Your “Post-London, All-American Centric” Batch of Early Afternoon NFL Games Open Thread

That’s one game under our respective onion belts. Let’s have more of this shall we? TO THE GAMES!

DEN/BUF: If the Broncs can shut down the Zeke-ster they shouldn’t have a problem with the Real McCoy should they? Fans of Denver worry about this being a ‘trap game’ but I don’t see it. Sure it was ugly but the Bills held the Panthers to only 9 points last week. Look for the league’s 2nd leading tackler, lb Ramon Humber (who?) to stick his nose in C.J. Anderson’s face.

N.O./CAR: As our own King Hippo has pointed out, qb Cam’s shoulder is nowhere near healed and this week he’s listed as questionable. If he can throw it more than ten yards he should get the win because the Saints secondary has been hot garbage ever since that Super Bowl win oh so many years ago.

PIT/CHI: Forecast: A steady rain of “WE WANT TRUTH BISCUIT!” will fall from the stands as the Bears get slowly eviscerated by the Steelers.

ATL/DET: Here’s my pick for the highest-scoring game of the one o’clock spot. Lions qb Tubby McFatterson does just enough to lose (late 4th quater pick perhaps?) a close one at home is the prediction here.

CLE/IND: WARNING: Watching this tilt puts you at an elevated risk of contracting eye-AIDS. The loser of this game is relegated to the CFL.

TB/MIN: The Bucs are still waiting on Doug Martin to return but seem to be doing okay with the trio of Sims, Barber and Rodgers splitting the work. Vikes star cb Rhodes gets a healthy helping of the near unstoppable Mike Evans this week.

HOU/NE: How about another home loss for the Pats? A guy can dream, can’t he? Stupid New England will get the usual mismatches in the passing game that they always do and will keep the Texans D off-balance. Ho hum.

MIA/NYJ: The Jets latest “longest year ever” continues. All is not extraordinarily bleak however. Wr Kearse, the afterthought that was thrown into the ‘get rid of Richardson’ deal, has caught 11 of his 15 targets and has 2 TD’s so far. Along with next year’s high draft pick the Jetskis also have a ton of cap space with which to trick/lure free agents into coming on board.

NYG/PHI: Goddamn it, I wish the Giants had a qb along the lines of Carson Wentz! HC McAdoo will continue to call all the offensive plays that the dreadful O-line won’t be able to execute. The End.

Get at it, lovelies.

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King Hippo

QBs you should have started in fantasy: Jared Goff, BORT, Case Fucking Keenum.

LemonJello

So, was this the NFL’s “Through the looking glass” week?

LemonJello

THE BEN just had the ball taken from him like he was a coed in a bar bathroom stall…

King Hippo

THE BEN really is a giant pile of shit away from home, no matter the foe, eh?

Bortleback

Except when he’s playing the Browns, which is their 9th home game every year

Horatio Cornblower

“SEAL Team”, for all you fucking assholes watching this game who think you could have killed Bin Laden yourself if only the military had overlooked your flat feet, team-killing halitosis and morbid obesity.

LemonJello

So they’re going to recycle A-Team plots for this show?

Romonobyl

Won’t work, nobody on the A Team show ever got shot. Go figure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s ’cause Mr. T didn’t drive in a suburban neighborhood.

LemonJello

That’s how they make it “gritty” and “edgy”

Brocky

….i REALLY need to learn to do photoshop. I need to make referee shirts with packers colors, then take that photoshop and make it steelers colors

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

OH JETS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Let’s take it down to the sideline for a game update: Sarah.”

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Horatio Cornblower

Ah, the AVN’s, where porn stars can finally let go of their inhibitions and really let loose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Acting like they enjoy certain things show that the women are some of the best actors ever.

Brocky

I know it sounds gullible, but most porn stars just seem cool as hell in terms of personality and popo culture taste.

I feel like i could be friendzoned by lexi belle, and I wouldn’t mind one bit.

King Hippo

I feel the same re Georgia Jones. We could hang, drink beer, talk Southern, look at pussy.

