Your “The Football Crowd Is Going To Give Me A Boot” Saturday Evening Open Thread

 

So, based on reading this, 4:00 Eastern was the deadline when clubs must reduce rosters to a maximum of 53 players on the Active/Inactive List, retain contracts for practice squad eligibility, plus declare their PUP players. Then the cuts & trades can commence. From that time until noon the next day, all cut players are eligible for waiver pickup. At 1:00 PM Sunday, teams can name their practice squads. All player contracts must be submitted to the League office by 4:00PM on September 6th.

Enough babble – to the drinking & sports!


Tonight’s contests:

  • Football:
    • NCAA:
      • Louisville vs. Purdue – 7:30PM | FOX
      • South Alabama at Mississippi – 7:30PM | ESPNU
      • Florida State vs. Alabama – 8:00PM | ABC / TSN3
      • BYU vs. LSU – 9:30Pm | ESPN / TSN
      • Montana State at Washington State – 10:30PM | FS1
  • Baseball:
    • Angels at Rangers – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet

Be good, my children, for we are but a week away from SUNDAY FOOTBALL!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Mr. Ayo

I’m glad Fox focused on her best traits.

King Hippo

Fox gon’ Fox

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

What the fuck. No fucking nudity in a movie with Kate Upton and Alexandra Daddario directed by William H. Macy? Who do I have to kill? Just give me one name.

King Hippo

DOOPY PANTZ got cut??

King Hippo

Stormin’ Mormons have yet to cross midfield

Unsurprised

Good

King Hippo

but they only need 4 TDs in the last 8 minutes to take the lead!

Mr. Ayo

That would seriously cut into their mission time.

Spur

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King Hippo

hypnotic

Horatio Cornblower

I have a recurring dream, (dry), in which I go into some nameless bar that’s kind of a dive. Sometimes it’s open, sometimes it’s been closed. When it’s open there’s a great band playing and a really good vibe. No idea who the band is, or for that matter where exactly the bar is. When it’s closed I wander around looking for the stage and thinking how cool the place was.

Now I’m not one to interpret dreams but clearly this one means that I’m meant to win Powerball and open a semi-dive bar that showcases great rock and/or roll bands and by God and by damn I intend to do so. And when I do a) none of you have to pay the cover and b) this is the first song off the jukebox unless I can get the actual band to show up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzqmVa6n-es

Unsurprised

The DFO Clubhouse

Horatio Cornblower

No shit if that Powerball fantasy happens I’m naming the goddamn bar Door Flies Open.

Unsurprised

We should start a DFO multistate lawfirm. I can handle west coast biz. Y’all got the east coast and midwest covered. We meet annually in …

Wichita?

Mr. Ayo

Cool! But, I’m busy that night. Maybe another time!

King Hippo

but I thought all dreams meant u were a repressed homo ,, no ofence

Horatio Cornblower

Oh I’m not repress…wait a minute.

Unsurprised

The best part of Gangs of New York is definitely the riot montage in the third act when the rioters actually manage to attack the rich, who get a taste of justice for once in the history of this stupid country.

Oh, and also Cameron Diaz getting punched in the face.

King Hippo

BLOOD FOAR THE BLOOD GODS

Horatio Cornblower

The worst part is every single scene with Cameron Diaz.

Unsurprised
King Hippo

2 shots from the NE 11, 9 seconds left

Spur

Both plays ARK had player with their hands on the ball

King Hippo

yup

Mr. Ayo

Lance is there? NTTAWWT

King Hippo

Arky State within a TD of NE, got the onside kick

Spur

here we go

Unsurprised

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Mr. Ayo

Post op?

Unsurprised

Nah. My boobs are already bigger than that.

Spur

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Spur

If i haven’t said it. i’ve missed y’all

King Hippo

Thanks for NAWT drowning DAK DAK DAK DAK

WCS

The anniversary of my first lap around the sun is on Monday. I can think of no greater present than WVU beating those fuckheads from Blacksburg tomorrow night.

Mr. Ayo

You’re younger than I thought.

WCS

I’m told I hide it well.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I almost was one of those fuckheads from Blacksburg, Sir!!!!!
Well, it was more likely I’d be a fuckhead from Athens or Ithaca. Then I fucked up and chose Raleigh.

Shit now I’m depressed again.

WCS

Well, you can piss off, too, sir.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And after I led TGISF with a ‘Neer cheerleader this week.
Why I’ve never been so insulted.

