Your “My Buns Have No Seeds” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Ravens owner Steve Biscotti (pictured right) reached out to people like Ray Lewis to garner possible reactions to the potential signing of Colin Kaepernick.
    • Because Ray Lewis might’ve helped kill a guy, but Ravens fans DO NOT FORGIVE taking a knee during a ceremonial part of a sporting contest.
  • Branden Albert decided he’d rather retire than play for the Jaguars.
  • Seahawks rookie Malik McDowell injured himself on an ATV, in the time between rookie camp and main camp, and is absent from training camp.
    • Estimates about the seriousness of the injury & expected absence from camp range from a couple of weeks to the whole season.
He should’ve just hung around the family business.
  • This should be interesting: the Chargers are hard-balling Philip Rivers & Antonio Gates, saying practice should come before attending ceremonial events like LaDanian Tomlinson’s Hall of Fame enshrinement ceremony.
    • We all know Marmalard’s a good company man, but Gates is being rumoured as willing to go, because he figures the Chargers won’t punish him due to his stature.
  • Looks like someone is up for the Jim Irsay challenge: John Bowlen caught himself a DUI in California.
    • He was observed doing 100 mph & passing cars on the median, and blew over 0.08 on the field test.
      • Police turned his puppy – named Duke (of course) – over to animal control.
    • He even pulled the “do you know who I am” card:

After the Jeep passed a patrol car, the officer pulled the speeding driver over. The trooper noticed an open container of alcohol in the SUV. The man who lives near Redondo Beach kept telling officers “who his dad was.”

“He wasn’t cooperative. He did make it clear several times that he was the son of Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen. It didn’t help. We arrested him just like any other citizen. He got no preferential treatment,” said Sgt. Tim Neumann, spokesman for the California Highway Patrol.

Finally, fresh of last week’s ball fondling of the Patriots by the MMQB & chief fluffer Peter King, comes ESPN‘s entry into the Patriots soft coverage with ruminations on how likely it is (hint: QUITE!) that the Pats might finally go 19-0.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Indians at Red Sox – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Blue Jays at White Sox – 8:00Pm | Sportsnet
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Today was the MLB trade deadline; were deals afoot? I dunno. NOT FOOTBALL; NO LIVEBLOG!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

When I said 3 months ago at least now that a Taco Bell employee took pity on me for sitting in line for 45 minutes gifting me a giant bag of sauce. I wasn’t lying. I still have 3/4 of a bag of just sauce

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Wait. What? Why were you in line for 45 minutes?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My only guess is 2 people quit, then I got stuck in a line that allows no one to leave because how it was designed

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Wow. That’s fucked up.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The person working gave me a giant bag filled with sauce. I will live

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Yeah. Plus, 45 minutes away from your father. Win-win.

monty this seems strange to me
Member

Wait, why were you at a Taco Bell? like, ever?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I was drunk and people were telling me to eat at least one meal, There weren’t many choices

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

Well I made it to Providence, RI after a 2 hour delay in Philly, and an hour drive from FACKIN’ BEAN TOWN. Two beers deep at the hotel, and need about two more to “adjust” to local time.

blaxabbath
Member

Bahstan Lahgah!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I feel an intimate connection to that city after listening to Crimetown, and that connection is full of cocaine.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Here, I’ll help.
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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monty this seems strange to me
Member

Why are the dogs barking?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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monty this seems strange to me
Member

Squirrel with Parkinson’s. Got it.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Dear lord, I think I just had a stroke.
(get it?)
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Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

Just the one?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I WAS ALREADY WORKED UP LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!

monty this seems strange to me
Member

heh heh. tWBS is a “Member”.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I wonder how long Gorka’s going to last in the White House now that the chief of staff is a former general cut from the Jack D. Ripper mold. He’ll either be fired out of a cannon by the weekend or earn a permanent spot sucking off Kelly forever.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

The long-term impact of the Trump administration is that by 2020, our government will be indistinguishable from an episode of WWE Raw.

Gratliff
Member

Giving RAW more credit than it deserves

Duchess
Member

So does Spicer still leave?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He already stole the mini-fridge.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

No idea. I just think a Nazi perpetually sucking off a general is funny

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

HEY WHERE’S BALLS I WANNA SEE THE GREEN BUTTPLUG!!!!

