(pic via)
It’s Day 1 of the three-day weekend here in Vancouver. The skies are still really smoky due to the fires up north & the winds dragging the smoke down to the coast. The air tastes like a brush fire, and the cruise ships full of seniors on their way to Alaska hopefully have extra O2 tanks.
But at least the smoke is deflecting the heat we were supposed to be getting; it’s knocking 5-7 degrees Celsius off the Vancouver temperature, so we’re nowhere near as hot as Seattle.
Tonight at 10:00 PM is the finale of the “Celebration of Light” explosion festival. Here’s Japan from Day 1:
Have I mentioned how much I hate fireworks? Because I fucking hate fireworks. Irrespective of never JPP-ing myself, it’s usually due to those smug little fuckers who let them off about 2:00 AM in a garage or such place. When I was a high school VP, if Halloween fell during Monday – Friday, I had to sit in the school until 11:00 PM night of to make sure the building didn’t get vandalized or catch fire. One year, one of the teachers refused to close the windows (“…because it’s stuffy”), and they aimed right for them until I got them all closed. On both floors.
To enjoy this festival, you have to mark your spot on the beach about noon. And the cops come & take all your booze, because God-fucking-forbid you want to have a drink. No problems with all the weed being smoked on the beach during the fire & smoking ban, but opening the cooler is a pour-out and a $175 fine.
I know I’ll never win that battle, so I practice avoidance as best as I can.
Sunday is the annual Gay Pride parade, which a number of my out & proud friends no longer attend due to its corporate nature & general acceptance. Oh, they’ll go to the parties, because few str8’s have the jam to attend those, so it’s more their-community-oriented. I went out for a couple of beers with them earlier this week.
I can’t remember if I told this story last year: One of my former students was a parade Grand Marshall back in 2012. Her name is Jenna Talackova.
I knew her pre- & post-op. I let her do her law presentation of the legal issues of her name change and gender reassignment with government agencies.
Fun fact: she sued the Miss Universe pageant because she won Miss Canada but was disqualified from the main pageant because she wasn’t a “naturally born female”. In a surprise reversal, the Miss Universe Organization, owned by Donald Trump, not only re-entered her; it allowed all transgender women to compete in its worldwide competition, modelling its rules after the Olympic system.
Fast-forward to 2017: they can wear bikinis & talk world peace but not fatigues & break ISIS codes. Gotcha.
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL:
- Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Ceremony – 7:00 PM | ESPN
- CFL:
- Roughriders vs. Lions – 7:00 PM | TSN
- AFL:
- Adelaide vs. Port Adelaide – 2:30 AM | TSN2
- UFC:
- UFC Fight Night – Pettis vs. Moreno, from Mexico City
- Prelims: 8:00 PM | FS1
- Main card: 10:00 PM | FS1 / TSN5
- UFC Fight Night – Pettis vs. Moreno, from Mexico City
- MLB:
- Blue Jays at Astros – 7:00 PM | Sportsnet
GO FORTH & ALCOHOL!
I think I like this one the most.
https://gfycat.com/unsurprised/dfo_quotables_8-5-2017
So is there like an over/under bet here or what?
Fuck that place.
mmm K
Sorry. Long story.
(actually not long but a story I don’t need to be telling)
((would love to have that Charger tho))
(((like before they fucked it up on the stupid fucking streets of that godforsaken piece of shit city)))
Bad memories or other putrid associations can ruin some fine things.
You have no idea my friend.
Wish I could fill you in.
(on that note, probably best for tWBS to stfu and go to bed)
Is the the place from HRTN?
It’s from the search for a goddess, at least.
I ended up getting prime rib and green chile mac and cheese instead. With a nice, dry cider. It was excellent.
Life working in an office with cubicles.
This made me LMFAO. In fact I still am.
I’m not even fucking high right now but I can’t fucking stop laughing.
Don’t be cheap; spend the extra 15 bucks.
Holy shit. My dead ex wife came back to life?
Well, this just will not do.
Was that the ax she took to your finances?
In truth, it was a hammer. And it was (attempted) to my head.
But yes, she fucked up my credit too and I only have recently gotten it completely repaired, and it wasn’t cheap.
But, the bitch is dead. I won.
No, I didn’t kill her. But would have if I could have gotten away with it.
