That’s one game under our respective onion belts. Let’s have more of this shall we? TO THE GAMES!
DEN/BUF: If the Broncs can shut down the Zeke-ster they shouldn’t have a problem with the Real McCoy should they? Fans of Denver worry about this being a ‘trap game’ but I don’t see it. Sure it was ugly but the Bills held the Panthers to only 9 points last week. Look for the league’s 2nd leading tackler, lb Ramon Humber (who?) to stick his nose in C.J. Anderson’s face.
N.O./CAR: As our own King Hippo has pointed out, qb Cam’s shoulder is nowhere near healed and this week he’s listed as questionable. If he can throw it more than ten yards he should get the win because the Saints secondary has been hot garbage ever since that Super Bowl win oh so many years ago.
PIT/CHI: Forecast: A steady rain of “WE WANT TRUTH BISCUIT!” will fall from the stands as the Bears get slowly eviscerated by the Steelers.
ATL/DET: Here’s my pick for the highest-scoring game of the one o’clock spot. Lions qb Tubby McFatterson does just enough to lose (late 4th quater pick perhaps?) a close one at home is the prediction here.
CLE/IND: WARNING: Watching this tilt puts you at an elevated risk of contracting eye-AIDS. The loser of this game is relegated to the CFL.
TB/MIN: The Bucs are still waiting on Doug Martin to return but seem to be doing okay with the trio of Sims, Barber and Rodgers splitting the work. Vikes star cb Rhodes gets a healthy helping of the near unstoppable Mike Evans this week.
HOU/NE: How about another home loss for the Pats? A guy can dream, can’t he? Stupid New England will get the usual mismatches in the passing game that they always do and will keep the Texans D off-balance. Ho hum.
MIA/NYJ: The Jets latest “longest year ever” continues. All is not extraordinarily bleak however. Wr Kearse, the afterthought that was thrown into the ‘get rid of Richardson’ deal, has caught 11 of his 15 targets and has 2 TD’s so far. Along with next year’s high draft pick the Jetskis also have a ton of cap space with which to trick/lure free agents into coming on board.
NYG/PHI: Goddamn it, I wish the Giants had a qb along the lines of Carson Wentz! HC McAdoo will continue to call all the offensive plays that the dreadful O-line won’t be able to execute. The End.
Get at it, lovelies.
QBs you should have started in fantasy: Jared Goff, BORT, Case Fucking Keenum.
So, was this the NFL’s “Through the looking glass” week?
THE BEN just had the ball taken from him like he was a coed in a bar bathroom stall…
THE BEN really is a giant pile of shit away from home, no matter the foe, eh?
Except when he’s playing the Browns, which is their 9th home game every year
“SEAL Team”, for all you fucking assholes watching this game who think you could have killed Bin Laden yourself if only the military had overlooked your flat feet, team-killing halitosis and morbid obesity.
So they’re going to recycle A-Team plots for this show?
Won’t work, nobody on the A Team show ever got shot. Go figure.
That’s ’cause Mr. T didn’t drive in a suburban neighborhood.
That’s how they make it “gritty” and “edgy”
….i REALLY need to learn to do photoshop. I need to make referee shirts with packers colors, then take that photoshop and make it steelers colors
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=y4raj5m575M
OH JETS
“Let’s take it down to the sideline for a game update: Sarah.”
Ah, the AVN’s, where porn stars can finally let go of their inhibitions and really let loose.
Acting like they enjoy certain things show that the women are some of the best actors ever.
I know it sounds gullible, but most porn stars just seem cool as hell in terms of personality and popo culture taste.
I feel like i could be friendzoned by lexi belle, and I wouldn’t mind one bit.
I feel the same re Georgia Jones. We could hang, drink beer, talk Southern, look at pussy.
/yes, I am a pathetic Hippo
There is probably a lot of daddy issues going on, but I would agree that they would be like any group except politicians, which they are far superior to.
Put some porn stars in the Senate, it would work better.
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1987-07-03/news/8702180583_1_green-party-radical-party-italian-train
This really speaks to me.
bears take the lead, better have some steeler bail out flags
Bears take the lead? Surely you J-E-T-S!
Provision shopping…prior to a home game. This is the end.
It’s frickin’ 31 degrees in my stench of the woods. That’s like 176 in America Temperature.
Don’t even get me started on Kelvin.
I knew him in college. He was an asshole.
Two neutral zone infractions, then false start on McCown. BLEERGH smiles.
you deserve a medal for watching that
Or a lobotomy
I picked Miami to win in a knockout pool. I need to keep an eye on it.
one guy did that in my pool, too. Pretty ballsy, MIA on the road, I don’t care who against
This entry is strictly following the Jets.
No, I took a shower and went out for a few minutes. And spilled Slurpee on me.
as expected, CLE/IND on pace for 0-0 tie
kick MANY field goals, Bucs!
I still have the scar between my eyes from when that happened to me when I was 8 or 9.
ODB only completes circus catches, ppl forget that.
Got to make a trip to the store. I’m out of bourbon and running low on beer. Both will be required to watch the Vikings Bucs game.
Liquor on a Sunday? Must be nice.
“Uh! I WAS JUST THERE! You do this to me all the time.” [enters stink eye mode]
https://www.tumblr.com/video/gif87a-com/164675223794/500/
Hey Geico, there’s no percussion in Brandenburg 3. GET IT FUCKING RIGHT.
For some reason my wife is making french toast and bacon at 1 pm on a 90 degree day.
I shouldn’t ask any questions should I?
Only if the question is “Can I have some?”
There are leftovers.
No.
