2017 Quotables – Week 7 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

As I complained in the comments yesterday, my Sunday viewing slate was ARI/RAMMIT, NYG/SEA, NE/ATL. The total number of points scored by losing teams in those broadcasts: 14. I’m not bullish on the 2017 season.

HOWEVA, Justin Timberlake is now officially slated for the Super Bowl 52 Halftime Show and Twitter is already #justiceforjanet. You can call me the Detroit Lions because, as with all Super Bowls, I’m just staying out of this one.

Finally, power rankings aren’t necessarily shaking out at the top (how far can the Steelers ride Le’Veon Bell’s ever shortening career?) but the bottom of the barrel appears to be taking shape nicely. The once AFC East leading Jets are now a 0.3% lock for the division title and should be FINALLY buying into tanksville.

Last week (Week 7):
Top 5: KC, ATL, PHI, CAR, PIT
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, CHI, IND, LAC

This week (Week 8):
Top 5: KC, PHI, PIT, SEA, DAL
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, ARI, BAL, NYJ

Alright, that should be time enough for the gifs to load. Pardon the basedball analogy but here’s hoping you all knock Quotables out of the park this week.


 

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Brice Butler scores a touchdown against the New York Jets

Coach RTD’s nightmare scenario.

Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Mike Wallace drops a pass against the Minnesota Vikings.

Los Angeles Chargers punter Drew Kaser places the ball inside the 20 against the Denver Broncos.

Philadephia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz evades a sack against the Washington Redskins.

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Rothlisberger reacts during a game against the Cincinnati Bengals

I don’t actually know [DFO]’s policy on posting gifs of illegal hits.

Presented without comment.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
Please Login to comment
40 Comment threads
13 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
15 Comment authors
BrettFavresColonoscopySenor WeaseloMoose -The End Is Well NighLemonJelloSonOfSpam Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

That punt is going to come with a spot of tea in 1-2 years

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jesus sometimes Wentz you to go right through the hole.

DO YOU HEAR THAT, TEBOW?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

The NFL is so bad this year that the Cowboys apparently have to play two different opponents some weeks

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

I haven’t seen a Raven that blameless for senseless violence since that elevator in February 2014

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Wait, you weren’t just protesting the right to ride a motorcycle without a helmet?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

DOWN GOES SIEMEN!

–Learning the wrong lesson in anatomy class and inappropriately conveying the events surrounding the USS Cole

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

STOMP! STOMP! Crap, crap.

King Hippo

comment image?resize=500%2C278&ssl=1

Cool black Coach did NOT make one of his hilarious, good time sideline faces there.

/also, this was sadly only like the 5th or 6th worst thing that happened to the Donks in Shitty Clipper land Sunday

//Brandon Perna had an epic rant on this very play on his “That’s Good Broncos” YouTube segment that had me in stitches. He some how brought it around to how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles move franchise shat on his childhood.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

THIS GUY DREW KASER I CALL HIM “THE LASER” CAUSE HE’S DROPPING PRECISION-GUIDED BOMBS.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

I haven’t seen a primate take a shot like that since the bar scene in Any Which Way You Can.

LemonJello
LemonJello

We would have also accepted “Since Harambe.”

/dicks out

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To the head!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

– Ben Roethlisberger, when they finally get to the part of the workplace harassment video that explains what “consent” means.

LemonJello
LemonJello

This is sublime.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

THIS GUY CARSON WENTZ I CALL HIM NIGHTCRAWLER CAUSE HE CAN TELEPORT SHORT DISTANCES AND REPRESENTS A GROUP OF MUTANTS THAT IS LOATHED BY THE REST OF HUMANITY.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Real talk: I think he actually made the right play here – since he first touched the ball in the field of play, wouldn’t it be a safety if he’d tried to down it?

King Hippo

nope, cause he didn’t have control. I dislike that part of the rule, but the muff doesn’t mean safety or even back to spot of the muff – it’s ruled a touchback.

SonOfSpam

I believe if the ball’s (heh) momentum was carrying it into the end zone, it can be a touchback regardless of whether it was touched in the field of play.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

It’s funny seeing a guy named Prescott delivering something to a Butler; it’s usually the other way around.

Enrico Pallazzo

“Personal Foul…Way Too Awesome Hit On Shitty QB…#54 of the defense…I’m sorry”

nomonkeyfun

comment image?resize=500%2C277&ssl=1

“Graphics” man- “I’m telling you that isn’t how it’s spelled. Look at the form they filled out.”

Network exec- “My teacher always said “I” before “E”, except after “C”.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“I get a pound of barbecue per yard of distance, right?”
-A. Reid

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“Someone named Covalent Blonde just threatened to come out of the stands and kick my ass!?!”
“Jesus. RUN! RUN YOU FOOL!”

Senor Weaselo

Well, LemonJello’s a dead man.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
If a QB is killed in a mostly empty stadium, does it make a sound?

nomonkeyfun

comment image?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1

Tonight on 60 minutes.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
I haven’t seen a more confusing shot of a cowboy on a jet since W’s time in the Texas Air National Guard.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“NoNoNoNoNoNo! The endzone IS LAVA!!!!1!11!!”

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image

THE BEN’s actions in a Georgia bar bathroom stall back in 2010 finally sink in.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
To add insult to injury, the Eagles audible for a QB scramble was “Trail of Tears.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“Hello, Darkness, my old friend…”

Beerguyrob

comment image

comment image

C’mon guys, you can’t let them get away that easily.

Beerguyrob

comment image

You get this fucking salad OFF OF MY PLATE!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

Somebody broke the siiiiiiiiiiiiite!

monty this seems strange to me

What did you call that girl in the bathroom, Ben?

comment image

“Whore”
-Ben

Beerguyrob

Also would have accepted “available”.

SonOfSpam

comment image

“Big fucking deal.”

– Mary Draper Ingles

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT is fucking great.

Game Time Decision

comment image

Just another example of the white man taking advantage of the ‘Skins

SonOfSpam

comment image

Damn, last Denver guy that went down that violently forgot to fuel up his Cessna.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DING DING!

Game Time Decision

comment image

I CALL THIS GUY KASER “HOUSTON (500/620)” AS HE LIKES IT DEEP

Game Time Decision

comment image

After further review, Touchdown Seattle!!!
-Ref
/obligatory

Game Time Decision

comment image

“Purple monkey dishwasher”
-Trent Green, commentating.

monty this seems strange to me

“Purple monkey?”
-Howard Cosell

SonOfSpam

comment image

“Look at that huge gorilla throw!”

– Howard Cosell

Game Time Decision

this also applies to the Ben GIF

ballsofsteelandfury

See, Ben, it’s wrong to rape women.

ballsofsteelandfury

I will reiterate Coach RTD’s philosophy: I would fine every kickoff returner that takes the ball out of the endzone. In today’s NFL, there is no fucking way a returner gets 25 yards.

Game Time Decision

whilst i agree that bringing the ball out out the endzone is dumb, i think it was a live ball after he touched it, that a cover in the end zone would be a safety.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Was wondering that myself.

nomonkeyfun

comment image?resize=500%2C277&ssl=1
Pictured, Danny Almonte’s first attempt to circumvent age regulations.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image?resize=500%2C282&ssl=1

it’s good to see that even a few years after Tomsula’s departure the 49ers recognize that you never leave a bindle behind.