Your Second Slate of NFL Games Open Thread

The Cowboys/Broncos tilt is far and away the best game available here but I might sneak in some Jets/Raiders action when no one is looking. TO THE GAMES!

Mia/LAC: The Fins finally get a game under their collective belts and I can stuff some Ajayi into my lineup. The Clips lost pg Chris Paul and it showed last week. The good news is that te Blake Griffin was signed in the off-season and continues his stand out play. Did you know that he once played basketball? I’m surprised that announcers haven’t pointed that out very often.

NYJ/Oak: The Jets get to travel all the way out to the west coast to pick up their second L of this young season when they could be doing the very same thing much closer to home and those that pretend to love them. Damn you, NFL schedule-makers! Not going to lie-I’m thinking seriously of taking a year off work and coming back where I left off. I call it “The Lynch Stratagem”.

Dal/Den: Is the Broncs run D improved enough to limit Zeke to under 100 yards? Melvin Gordon and his 3 yards a carry nods knowingly. It seems as though Dez struggles mightily against above average cb’s and that’s where Chris Harris comes in. And don’t kid yourself, the Cowboys D is not nearly as dominant as it seemed against the [spits on ground] Giants O. Denver in a squeaker?

Was/LAR: The biggest surprise last week had to be the way the Rams blew the doors off the Colts. It’s very strange to see a perennial also-ran step on the throat of another team and refuse to let them back up. Goff and Kupp impressed but the jury is still out on rb Gurley, what with that whole 19 carries for 40 yards albatross around his neck.

SF/Sea: The only way the Niners have a puncher’s chance at this one is to feed rb Hyde far more than the measly 15 times they did last week against Carolina. There’s just so much more talent wearing the green and whatever.

Get with the typing, fellas.

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Doktor Zymm

Even the commentators not paying that much attention, unless I missed Cousins switching teams and playing QB for the Rams now?

Brick Meathook

The Chargers celebrate with a Civil War cannon that predates electricity
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Doktor Zymm

Although they did have cavalry in the civil war, so the other kind of Charger!

Dick E. Phuck

That’s dumb

Smithchez

This game is getting a little too competitive for comfort. Imma need about two or three Lynchdowns to fix that.

Duchess

I haven’t seen a man this happy about a lynch since Biloxi 1963

Gratliff

Fucking Owens should be in the Hall.

Wakezilla

As I said last night, anyone who doesn’t vote for him this year should lose their right to vote.

evilbeaver8

But…BUT..BUT… he celebrated that touchdown that time!

The Maestro

Note how CBS only cut to the crowd shot of cheering on Antonio Gates’ TD for like an iota of a second.

Duchess

Gates with a clutch basket

Dick E. Phuck

And one

King Hippo

GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!

Duchess

HAHAHAHAHA
“And Rivers is complaining about something and no one’s listening”

King Hippo

I was really hoping more fuckers were gonna take SEA in my Suicide pool. But only 2 did.

Brick Meathook

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Duchess

Bullet Proof fucking coffee? Really wtf LA… you’re serving coffee with Coconut oil and butter and selling it as health food.

King Hippo

yeah, looks like a GREAT fan experience!

Gratliff

NIce to see all the Rivers children get together for a game

Doktor Zymm

I had no idea there were so many remaining Chargers fans. Unless they just got those Rivers jerseys free out of a donation box?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How did L(d)T not vomit during that bullshit deepthroating?

Doktor Zymm

Did I miss Pryor dying in the wave of Redacted injuries?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jay Cutler really hammering home the point that feline aids > giraffe MRSA

Duchess

Well I think he’s just a big fan of the Gase

Brick Meathook

Once you’re in your seat this place isn’t bad, but everything else about Stubhub Center is pretty awful.

Wakezilla

If you started Carlos Dr. Jeckyl, Mr. Hyde today, you are going to have a good fantasy football day

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jeff Triplette is relieved to be out of halftime so he can resume calling penalties on the Raiders.

Gratliff

This feels wrong. EDIT: It is. Should be TE’s.

Zach Ertz is the ninth fastest player to ever reach 3000+ yards. He now has 3,030 in 63 career games. #Eagles

— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 17, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Wakezilla

Ice Future Raiders score to make it 4-2. Bill Parcells must have felt goosebumps on the back of his neck because Ty Wong scored from the backdoor.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ah former Lethbridge captain.
(I follow way too much hockey)

The Maestro

No such thing as too much hockey.

Doktor Zymm

Can we maybe have one play without an injury? Just the one?

Beerguyrob

The rain is making Brian Hoyer look like a semi-competent quarterback.

The Maestro

Yeah, Cutler threw a TD, but he still doesn’t give a flying fuck about it.

