Your “Bortles Has Vanquished All Opposition” Saturday Evening Football Open Thread

Blake was down for the count. We saw it. He was never gonna get back up. Not against The Smirkinator. But lo and behold, he put up some adequate numbers against a second-team D on Thursday night and that was all the Jags braintrust needed to see to make their decision. He’s the starter for week one. Some famous ex-lovers will always have Paris but Bortles will always have the first start of the 2017 season. Week three however… TO THE GAMES!

Ari/Atl: Rb Freeman is out with concussion concerns but Julio is expected to get in a few plays. The Falcons are hoping that te Hooper can be a presence in the passing game this year but with all the talent at wr the tight end spot was targeted only 77 times all last year. I’m betting Atlanta’s first team puts a raft of points up on the board that the 2nd team can safely surf on. It’s not as though Arians is going to play rb Johnson that much.

Buf/Bal: Brandon Beane has got himself a set of balls. Watkins and Darby are gone for draft picks and the universal sentiment seems to be that qb Taylor won’t be around after this year. This GM has got maybe two drafts to prove himself before the next phase of rebuilding begins anew. Bills headquarters is now located at Square One.

NYJ/NYG: What is it with all these alliterative tilts? The Giants grabbed the coveted home-field advantage against their abused little brother. The Jets may not be the league’s worst team/organization but give them credit-they’re always in the conversation.

Ind/Pit: Scribes that follow the Colts feel that qb Luck is nowhere near ready for wk. 1. So he should be comforted by the fact that his inevitable rash of lingering injuries wrought by his tin can O-line has been put off for a bit. Just like I said last year, this is rb Gore’s last year.

Cle/TB: Starting rook qb Kizer has been watching quite a bit of film to prepare himself for the season. He’s quoted as saying, “I’ve picked up quite a few pointers from Mr. Neeson in The Grey as to how one should conduct oneself when thrown to the wolves.”

Oak/Dal: The Cowboys front office is jizzing themselves over UDFA rook qb Cooper Rush from Central Michigan. Yes, he’s as white as the day is long.

LA/LA: In (another) move that has angered what’s left of the Chargers fan base, the team has fired 2009 Equipment Manager of the Year Bob Wick. He’d started out as a ball boy way back in ’79. The last thing this team needs is more drama.

Hou/NO: We get our first ‘who dat’ at AP in gold and black today. Seems to me that signing with a dome team that is dedicated to the pass game was good thinking on his part. (looking at that last sentence over again, I’m not sure if I’m being sarcastic or not)

GB/Den: The Packers D-line has been looking solid so far so that bodes well for the team going into the regular season. The not-rook sensation McCaffrey that goes by the name of Max is trying to make the Green Bay squad as a wr.

Let’s do this, shall we?