Well, at least not in the past 7 hours.

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

See now Senor’s penis and GI tract can explode simultaneously.

Senor Weaselo

Which one would I miss more? …Don’t answer that.

Unsurprised

Worth it.

Horatio Cornblower
Unsurprised

I don’t get high, but I’ve been meaning to look into CBD, and also I have been listening to Ozzy all day.

I need to download some mp3s because Spotify doesn’t have an equalizer and I can’t get any of its versions of War Pigs to sound as good as it did on my freshman roommate’s shitty stereo, when he used to play Ozzy and Sabbath on repeat while we killed each other for hours in Goldeneye PvP.

Holy fuck, that was 20 years ago.

Spur

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Unsurprised

Damn. That’s a reaction shot I could die happy seeing just once in my life.

Horatio Cornblower

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSVd8szH7Qk

Fuck it, I’m just going to YouTube my iPod

Horatio Cornblower

NESN is showing Dirty Water TV, a show advertising various Boston area bars and they’re showing some Miss Cape Cod bikini contest and it is as fahckin’ terrifahin’ as you would think.

King Hippo

Methinks access to NESN would make me go full Unabomber

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy hell yes. I’d almost not bang Heidi Watney because she used to work for those douchebags.
Almost being the key word.
/would totally bang Heidi Watney

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Pedroia…maybe wear lifts next time. LMFAO
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Mr. Ayo

Is that a cup or is he just happy to see her?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes.

Mr. Ayo

I’ve looked up more porn actresses tonite…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Than…..?
This seems like an incomplete thought/sentence.

Mr. Ayo

Blood flow is not evenly distributed currently.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So are you veering right? Or left?
Perhaps I’m misunderstanding.

Mr. Ayo

The primary issue is more vertical. But left if you must know.

Unsurprised

The M. Ayo penis is a communist.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m impressed. Horizontal is my best bet these days.

Horatio Cornblower

“Oh you!” says Heidi, flirting right back at tWBS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

There she is. Why hello Heidi. Allow me to introduce myself…
/falls down
//looks up skirt

theeWeeBabySeamus

///gets kicked in nuts

Worth it.

Mr. Ayo

Why haven’t we done an Erotic Fan Fiction of seamus?

Unsurprised

I never did read the one they did of me. Just swap the names.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Because he writes ’em and he’s not that stupid.
The goddess saga is the erotic fan fic for tWBS and balls….and we control the output. Giggity.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But the 2nd “chapter” is underway and it is more goddessy this time around. I even get naked in a hot tub with Leticia and….well, you have that to look forward to.

Balls handcuffs the goddess and….well….you’ll just have to wait.

Horatio Cornblower

Those killjoys in Legal keep stopping it, damn their oily hides.

Unsurprised

Damn lawyers.

Spur

Arizona making NAU look like a P5 school

Unsurprised

They should have a doctor look at that.

Unsurprised

Seriously, though. Ted Cruz, TED MOTHERFUCKING CRUZ, has fucked. What in God’s name ever made me think that I never could?

King Hippo

I think you meant “Ted Cruz’ gardener”

Unsurprised

Point being

Senor Weaselo

*types out an answer*…Oh wait, that was rhetorical, wasn’t it. *deletes said answer*

Unsurprised

I’ve explained it plenty, but the tl;dr is that I’m an idiot.

Unsurprised

I bet this Charlie Kelly is also an illiterate, rat-killing moron, but without any of the redeeming qualities of the good boy in IASIP.

https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/904154849243222016

Spur

BYU is done
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Horatio Cornblower

Just like Rick Rude’s heart.

Spur

Rick Rude was the best. They just dont make’em like that anymore
http://i.imgur.com/VpiUwCD.gif

WCS

Francois with the air-cast. He’s done, and so are the Seminoles.

King Hippo

Apropos of fuckall, I just love this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to-nZLV794g

Horatio Cornblower

I too have moved into the music-appreciation portion of the evening.

King Hippo

Magic Undies Boy got tossed for targeting

ALXMAC

sheets legit.

Horatio Cornblower

Kate Pearson’s backup in this song is outfuckingstanding

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFE-jNeFRKQ

ALXMAC

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Shogun Marcus

Rimadog, brought to you by the makers of Viagra.
Keep your dog healthy. So you can fuck it.

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently the battery is dead in the cart because there’s no way you should be one-legging it off the field like that.