Follow liter’s lead and mix up some mimosas. Achievement Unlocked!
Your dick must have been scared straight from It last night.
There was literally no part of me that was scared from It last night. I actually laughed more than anything else. And it’s really not that bad of a movie, aside from the large amount of audience participation it seemed to inspire.
GIANTS ARE WINNING 0-0!
bears are winning for the first time this year?
I’ll meet you at the store-we’ll need to buy plenty of water and shelf-stable food.
Bears get a break, let’s see how they shit this away…
Another out for the season injury?
If Brady gets planted like that on every deep completion I will consider that a fair trade.
I mean, they gonna win. Just so long as he dies
I can’t believe I have to watch Sunday NFL on the natch. I doubt doubling-up on the Hydros will help, and definitely not part of a balanced breakfast.
Consecutive games played by the punter should never, ever be mentioned, unless done so with a healthy does of sarcasm.
Death, taxes, Jets 3 and out.
I’ll take “Things That Are Inevitable” for $400 Alex.
Come on Watt, break Deamboats legs. Do it for America!
Wait until the 4th Qtr. Garbage Time. when the Patriots win is secure. Only because it will be Ultimate Patriot Schadenfreude and it is has absolutely nothing to do with me picked N.E. to win.
^^this^^
NOOO DO NOT LET ME DOWN PLEX!
(Jack Handey Deep Thoughts voice): “When the announce that a game is available in Spanish using the SAP button on your remote when available, why do they always say it in English?”
Huh. I used the FAP button.
did you just describe your dick as a button?
THE WATER WAS REALLY COLD, DAMN IT!!
Redshirt BRINGIN’ IT today!!
That’s right up there with braille instructions on drive-thru ATMs.
Shad Khan kicks ass. His team backed him up, too.
Odd choice of game for the throwback jerseys.
Although I’m not as anti-America as social media currently demands, the National Anthem is a terrible song, musically speaking.
Padre Weaselo and I have talked about this. We may have won the Cold War, but the Soviets did have a more badass anthem.
I actually kind of like that they went back to it. Reminds me of Rocky IV.
“God Bless America” much, much better
That song fucking sucks. The national anthem is to the tune of a British drinking song, therefore is FAR superior.
America the Beautiful (but only Ray Charles version) is better, except in context of 1976 Stanley Cup finals.
It is the core principles of being a US citizen. “Anti-America”; what; you think people hate three continents?
Because anti-USA doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.
and it is ignorant in this case.
A drinking song doesn’t convert well to a national anthem? I am shocked and chagrined!
If you get into the second verse, it becomes a terrible song, humanly speaking.
I prefer Gulie’s theme from Street Fighter as the one true National Anthem.
Even Red Zone opening with kneeling!
My last day off until about thanksgiving and I get CLE/IND as the only early game.
Thank GOD got plenty of Jack. Not just because of the game, the booze stores are closed due to Indiana being stuck in 1956.
Fuck this state.
Tell Black HODOR! Hippo sez HAI
for me Its a special treat getting the chicago game on cbs, i get to hear fat humps who are too cheap to get sunday ticket complain about the lack of colts game
Hey, was I hallucinating or did all of the Patriots aside from Brady and a couple of others just take a knee?
And was Kraft running laps in his dress shirt before the game? Jesus man, you can afford a fresh shirt.
Maybe even Scott Muthafuckin Hanson will shit on Herr Fuhrer? Then you know Ginger Hammer has gone full fatwa.
Mrs Cola made me a deal. If i take the baby she will make waffles, bacon, and mimosas. Done.
GODDAMNIT; I’LL TAKE THE BABY IF THAT IS THE CASE!
I’ll bus the tables!
“Hey liter? This butter smells weird”.
Take the baby where? This seems like a pretty important loophole.
In retrospect, I don’t get the goodwill for the Steelers not showing up for the National Anthem. The Bengals Offense hasn’t shown for the first two games and they’re getting nothing but shit for it.
Banner this man.
My suggestion for the military flyover in Philly:
I thought those would be batteries.
Can they make a stop over my house?
Day-old Chipotle chips aren’t better if there’s absolutely no salt on them. The hot sauce tastes a little more… complex though?
go donks
https://twitter.com/Andrew_Ferrelli/status/911973424255442944
I’d suggest not reading the responses.
Knew the team would NOT let me down.
/not gonna read twitter fan responses
“The Jets are playing hard.” So imagine how much more they’d suck if they started quitting on the year!
Shitty Colts home game on CBS, and yet a game being broadcasted on FOX?
So, the blackout rules only apply to teams worth a shit.
….nnnnope, just a shitty programming error.
Time to hit the booze.
ESPN’s glowing eyed logos make the NFL seem extra evil.
Someone make some more dick jokes, because I just spent way too long reading thru comments and idiots hot as fuck taeks. I can’t take this shit no more today.
On the early thread or someplace else?
I don’t think we got into politics much, a lot about B Abortles being competent?
Any article discussing kneeling, the child in the White Houses comments, or the Steelers decision. THOSE comments.
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN??
Rob Riggle can be funny…then there’s this.
Albion/Pigeons look to have this match in hand.
The Warriors should go to Canadian parliament and meet Trudeau. I mean I hear there is a basketball team up here.
It’s going to be a RedZone day.
Charles Barkley on NFL today?
yet another reason to watch Brighton/Barcodes until RedZone starts
I forgot that was still on, and I’m transporting it to Sweden.
[wonders whether I ate all the wings I made last night in my drunken stupor]
#BonusShameFood
I’ll take ’em!
Check for back-splatter in your toilet area.