Request Line: Adversaries

EXT. RADIO STATION PARKING LOT – DAY

A vehicle pulls into the lot and screeches to a stop.  The PRODUCER emerges in a hurry, first dropping his keys and then hustling towards the front door.

PRODUCER: Shit…shit…shit…

Cut to…

INT. RADIO STATION LOBBY – DAY

The PRODUCER races through the front door and streaks across the lobby.

RECEPTIONIST: Oh, hey, you’re here, Connor said…

PRODUCER: [ignoring her as he races through] …shit…shit…shit…

Cut to…

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

CONNOR, THE INTERN: …and we’ll be live in ten…nine…

The PRODUCER bursts in and slides in front of the external microphone, bumping CONNOR out of the seat.

PRODUCER: I’m here I’m here I’m here…

CONNOR, THE INTERN: Okay, great, but…

REQUEST LINE: [goes live]

PRODUCER: Good afternoon, and welcome to another edition of Request Line! With me here to take your requests is our very special guest Eze…um…[looks inside recording booth]…well why don’t I let him introduce himself to you.

NED EHRLICH: Hi.  I’m Ned Ehrlich, Esquire.  I’m representing Ezekiel Elliott in the matters pertaining his involvement in the NFL’s disciplinary process.

PRODUCER: So…

NED EHRLICH: I’ll also be representing him here.

PRODUCER: Ah.

A moment of dead air passes.

PRODUCER: So…I understand he was suspended for six games?

NED EHRLICH: At this time, that’s the sentence Roger Goodell has imposed.  We’re in the process of appealing that.

PRODUCER: To Roger Goodell.

NED EHRLICH: [Smiles wryly] Yes, that’s right.

PRODUCER: So what makes you think the result of appeal will be any different that the original finding?

NED EHRLICH: Well, as you know the appeal process can be somewhat arbitrary. But we’re presenting some additional evidence to the NFL that we believe shows some mitigating circumstances to the behavior that my client is alleged to have engaged in.

PRODUCER: Such as…

NED EHRLICH: Such as the fact that my client’s accuser engaged in a plot to blackmail him.

PRODUCER: So you’re saying that what he d…[catches himself]…allegedly did was justified by this?

NED EHRLICH: What I’m saying is that there’s blame on both sides. Let’s face it, we weren’t there. We don’t know who hit who first.

PRODUCER: Yes, but…

NED EHRLICH: Is Ezekiel Elliott not allowed to defend himself if he’s attacked?

PRODUCER: Well, you’re the lawyer. But I’m not sure that it’s a legal issue. It’s moral one. Just because you have a right to do something doesn’t mean it’s acceptable or should be tolerated by either his employer or society in general*.

NED EHRLICH: What, you want him to just run away from trouble?

PRODUCER: I mean, as an NFL running back that’s kind of his job.

NED EHRLICH: Listen, I don’t want this radio interview to be an adversarial process any more than I want the NFL appeals process to be one.  Let’s just get to the requests.  Hi folks! I’m your host and the theme for today is: adversaries! Give me a shout and let’s hash this all out.  I’ll get us started with one that reminds my Corporate Law class back at Duquesne University, and that time in 1989 when I bet big on the Cavaliers. F-you, Jordan!

Editor’s Note: Today’s theme is “enemies”.  I hope it doesn’t need more explanation than that, but a reminder: this means songs about enemies, not songs by people you personally consider to be an enemy the way I consider Lenny Kravitz to be a mortal enemy of good musical taste and originality in general.  In order to post videos so they will show up in comments, you don’t have to mess around with embed codes or anything, just post plain links as such: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRkkVrlvgkc”.  When you hit refresh it should show up as embedded and you can rock out at your  leisure.

*To spell it out, this is a reference to Nazis.  They absolutely have a first-amendment right to march and express their opinions in a peaceable fashion.  The rest of our society has a similar right (and an obligation, in my opinion) to tell them to go fuck themselves and their hateful ideology in no uncertain terms. 