/yes, I am a pathetic Hippo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is probably a lot of daddy issues going on, but I would agree that they would be like any group except politicians, which they are far superior to.

King Hippo

Put some porn stars in the Senate, it would work better.

ballsofsteelandfury

This really speaks to me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

bears take the lead, better have some steeler bail out flags

Shogun Marcus

Provision shopping…prior to a home game. This is the end.

King Hippo

Don’t even get me started on Kelvin.

Senor Weaselo

Two neutral zone infractions, then false start on McCown. BLEERGH smiles.

King Hippo

you deserve a medal for watching that

Horatio Cornblower

Or a lobotomy

Sharkbait

I picked Miami to win in a knockout pool. I need to keep an eye on it.

King Hippo

one guy did that in my pool, too. Pretty ballsy, MIA on the road, I don’t care who against

Sharkbait

This entry is strictly following the Jets.

Senor Weaselo

No, I took a shower and went out for a few minutes. And spilled Slurpee on me.

fleshwound_NPG

as expected, CLE/IND on pace for 0-0 tie

King Hippo

kick MANY field goals, Bucs!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I still have the scar between my eyes from when that happened to me when I was 8 or 9.

Romonobyl

ODB only completes circus catches, ppl forget that.

laserguru

Got to make a trip to the store. I’m out of bourbon and running low on beer. Both will be required to watch the Vikings Bucs game.

Romonobyl

Liquor on a Sunday? Must be nice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Hey Geico, there’s no percussion in Brandenburg 3. GET IT FUCKING RIGHT.

Horatio Cornblower

For some reason my wife is making french toast and bacon at 1 pm on a 90 degree day.

I shouldn’t ask any questions should I?

Gratliff

Only if the question is “Can I have some?”

Horatio Cornblower

There are leftovers.

LemonJello

No.

Romonobyl

Follow liter’s lead and mix up some mimosas. Achievement Unlocked!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Your dick must have been scared straight from It last night.

Horatio Cornblower

There was literally no part of me that was scared from It last night. I actually laughed more than anything else. And it’s really not that bad of a movie, aside from the large amount of audience participation it seemed to inspire.

Brocky

bears are winning for the first time this year?

LemonJello

Bears get a break, let’s see how they shit this away…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Another out for the season injury?

Horatio Cornblower

If Brady gets planted like that on every deep completion I will consider that a fair trade.

King Hippo

I mean, they gonna win. Just so long as he dies

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

I can’t believe I have to watch Sunday NFL on the natch. I doubt doubling-up on the Hydros will help, and definitely not part of a balanced breakfast.

Horatio Cornblower

Consecutive games played by the punter should never, ever be mentioned, unless done so with a healthy does of sarcasm.

Senor Weaselo

Death, taxes, Jets 3 and out.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll take “Things That Are Inevitable” for $400 Alex.

Spur

Come on Watt, break Deamboats legs. Do it for America!

Redshirt

Wait until the 4th Qtr. Garbage Time. when the Patriots win is secure. Only because it will be Ultimate Patriot Schadenfreude and it is has absolutely nothing to do with me picked N.E. to win.

Romonobyl

^^this^^

Sharkbait

NOOO DO NOT LET ME DOWN PLEX!

Redshirt

(Jack Handey Deep Thoughts voice): “When the announce that a game is available in Spanish using the SAP button on your remote when available, why do they always say it in English?”

Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Huh. I used the FAP button.

Brocky

did you just describe your dick as a button?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THE WATER WAS REALLY COLD, DAMN IT!!

King Hippo

Redshirt BRINGIN’ IT today!!

Romonobyl

That’s right up there with braille instructions on drive-thru ATMs.

King Hippo

Shad Khan kicks ass. His team backed him up, too.

Brocky

Odd choice of game for the throwback jerseys.

Romonobyl

Although I’m not as anti-America as social media currently demands, the National Anthem is a terrible song, musically speaking.

Senor Weaselo

Padre Weaselo and I have talked about this. We may have won the Cold War, but the Soviets did have a more badass anthem.

Col. Duke LaCross

I actually kind of like that they went back to it. Reminds me of Rocky IV.