King Hippo

Budget cuts THANKS OBAMA!!!!11111

Senor Weaselo

*THIS IS YOUR NERRRRRRRRRD ALERT*

So someone in the Pokemon Go group we keep touch with for raids and stuff had weird glitchy stuff going on. So naturally I make a Missingno joke. And they ask what Missingno is.

These kids today.

*THIS HAS BEEN YOUR NERRRRRRRRD ALERT*

Horatio Cornblower

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

/psst, guys, what the FUCK is Weaselo talking about?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Mr. Ayo

But he is also sharing?

Mr. Ayo

Oh man, you really got him with that one!

/psst, guys, what the FUCK is Senor talking about?

Horatio Cornblower

OK, that’s just terrifying.

herodotus450

It appears your joke was not very effective

jjfozz

Aaaaan d \ the suicide rate in talaahasee just wnnt up

Horatio Cornblower

Good.

WCS

BOURBLE ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Spur

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King Hippo

Is there a live cam of it? PLEAZ SAY YES

Unsurprised

Hooray!

WCS

…and there goes FSU’s season.

Also, guten abend.

King Hippo

oh an’ he ded

King Hippo

THAT WAS FER THE MANBUN, FRENCHIE!!!

King Hippo

I know if you mix beers, the hangover is bad. What if you mix apple and pear ciders??

Mr. Ayo

Apple before pear, no impair!

King Hippo

yes!!!! Just what I wanted to hear.

/also can u drive to the nudie bar?

Unsurprised

Found an extra beer. Everything’s coming up Unsurprised!

Horatio Cornblower

Including dinner!

Unsurprised

ONLY VODKA MAKES ME VOMIT

King Hippo

I would bet Saban doesn’t try a FG again.

Spur

FSU is beating FSU.

King Hippo

see also Purdue, Purdue

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So there’s a pretty huge fire going in the mountains north of where I live.

King Hippo

you started it, didn’t u??

jjfozz

Okay i’ll ever whish bad shit on people, but if nick saban got a toxic dose of crotch rot i would not be unhappy.

jjfozz

DOUG FLUTIE WHAT IN THE EVER FUCKING FUCK!?

jjfozz

BUY THIS CAR AN DYOU BEAT CANCER!

King Hippo

In Soviet Russia, cancer beat YOU!!

/also ‘Murrika, sorry about dat fine print

Spur

why cant I embed youtube and gifs? I’m not a cool kid?

Horatio Cornblower

It seems to come and go.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I tried that once.
Bitch found me.

King Hippo

The NC State of Indiana is now losing by the exact same 35-28 score (though by much more circuitous route).

theeWeeBabySeamus

We are trendsetters.
We can build on this.

jjfozz
King Hippo

buy her a Joe Louis dildo and all’s even!

jjfozz

Do they amke those?

King Hippo

If not, we should ramp up production!

Horatio Cornblower

The Joe Louis dildo knocks you senseless inside of 12 minutes and then the IRS shows up and takes all your money.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy fucking shit, I can’t stop laughing. please please put this on the banner FFS!!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty proud of this one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

As well you should be you funny fucker.

Horatio Cornblower

So based on the one preview I’m saying ‘The Good Doctor’ is Doogie Howser if Doogie was autistic.

jjfozz

goin head to head over a signed johnny u photo. you think i’m notw gonna win?

jjfozz

Jonny us signed shit! ypu1 i am IN! [only 8 bucks!]

Unsurprised

There’s a haircut you could set your watch by.

jjfozz

That guy was an absolute amagin human ebeing. met hiw many time and so humble, and kind. talked to anyone.

Horatio Cornblower

Fozz, who took your thumbs? I’ll drive down and buy ’em back for you.

King Hippo

Despite mah drunkenness, ’tis one of my true genuine regrets that I never saw him play

King Hippo

Liberty first win EVAR v. “Power 5” school

/thank you Jeebus for not letting that be NC State

Unsurprised

More like Power BOTTOM 5

ALXMAC

Looks like Baylor should have gone with a different QB than Anu Soloman
#ANUSTART

Horatio Cornblower

Anutgonnabestartinagain amirite?

King Hippo

on the one hand, they did score 45. on the other, it’s fucking Liberty

theeWeeBabySeamus

Worst Bakery in EVAR!!!!!!

King Hippo

BayBay down to 6 seconds, own 42