OK, that might sound odd to any of you who haven’t been around the past few days I guess.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am just gonna assume tWBS is sniffing glue now. I will take you to your bed, And yes this is me stealing your weed. This is part of the process. We will get you well

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I will take you to your bed

Considering my Alice Eve boner right now, I should warn you not to turn your back on me.
/hoping you’ll turn your back on me

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

/should probably close Alice Eve tab
//NEVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Well, this day was wasted.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Sorry to hear that, sincerely.
Good day for me tho…one less racist prick I’m related to in the world.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Woohoo! Time for booze.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Time for meatloaf….
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

/might have to rub one out soon
//realizes no one is surprised
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You realize you don’t need to share that information every time you do it. Right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I KNOW! It really makes it difficult to edge when hot thoughts push in.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That guy is great. Has been one of my artsy “friends” for years.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

It make me happy as a fan of the Raiders that they got a top 10 talent at 24, but it makes me sad* as a Raiders fan that so many fellow fans are screaming “if a woman accuses a man of rape and he isn’t convicted, they should throw HER in jail.”

*in Baltimore they call that “stabby”.

blaxabbath
Member

Championships cure everything.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Anyone besides me ever been bitten by a macaw?
That shit hurts.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

As a kid, one of my friends had a macaw. The phrases that it learned were “Hello,” “Come here” and “I love you.”

That bird was a fucking asshole.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Regular parrot (not the plagiarism kind), drew some blood.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I still have a chunk of meat (giggity) missing from my left forearm.
I wanted to euthanize that feathered fucker so badly.

No, he wasn’t sick, but I still wanted to off him.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

I thought you had to say “stabby” 3 times before he’d appear.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

A certain someone thought the same thing.
He ded.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I thought Richard Pryor died already.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

LMFAO

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“THAT’S what you’re wearing to dinner tonight !?!”
“I’m fine with that, where do you want to go?”

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

“I’ve got your meal right here.”

“Fine, a snack then.”

Gratliff
Member

Every episode of Undisputed should end with Shannon punching Skip in his stupid fucking head.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

They could have a Twitter poll to see which weapon Shannon gets to use each episode.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

…should start, go to break, continue, and end with…
/tomato, tohappiness

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I would pay Sharpe and be a character witness if he would just smash that face until death.

Senor Weaselo
Member

If you just showed clips of the show you could probably have an insanity defense without doing anything else.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Raiders first round pick Gareon Conley was not indicted by a grand jury.

This was a very strong statement considering earlier in the day that same grand jury had indicted a ham sandwich.

That ham sandwich, however, has apparently jumped bail as it has been missing since yesterday, when it was last seen attending a scheduled meeting with Andy Reid.

blaxabbath
Member

Like a ham lamb to slaughter…

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Apparently the Buccaneers have Ryan Griffin as a backup QB, when I swear he was a TE on the Texans.

Hey look…

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I think they just decided to sign a guy that looked like Mike Glennon with hair…for some reason.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

How many people do you think named their dog Avon Barksdale?

Five? I bet it’s five.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At least.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He in no way looks as awkward as Mike Glennon. Also his neck is at least 6″ too short

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Up yours!!! I’ve got hair!!!!
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Wakezilla
Member

I saw Valerian last night and this is my brief review:

The graphics were great and everything else was Cleveland Browns bad. Like, I’m pretty sure they spent all their money on graphics and then went to the local high school and found a senior willing to ghost write the script for a letter of recommendation to NYU.

The lead male tried to portray Keannu Reeves in Bill and Ted’d Bogus Journey and Carla D tried to do her best Daisy Ridley impersonation.

The love story was clearly written by a virgin and the metaphor about African slavery was peculiar at best. And the bad guy’s motives were painfully stupid and non sensical.

I give it 1 failed franchise out of 10 sequals.

Watch this film if it’s on at 2 am on a Sunday night and you have nothing better to do. Even then, consider rubbing one out.

I have more to say about this so I might write later about this turd.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Did Cara’s eyebrows get listed in the credits this time? Or are those part of the CGI budget?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I thought the whole gist was the man lead was suppose to look like a woman and the female lead was suppose to look like a young boy.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, Alice you are truly a Wonderland.

Redshirt
Member

I was going to make a “Consider the following: Maybe Kaepernick sucks” but I just saw his stats. His accuracy is kind of average but his running ability and TD-INT ratio definitely makes it worth taking a flyer on the guy.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Trevone Boykin has almost as many arrests as game appearances, but he isn’t controversial so I guess it makes sense he has a contract.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Hey, you can’t just try to draw attention to social injustice. That is way worse than beating women.”

