Your “Second Verse – Same As The First!” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • In a harbinger of what this season might look like, Alex Smith’s agent is already talking about where he might end up next year.
    • “Alex is the present, and as good a football player as he is, he’s going to have opportunities whether it’s in Kansas City or someplace else.”
  • The Seahawks are going to pay Justin Britt…$9 million a season?
    • They do know Russell is getting killed on the outside, right?
    • Well, what Russell wants, Russell gets I s’pose.
  • Since they are never going to play in the Super Bowl, the Browns figure hosting the draft is a much-more attainable option. So, they have applied to host it in 2019 or 2020.
    • Laughably, they’ve added the Hall of Fame to the bid as a site in order to make “Cleveland” seem attractive.
  • It’s getting ugly between the League & the NFLPA over the Ezekiel Elliott appeal.
    • The League is threatening the union over alleged “victim (“slut”) shaming” in advance of the appeal of Zeke’s suspension.
    • PFT, meanwhile, is trying to tie the Josh Brown domestic violence suspension into all this. Why?
      • The League originally suspended him six games, but reduced it prior to appeal based on “mitigating factors”.
      • Harold Henderson, the arbiter, also was the arbitrator during the Gordon appeal.

Now, last night, I previewed (quite well, mind you) the wrong game. So I rechecked the schedule on the nfl.com website. Have a gander at this:

They highlight the Bills – Eagles, yet if you squint, the actually-broadcast game will be the Bucs – Jags. So, some quality fan service by the folks at nfl.com.

 


Game preview: Bucs at Jags.

Oh man, is this shit sad. Both SB Nation sites read like first drafts of suicide notes.

Tampa’s issues are playing out on “Hard Knocks”, and while I refuse to shell out for HBO Canada – “HBO Canada: we call ourselves HBO, but don’t carry all of the programs. Canada!” – I can watch clips on nfl.com and Youtube, and boy is that awkward. Seeing Roberto Aguayo waiting to get axed was awful; it’s like knowing you’re going to get dumped by the best girl you’ll ever get, and dreading each ring of the phone. Their SBNation site – Bucs Nation – has the analysis from a “you poor bastard” perspective. But don’t fear, they also have analysis of how management has gotten them to this point, and how they have a star QB but nothing else to go with it. If an NFL website is all kicker all the time, that’s not good.

The Jags website – Big Cat Country – has clearly given up on the Blake Bortles experiment:

To sum up both teams, here’s video of a fight at their joint practice, courtesy Pewter Report:

Otherwise, ESPN has you covered, since they’re broadcasting the game.


Tonight’s sports:

  • Football:
    • NFL:
      • Bucs at Jags – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • CFL:
      • Eskimos at Blue Bombers – 8:30PM | TSN
  • Baseball:
    • Little League World Series:
      • Southwest vs. Great Lakes – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • MLB:
      • Yankees at Mets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet

kd lang was excellent last night. Voice still has all the power. I recommend all Canadians take a ladyfriend to the show, as she will thank you for it. Plus, you might get an added attraction we got – DRUNKEN LESBIAN BRAWL!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

Strange… my cat just hissed at the screen.

blaxabbath

Will KC really let Smith walk? I mean, we all rip on his checkdownness but, with the right RB and D, he’s the guy to game manage a team to a SB.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fun fact you might not know: Elvis Dumervil’s middle name is “Kool”.
Like no shit, that’s his REAL middle name.

Unsurprised

After the cigarette or the drink?

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Brick Meathook

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

So, I know that I’m late to the party and that you shouldn’t expect much from preseason football, but holy shit, that Jags vs Bucs game! Two missed extra points plus that safety. Did the teams acquire the Keystone Cops in Free Agency while I wasn’t looking?

WCS

I think they acquired Keystone Light before the game.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I now imagine Nick Folk announcing his presence ala Steve Holt!

Unsurprised

Oh, swell. Plaxico Burress is now a coaching intern for Bruce Arians– He’s a real shoot at the hip guy.

http://www.nj.com/giants/index.ssf/2017/07/ex-giants_wideout_plaxico_burress_trying_his_hand.html

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Never thought I’d have an opportunity to share this, but if you can spare 73 seconds of your time, it’s worth a watch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpgL5kuBpMA

Unsurprised

Wow. This was a stupid, but inevitable, throw from rocket surgeon Jameis Winston.

https://streamable.com/q1z3v

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL at “rocket surgeon”.