“Your honor, just because I wanted to, doesn’t mean I did”
Ahem….
WTF INSTRUCTIONS DOES ONE NEED???????????????????
IF YOU’RE ORDERING A SEVERED HEAD, I’M PRETTY MUCH THINKING YOU ALREADY HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA OF WHY!!!!!
Sorry, I’ll stop yelling now.
smgdh
It’s scares me that I think that’s funny.
You noticed the mud on the car from driving to drop the kids off at “grandma’s house.”
“Yeah you. What time is it?”
You should see her DIAL the phone.
Modern technology has resulted in the art of labia dialing to be lost…… [sigh].
There’s always a cost for progress.
Calling it a night, I leave you with this:
Q: What did one cannibal clown say to the other at dinner?
A: Does this taste funny to you?
Thank you…please tip your waiter and drive home safely.
Just the tip?
There’s a Julian Edelman joke there somewhere.
“HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.”
Ummm, yeah…what he said.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Fixed.
GIFs of Death.
Somebody fucked up big time here, in execution at least.
Planning seems just a tad suspect as well.
Dumbfucks.
or one of them is completely in the wrong airspace.
Which, of course, would qualify as fucking up big time.
*GIFs of close to Death, got off fucking lucky.
I posted a base jumper from a radio tower who’s chute didn’t open; he was fucked up, but lived and was able to walk, eat and excrete normally, but that got moderated; cool story bro.
All this and my bear blow job images are being “moderated.”
NOBODY DIED!
I wouldn’t post a snuff-flick. This was in Wisconsin in 2013 and everyone survived from both planes with minor injuries at worst. The plane in the shot is at fault (he was trailing in the formation and he lost sight of the lead, who was beneath him). The lower aircraft landed successfully and the FG aircraft lost a wing but the pilot had a parachute.
I thought maybe United was outsourcing.
Yep, that’s what I thought it looked like. Dumbfuck forgot what his job was.
Dude below never had a clue.
Giggity.
But seriously, when you’re at the controls, stop looking at the jumpers. That’s not your job.
Dumbass.
Last guy hanging on; “Well this certainly isn’t going to work.” [lets go]
Well, you work so hard to get in position, then the field goal plane misses.
You left out something; was their baggage successfully transferred to their respective connecting flights?
Is it a bad sign when you go up in an airplane to skydive, and the pilot is also wearing a parachute?
If he’s already wearing it?
Yeah, it’s not the best.
So I guess that means if he jumps before you do would also be a bad sign.
Again, not the best.
Today, while cleaning out my dead racist grandfather’s belongings from his room at the skilled nursing facility, I discovered a U*NC hat (i know who the fucker is who gave him that and it will be left on his front porch with a note), a Boston Red Sox hat (I wish I knew who gave him that so I could beat them senseless), and a Dallas Cowboys hat (I’m hoping he stole that from another resident).
This concludes tonight’s meaningless random shit.
But wouldn’t that mean he had at least one redeeming quality/act in him?
Well, let’s assume he just never got around to throwing it away.
Damn you, yeahright, for guilting me into flossing tonight
Because they can.
Duh.
WCS is pissed at me, as usual. So this is for him…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlp9bPRRGgM
Every so often I think “Fucking MTA, why am I waiting 25 minutes for the train at 1 AM?” And then I remember that most cities don’t even have 24-hour subway systems. To which I can use a famous saying from Hermana Weaselo, “Sucks to suck.”
/Unfortunately they’re trash during rush hour where there might actually be people
PHX rolls up the sidewalks around 9 or 10 pm. At least as of 3 yrs ago, anyway. Which always surprised me.
Of course now, here in the sticks of NC, I can’t even get garbage collection. Not joking. I fucking hate it here.
Have you tried incomprehensible angry yelling? That should work.
Almost daily.
And not just regarding garbage collection.
Nice ones, Moose
How many of them can they fit in one room?
Moose will think that’s funny.
The rest of you won’t think about it long enough to realize how fucking funny that is.
Well, it would be funny if they left the shoes outside, DAMN IT!
Reading these comments, I feel like Hippo is [dfo]’s John B Macklemore.
Sorry, I just had to:
And today’s tone deaf award goes to…
I’m not saying I agree, but there’s still some humor there.
