Your “Yay! Bad Things DO Happen To Bad People” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • The opening of the new joint Rams and Chargers stadium in Inglewood, Calif., has been delayed until 2020.
      • Unexpected rainfall this winter has slowed work on site excavation & foundation preparation.
        • Per the L.A. Times, water at times stood up to 12 to 15 feet deep from all the rain this past winter, causing the site to resemble a “lake” during the excavation period.
    • They’ve clearly accomplished a lot since yeah right‘s last visit:

  • Taking into account what the esteemed Dr. Bundchen has to say, the NFL will investigate the three angles apparent in this story:
    • Did Brady suffer a concussion?
    • Did he hide it from the Patriots?
    • Did the Patriots hide it from the League?
  • Alex Smith smells what Andy Reid is cooking, and it’s his 2012 Niners season covered in BBQ sauce.
    • “This is a completely different coaching staff and a completely different team,” Smith said. “I think I’m a much different player… I get it, right? If any of us were the GM, this in my opinion might be the most important position in all of sports. You’d be crazy not to be stockpiling talent.”
  • For reasons unbeknownst, PFT chose to report the Hamilton Tiger-Cats have the CFL rights to Colin Kaepernick, Johnny Manziel and Robert Griffin III,
    • Perhaps shits & giggles? Florio’s too caffeinated to be bored.
  • Not exactly the kind Jim Irsay was looking for, the Colts signed draft pick Malik Hooker to his rookie deal today.

Finally, stealing from Crimebeat!

  • Browns 6th round pick Caleb Brantley had his battery charge dismissed due to a perceived inability to secure a conviction.
    • The Browns public statement is full of what you’d expect from a team that took flak for signing a guy who appears to smack women:

Caleb understands that we have an expectation and standard for every member of our organization.He’s a talented-young man with a great opportunity in front of him. Caleb must grow as a person from this situation. He is now able to move forward and focus on earning a spot on this roster.

  • Michael Floyd’s “extreme DUI” probation was transferred to Minnesota from Arizona, after its brief stop in New England to pick up some jewelry.
    • He was sentenced in February to 24 days in jail and 96 days under house arrest.
      • He served the in-custody after the sentencing, and was looking to transfer the remainder of the 96 days to Minnesota.
        • the terms of the house arrest allow travel to & from work only.
    • He is still facing punishment from the League for the personal-conduct policy violation.
  • The masturbating Chargers security guard pleaded guilty to performing a lewd act in public.
    • It was Elite masturbation, because he worked for Elite Security, and I really wanted to use the word “elite” in a non-Flaccian way.
    • He was sentenced to three years of probation and counseling.
    • He will not have to register as a sex offender.

Your Irsay/Kroenke/Spanos inspired song of the day comes to us from 1991 & Ugly Kid Joe.


So, because I’m on a couple of NFL mailing lists – Packers, Seahawks – I get the odd notice informing me that as a VALUED PARTNER! I’m eligible for certain offers available before the general public.

The Seahawks sent me one today, informing me that my season-ticket holder status affords me the privilege of an early opportunity to purchase the ability to host my fantasy football draft at Century Link Field.

 

It sounds like an okay idea, until you click through a couple of links & see the price:

Uh-huh.

FYI: That’s the price of one seat (near the roof; in the corner) for a whole season. But they want me instead to shell that out to sit in an empty stadium with seven friends and eat stadium food that’s been in a freezer since early-January, all while debating the merits of Ameer Abdullah versus Devontae Booker.

Verdict: Buffalo Wild Wings will give me a corner booth for free!


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Ducks at Predators – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Blue Jays at Braves – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
      • Yankees at Royals – 8:00PM | FS1
    • NCAA:
      • Kentucky at Florida – 7:00PM | ESPN

Not that I need to convince many, but still – GO PREDS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Don T
Member

From my autobiography, titled “Oh, I’M the Asshole”:

Guy: Notarize this, will ya?

Me: It’s already signed.

Guy: [“Here we go again” sigh] So?

Me: It has to be signed in front of me by the person named here. That’s the only thing required of me.

Guy: C’mon. It’s for my brother. You met him at the Xmas party! You know him personally already.

Me: Why don’t you do it?

Guy: You know I can’t do that.

Me: That could get ya disbarred even. But with my license, fuck it. Right?

Guy: … Tch. /walks away

Me: /follows Guy/ Do you want the paper or should it throw it away?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Jesus Fucking Christ. I finally unfriended a cunt of an insurance defense attorney because fuck them. Those fucking cretins are why I despise this stupid fucking profession, and I’m not about to fucking celebrate or even acknowledge any of those motherfuckers’ successes.

