Your “Whoops – Forgot There’s A Nooner Today” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • The Panthers hired former GM Marty Hurney as their new interim GM until they can sort out the mess they’ve created as a distraction for their forthcoming 6-10 season.
  • The Lions are taking down their playoff participant banners, choosing to only leave reminders of division titles & such. (Ron Howard: “There is no ‘such’.”)
    • In the belief it will promote a winning mentality beyond trying just hard enough to hit a contract bonus.
  • In perfect marketing synergy, Khalil Mack has signed an endorsement deal with Mack Trucks.
    • But it’s not as funny as Denver Broncos draft pick Jake Butt, a tight end, signing a draft-day deal with Charmin toilet paper.
  • Finally, stealing from Crimebeat! once again:
    • Lions DE Armonty Bryant is suspended four games for a violation of the substance abuse policy. It’s his third.
    • Jaguar Dante’ Fowler has been arrested on assualt charges, steming from throwing a man’s groceries into a lake at their apartment complex.
      • It’s also arisen that he had a 2016 arrest quashed because he did first-timer’s counselling.

No apologies – I slept in, checked the calendar & saw there was a 1:00 start at the park, and then 1/4-assed it putting something together before I ran out the door.

Oh, and this song about nooners of a different kind popped into my head:

The lead singer answers the question, “Could you make Paul Shaffer whiter?”

And, the better version:


Tonight’s sports:

  • CFL:
    • Montreal Alouettes vs. Ottawa Redblacks – 7:30PM ET | TSN
  •  MLB:
    • Cardinals at Mets – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Nationals at Angels – 10:00PM | ESPN
  • Futbol:
    • International Champions Cup Soccer:
      • Roma vs. Paris Saint-Germain – 8:00PM | ESPN2
    • CONCACAF Gold Cup Soccer 2017:
      • U.S. vs. El Salvador (quarterfinal) – 9:00PM | FS1 / TSN2

OFF MAKIN’ MONEY, NOT BABIES!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Your “Magic of the Melancholy Tear In Your Eye” Saturday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]Jerry Was A Shogun Named MarcusMoose -The End Is Well NighBrick MeathookMarc Trestmans Windowless Van Recent comment authors
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[…] Your “Whoops – Forgot There’s A Nooner Today” Wednesday Evening Open Thread – July 19, 2017 […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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WCS

Anyone still up, and watching the first round of The Open?
No?
I’ll turn the lights out when I’m done.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I’m around. Mostly just being bored and considering going to bed.

WCS

You’re bored? C’mon, man, let’s watch some golf!

/MTWV shoots himself in the leg just to get out here

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

What is golf except the thing you put on TV when you go to sleep. Still not watching it WCS

Shogun Marcus
theeWeeBabySeamus

Physics!!!!!
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Fronkenshteen

FUCK YO FACE!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

FAKE NEWS!
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Fronkenshteen

[slightly raises manhole cover]

[reads news]

[lowers manhole cover]

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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WCS

“I was told there would be no math.”

Romonobyl

That’s the beta of the new WordPress login.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good evening

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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WCS

That snowmobile just wanted to throw off it’s human oppressors, and return to it’s family in the wild.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One thing I’m really looking forward to is all the “HOW DARE YOU CRITICIZE TRUMP’S AGENDA WHEN JOHN McCAIN HAS CANCER” that is headed our way.

Gratliff

I’m absolutely Team John McCain Brain Cancer Jokes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, my first reaction was “fuck that guy”, my second reaction was “I hope he doesn’t die so that the governor of Arizona gets to appoint a crazy reliable Trump vote,” and my third thought was “I shouldn’t say any of this out loud.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not like McCain wasn’t a fairly reliable Trump vote to begin with.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fair, but someone crazier is likely out of Arizona.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you think if he died that Trump would immediately replace his wife as Ambassador?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Come along, Beaufort. Let us venture forth and partake of the fare down at the West Hollywood Arby’s.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, didn’t think that would work.
Here, have this instead…..
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She likes big disks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Testing: Sunev.

Shogun Marcus

You’re my erif, at your erised?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is that a retrograde orbit joke? We don’t get many of those ’round these parts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This seems fine.
No need to call CPS. Really.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

If you watch closely you can actually see his soul leaving his body
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I remember seeing that happen live. One of the biggest HOLY SHIT moments in sports history.

On the slo-mo you can see him get the speed wobbles right at the end. He was doomed before he even hit the transition.

Shogun Marcus

I thought I recognized this too. As I recall he incredibly gets up and walks away.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t remember that…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey, you’re right, he did!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Yes, it’s Jake Brown and he did eventually get up and walk away. Two years later he won the X-Games Gold medal in this same event.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He should have gotten a medal for THIS one. It’s much more entertaining than ordinary old tricks.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

He actually won the silver in the event he fell in. Style points I guess. Best flailing.

