So, you may have heard the news that the Zodiac Killer or someone on his staff “liked” a tweet from @SexuallPosts which contained a porn video.
I, your intrepid investigative reporter, tracked down the video and watched the whole thing. You may have…. Questions.
1- Is it a rhetorical question to ask whether Balls was wearing pants while watching this video?
2- Is it perfectly natural to walk into your house when the door is unlocked while on the phone with your husband and tell him, “Honey, I’ll call you back. I don’t know, something is in the house”?
3- Do stray cats or dogs sound like a couple having sex doggie style on her couch?
4- Are you as relieved as I that the couch is white?
5- Was that raycess?
6- Isn’t it convenient that there is a rather large pillar in the middle of the room for her to hide behind?
7- That architect really thought ahead, didn’t he?
8- Are you as disappointed as I that her bra totally does not match her panties?
9- Or that she’s wearing granny panties?
10- Do you think it’s that time of the month?
11- That would explain why she’s so horny and why she could not distinguish between a feral cat and a couple fucking, wouldn’t it?
12- Is this video set in the 70s cuz that’s a whole lot of bush there?
13- Why does the girl on the couch have on socks while the guy doesn’t?
14- Does she run cold or is she just being conscientious and doesn’t want to dirty up the couch?
15- That’s mighty nice of her though a bit naive, don’t you think?
16- Ok, seriously, reddish brownish top with a blue skirt, black and white striped bra and white granny panties?
17- Is the owner of the house color blind?
18- That would explain the white couch, white walls, and white IKEA table, right?
19- Aren’t the librarian glasses a nice touch though?
20- Would you believe me if I told you that’s this video’s sole redeeming quality?
21- Why is it all long shots with absolutely no closeups?
22- At 2:19, did you think that was long enough for the Zodiac Killer to orgasm?
22- You just threw up a little in your Frosted Flakes, didn’t you?
23- Does this make you think any less of Ted Cruz?
24- Aren’t you, like me, more disappointed that he or his staff liked such a shitty porn video?
25- This is why Trump won, isn’t it?