This fucking day can’t end soon enough.

Don T
Member

FYI: Some of those old ladies who slip and fall are real scumbags, and I have the surveillance videos to prove it.
-Oh my life ch–crying–changed forever. I’m an invalid!
-I got this from your Facebook account. Is this you twearking three weeks ago?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Yeah, but they say the same thing about people who’ve been crippled by some jackass’s willful and wanton neglect. So I’m okay with treating them like shit.

Don T
Member

Fun Fact! Wilfull and wanton neglect could fall under an exclusion of common commercial general liability polici
/dies of dickishness

Don T
Member

Today I was ordered to achieve something impossible through ridiculous methods.
Related: I’ll take seething and emphysema over WHY DONTCHA GET A BOOTLICKING MAGICIAN YOU GUTLESS FUCK /slams phone, rips shirt

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

MILFtastic!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Strategic shadow placement wins the day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

She seems nice

Unsurprised
Member
Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Less so now

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Porky Prime
Member
Porky Prime
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

That must be some damn fine coffee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

So, my day sucked ass. How’s about y’all?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Goddamn. Trent must’ve been shooting up half of Colombia in the early to mid-90s.

Stone was snorting the other half with Tarantino.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

20 thumbs up

blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

My absolute favorite version of this song.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo
Member

Senor Weaselo
Member

Of course, that’s after starting with “hello.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Smell that pussy.

Brick Meathook
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nope, we’re fine.
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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

So, I’ve been entertaining a thought and it freaks me out because it seems so plausible.

The consensus liberal fantasy at this point is that the Russia investigation basically brings down everyone, or at least most of the line of succession. Somehow McConnell gets dragged out because *shrug* and then you get to Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. Tilly didn’t even want that job, why the Hell would he accept the presidency? On top of that, the whole point of him becoming SecState was because of his relationship with Russia. So let’s waive him off. Next comes Treasury Secretary … Some dude. All I know is that he’s Goldman Sachs dick cheese, so the Democrats would be just peachy with that because they’re a bunch of banker-blowing shit weasels. However, this is a Time of Crisis™ and the next man in line is Secretary of Defense James “Mad Dog” Mattis. Mad Dog would have the support of the military, naturally, plenty of financial people because “steady hand” and all that shit, Congressional support because you can’t fuck the flag hard enough as a member of Congress, and the media would cream themselves at the idea of the Warrior-King.

My point is that given those forces, at what point would the Treasury Secretary feel compelled to step aside for Mattis? I would say that point is not so much minuscule as fleeting. More to the point, if he did, this would be an instance of a lawful successor being forced out so a former general takes office. There’s a term for that.

The saddest part is that the press, the military Congress, everyone who Matters, and probably even the public would cheer at Mattis becoming President just to ensure “stability” and bring back “dignity” and “fill in the blank” pablum about decorum and honor and all that bullshit. Meanwhile, the reality would be that a military coup d’etat seizes the most powerful political office on Earth.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

You’re going a long way to find something that’s never gonna happen.

Kinda like my dating life.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Oh, I know. But it beats the shit out of all of the other thoughts that have been rattling around in my head all day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Yeah, it’s snowing here. Freeze tonight. Glad I was too fucking lazy to plant the garden last weekend. Oh well, other parts of the world it is snowing fucking bombs.

Brick Meathook
Member
Senor Weaselo
Member

Considering it’s America’s Funniest Home Videos I’m surprised no nutshot.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

His head is equally as useless.

litre_cola
Member

Where the fuck are you?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Denver. Last week we had the worst hail storm I’ve seen in….. well, decades. So I prefer the snow. It was 83 three weeks ago. The plants and animals are all “WTF?!?!?”

Don T
Member

I wouldn’t have emoting plants. All they’d do is nag.
-Hey, how about some Dasani?
-Can’t hear ya /peeing on watering can

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Anybody up for poking her….I mean poker?

litre_cola
Member

Can tomorrow. I miss the banter

Senor Weaselo
Member

I could be up for it.

litre_cola
Member

Know what is supèrefantastique? Coming home exhausted and murderous from a “leadership forum” and your aunt and uncle are here from 2 provinces over to see the baby. Lovely people, no fucking notice? Have a hotel and all but come on. A little heads up please.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

There’s only $12 in the DFO Legal Defense Fund, just so you know.

Don T
Member

$9.78. Responding to that Cease and Desist letter from the Texans took an all-nighter.

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