Your “Yay! Bad Things DO Happen To Bad People” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • The opening of the new joint Rams and Chargers stadium in Inglewood, Calif., has been delayed until 2020.
      • Unexpected rainfall this winter has slowed work on site excavation & foundation preparation.
        • Per the L.A. Times, water at times stood up to 12 to 15 feet deep from all the rain this past winter, causing the site to resemble a “lake” during the excavation period.
    • They’ve clearly accomplished a lot since yeah right‘s last visit:

  • Taking into account what the esteemed Dr. Bundchen has to say, the NFL will investigate the three angles apparent in this story:
    • Did Brady suffer a concussion?
    • Did he hide it from the Patriots?
    • Did the Patriots hide it from the League?
  • Alex Smith smells what Andy Reid is cooking, and it’s his 2012 Niners season covered in BBQ sauce.
    • “This is a completely different coaching staff and a completely different team,” Smith said. “I think I’m a much different player… I get it, right? If any of us were the GM, this in my opinion might be the most important position in all of sports. You’d be crazy not to be stockpiling talent.”
  • For reasons unbeknownst, PFT chose to report the Hamilton Tiger-Cats have the CFL rights to Colin Kaepernick, Johnny Manziel and Robert Griffin III,
    • Perhaps shits & giggles? Florio’s too caffeinated to be bored.
  • Not exactly the kind Jim Irsay was looking for, the Colts signed draft pick Malik Hooker to his rookie deal today.

Finally, stealing from Crimebeat!

  • Browns 6th round pick Caleb Brantley had his battery charge dismissed due to a perceived inability to secure a conviction.
    • The Browns public statement is full of what you’d expect from a team that took flak for signing a guy who appears to smack women:

Caleb understands that we have an expectation and standard for every member of our organization.He’s a talented-young man with a great opportunity in front of him. Caleb must grow as a person from this situation. He is now able to move forward and focus on earning a spot on this roster.

  • Michael Floyd’s “extreme DUI” probation was transferred to Minnesota from Arizona, after its brief stop in New England to pick up some jewelry.
    • He was sentenced in February to 24 days in jail and 96 days under house arrest.
      • He served the in-custody after the sentencing, and was looking to transfer the remainder of the 96 days to Minnesota.
        • the terms of the house arrest allow travel to & from work only.
    • He is still facing punishment from the League for the personal-conduct policy violation.
  • The masturbating Chargers security guard pleaded guilty to performing a lewd act in public.
    • It was Elite masturbation, because he worked for Elite Security, and I really wanted to use the word “elite” in a non-Flaccian way.
    • He was sentenced to three years of probation and counseling.
    • He will not have to register as a sex offender.

Your Irsay/Kroenke/Spanos inspired song of the day comes to us from 1991 & Ugly Kid Joe.


So, because I’m on a couple of NFL mailing lists – Packers, Seahawks – I get the odd notice informing me that as a VALUED PARTNER! I’m eligible for certain offers available before the general public.

The Seahawks sent me one today, informing me that my season-ticket holder status affords me the privilege of an early opportunity to purchase the ability to host my fantasy football draft at Century Link Field.

 

It sounds like an okay idea, until you click through a couple of links & see the price:

Uh-huh.

FYI: That’s the price of one seat (near the roof; in the corner) for a whole season. But they want me instead to shell that out to sit in an empty stadium with seven friends and eat stadium food that’s been in a freezer since early-January, all while debating the merits of Ameer Abdullah versus Devontae Booker.

Verdict: Buffalo Wild Wings will give me a corner booth for free!


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Ducks at Predators – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Blue Jays at Braves – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
      • Yankees at Royals – 8:00PM | FS1
    • NCAA:
      • Kentucky at Florida – 7:00PM | ESPN

Not that I need to convince many, but still – GO PREDS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I’m the biggest 3-week Nashville fan there is, but that last powerplay made me lose all hope that they can win this series.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

That Tripping penalty would’ve never happened if it wasn’t for that damn mass grave in the desert!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

You’ve gone through the looking glass

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

See, you guys think that whole mass grave thing was purely fiction.

It. Is. Not.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

I’m going to a wedding this weekend, and pretty much nothing is done/decided on. For example, Mrs. Sharkbait is the MOH and doesnt know what dress she’s wearing, centerpieces aren’t done, and table places arent printed out yet.

It’s going to be glorious.

Senor Weaselo
Member

So… Sharky gon drank?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

That Elbowing penalty never would’ve happened if it wasn’t for Shakespeare…

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

That Slashing penalty would have never happened if it wasn’t for Jason.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member
ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I have a theory that the biggest con ever pulled on the world is the myth that Keith Richards has done every drug imaginable.

I imagine him just being extremely sleepy all the time and acting drugged out so people won’t bother him.

That’s the secret to a long life, folks!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

He did fall out of a tree a few yrs ago IIRC.
I sure as hell hope that was drug related.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Shit, ANYONE can fall out of a tree! I did it when I was 10.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Hell, you probably fell out of one yesterday.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

This is true.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Hee hee

Romonobyl
Member

That dude is surviving on pure momentum.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Check your email.

Romonobyl
Member

Thanks! Step one towards world domination.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Evening. Asparagus in the oven, water boiling for non homemade pasta, Master of None on the HDMI cable to the TV. If I could just forget about all the work I didn’t do, would be a damn fine evening.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Every day I try to forget the work I neglected to do/push off.

Sharkbait
Member
herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Where my Perd-verts at?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Perd=lose in French…

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Then it’s the Celtics who are the real perd verts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

•The masturbating Chargers security guard

Is this a mascot threat to Boltman?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

No mere mortal threatens BOLTMAN!

