Summer 2017 is finally going away, thank God, and Lesser Footy wants to be a part of helping you forget. Won’t you please just let it into your living room and/or recluse unabomber shack?
17th position (almost as shite as Everton!) West Ham host 5th place Spurs to kick everything off (7:25, NBCSN). Spurs could use a good kicking of somebody’s teeth in, as I was shocked to see them actually a point behind fucking Newcastle. There’s a reason the saying goes “don’t even look at the table until 10 matches in.” But holy Christ, have a word.
The 10am window is garbage, with tied for 1st City hosting worst side to open Premier League play in history of EVAR, Crystal Palace (NBCSN) your lead option. Stoke and Chelsea are on CNBC (meh), and if you want anything else (like the suckfest Toffees hosting yeah right’s Cherries), you’ll have to pay for it.
Leicester host Liverpool in this week’s spotlight dance (12:30, NBC), but in 15th position, our Foxes don’t look to be on form enough to make me laugh at the German Elton John’s misfortunes. Que lastima.
There is only one, dull Sunday match – Brighton & Hove v. Newcastle (11:00, NBCSN), and you are most certainly not excused from mandatory Commentist NFL London game duty. Arsenal and West Brom (3:00, NBCSN) is a surprising Monday Night footy matchup, in that the Albion are actually higher in the table (10th v. 12th) going in.
NC State at Florida State (Noon, ABC/ESPN2)
Historically, my shitty wolves have been pests against their hostile Native American counterparts. They are breaking in a new, uber-skinny freshman QB against several NFL prospects along NC State’s DL. But the speed and athleticism advantage everywhere else on the field is so great, I still suspect it won’t matter. If it does, it will be because Jimbo is as stupid as the name would indicate.
Texas Tech at Houston (Noon, ESPN2/ABC)
Mirror image coverage game! Very interesting interleague, intrastate battle between two programs who live in the shadows of bigger names who produce jack shit. There is an opportunity in particular for Guns Up!! to progress in the Big 12-ish this season, with so much fire power concentrated in OK.
Texas A&M v. Arkansas in JerralWorld (Noon, ESPN)
Again…I would give my left nut (not like I’m using it anyway) to have Kevin Sumlin coaching in Raleigh. But if he loses this one, he might as well start packing. And Pig! Sooey!! needs a win very badly, too. Another interesting one.
TCU at Oklahoma State (3:30, ESPN)
On paper, this looks like the first legitimate test for BDSM State, but from what I’ve seen…Bloodeyes don’t have the firepower to keep up, especially not in Stillwater. Oh yeah, that’s a paddlin’ – just how they likes it. Weird fuckers.
Michigan at Purdue (4:00, Fox)
I would really like for this to be a trap game, as the Boilers look much improved. But really, it’s just a weak window of games.
Oklahoma at Baylor (6:30, FS1)
Not too much fun when the rape shoe is on the other foot, eh?
Mississippi State at Georgia (7:00, ESPN)
OK, you beat the tar shit out of LSU. But that was at home, in front of your delirium-inducing bell ringing. Go between the hedges and show us what the fuck you really got.
Florida at Kentucky (7:30, SECN)
Lots of really shitty games getting national coverage, but the Gators aren’t much account and the Wildcats just won on the road in Chicken Land (as I warned ya they might). Interesting match-up alert.
Washington at Colorado (10:00, FS1)
The Huskies and Buffs both lost lots of talent from their PAC 12 title game sides, but this should still be fun to watch.
UCLA at Standford (10:30, ESPN)
Here’s your ultimate in late night tweaker fun-time action. Two wounded animals, equally needing the win. But Stanford is wounded and at home. Can they force tempo against Chosen Rosen and his tribe of Israelites? Caffeinate to see!
UNLV just caught OSU napping.
Cut it to 30, did they?
To be fair, isn’t everyone watching that game napping by now?
“Feeling Chubby.”
-NC State D
Chubb on at FULL MAST
Your guys remind me of the Giants last year-they gotta get it done on D and pray that the O can score just enough.
Really good QB, offensive coordinator, and jack-of-all-trades TE/h-back. Just an average OL and lack of real playmakers outside of that.
shit
that is all
Holding ’em to 3 here would be kinda huge-ish.
Best advice I can give to the NCSU? Substitute Wolfpack for Sloopy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoZ5JL3gmHo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-MgXtelSYQ
Nightmare on Porn Street? My guess is no porn.
TRUE FACT! Cats do not generally approve of sexual congress.
Many years ago I was surprised as hell by a girlfriend’s cat licking my balls during a great session of lovemaking. Unfortunately, in spite of my best efforts “Ted” would not do it again.
Fucking tease. We hate Ted now.
Love this tune…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72OLupNWNho
GRRRRRRR.
