day no matter what anyone said. Admit it. That being said I am all for it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS DFO POKER ROOM, I CALL IT THE GOVERNOR OF NEW JERSEY BECAUSE IT ALWAYS NEEDS M(r)AYO

Unsurprised

Honest to God, I have never wished for a meteor strike than I do right now.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My favorite Chris Pratt joke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-7bVZYy_ds

Brick Meathook

comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I know it is really late now, but poker did just go back up

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Call the wife. Tell her I’m on THEE way.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am gassier than the Oval Office after KFC on AF1

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Since the poker tables never were fixed I am just gonna take a test drunk so I don’t have to do it tomorrow (I already got a 93 on the 3 hour final in 15 minutes and I could just skip this and still get an A in the class, so zero reason to worry)

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

94%. Thought I aced it. Oh well. That’s done. Just have a Psych paper to write tomorrow

theeWeeBabySeamus

Only a 94????? Looks like someone wants the belt again, underachiever.
😉

JerBear50

GO CUT ME A SWITCH!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I didn’t know AP posted on here!

Senor Weaselo

And how does writing this paper make you feel?

WCS

I SMK ROX

comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

1 too many characters, but by far my favorite so far

JerBear50

FUCK UPRX

JerBear50

Hey Brocky, considering your small role in everyone’s favorite serial, how about
HRTN XTRA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

All Work and No Play makes Jack a dull boy.

JerBear50

That may as well be an NRA recruitment poster.

Unsurprised

Give it time.

Don T

Great summary of the Puerto Rico situation, over which I’m [switches to euphemism keyboard] mostly humorless. Puerto Rico is my country and the only worthy action is fighting here, not grieving or begging anywhere. I wish well to all compatriotas who leave; may they find happiness and markets that sell plantains. Much appreciation to all who have a concerned interest in the situation but don’t have a stake in it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

I don’t really understand it.

Don T

I’ll put up something on Updates, but only after scrubbing off the sermonizing.

Unsurprised

Wall Street and Congress DPed the island without lube.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Guardians 2 is really good. I would definitely recommend seeing it. There is a VHS quality version out there which actually works for it, I am gonna go see it on the big screen too, but it was leaked a week earliy and I couldn’t help myself.

Unsurprised

This is pretty good for a cam rip.

… I would say if I knew how to find and watch such a thing.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, Litre, what’s the weather like up there? I forgot I have to pack for NEXT weekend tonight, too.

Brocky

wtf is this, a bad tremors ripoff?

Unsurprised

That movie is beautiful.

And it ripped off Dune.

Brocky

holy crap, how have i never seen that comparison before

Unsurprised

Because I’m a genius.

Unsurprised

OOK

Unsurprised

i forgot how cute Kate Upton was, in addition to having big tits, but she did do VS before someone else from the company talked some crazy stupid shit about her.

comment image
http://live.drjays.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/kate-upton-victoria-secret-8.jpg

Brocky

Bad Vanity Plate idea 9:

BMSMA

comment image?itok=wjcRxaEO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

Y SO SRS

Unsurprised

“Girl makes a snowman and then fucks him outdoors [F, ThatTitleIsntLying, Hardcore, 3m]”

Oh, so that’s why I keep returning to reddit. (https://smutr.com/v/10202/ for the curious. Obviously, NSFW.)

Brocky

Bad vanity plate idea #7:

H8 BONER

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So the class I had a test for tonight was one on the intricacies of the Linux operating system. We are getting to the point of you would never use the OS to do this stuff level. There was actually a question out of 70 questions (and I am paraphrasing) “We know you actually wouldn’t do this this bullshit way. What programs would you actually use?”

Brocky

never heard of this college, but what about

This plate with

ITTIES

Senor Weaselo

Mitch Trubisky loves this idea.

Brocky

Bad vanity plate idea #5:

CJK5H

Nothing wrong with the classics

Unsurprised

More like best. Well, Top 5.

Brocky

God damn it, why is 8 the character limit? i can think of so many with 9:

LUVS TCOS

FEAR BNER

FUK TRUMP

HATE BNER

Y U LYING

Unsurprised

You could omit the space. I’d go with LUVTACOS. It just feels right.

Brocky

Fucking Indiana “requires a space” its stupid as hell

http://www.in.gov/bmv/2824.htm

Unsurprised

GODFUCKINGDAMNSHITFUCKFATHUMPS

That explains how those fucking inbred gravyfuckers could elect Mike Pence.

Brocky

GFDSFFH

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

GFD SFFH

Unsurprised

😀
comment image

Brocky

Sort of. you can have 7 without a space, or 8 with a space. no 8 without a space. wtf

Brocky

I am way too invested in following the stupid rules for a vanity plate, but that’s what makes the game challenging!

Unsurprised

Good idea

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://68.media.tumblr.com/7fa4b44fc8d9a0b29f13b4385d3cc8ad/tumblr_oim7yxUieY1rydpjxo1_500.jpg

“When I ask you to “Polish the Wood” that is not what I had in mind.”

Unsurprised

Saliva’s just going to make it easier for wax to build up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Can we start a DFO pick ’em pool for the first shoot-down?

http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/04/politics/us-f-22-intercept-russian-aircraft-alaska/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I meant to add this to the previous comment

Unsurprised

Us or theirs? I don’t actually have much faith in our post-Cold War joint strike fighters.

This is the inverse of the opening scene from Iron Eagle 2 where Doug Masters and his wingman accidentally cross into Siberian airspace. Spoiler alert: Doug then takes a missile up his ass, but technically he was shot down over American (or at least international. I haven’t seen this movie in like 20 years) airspace.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
The Maestro

Been looking around for a bottle, but seems like they were pretty speedy in getting them all pulled. A real shame.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://68.media.tumblr.com/e0fcc7d547be5d3fe6b4a8de17be4cb8/tumblr_n8t6vdSOJl1qcygcoo1_500.gif

One hell of a martini (WARNING; DO NOT COSUME NEAR AN OPEN FLAME)

Unsurprised

This gif is making my dizzy. So is the alcohol.

Unsurprised

This is the shitty thing about all the hard liquor being owned by the state here in Oregon. If I still lived in New Mexico, I know I could slip some cash to someone for a bottle. But they track that shit meticulously (and online, if I ever had the inclination to buy liquor).

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I finally finish my stupid test that took fucking forever and tWBS broke poker. Going back to my 3rd RW of Guardians 2 I guess… or is that not out yet here? I misspoke NSA. I meant porn.

Brocky

Bad vanity plate idea #3:

POST OPT

because you know, of the implication

The Maestro

Can’t get this one in CA. Caitlyn Jenner already got it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is that referring to November 9th, 2016?

Brocky

IMIS OBMA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

True; POST OPTION is too many letter.