EXT. RADIO STATION PARKING LOT – DAY
A vehicle pulls into the lot and screeches to a stop. The PRODUCER emerges in a hurry, first dropping his keys and then hustling towards the front door.
PRODUCER: Shit…shit…shit…
Cut to…
INT. RADIO STATION LOBBY – DAY
The PRODUCER races through the front door and streaks across the lobby.
RECEPTIONIST: Oh, hey, you’re here, Connor said…
PRODUCER: [ignoring her as he races through] …shit…shit…shit…
Cut to…
INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
CONNOR, THE INTERN: …and we’ll be live in ten…nine…
The PRODUCER bursts in and slides in front of the external microphone, bumping CONNOR out of the seat.
PRODUCER: I’m here I’m here I’m here…
CONNOR, THE INTERN: Okay, great, but…
REQUEST LINE: [goes live]
PRODUCER: Good afternoon, and welcome to another edition of Request Line! With me here to take your requests is our very special guest Eze…um…[looks inside recording booth]…well why don’t I let him introduce himself to you.
NED EHRLICH: Hi. I’m Ned Ehrlich, Esquire. I’m representing Ezekiel Elliott in the matters pertaining his involvement in the NFL’s disciplinary process.
PRODUCER: So…
NED EHRLICH: I’ll also be representing him here.
PRODUCER: Ah.
A moment of dead air passes.
PRODUCER: So…I understand he was suspended for six games?
NED EHRLICH: At this time, that’s the sentence Roger Goodell has imposed. We’re in the process of appealing that.
PRODUCER: To Roger Goodell.
NED EHRLICH: [Smiles wryly] Yes, that’s right.
PRODUCER: So what makes you think the result of appeal will be any different that the original finding?
NED EHRLICH: Well, as you know the appeal process can be somewhat arbitrary. But we’re presenting some additional evidence to the NFL that we believe shows some mitigating circumstances to the behavior that my client is alleged to have engaged in.
PRODUCER: Such as…
NED EHRLICH: Such as the fact that my client’s accuser engaged in a plot to blackmail him.
PRODUCER: So you’re saying that what he d…[catches himself]…allegedly did was justified by this?
NED EHRLICH: What I’m saying is that there’s blame on both sides. Let’s face it, we weren’t there. We don’t know who hit who first.
PRODUCER: Yes, but…
NED EHRLICH: Is Ezekiel Elliott not allowed to defend himself if he’s attacked?
PRODUCER: Well, you’re the lawyer. But I’m not sure that it’s a legal issue. It’s moral one. Just because you have a right to do something doesn’t mean it’s acceptable or should be tolerated by either his employer or society in general*.
NED EHRLICH: What, you want him to just run away from trouble?
PRODUCER: I mean, as an NFL running back that’s kind of his job.
NED EHRLICH: Listen, I don’t want this radio interview to be an adversarial process any more than I want the NFL appeals process to be one. Let’s just get to the requests. Hi folks! I’m your host and the theme for today is: adversaries! Give me a shout and let’s hash this all out. I’ll get us started with one that reminds my Corporate Law class back at Duquesne University, and that time in 1989 when I bet big on the Cavaliers. F-you, Jordan!
Editor’s Note: Today’s theme is “enemies”. I hope it doesn’t need more explanation than that, but a reminder: this means songs about enemies, not songs by people you personally consider to be an enemy the way I consider Lenny Kravitz to be a mortal enemy of good musical taste and originality in general. In order to post videos so they will show up in comments, you don’t have to mess around with embed codes or anything, just post plain links as such: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRkkVrlvgkc”. When you hit refresh it should show up as embedded and you can rock out at your leisure.