Wow. Quadruple Script Ohio.
“Lebron and Steph Curry should just stick to sports. Stop disrespecting the President!” — Clay Travis
“What have THUGS like Curry and Lebron REALLY done, anyway?!” — Britt McHenry
HALFTIME! continued- The War On Drugs Covers “Touch Of Grey”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72OLupNWNho
HALFTIME! Time for Lloyd Cole and The Commotions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSc46sEZdl4
Too bad we can’t opt to quit and go home now.
Also, I want to punch Jimbo Fisher in the head a few dozen times if that’s cool with everyone?
+ Mack Brown
Trump hasn’t responded to LeBron yet. I wonder which staffer has been tasked to hide his phone and TV remote.
Sports Mongoloids vs. trumpians, now there’s a candidate for meteor ending if I’ve ever seen one.
Did they just call 3 time outs in a row?
These timeouts brought to you by Bud Light
When I was his age, I drank an entire mickey of rye while walking the length of a football field. This Blackman kid might have accomplished more. Jury? What say you?
hee hee, make the fucker sweat
Future 2nd round NFL pick?
Is this the adopted Aguyao?
based on kick #1 I’d say he’s blood
NC State just broked a Blackman in Florida. This could be bad.
LOOK AT YOU, NCSU!!!
JEEBUS, Pack. Can’t you let us enjoy anything nice for 5 fucking minutes?
snap infractions make me cackle
I’m obviously the only one watching Malaga – Athletic…
Hi Obviously! [waves]
Make Galaga Great Again
My god our defensive backfield is just…shit.
Hold our beer – Dallas Cowboys Defensive Backfield
From Chris Paul @CP3
And I doubt he’s man enough to call any of those players a son of a bitch to their face…
#AngryBlackTwins in Tally
Backup OSU QB looks good
stuck the landing, too
I giggled.
WOLFPACK
Butch Jones’ squadron is up on the mighty UMass Minutemen, 7-6 at halftime.
Lexington Thomas with the TD? It’s good to see he went back to school after his, uh, other, career. no homo.
Hey, that was kinda fun.
HOLY BANANA CAKES!!!!
and here I thinked they was running the half out
Touchdown UNLV. The comeback begins…
Does Pope Urban slit a walk-on’s throat at halftime?
just ONE? He really has mellowed
Don’t even require virgins now days.
*Can’t find any anyway.
So Melo, Russ and PG13. Three ball dominant guys. I love it. FUCK OKC!
On talent alone they’ll do very well in the regular season. On alone talent they’ll crap out early in the playoffs.
Yup, will be down at the half. FSU will cover in the 2nd half.
SSDD.
Florida State is losing at home. NICE.
Holy Shit. Color me shocked.
Somebody will have a proper Chubb on when they draft #9 this Spring, though.
This is gonna suck when it gets overturned.
oh fuck everything, they will overturn this TRUST ME
yep
Breaking NBA news. Melo is going to the Thunder. As a Spur fan this pleases, i was very worried about OKC before but now I’m giddy. Melo is a cancer.
I’m a huge Cuse fan and think the same thing. I can’t even approach the subject on fan boards otherwise I’d be set on fire and hung. He’s Alex English or Mark Aguirre-volume scorers that dragged their teams down.
Good Lord, Ohio State…
Whipping on cupcakes is Ohio State’s bread and butter. It makes them feel tough.
Tis a series of byes until Meeechigan now
Folks!
Just finished watching the GWS-Richmond replay. Is it too early for whisky?
It’s 1:07 here. Seems like just the right time.
/IF you were productive this morning
Still morning here AND I have to drive to IKEA. I may need ALL the whisky today.
Have as many meatballs as you see fit and send me the bill. I’m good for it.
Nobody told ME there were meatballs.
Are YOU at IKEA? That’s what I thought…
Sorry bud!
I stayed up until halftime and then crashed. You can blame the second half on me.
They looked so good until the third! I blame the concussion.
I agree. That was a big moment in the game.
The rout is on in Columbus.
was on before it started let’s be honest here
Cripes, they might actually cover…
Detective gonna stick his hand into Sweeney’s cookie jar.
OK, now I think you’re just watching porn.
Porn can have a plot.
It’s just that most of the time it chooses not to.
That house is not going to buy itself!
DID IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE (YEAH)
ALL FOR THE NOOKIE (YEAH)
SO YOU CAN TAKE THAT COOKIE
AND STICK IT IN YOUR (YEAH)
unfortunately, the shitty wolves’ secondary is the JV equivalent of N’Awlins
It defies belief that anyone’s secondary is as bad as the Saints.
And yet….
remarkably good DL helps disguise it sometimes. Next year after it graduates…
Poorly located, falling apart due to years of neglect, and only salvagable by a billion dollar effort from the army corp of engineers?