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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JerBear50
JerBear50

Remember three imperials ago when I was only approaching drunk?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhZydBHfmgs

JerBear50
JerBear50
JerBear50
JerBear50

This should be included in my chain below, but it deserves it’s own spot, especially considering this past week. If you’ve never heard this, please give it a listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY0qOCUy27Q

JerBear50

I know… shocking that I’m posting DBT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIsZrg2wGms

JerBear50

Sorry Rikki. I’m on here on a night off for once, I’m approaching drunk and I got kinda/sorta dumped yesterday, I’m about to pile onto your playlist. I think you might have picked the wrong theme for this week, AIDS counts as an adversary, right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INHrzNtzTi4

JerBear50
JerBear50

Enough Patterson, Cooley time. I’m pretty fucking sure women and the bottle are adversaries for quite a few of us here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTJGO6h-86E

JerBear50

Further proof that southern music doesn’t have to rely on hack stereotypes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lshZvJ3XSgY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, let’s get some real fire. The feud that pitted two entire coasts against each other and destroyed the Silver Age of Hip-Hop (Golden Age was Eric B & Rakim in the 80s).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41qC3w3UUkU

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Unsurprised
JerBear50

Long as we’re on the subject…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLdjZSeZyYQ

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is my favorite Fury Road track.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8rfPZeUmlc

Unsurprised

I wish I was a Browns fan.

Fuck the Washington Football Team and its fans. The Browns don’t deserve this shit bag.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qzacv8dtb4

Duchess
JerBear50
SonOfSpam

I want this played at my funeral in a fancy church.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hk41Gbjljfo

King Hippo

oh, now we talkin’

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, we really are some angry sumbitches.
I’m worried for us.

Gratliff

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Unsurprised

This is how we vent so we don’t murder Nazis in the streets.

Yet.

SonOfSpam

Thatcher was not beloved by Elvis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9t4-zDem1Sk

SonOfSpam

FUCK YOU THATCHER DOUBLE SHOT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfhxJiE38sE

Duchess
NATO Pats Fan

Going into the WayBack machine for this one, Ballad of the Green Berets

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5WJJVSE_BE

Gratliff

A favorite of late 90’s infomercials everywhere

BrettFavresColonoscopy
JerBear50
King Hippo

Here’s the good Dre and Snoop days “EZE can eat a big fat…dick!!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj4GuRqhNBo

SonOfSpam

I wore out this cassette in my car. White kid wearing a suit to work every day. In Orange County.

What I’m saying is, I fought through oppression.

King Hippo

I hear ya, brothaman!!

/remember, Big Black Richard…vouch FOAR us

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why yes, I am pretty proud of this one….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-voeq7Cebo

theeWeeBabySeamus
Gratliff

Last one before I give everyone else a chance 😡
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86URGgqONvA

Gratliff

What a fucking video on this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwkGatmflbw

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, I’ll show myself out after this one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGFHh8BK15g

King Hippo

YOU ARE BAD AND SHOULD FEEL BAD.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I love you, too

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We might as well use this every week until they get the fucking message

Gratliff

I have, hoo boy, quite the list of enemy-based songs. So many grudges, so little time.

King Hippo

I like the cut of your jib, good sir!

/no homo

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This song is terrible but fits the theme:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZvBIgEPLrA

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Eh, it’s better than every song on their previous album.

DOUBLE SHOT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kPM6B7UqBw

Unsurprised

I love that Trent wrote a fucking diss track shitting on Fred Durst and all those Nu Metal dicks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F89zmxC2yIg

Unsurprised

NIN’s George W Bush diss track

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwhBRJStz7w

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Might as well make it a TRIPLE since Hippo is already mad at me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sIVFreXEoc

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s enough for now I guess.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdOEsVQKMuc

BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Of course, that song just reminds me of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awvZZ3eSsg4

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oooopsie. Did a quick run thru before posting those, but missed that one.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

YEAH! DAVE COULIER IS THE ENEMY! CUT! IT! OUT!