Duchess

Uh oh get the spray bottle Cutlers marking his territory again.

King Hippo

Baby Buster has progressed, but he can’t run fer shit.

AND WE HAVE FIRST MIAMI CATLERDOWN!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kittydown!

Duchess

The Chargers are perfect for LA their colors are Powder Blue… It’s a color named after the cities number 1 import.

Doktor Zymm

Oh for fuck’s sake, let’s just ALL get injured!

evilbeaver8

“Pey-Pey and Papa John condescend to working people” is a wonderful theme for an ad campaign.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

NFL 2017 Sad Statement: I’m watching Miami vs LA Clippers to get better football than I’ve consumed earlier today.

King Hippo

as Metallica would say, “Sad But Truuuuuue”

Brick Meathook

I had to wait until halftime and it cost $60, but here I am:
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King Hippo

wave to us, I bet we can pick you out

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nice legs, Brick

Duchess

“Always Skip Leg Day”

Doktor Zymm

And the crowd size just doubled! Say hi to the other guy there.

Brick Meathook

I’m wearing white underpants on my head with “Chargers” scrawled on them with a Sharpie.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well so is Dean Spanos, so do something different.

Duchess

If a player bobbles a pass in an empty stadium is it still a catch?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, we need more Tao Te Cutler posts.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

DOOOOOON’T CAAAAARE

Romonobyl

We got sassy-ref, at least there’s that.

Dick E. Phuck

THESE LOS ANGELES CHARGERS, I CALL THEM BRETT FAVRE, BECAUSE THEY’RE TOO PATHETIC TO FILL EVEN THE TINIEST OF HOLES.

King Hippo

BANNER THE FUCK OUT OF THIS

#ShittyClippersHumour

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well Phucked

Doktor Zymm

Did Spanos move the team just out of spite/evil? Because it sure as hell wasn’t a rational move to make more money

Sharkbait

LA is a guaranteed fanbase that prints money!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy SHIT is that Chargers stadium empty.

King Hippo

remember the capacity when gauging your awe

BrettFavresColonoscopy

27k. Or as Donald Trump would count it, 100,000 people.

Romonobyl

“Down goes Cousins”
Coming to a Mississippi trailer park near you.

Wakezilla

I honestly don’t blame Dick Sherman for wanting to go on a murderous rage everytime the offense takes the field. With that said, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to trade his ass for a good lineman

Duchess

That new Jeremy Pivin looks dumb… Like seriously lets have Reddit solve crimes!

Smithchez

It looks like one of those fake NBC trailers at the end of that episode of Community.

King Hippo

SPOILER: It will always be the black guy!

Romonobyl

So when one of your favorite songs is featured in a beer or car commercial, is that song now tainted forever?

Doktor Zymm

Nah, just avoid the commercial as much as possible and maybe send a letter to the artist that just says “FUCK YOU SELLOUT”

StuScott Booyahs

I don’t think you’re supposed to walk around on a broken foot

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Nah, it’s great, it hurts them even more!”

– Ndamakong Suh

Duchess

How old is Angel Bones Booth?

Smithchez

I’m sure everyone’s seen it by this point, but I’ve been drinking and this makes me cackle like an idiot every single time I watch it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWd6XgBVIcg

The Maestro

Had not seen this. Now I’m cackling too.

Doktor Zymm

Fuck no, Rob’s down

Duchess

What Rex Ryan says every Thursday night?

King Hippo

I kept Perine on my bench, as a David Johnson sad sack, I NEED THIS

Romonobyl

Serves you right Broncos, for building a stadium so close to the sky.

Doktor Zymm

45 minutes till resumption of horse v cow. On the plus side, there will no longer be a footballess period before the night game

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It’s my time of the month too, I hear ya.

Romonobyl

Thank God, I was getting worried.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So was half of New Jersey.

Romonobyl

Hopefully the game will resume prior to mid-season.

King Hippo

Unless they pull that shit where only DAL and DEN metro areas keep the feed past 8pm. Which I bet they do.

Doktor Zymm

THOSE BASTARDS!

Wakezilla

What a goal by BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK. . . . BOESNER! Ice Liouns tie the game up

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sir, you had thinking for a second he was dealt to the Red Wings.

Wakezilla

There’s a ‘U’ in there, eh!

StuScott Booyahs

Fantasy advice from the previous week: start any and all raiders

Duchess

So start anyone playing the Jets?

King Hippo

I think the first two tacklings just offended him, really.

Smithchez

BEEF MOE

Beerguyrob

I am drunk to the point that the friend I brought to the Seahawks game will have to drive me home.

Good times.

Wakezilla

You’re going to like the goal Brock Boesner just scored