Summer 2017 is finally going away, thank God, and Lesser Footy wants to be a part of helping you forget. Won’t you please just let it into your living room and/or recluse unabomber shack?
17th position (almost as shite as Everton!) West Ham host 5th place Spurs to kick everything off (7:25, NBCSN). Spurs could use a good kicking of somebody’s teeth in, as I was shocked to see them actually a point behind fucking Newcastle. There’s a reason the saying goes “don’t even look at the table until 10 matches in.” But holy Christ, have a word.
The 10am window is garbage, with tied for 1st City hosting worst side to open Premier League play in history of EVAR, Crystal Palace (NBCSN) your lead option. Stoke and Chelsea are on CNBC (meh), and if you want anything else (like the suckfest Toffees hosting yeah right’s Cherries), you’ll have to pay for it.
Leicester host Liverpool in this week’s spotlight dance (12:30, NBC), but in 15th position, our Foxes don’t look to be on form enough to make me laugh at the German Elton John’s misfortunes. Que lastima.
There is only one, dull Sunday match – Brighton & Hove v. Newcastle (11:00, NBCSN), and you are most certainly not excused from mandatory Commentist NFL London game duty. Arsenal and West Brom (3:00, NBCSN) is a surprising Monday Night footy matchup, in that the Albion are actually higher in the table (10th v. 12th) going in.
NC State at Florida State (Noon, ABC/ESPN2)
Historically, my shitty wolves have been pests against their hostile Native American counterparts. They are breaking in a new, uber-skinny freshman QB against several NFL prospects along NC State’s DL. But the speed and athleticism advantage everywhere else on the field is so great, I still suspect it won’t matter. If it does, it will be because Jimbo is as stupid as the name would indicate.
Texas Tech at Houston (Noon, ESPN2/ABC)
Mirror image coverage game! Very interesting interleague, intrastate battle between two programs who live in the shadows of bigger names who produce jack shit. There is an opportunity in particular for Guns Up!! to progress in the Big 12-ish this season, with so much fire power concentrated in OK.
Texas A&M v. Arkansas in JerralWorld (Noon, ESPN)
Again…I would give my left nut (not like I’m using it anyway) to have Kevin Sumlin coaching in Raleigh. But if he loses this one, he might as well start packing. And Pig! Sooey!! needs a win very badly, too. Another interesting one.
TCU at Oklahoma State (3:30, ESPN)
On paper, this looks like the first legitimate test for BDSM State, but from what I’ve seen…Bloodeyes don’t have the firepower to keep up, especially not in Stillwater. Oh yeah, that’s a paddlin’ – just how they likes it. Weird fuckers.
Michigan at Purdue (4:00, Fox)
I would really like for this to be a trap game, as the Boilers look much improved. But really, it’s just a weak window of games.
Oklahoma at Baylor (6:30, FS1)
Not too much fun when the rape shoe is on the other foot, eh?
Mississippi State at Georgia (7:00, ESPN)
OK, you beat the tar shit out of LSU. But that was at home, in front of your delirium-inducing bell ringing. Go between the hedges and show us what the fuck you really got.
Florida at Kentucky (7:30, SECN)
Lots of really shitty games getting national coverage, but the Gators aren’t much account and the Wildcats just won on the road in Chicken Land (as I warned ya they might). Interesting match-up alert.
Washington at Colorado (10:00, FS1)
The Huskies and Buffs both lost lots of talent from their PAC 12 title game sides, but this should still be fun to watch.
UCLA at Standford (10:30, ESPN)
Here’s your ultimate in late night tweaker fun-time action. Two wounded animals, equally needing the win. But Stanford is wounded and at home. Can they force tempo against Chosen Rosen and his tribe of Israelites? Caffeinate to see!