2017 Quotables – Week 7 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

As I complained in the comments yesterday, my Sunday viewing slate was ARI/RAMMIT, NYG/SEA, NE/ATL. The total number of points scored by losing teams in those broadcasts: 14. I’m not bullish on the 2017 season.

HOWEVA, Justin Timberlake is now officially slated for the Super Bowl 52 Halftime Show and Twitter is already #justiceforjanet. You can call me the Detroit Lions because, as with all Super Bowls, I’m just staying out of this one.

Finally, power rankings aren’t necessarily shaking out at the top (how far can the Steelers ride Le’Veon Bell’s ever shortening career?) but the bottom of the barrel appears to be taking shape nicely. The once AFC East leading Jets are now a 0.3% lock for the division title and should be FINALLY buying into tanksville.

Last week (Week 7):
Top 5: KC, ATL, PHI, CAR, PIT
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, CHI, IND, LAC

This week (Week 8):
Top 5: KC, PHI, PIT, SEA, DAL
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, ARI, BAL, NYJ

Alright, that should be time enough for the gifs to load. Pardon the basedball analogy but here’s hoping you all knock Quotables out of the park this week.


 

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Brice Butler scores a touchdown against the New York Jets

Coach RTD’s nightmare scenario.

Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Mike Wallace drops a pass against the Minnesota Vikings.

Los Angeles Chargers punter Drew Kaser places the ball inside the 20 against the Denver Broncos.

Philadephia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz evades a sack against the Washington Redskins.

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Rothlisberger reacts during a game against the Cincinnati Bengals

I don’t actually know [DFO]’s policy on posting gifs of illegal hits.

Presented without comment.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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That punt is going to come with a spot of tea in 1-2 years

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Jesus sometimes Wentz you to go right through the hole.

DO YOU HEAR THAT, TEBOW?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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The NFL is so bad this year that the Cowboys apparently have to play two different opponents some weeks

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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I haven’t seen a Raven that blameless for senseless violence since that elevator in February 2014

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Wait, you weren’t just protesting the right to ride a motorcycle without a helmet?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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DOWN GOES SIEMEN!

–Learning the wrong lesson in anatomy class and inappropriately conveying the events surrounding the USS Cole

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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STOMP! STOMP! Crap, crap.

King Hippo
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Cool black Coach did NOT make one of his hilarious, good time sideline faces there.

/also, this was sadly only like the 5th or 6th worst thing that happened to the Donks in Shitty Clipper land Sunday

//Brandon Perna had an epic rant on this very play on his “That’s Good Broncos” YouTube segment that had me in stitches. He some how brought it around to how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles move franchise shat on his childhood.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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THIS GUY DREW KASER I CALL HIM “THE LASER” CAUSE HE’S DROPPING PRECISION-GUIDED BOMBS.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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I haven’t seen a primate take a shot like that since the bar scene in Any Which Way You Can.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

We would have also accepted “Since Harambe.”

/dicks out

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To the head!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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– Ben Roethlisberger, when they finally get to the part of the workplace harassment video that explains what “consent” means.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

This is sublime.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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THIS GUY CARSON WENTZ I CALL HIM NIGHTCRAWLER CAUSE HE CAN TELEPORT SHORT DISTANCES AND REPRESENTS A GROUP OF MUTANTS THAT IS LOATHED BY THE REST OF HUMANITY.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Real talk: I think he actually made the right play here – since he first touched the ball in the field of play, wouldn’t it be a safety if he’d tried to down it?

King Hippo
Member

nope, cause he didn’t have control. I dislike that part of the rule, but the muff doesn’t mean safety or even back to spot of the muff – it’s ruled a touchback.

SonOfSpam
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I believe if the ball’s (heh) momentum was carrying it into the end zone, it can be a touchback regardless of whether it was touched in the field of play.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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It’s funny seeing a guy named Prescott delivering something to a Butler; it’s usually the other way around.

Enrico Pallazzo
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“Personal Foul…Way Too Awesome Hit On Shitty QB…#54 of the defense…I’m sorry”

nomonkeyfun
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“Graphics” man- “I’m telling you that isn’t how it’s spelled. Look at the form they filled out.”

Network exec- “My teacher always said “I” before “E”, except after “C”.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“I get a pound of barbecue per yard of distance, right?”
-A. Reid

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“Someone named Covalent Blonde just threatened to come out of the stands and kick my ass!?!”
“Jesus. RUN! RUN YOU FOOL!”

Senor Weaselo
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Well, LemonJello’s a dead man.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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If a QB is killed in a mostly empty stadium, does it make a sound?

nomonkeyfun
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Tonight on 60 minutes.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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I haven’t seen a more confusing shot of a cowboy on a jet since W’s time in the Texas Air National Guard.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“NoNoNoNoNoNo! The endzone IS LAVA!!!!1!11!!”

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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THE BEN’s actions in a Georgia bar bathroom stall back in 2010 finally sink in.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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To add insult to injury, the Eagles audible for a QB scramble was “Trail of Tears.”

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“Hello, Darkness, my old friend…”

Beerguyrob
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C’mon guys, you can’t let them get away that easily.

Beerguyrob
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You get this fucking salad OFF OF MY PLATE!

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

Somebody broke the siiiiiiiiiiiiite!

monty this seems strange to me
Member

What did you call that girl in the bathroom, Ben?

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“Whore”
-Ben

Beerguyrob
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Also would have accepted “available”.

SonOfSpam
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“Big fucking deal.”

– Mary Draper Ingles

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT is fucking great.

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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Just another example of the white man taking advantage of the ‘Skins

SonOfSpam
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Damn, last Denver guy that went down that violently forgot to fuel up his Cessna.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DING DING!

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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I CALL THIS GUY KASER “HOUSTON (500/620)” AS HE LIKES IT DEEP

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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After further review, Touchdown Seattle!!!
-Ref
/obligatory

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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“Purple monkey dishwasher”
-Trent Green, commentating.

monty this seems strange to me
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“Purple monkey?”
-Howard Cosell

SonOfSpam
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“Look at that huge gorilla throw!”

– Howard Cosell

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

this also applies to the Ben GIF

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

See, Ben, it’s wrong to rape women.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I will reiterate Coach RTD’s philosophy: I would fine every kickoff returner that takes the ball out of the endzone. In today’s NFL, there is no fucking way a returner gets 25 yards.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

whilst i agree that bringing the ball out out the endzone is dumb, i think it was a live ball after he touched it, that a cover in the end zone would be a safety.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Was wondering that myself.

nomonkeyfun
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Pictured, Danny Almonte’s first attempt to circumvent age regulations.

Horatio Cornblower
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it’s good to see that even a few years after Tomsula’s departure the 49ers recognize that you never leave a bindle behind.

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