That was good.

Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

The odd thing is, the male robot is on the bottom.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

USBpegging.

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Howdy folks.
I’m in a good mood for a change.

Even JSD’s continued pattern of racism isn’t gonna get to me tonight.

(but don’t think I didn’t see it…and don’t think I don’t realize that if I said the same types of things in the other direction I would have been banned a long time ago)

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO, no one is coming anywhere near this comment.

Unsurprised

I was going to do something, anything. Now I’m just broken. And now I want cake. Fucking fuck.

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WCS

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Croooow

I’ll take it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Croooow

Hopefully a Safety happens.

WCS

Well… sort of.

scotchnaut

Are you a warlock?

WCS

Is this abomination still going on?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Kids come up with some weird ways to get drunk these days.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

I refuse to believe they had the money to afford a green screen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Paper was cheaper than the roof.

Brick Meathook

They not only had real green-screens, “The Room” might very well have been the first movie to be shot simultaneously in 2K digital AND 35mm film. Some serious money went into it, which is why it is so extra awful.

scotchnaut

Jax goes blorp!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Marquez Williams was out of bounds.

scotchnaut

Gruden pouring gas on the Bortles/Henne dumpster fire.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think that’s one too many Street Fighter movies

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gay agenda,

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see I made the right decision to go for a walk in lieu of watching preseason football this evening

Unsurprised

God hates us

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Croooow

Shanklor hates Tampa Bay.

Unsurprised

Finally.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Let’s go with this for the time being.

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Unsurprised

https://gfycat.com/@unsurprised/quotables_2017_preseason_week_2

Fitzpatrick sucks so badly gfycat doesn’t want to process the gif of him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Eat away the pain.

scotchnaut

Starting RB (and injury-prone) Chris Ivory playing in the second half?

scotchnaut

Whoopsie! Fournette should be the starter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Croooow

I’ll just assume Deuce Gruden played Lacrosse in college.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Why would anyone do this?

scotchnaut

Deuce Gruden looks bro-tastic.

King Hippo

They were both butt-ugly, but the other one at least seemed normal,

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

He named his child Deuce??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

So somehow the Dolphins third string qb has shittier arm tattoos than the second string.

I’m picking up on a theme here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I wonder why @NFL isn’t posting any TBvsJAX gifs.

JustStopDude

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scotchnaut

Ryan “He Went To Harvard” Fitzpatrick is in the game.

Croooow

I wonder if Antonio “He Played Basketball!” Gates is watching?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe he knows someone from Detroit….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
WCS

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King Hippo

All great parents, man…

When that Yinzburgh rain gon let up?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

So I guess its safe to say the Dolphins don’t have a lot of depth at…all the positions.

King Hippo

$10M to pry a cat off the litterbox was a pretty good hint

Croooow

It’s so obvious that McDonough can’t barely stand Gruden.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

So that’s how you finally kill off Freddy Krueger.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No one else finds terrified children hilarious? Think of the nightmares, people!

Unsurprised

Any bon mots from that Bills fumble?

JustStopDude

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This gif brought to you by the “Friends of Dan Snyder”

JustStopDude

“These are automatic. Just give it to him”

-Miami announcing team on an extra point attempt that Tucker fell down. He made it but god it was ugly.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

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Gratliff

Love me some David Starr. He might have the worst tattoo I’ve ever seen, but he doesn’t take shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HofKEmvGel0

JustStopDude

It should be an automatic suspension of the entire coaching staff to through a challenge flag in the preseason.

Redshirt

Actually, I heard once an official asked a team to throw a challenge flag so the officials could practice reviewing a play.

Football scholars consider this moment the Conception of BLEERGH.

Senor Weaselo

Lovie Smith challenges this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

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WCS

Good boy.

JustStopDude

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Redshirt

Me: “Yeah, I’m getting a hotel room so I can see the Total Eclipse. It’ll be nice to get away for a few days and have a little vacation.”
Coworker: “Sounds good. I’m sure you and your family will love it.”
Me: “Family?”