Gratliff

Really hoping this was the last time I move to a rental. Getting nickel and dimed by the fucks on both sides of the move, including a fascinating pet policy at the new place where I’m paying $500 + 30/mo so I can keep my fucking cat without violating the lease, since the little fucker went missing a month before I put my deposit in and miraculously survived in the woods on his own until 2 weeks ago when I got a phone call from the company that put his chip in, despite the fact that he’s 4 paw declawed and seemed physically incapable of surviving outside of a life of luxury. Couldn’t find anyone to take him, and even if I had it in me to give him up to a shelter, there’s like a 4 week waiting period for that. So, I get to just gift shit landlords free money for a pet that will do virtually zero damage to the property, on top of the 1.5 months deposit they required because the woman has iffy credit. Meanwhile, old landlord is withholding my deposit until I pay the carpet cleaning fee to the company I had do it instead of, I don’t know, using my fucking money they won’t give me to pay it. They’re not major costs, but they delay shit I planned for and it’s aggravating as fuck. Never again. I’ll live in a fucking tree before dealing with a rental again.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

My most recent landlord wasn’t nearly so nitpicky, but he is dumb as hell.

I moved out of my old apartment at the end of last month. I told him this. He’s required to give me notice to show it, which is fine, but now that I’m gone it really doesn’t matter. I have a few things left over there, but I’ve only been back to clean. Still, I get messages such as “running a few minutes late” in which I have to curb the urge to say “don’t give a fuck, I don’t live there.”

My favorite example is when he called me on Sunday morning to tell me something had happened and the apartment was no longer rented. He, of course, never told me it was rented in the first place so as far as I was concerned, he could show it as often as he wanted. (This was a common thread with him where he’d have follow-up conversations with me without ever having an initial conversation leaving me wondering what the fuck he was on about.)

He also would refer to me as “you guys” thinking that I lived with someone even though I hadn’t even had anyone over for the night in five years. Then again, that might have been from the time his assistant sent me a lease with my name and the name of a person I’d never met.

herodotus450
herodotus450

It’s like that old movie where there’s another planet directly on the opposite side of the sun from earth, so we can never see it from earth. You had a roommate the entire time just with a perfectly inverse schedule that you never saw.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

The person was actually the woman I sublet from when I initially moved in. The best part though was that both her first and last name were misspelled *and* the lease had the wrong address on it.

I do not miss paying rent to those airheads.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I think under maritime law you now own the building at the wrong address and are now married to that woman.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

This definitely happened on that planet on the other side of the sun. I’m sure of it.

herodotus450
herodotus450

For a second I thought it was also a three stooges movie, but it looks like a completely different movie where they went to another planet, called Sunev.
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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

The Dirt Ravens are feasting on the collective corpse of The Dirt Cowboys … again.
/pours another Bourble

litre_cola

Twbs rejoices. Both in the result and the bourble.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Furk duh oryoles.
Where’s duh vodkuh?

King Hippo

No worries, Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals forgot there was a game tonight, too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mebbe they were distracted….
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Holy Side Boob, Batman

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’d let her have a whack at my balls.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s probably a pretty safe proposition, she can’t hit shit with that tennis racket.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, it’s the racket.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well it’s definitely not the boobs. I have proof:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The sample size seems valid. I yield to your expertise in….boob/racket physics.

Is that a thing, btw? We should get certified.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

She had boob reduction surgery to help her ball whacking skills, FYI.

litre_cola

Deadspin has become Big daddy Drew, Barry on teh ice football and Billy Hainsley on lesser footy but this is good hustle.
http://deadspin.com/how-the-warlord-who-controls-chechnya-uses-sports-to-ru-1797065629

WCS

John McCain was brain cancer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is the darkest typo (if it was, indeed, a typo) I have ever seen.

Shogun Marcus

Well eventually.

scotchnaut

“Me too. Or three-whatever.”

-Sarah Palin

Don T
scotchnaut

Just thought of a new HBO series-Futurama Alabama

Plot-wise, I haven’t got much further than non-vaccinated children slouching their way towards the state capital in order to feast on the (SPOILER ALERT!) brains of elected officials.

Okay, help me out here-what happens after the kiddies discover that none of the government officials have the sustenance required for these children to survive?

Ay, there’s the rubbish.

Shogun Marcus

Umm…Alabama fans?

King Hippo

ROLL DAMN TIDE!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

In addition to ruining my sleep life those asshole construction guys have just closed off every main road my area now. They arent working on them ever. They just have it closed down.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I mean main road in the only exit version. I am trapped. Not even a joke.

litre_cola

I am loathing the day when I have to put on kids programming.

Shogun Marcus

Some is tolerable. Many are war crimes.

WCS

Lil’ WCS’s favorite shows are South Park and Bob’s Burgers.

litre_cola

Right now decilitre watches Aussie rules in the middle of the night and futbol in the morning. It will stay like this right. RIGHT??

theeWeeBabySeamus

Love that kid.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Just wait till he gets ahold of the last scene of “The Grapes of Wrath”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I got your kids programming right here
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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d pay for that channel.

scotchnaut

/echoes of raising a kid or two

I will watch SpongeBob Squarepants every once in a while when I’m by myself.

Shogun Marcus

I have no children and do that. I also YouTube three hour blocks of Looney Tunes on Saturday mornings.

scotchnaut

Damn it! I was thinking of qualifying my comment. I watch first and foremost because it brings back great memories of me and my boys laughing together.

scotchnaut

Jake Butt’s agent revealed himself as a complete oxymoron when he said that his client’s best merchandising opportunities were behind him.

WCS

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They suck!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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