-Anonymous NFL source

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The last two years he has not been that good, his being on a terrible team may have a slight affect. The point is he is way better than a shit tonne of QBs who have been pursued and signed by other teams.

Gratliff
Member

What do his “Is a White Person” numbers look like?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, well, if you convert to white and no public stances on anything worthwhile he is “Franchise” material.

Gratliff
Member

He could start for the Browns til he’s 50

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not with their line…….but good point.

Redshirt
Member

Not good, but Dalton broke the curve.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

If he cut off his fro he could easily get white person street cred. He is barely tan.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

h
ttps://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/66/a6/5c/66a65c64249d3c265ab22b6c96501bce.gif

Redshirt
Member

NSFW

But nice.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Apologies, sincerely.
I used the “Moose Method” of breaking up the addy, thought it would be clear the nsfw aspect.

Redshirt
Member

Just didn’t want to get someone in trouble by opening something at work. It could’ve been a huge picture or something.

Edit: Well they were huge…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is enough sign for anybody, since you have to copy and paste.

The MM results in women rolling their eyes (not in the good way).

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

OK, OK, I’ve got a great joke….

Q: What does one say to their racist prick grandfather the last time you see him?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Redshirt
Member

Senor Weaselo
Member

I would have gone with this one myself

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Also appropriate. 🙂

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

A: Nothing. Fucker’s dead.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

HA!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

It sounded funnier in my head.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nope; it was funny in my head too….. of course that is not saying much, but still.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Fucking America man…seriously. Kaepernick can’t even get a fucking backup job. How does this fucking make sense in this day and age?

Again…his controversial position is that the police should not have the right to perform on the spot extrajudicial executions of unarmed black men and teenagers.

How the fuck is this controversial?!?!

Straight up, if MLK Jr was alive to day, people would be demanding he gets thrown into Gitmo and exectuted.

Gratliff
Member

If only I had the willpower to boycott this shit ass league of footballing that I love so much

Gratliff
Member

Also, not for nothing, people did demand MLK get executed, thus the whole assassination thing.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Including the FBI

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t bother with any of that now. Just claim his position at a podium was threatening. Have a cop shoot him. Pretend to do an investigation for 6 months until people forget it happened. Then let the cop off with a 1 week suspension.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Lots of principled Americans with respect for the plight of others in this list: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_NFL_franchise_owners

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

/forgets to close Alice Eve tab
//regrets nothing
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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I am genuinely disappointed in all of you. All these comments and no Biscotti had cum all over himself jokes?

FOR SHAME!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello
Redshirt
Member

Look, Balls. We just eat the cookies. Whatever you do to it is between you and the cookie.
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Random Thought: When they finally perfect sex robots, the Alice Eve model will likely be a big seller.
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Redshirt
Member

You mean I can only buy one?!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

What kind of warranty are we looking at for these?
/asking for the audience in general

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Redshirt
Member

Seth MacFarlane in I Can’t Believe its not Galaxy Quest?

I can suffer through the “God doesn’t exist and you’re stupid to believe in him” jokes for that.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I said this on reddit (KILL ME) after an article came out saying ST: Discovery will be “grittier” that Macfarlane is such a Trek fanboy that The Orville will definitely be more faithful to Roddenberry’s vision than Trek has been for at least a decade.

Gratliff
Member

Apparently, Cap’n Picard is almost 80. I wonder at what point in my life nostalgia became the first step to “When is this thing I used to love going to die?”

Senor Weaselo
Member

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Redshirt
Member
Gratliff
Member

I believe his secret is weed and young pussy

Redshirt
Member

If your bored and drunk, watch World War Z but replace the Zombies with Trump supporters.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

So…no changes needed?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Aside from the fact that if you’re actually sick, they want to eat you that much more.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I finally read Magary’s WYTS on the Bears. To the guy who wears a Super Bowl XX Belt Buckle:

a) FUCK YOU
b) You don’t live in Illinois, or at least not the top third of it
c) If you do live in Illinois, please move

Redshirt
Member

I’m curious about the WYTS Bengals edition. The bar is set pretty damn high.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Hey! How are all my imaginary internet friends?
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litre_cola
Member

Playing ball drinking beer. Hope you are well.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Not drunk yet

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

How ’bout now?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Scotch is flowing, sobriety remains an ongoing problem

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’m having a similar issue with freezer vodka tonight.
DAMN YOU ALCOHOL, YOU FICKLE BITCH!!!!!!!