Yeah, fucking hilarious.
They don’t sever it, they invert it into a vagina.
Part 2:
Hot Arab woman texted me to let me know I could enter the man cave. I secretly hoped it was her. She guided me to the rear and when I finished, she told me to sit on a chair. I sat down and she put a hot towel over my eyes. She walked away and it was silent.
About a minute later, a man came and massaged my face. Reciprocity, I assumed. He too placed a towel over my face and let out a grunt. That’s when he released his creamy, but oddly pleasant smelling cream over my face. At this point, I had to restrain myself as I was still thinking about my “Jappy Birthday” typo 15 minutes earlier. I might as well have been a cream pie at the grocery store. After a lengthy time, I do not know how much time had passed, he cleaned me up and even did my hair. It was a service I had paid before, but never had a man done that to me. I did not care for it.
The Penthouse Forum isn’t what it used to be.
TL/DR: I went to a barber shop called Man Cave and got a haircut and a shave. It was OK. TBH, having your hair and getting a shave done by not an attractive woman isn’t nearly as good as when an attractive woman does that for you.
Fin
That reminds me.
I need to shave my nutsack. Someone other than me might eventually see it again.
Sorry, just thinking out loud.
😛
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp-EO5I60KA
(shut up litre)
((jerk))
Jerral’s HOF initiation after-party.
/once peppered a model mercilessly
//didn’t get convicted
Okem dokem…gotta go eat and beat the shit out of my niece….errrrrr, make my niece go to bed…yeah.
That’s an odd euphemism
If only.
Little shit turned 12 this week so now thinks she’s an adult. It’s not going well.
Is that what the hornet/wasp spray is for?
Hahaha….no. But that gives me an idea.
My professional skills are working with children. I never said my methods were…normal.
I am so sorry.
Not as sorry as me.
Or as sorry as she’s about to be.
Lizards. People. Lizard people.
Would happily be the meat in this sandwich even if it killed me.
Which is likely.
Boop!
The rules of croquet seem different in Japan
She does that in a bowling alley, then I’ll be impressed.
Gives new meaning to 7-10 split tho.
“There might be some slight delays on Route 9.”
This wasn’t the view I paid for. I’m suing the fuck out of the realtor.
“Get the fuck offa my driveway!”
HONEY!!!!! GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS!!!!
GOOD NEWS, YOUR COMMUTE JUST GOT SHORTER.
This isn’t where I parked my house.
Have moved myself to the basement. No booze but have vapoUrizer, pug, baby asleep, st. Kilda game on comp and u guys. Is this the epitome of ‘safe’ place
The cellar isn’t in the cellar? Interesting. Maybe! What a country!
Oh it is. I think he has written down all 300 bottles. Imma just gunna get real stoned and hide.
Then fake an injury? Or did I waste my time giving you the bestest solution for nothing?
TURNED THE BAD ANKLE AGAIN!
With the shot waist-up and the big belt on…this makes her look like a vicious midget.
/this is totes fine.
I had the same thought!
SHE IS A VICIOUS MIDGET HAVE YOU PEOPLE NOT BEEN LISTENING I’M GETTING ABUSED DAILY PLEASE CALL THE POLICE NO WAIT I KINDA LIKE IT NO I REALLY LIKE IT I’M SO HAPPY SHE’S BACK BUT OUCH THAT HURT….SO GOOD.
I have some questions.
Is “some” code for all?
I realize jazz/blues isn’t for everyone, but this is fucking incredible if you appreciate the trumpet/cornet. No Shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__OSyznVDOY
Other brass/woodwinds too, but about halfway thru is some amazing trumpet.
Mingus is one of my all time favorites.
Got to see Spyro Gyra a few years back at a benefit concert, sat about 15ft from the stage. Not my first choice of musical genres, but the musicianship was like nothing I’ve ever seen/heard before.
It’s not my go to usually either. But every now and again I’m just in the mood for it.
Always crave heroin tho.
I’ve said too much.
Yep, ya done fucked up. You know who you are and you shoulda knowed bettah….
/is 98.9% it isn’t him for once.
//99.5% of the time it is.
Nice kerchief
WTF, the guy who I replied to deleted his comment so mine just stands out now.