The scene: The Last Resort resort in Cancun, where a bunch of DFOers are enjoying the sun, the pool and the alcohol. Yeah Right is on a large inflatable lobster with Teddy’s BOTW at the edge of the pool in bright flowered swimming trunks. Cookiethulhu and Abraham Lincoln are chatting up a pair of college girls, and OSZ and DTZM are sitting in the shade.

DTZM (pulling out his cell phone): I should really call those guys.

OSZ: Relax, boss. They’re all big boys. They just took the RV out for some sightseeing.

DTZM: Well…

There’s a big splash as Teddy’s BOTW falls into the deep end of the pool and sinks to the bottom. He comes to a rest there and looks up curiously at the pool-goers above.

Yeah Right (slapping the water): Teddy! Knock it off! You’re gonna get us kicked out of the pool!

Cookiethulhu and Abraham Lincoln walk over to OSZ and DTZM.

OSZ: You guys strike out?

Abraham Lincoln: I think so. It was hard to tell what they were saying.

Cookiethulhu: Say, old boy, you’re a few eons younger than I am. Is it a good thing that my fur is “on fleek?”

OSZ: Dude, I have no idea.

DTZM (on his cell phone): Darn it, I can’t through.

OSZ: Boss, quit worrying. Beerguyrob and the others are fine. Trust me.

Cut to: The wasteland area where Low Commander, Beerguyrob, Lord Revisisle, Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Brocky have encountered the band of ravagers led by Ginormous, who have also captured Top Detective and Hardboiled Detective.

Ginormous: So, puppies, you have dared defy the will of Ginormous!

Lord Revisisle: Actually we were just going to be on our way…

Ginormous (approaching the DFOers): Silence, puppy! Do not force me to unleash my dogs of war!

Lord Revisisle: OK…

Ginormous: One of you must face the might of Ginormous, so that I may crush you and prove my superiority! But first…

One of Ginormous’s lackeys runs up and squirts oil on him, then rubs it in.

Brocky: This is so weird…

Ginormous waves off the lackey and then turns back toward the DFOers and starts posing. He does the front double biceps, the side triceps and finishes by flexing his pecs. His lackeys break into cheers, while the DFOers politely clap.

Lord Revisisle: Very nice. Now if you don’t mind, we really should be going…

Ginormous: No! Pick your champion, so that I can destroy him and bend the rest of you to my will!

Brocky: Wow. I can’t believe Covalent Blonde isn’t here. She would totally dig smacking down this guy.

Low Commander: Maybe I should…

Beerguyrob (stepping forward): Nah, you’re a prospect. I got this.

Low Commander looks uncertainly at Ginormous, who is flexing a bicep to the cheers of his men.

Low Commander: Are you sure?

Beerguyrob (winking): Trust me.

Ginormous (walking up to Beerguyrob): So, you are their champion?

Beerguyrob: Sure. But first we have to set the rules here.

Ginormous (confused): Rules? In a fight to the death?

Beerguyrob rockets a kick into Ginormous’s groin. The warlord’s eyes widen behind his mask and he lets out a huff of air.

Beerguyrob: Someone’s gotta say one-two-three-go.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (rapidly): 123go!

Beerguyrob grabs both of Ginormous’s nipples in an iron grip. The ravagers react as one, letting out a pained cry and subconsciously covering their own nipple areas with both hands. One of them faints dead away.

Brocky: Ooh! Double purple nurple!

Beerguyrob rears back and then launches his head forward, headbutting Ginormous full on and leaving a dent in his metal hockey mask. Ginormous’s eyes roll back in his head and he falls back, unconscious, hitting the ground hard.

Brocky: Yeaaaaaaaa boyeeeeeee!

Lord Revisisle: Nicely done!

Beerguyrob: I’m Canadian, eh? A big guy in a hockey mask doesn’t scare me.

Ginormous’s lackeys gather up his unconscious form and load him onto one of their vehicles.

Lackey (pointing at Beerguyrob): You’ll regret this!

Beerguyrob (pointing at the detectives): Probably not. Oh, and leave those guys with us.

The ravagers let the detectives go and then get in their cars and roar off into the distance.

Hardboiled Detective (to Beerguyrob): Well, I have to thank you. Those guys weren’t playing around.

Top Detective: Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I do know one thing: We have a job to do. Those punks are getting away, and it’s up to us to stop them.

Hardboiled Detective: Speak for yourself, pal! I need a cold brew and a hot shower.

Low Commander: Well, we do have a… SQUIRREL!!!

Low Commander suddenly runs toward the RV.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: He does know you’re not supposed to act out memes, right?

Suddenly there’s a growling sound. The DFOers and detectives turn to see a giant mutant squirrel lumbering over the rise. It’s in the neighborhood of eight feet tall, with patchy fur, gnarled teeth, giant claws and unevenly-sized bloodshot eyes. It also glows slightly in the growing dusk.

On the other hand, it has the cutest darn tail…

Brocky (as the mutant squirrel scrambles over the rise): I hate this future…

To be continued…