*To spell it out, this is a reference to Nazis. They absolutely have a first-amendment right to march and express their opinions in a peaceable fashion. The rest of our society has a similar right (and an obligation, in my opinion) to tell them to go fuck themselves and their hateful ideology in no uncertain terms.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMvjfBdeiKw
Remember three imperials ago when I was only approaching drunk?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhZydBHfmgs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slORVlzldz4
KTFO LOL not included.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-HF_QCNNtM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6JnQbQbzdo
This should be included in my chain below, but it deserves it’s own spot, especially considering this past week. If you’ve never heard this, please give it a listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY0qOCUy27Q
I know… shocking that I’m posting DBT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIsZrg2wGms
Sorry Rikki. I’m on here on a night off for once, I’m approaching drunk and I got kinda/sorta dumped yesterday, I’m about to pile onto your playlist. I think you might have picked the wrong theme for this week, AIDS counts as an adversary, right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INHrzNtzTi4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtAS7LReYg8
Enough Patterson, Cooley time. I’m pretty fucking sure women and the bottle are adversaries for quite a few of us here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTJGO6h-86E
Further proof that southern music doesn’t have to rely on hack stereotypes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lshZvJ3XSgY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F29Ky5ncefQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RN54Ko5R6hs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmAHpxrrpIw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMf7WyKwHbw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXe_RHF5JYU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_q5zNHNIewg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM
Oh, let’s get some real fire. The feud that pitted two entire coasts against each other and destroyed the Silver Age of Hip-Hop (Golden Age was Eric B & Rakim in the 80s).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41qC3w3UUkU
Biggie 4 Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7yQwQtSN7M
Seems appropriate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94bNyh6BBB0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvRc7pwnt0U
Long as we’re on the subject…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLdjZSeZyYQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAC-o5yCpKk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQLAVDB9dsI
This is my favorite Fury Road track.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8rfPZeUmlc
Fuck the Washington Football Team and its fans. The Browns don’t deserve this shit bag.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qzacv8dtb4
This seems fitting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVRxdPWV3RM
Double down on the Neil.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QGMz9beIL0
I want this played at my funeral in a fancy church.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hk41Gbjljfo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMOeTLLeaDU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5gRIud57jQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjUIiXd_BcQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP0OaUOQGCg
oh, now we talkin’
Wow, we really are some angry sumbitches.
I’m worried for us.
This is how we vent so we don’t murder Nazis in the streets.
…
Yet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxUATkpMQ8A
Thatcher was not beloved by Elvis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9t4-zDem1Sk
FUCK YOU THATCHER DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfhxJiE38sE
Morrissey wants to get in on this action. From the aptly titled “Viva Hate”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsq3H_6XuFA
Point-CounterPoint
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAu1izfxE7o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2s8yGMEbSs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGGO9nPO0Po
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cSZ3Vsugso
Going into the WayBack machine for this one, Ballad of the Green Berets
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5WJJVSE_BE
A favorite of late 90’s infomercials everywhere
Quasi-relatedish. MAYBE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQhyWv-PeVE&
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT6NRc37T_8
Here’s the good Dre and Snoop days “EZE can eat a big fat…dick!!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj4GuRqhNBo
I wore out this cassette in my car. White kid wearing a suit to work every day. In Orange County.
What I’m saying is, I fought through oppression.
I hear ya, brothaman!!
/remember, Big Black Richard…vouch FOAR us
Why yes, I am pretty proud of this one….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-voeq7Cebo
And now it’s a double.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGZgG8Ub8k4
Last one before I give everyone else a chance 😡
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86URGgqONvA
What a fucking video on this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwkGatmflbw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiMaOmDtaYI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji9NPW3mi8o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGH7ab_WV80
Yeah, I’ll show myself out after this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGFHh8BK15g
YOU ARE BAD AND SHOULD FEEL BAD.
I love you, too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MkRuV0aCcI
We might as well use this every week until they get the fucking message
I have, hoo boy, quite the list of enemy-based songs. So many grudges, so little time.
I like the cut of your jib, good sir!
/no homo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-6QqBP1Oio
This song is terrible but fits the theme:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZvBIgEPLrA
Eh, it’s better than every song on their previous album.
DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kPM6B7UqBw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj2v1vfp5v8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBfTk6Unddk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfjiDsYkZug
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04F4xlWSFh0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PL72Tyxe1rc
I love that Trent wrote a fucking diss track shitting on Fred Durst and all those Nu Metal dicks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F89zmxC2yIg
NIN’s George W Bush diss track
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwhBRJStz7w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL1B_r9nC9k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27d138zhyZQ
Might as well make it a TRIPLE since Hippo is already mad at me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sIVFreXEoc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr-ahiFDkts
That’s enough for now I guess.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdOEsVQKMuc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUkGIsKvn0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBecM3CQVD8
DOUBLE up the Stones:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUO8ScYVeDo
Of course, that song just reminds me of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awvZZ3eSsg4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1_IzVZ0Le8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PaoLy7PHwk
Spam beat you to it:
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2017/08/18/request-line-adversaries/comment-page-2/#comment-374307
Oooopsie. Did a quick run thru before posting those, but missed that one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPcyTyilmYY
YEAH! DAVE COULIER IS THE ENEMY! CUT! IT! OUT!