Redshirt
Member

I can’t drink. I work tomorrow.

(stares at five empty snack cake packages)

I may not be sleeping tonight, either.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I’m still at work

Redshirt
Member

Watching Star Trek: Voyager episode “Equinox”: Good Stranded Ship find another Stranded Ship that went heel. Good episode, but it does have some flaws.

– Evil Ship made Good Ship’s Hologram Doctor evil by deleting his ethical subroutines. That’s it. That means the Doctor is inherently evil without an program in my matrix saying:

10 NOT be-evil
20 RETURN

– Good Ship Captain went nuts by hunting down Evil Ship because “its personal”. When 1st Officer questioned, he was relieved of duty. No one in the crew questioned it. Not even the 2nd Officer, the Vulcan who is supposed to be driven by logic. So it is logical for the Good Captain to attack a peace alien race, attempt to kill a prisoner and hunt down a kill people with due process or a day in court.

– Good Ship picked up six crew members from Evil Ship at the end, and they were never heard from again. They did say their rights and privileges would be restricted, but the crew has a mess hall manned by one person. At no time were they seen serving food or even moping the floors. Star Trek VI showed waiters on a ship, but they not only wasted a perfectly good idea by showing what happens to the people who have fallen from grace. My theory: Janeway killed the bastards.

Gratliff
Member

My cable company actually got rid of UPN before the last season of Voyager. I trust I didn’t miss anything worthwhile? I mean, I got to see the Rock give Jeri Ryan the Rock Bottom, so what else was there worth seeing?

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Redshirt
Member

You missed a very good Jeri Ryan acted episode where she acted as the Doctor, and Q’s kid.

Its wasn’t bad like TNG Season 7. It wasn’t awesome DS9 Season 7. But they had some good episodes.

If you got Netflix and nothing better to do, its worth seeing, but you’re not missing much.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

You had me at “Jeri Ryan”.
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Duchess
Member

I mean who wouldn’t want to take her to a sex club?

Gratliff
Member

I need to rewatch DS9 one of these days. I just remember it being a pattern of like 5 holy fuck boring “Going to work, going home” episodes and 2-3 fucking great war episodes over and over again.

Brocky
Member

its stories like these that make me leery to really invest time into trek.

I made that mistake with enterprise….. reluctant to try again…

Redshirt
Member

Agreed. DS9 had the better story. Voyager had some better actors (Seven, Doctor, Torres and even Kim and Neelix had some moments), but DS9 was just better overall.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member
scotchnaut
Member

Not sure what his home planet looks like but I’m sure Scaramucci’s idea of hell is a place with no mirrors.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I bet if you made up some new age horseshit about how it would extend his career you could get Tom Brady to smash all the mirrors in his house.

Senor Weaselo
Member

THEY STOLE OUR BIT!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Would Pat Bowlen’s son even get preferential treatment in Colorado? Why the fuck would he get it in California?

Redshirt
Member

Okay, purely hypothetical situation. You are in a room with Donald Trump and Peter King. You’re holding a gun but with only one bullet.

What do you do?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Do they know I only have one bullet? If not, make them fight to the death, with an empty promise to let the victor live.

If so, try to line up a shot that kills one and wounds the other, then pistol whip the survivor to death.

litre_cola
Member

Rikki’s answer is the only answer.

Senor Weaselo
Member

First I would do some physics.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

That would be enough to kill both.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

Am I a spice baron? Cuz Trumpy gonna take hisself out (politically).
NO ONE MAN CAN HAVE THAT MUCH CONTROL OVER OUR NUTMEG.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“Someone called for a spice baron?”
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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I think you could shoot PK’s head and Trump’s dick off with one bullet

Senor Weaselo
Member

I mean, there’s two games each against the Jets, Bills, and Phins, so that just asks whether they can go 10-0 in the non-divisional games!
/Starts thinking about buying and stocking a liquor cabinet

Redshirt
Member

They can lose in the playoffs.

Assuming God hates me and the Bengals face the Steelers again, I’m all for the Bengals forfeiting and loaning out AJ Green, Geno Atkins and Vontaze Burfict to Pittsburgh for a game.

I may hate the Steelers; but I have my principles.

wpDiscuz