Fronkenshteen
Member

Yo.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yo Yo
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen
Member

Is the chicken Camilla or Carmela?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Camilla

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She crossed the road.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Hello internet “friends”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OOOK.
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blaxabbath
Member

So I have a customer whose entire company is just completely disorganized and has no intention of changing anything. We do our best to service them, giving them free material when their stupid crews make a mistake or raid one material package for another, and not really bothering to point out when it was their fault. About mid-way last year, they start using my competitor and they’re just tanking numbers to these guys. So that’s fine — honestly, they’re a chore and my competition is just promising them the world. And my competitor can service these guys and get them all the free crap they ‘need’ at rock-bottom prices; go for it. I’m in this business to retire to Hawaii, not work for free.

So there are some little metal tags that all my customers are obligated to put on each building they construct. It’s a little metal warning tag that hangs on the utility box or something and, frankly, I didn’t even know anyone actually did that. So my customer, who apparently hasn’t been doing that, calls me last week and asks if we have any of these tags or knows where to buy them. You can buy them easily online so what he’s really asking is, “Want to give me these $7/ea metal tags for free?”

No – go to your new fucking friend and ask him to give you free shit. I’ve given you enough free shit because, as fucked up as you are, I’m at least still in the black if I get all your work. Now you want to shake me down and then ask for my help? Nah man; I know where I can get them for $0.75/ea but you can just pay whatever you find my googleing it.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I speak for all the assholes and dickheads in saying that they can fuck themselves.

Fronkenshteen
Member

You’re in the right, not that my opinion matters.

blaxabbath
Member

Neither does mine – but thanks.

blaxabbath
Member

Fuck Century Link.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I am totes on board with this sentiment.

Gratliff
Member

This is a good take

blaxabbath
Member

Sorry I’m just a straight shooter like that.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Good evening, imaginary people.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

I’m an algorithm.

The Maestro
Member

And a good evening to you too, figment of my imagination!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

A convivial Thursday in May to you too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Kinda how I feel. I hope my O2 gauge is faulty; reading low.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Heh, remember when pittsburgh done got blown out yesterday? Those were the days…

scotchnaut
Member

Pepperidge Farm* remembers…

*me

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo
Member

I was looking for a live version of this song as allegory, before I saw the date of the performance…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Gratliff
Member

King Hippo
Member

That there’d make a mighty nice swimmin’ hole!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

King Hippo
Member

I am genuinely quite sad about this. Soundgarden meant more to me personally than Nirvana.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Ditto.
I’ve got a little tribute to him in tomorrow’s open thread, fwiw.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I am genuinely quite sad about this. Soundgarden meant a lot to me.”

Fixed. Why degrade something else? No need.

Who am I kidding; it’s the fucking internet; that is how it works.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Degrade? Really?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, fine; memorial dinner for beloved grandmother; “I feel bad; grandma always meant more than grampa, I mean he was OK, but he farted a lot.”

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I think I’d prefer the farter…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most…gaseous…

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

If you sez so.
Seems like a reach to get to “degrade” from what he said tho.
But for whatever reason you seem committed to it so….yeah.
Have fun with it I guess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not fun; it just struck me that way. Sounded like ‘I really miss Prince, he always meant more to me than Bowie.’ If I took it wrong, fine, apologies to Hippo.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Ah, now we’re gonna edit our comments after the fact, huh?

And yeah, I think you overstepped on your assessment of Hippo’s comment.

But whatever.

(this comment has been edited so that I don’t sound insane responding to something Moose edited out of his comment)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I removed me being a dick out of it; is that OK? But maybe I should have gone with it given your mood. Mr. Hippo being the originator is the only one who knows intent. Fuck it.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yeah, MY mood was the issue here.
smgdh

scotchnaut
Member

I’ve said this before-I did a Lollapalooza back in ’91 in Barrie and their version of “Hey Jude” was a near religious experience.

scotchnaut
Member

Roger Ailes tribute-

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tribute…..

Eulogy; Yep! HE WAS A FUCKING COMPLETE ASSHOLE. Thank you for stopping by.

yeah right
Member

For those curious about when the next stadium update post will be….

This was it.

I’ve been keeping track and staying informed but how exciting a post would it be if it only showed earth movers plowing back and forth.

Hot Caterpillar porn!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

Is that anything like the Human Centipede?

Senor Weaselo
Member

So I’m in Brooklyn right now on line to get merch at a bus that looks like Rick. Other than the line being rickdiculous, I have seen some impressive cosplay shit, so I’ll say “totally worth it.” Also people giving each other the bird because peace among words.

scotchnaut
Member

If you haven’t watched “Children of Men”, please do so. If you have watched said movie, please do so again.

/that’s it

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Nah … Too depressing.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

There’s a guy at my office who always CC’s himself on every single email he sends, (I’m assuming he has no idea what a “sent” folder is,) so I’ve started “replying all” to everything he sends me.

http://memecrunch.com/meme/3WE1D/pharrell-petty/image.png

Senor Weaselo
Member

I would argue you’re not petty enough!

Senor Weaselo
Member

I read another rumor that United is considering being a sponsor for the LA Coliseum, which might be a candidate for most apt sponsorship deal.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

I would have thought the CarsonDome would be more appropriate, but then I realized that the chances of the Chargers overselling games there is virtually nil

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Gratliff
Member

Let’s open the floodgates.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

Can’t listen to anything until I leave work without making a scene. Someday’s just ain’t so easy.

wpDiscuz