Your “Post-London, All-American Centric” Batch of Early Afternoon NFL Games Open Thread

That’s one game under our respective onion belts. Let’s have more of this shall we? TO THE GAMES!

DEN/BUF: If the Broncs can shut down the Zeke-ster they shouldn’t have a problem with the Real McCoy should they? Fans of Denver worry about this being a ‘trap game’ but I don’t see it. Sure it was ugly but the Bills held the Panthers to only 9 points last week. Look for the league’s 2nd leading tackler, lb Ramon Humber (who?) to stick his nose in C.J. Anderson’s face.

N.O./CAR: As our own King Hippo has pointed out, qb Cam’s shoulder is nowhere near healed and this week he’s listed as questionable. If he can throw it more than ten yards he should get the win because the Saints secondary has been hot garbage ever since that Super Bowl win oh so many years ago.

PIT/CHI: Forecast: A steady rain of “WE WANT TRUTH BISCUIT!” will fall from the stands as the Bears get slowly eviscerated by the Steelers.

ATL/DET: Here’s my pick for the highest-scoring game of the one o’clock spot. Lions qb Tubby McFatterson does just enough to lose (late 4th quater pick perhaps?) a close one at home is the prediction here.

CLE/IND: WARNING: Watching this tilt puts you at an elevated risk of contracting eye-AIDS. The loser of this game is relegated to the CFL.

TB/MIN: The Bucs are still waiting on Doug Martin to return but seem to be doing okay with the trio of Sims, Barber and Rodgers splitting the work. Vikes star cb Rhodes gets a healthy helping of the near unstoppable Mike Evans this week.

HOU/NE: How about another home loss for the Pats? A guy can dream, can’t he? Stupid New England will get the usual mismatches in the passing game that they always do and will keep the Texans D off-balance. Ho hum.

MIA/NYJ: The Jets latest “longest year ever” continues. All is not extraordinarily bleak however. Wr Kearse, the afterthought that was thrown into the ‘get rid of Richardson’ deal, has caught 11 of his 15 targets and has 2 TD’s so far. Along with next year’s high draft pick the Jetskis also have a ton of cap space with which to trick/lure free agents into coming on board.

NYG/PHI: Goddamn it, I wish the Giants had a qb along the lines of Carson Wentz! HC McAdoo will continue to call all the offensive plays that the dreadful O-line won’t be able to execute. The End.

Get at it, lovelies.

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IronAvenger6491

I fucking hate Cam Newton, you selfish bastard. You should of let Stewart run it in.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I need like 40 Can Newton points…

IronAvenger6491

Well now i feel bad.

IronAvenger6491

What the hell just happened in the CAR/NO game?

Redshirt

I knew it.

LemonJello

More Bears derp…
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Bortleback

It’s Ireland’s biggest lingere department, I understand…..

IronAvenger6491

Welp, the Eagles are too far ahead in this game now.

LemonJello

They up by 2 scores now?

Gratliff

Have the Giants even drafted a replacement QB yet? Seems like a good chance to get him some in game experience

hippofant

Davis Webb, in the third round?

Also Geno Smith.

King Hippo

Hippo looks forward to cutting Eric Ebron. With extreme prejudice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll probably try to pick him up, LOL.

I managed to pull Hurns off waivers then decided to sit him. I’m stupid.

King Hippo

wrong league

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah my bad. I read Ebron and Engram.

fleshwound_NPG

….and the cle/ind game is back to garbage

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blaxabbath

who dat?

IronAvenger6491

Brandi Love i believe.

fleshwound_NPG

yes

Brocky

She definately looks different here. hair and make up.

and cloyhes. usually shes naked

King Hippo

Donks/Bills an old-fashioned slugfest

Senor Weaselo

FAKEPUNTERCEPTION! This complete control of the game is not ideal…

IronAvenger6491

Come on Ben, you know you want to throw another TD to Brown….

Romonobyl

Eli actually has 2 SB rings?

theeWeeBabySeamus

But they’re both in a drawer, under his crayons.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Unlike his brother, they’re the only things he likes to cover a woman’s eyes with

LemonJello

Olivia keeps them in her underwear drawer ever since she caught Eli trying to trade them for some Hot Wheels.

...

The only reason I could root for the Giants is so Eli could win one more. Peyton would seethe about it forever.

Senor Weaselo

Especially if over the P*ts.

Brocky

keep showing those unnecessary patriots highlights. I’ve got my own unnecessary things:

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we banner gifs?

Gratliff

Poor, poor sad, hilarious Elisha

Horatio Cornblower

Brady should be charged with attempted murder for that pass.

ballsofsteelandfury

At least the WR has his clothing stores to fall back on.

IronAvenger6491

I’m gonna need CJ Anderson to play like he did last week.