King Hippo

“God Bless America” much, much better

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That song fucking sucks. The national anthem is to the tune of a British drinking song, therefore is FAR superior.

Gratliff

America the Beautiful (but only Ray Charles version) is better, except in context of 1976 Stanley Cup finals.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It is the core principles of being a US citizen. “Anti-America”; what; you think people hate three continents?

Romonobyl

Because anti-USA doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and it is ignorant in this case.

Shogun Marcus

A drinking song doesn’t convert well to a national anthem? I am shocked and chagrined!

Gratliff

If you get into the second verse, it becomes a terrible song, humanly speaking.

IronAvenger6491

I prefer Gulie’s theme from Street Fighter as the one true National Anthem.

Gratliff

Even Red Zone opening with kneeling!

fleshwound_NPG

My last day off until about thanksgiving and I get CLE/IND as the only early game.

Thank GOD got plenty of Jack. Not just because of the game, the booze stores are closed due to Indiana being stuck in 1956.

Fuck this state.

King Hippo

Tell Black HODOR! Hippo sez HAI

Brocky

for me Its a special treat getting the chicago game on cbs, i get to hear fat humps who are too cheap to get sunday ticket complain about the lack of colts game

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, was I hallucinating or did all of the Patriots aside from Brady and a couple of others just take a knee?

And was Kraft running laps in his dress shirt before the game? Jesus man, you can afford a fresh shirt.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Maybe even Scott Muthafuckin Hanson will shit on Herr Fuhrer? Then you know Ginger Hammer has gone full fatwa.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Mrs Cola made me a deal. If i take the baby she will make waffles, bacon, and mimosas. Done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

GODDAMNIT; I’LL TAKE THE BABY IF THAT IS THE CASE!

Shogun Marcus

I’ll bus the tables!

Romonobyl

“Hey liter? This butter smells weird”.

Horatio Cornblower

Take the baby where? This seems like a pretty important loophole.

Redshirt

In retrospect, I don’t get the goodwill for the Steelers not showing up for the National Anthem. The Bengals Offense hasn’t shown for the first two games and they’re getting nothing but shit for it.

Horatio Cornblower

Banner this man.

Romonobyl

My suggestion for the military flyover in Philly:

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Senor Weaselo

I thought those would be batteries.

IronAvenger6491

Can they make a stop over my house?

Senor Weaselo

Day-old Chipotle chips aren’t better if there’s absolutely no salt on them. The hot sauce tastes a little more… complex though?

fleshwound_NPG
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d suggest not reading the responses.

King Hippo

Knew the team would NOT let me down.

/not gonna read twitter fan responses

Senor Weaselo

“The Jets are playing hard.” So imagine how much more they’d suck if they started quitting on the year!

fleshwound_NPG

Shitty Colts home game on CBS, and yet a game being broadcasted on FOX?

So, the blackout rules only apply to teams worth a shit.

fleshwound_NPG

….nnnnope, just a shitty programming error.

Time to hit the booze.

...

ESPN’s glowing eyed logos make the NFL seem extra evil.

ThePirateSloth

Someone make some more dick jokes, because I just spent way too long reading thru comments and idiots hot as fuck taeks. I can’t take this shit no more today.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

On the early thread or someplace else?

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litre_cola

I don’t think we got into politics much, a lot about B Abortles being competent?

ThePirateSloth

Any article discussing kneeling, the child in the White Houses comments, or the Steelers decision. THOSE comments.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WHEN WILL YOU LEARN??

Romonobyl

Rob Riggle can be funny…then there’s this.

King Hippo

Albion/Pigeons look to have this match in hand.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

The Warriors should go to Canadian parliament and meet Trudeau. I mean I hear there is a basketball team up here.

Spur

It’s going to be a RedZone day.

Sharkbait

Charles Barkley on NFL today?

King Hippo

yet another reason to watch Brighton/Barcodes until RedZone starts

Sharkbait

I forgot that was still on, and I’m transporting it to Sweden.

King Hippo

#BonusShameFood

Senor Weaselo

I’ll take ’em!

Romonobyl

Check for back-splatter in your toilet area.

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