Do the Bills actually have a good D?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THESE BILLS I CALL THEM AN IUD BECAUSE THEY’RE SURPRISINGLY EFFECTIVE AT STOPPING SEMEN

Sharkbait

Why didnt I start Diggs today? Fuck you for being competent Keenum

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw, does Trent Green know he’s broadcasting this game?

Unsurprised

No

Gratliff

His play-by-play guy is wondering why he’s using an Xbox controller while he watches

Gratliff

Do the Giants actually have running backs on their roster?

IronAvenger6491

Define Runningback?

theeWeeBabySeamus

When my car ran out of gas, I ended up “Runningback” home.

Senor Weaselo

Touchdown Jets? 17-0? Goddammit, but what about THE NARRATIVE?

ArmedandHammered

Would love the Jets to have a better record than the Giants just for the NY Hot Taeks.

...

This whole weekend makes no fucking sense.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Color commentary from the bar. One patron asked the bartender why she was limping. “Got run over by my own truck”. Upon closer inspection, that also explains the fact most of her ear looks recently shorn off.

Senor Weaselo

Chris Henry nods in approval. Or he would, but you know.

Brocky

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Unsurprised

Why wasn’t anyone in Europe this casual about nudity when I was there? Was it just where I was going? Was it me?

It was probably me.

Romonobyl

That hashtag is a bit concerning.

Gratliff

We do have any Bucs fans in the Kommentariat/United States?

Brocky

if we do, they’re likely unerwater

Bortleback

Case Keenum is a big fan of playing against them

ballsofsteelandfury

We used to, but I think he discovered girls. Good for him.

IronAvenger6491

So i see the Panthers are running a “No Offense” offense like the Giants. I hope it pays off for them.

King Hippo

The Jets are going to win a game in September, NOT A DRILL

LemonJello

Management is gonna be pissed.

Unsurprised

Something something 9/11. I don’t give a fuck anymore.

LemonJello

Any of you recording/watching Star Trek: Discovery?

Brocky

I might. I might not.

Unsurprised

They’re still going on with the JJ Abrams 2009 reboot abomination motif, so … FUCK NO.

Redshirt

Probably not. Doesn’t have the feel of Star Trek.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That Brissett feller ain’t doing half badly in Hodor, eh?

LemonJello

“Every time I hear his name, for some reason I get hungry.”

-A Reid, KC

ArmedandHammered

Eagles dropping like the field is covered with DDT already lost 3, wonder who is next.

...

I’m still laughing at that Bears fuck up. They will lose by three points because of this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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IronAvenger6491

Also, hello everyone. I forgot my password for the longest time.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wasn’t it rogergoodellisanationaldisgrace?

IronAvenger6491

Close!, there’s a 1 somewhere in there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Come on, it’s at least 3.5”
-Brett Favre

IronAvenger6491

Is it possible that during the half, Spagnuolo can be promoted to Head Coach, and McAdoo demoted to waterboy?

Romonobyl

What do we want?!?!
A CURE FOR TOURETTES!
When do we want it!?!?
SHIIIITfuckfuckfuckCOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCK!!!!!!!!

Redshirt

Jets…leading?

Unsurprised

First into the towers

IronAvenger6491

It’s because i started the Dolphins D in fantasy.

Unsurprised

Dolphins D will rape you

fleshwound_NPG

cle/ind not the shitshow I was expecting…halftime

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Horatio Cornblower

Is that a STEINWAY!?!?

King Hippo

Damn it fellas, I was away FOAR his ‘splosion but I told ya Black HODOR!! was good

Brocky

call me naive, wonder if part of cooper slowing down there was cooper justin being gassed

hippofant

You are naive.

Brocky

……are you like, King Hippo’s vassal?

hippofant

As a free republican hippo, I would never cede dominion over my self to a clueless aristocrat.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Slowing down ≠ stopping

...

The Bears really did not deserve those three points.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Maybe not, but I think the Steelers deserved to be scored on

litre_cola

This is some true fuckery

Sharkbait

The fuck Chicago?

Col. Duke LaCross

Dogs and cats, living together…MASS HYSTERIA!

LemonJello

Add a false start to this. Jeebus.

Have to kick a field goal. Ass-hattery by Cooper cost them 4 points.

ArmedandHammered

And of course my DirecTV stream has been down for the last 10 minutes.

ArmedandHammered

The wife got a new iPhone and started downloading everything from the cloud to the phone, killing my bandwidth.

Unsurprised

That’s pretty strong evidence in the eventual divorce to sway the property division in your favor.

LemonJello

That’s almost justifiable homicide in some jurisdictions.

Redshirt

BWHAHAHAHAH!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pandemonium

Redshirt

Snap the ball!

...

Holy shit this is Peak Bearistocrats.

Redshirt

Oh my God! Hail BLEERGH!!!

fleshwound_NPG

Browns trying to make a game out of it

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