Did you know that Jerome Bettis is still from Detroit and still played for the Steelers? He retired 12 years ago and somehow this always gets mentioned. It’s like he played basketball at Harvard for god’s sake. Now that’s something worth talking about! Let’s do a little rundown of a game between two teams that represent cities that the Manufacturing Sector Fairy (I call her ‘Stinkerbell’ because I’m mature like that) forgot about a long time ago. TO THE GAME!
Pit/Det: The Lions are coming off a bye but it’ll take a lot longer than two weeks to forget about the 52 points that the Saints hung on their sorry carcasses the last time they took the field. They started out 3-1 and the smell of burning tires had started to dissipate. And then, BANG! That sumbitch ‘History’ reared her goldarn head and just like that they’re sitting ugly at 3-3. Contrary to what you might think when you read these game intros, I try to do a wee bit of homework on each team. Who’da thunk that? Anyway, the stat that has floored me is that the Steelers haven’t allowed an opposing wide receiver more than 61 yards so far this season. That’s…impressive. The only wideout more upset with the Steelers and the way they play is their very own Martavis “The Cranky Bear” Bryant. This circumstance has resulted in the promotion of Justin “Time” Hunter. But we all know that Antonio “What Can” Brown “Do For You”* will once again be the feature of the passing game.
Get after it.
*The Berman is strong today
MOAR Prater
Altuveeeeeeee!!!!!! The tiniest beast!
I’d be moar impressed without the bedazzled fingerless gloves but….you know what, never mind. You do your thing there buddy.
You know, belly dancing really isn’t as erotic as they say it is
The most obscene part of that picture is Stafford having 362 yards on 19 completions. That’s like 16 yards per?
Correction: 19 yards per completion.
I think I’ll have the salad.
Pistons up 8 on the Warriors with under a minute to go
This isn’t the Kissing Doris Burke blog
Yeah!!!! What he said.
/would totally kiss Doris Burke
She’s no Delta Burke
/Googles Delta Burke
Oh, she’s like half a Delta Burke, apparently
BAAANGing Mike Breen?
Kissing Michelle Beadle
I managed to play a dude with everyone on bye who started BOTH Robby Anderson and fucking Juju
Sooooo….Barry Sanders is chock full o’ personality, eh?
Muted him, it was too painful.
might as well interview my coffee table next
Whenever I see Ben Roethlisberger or Shannon Sharpe’s head, it gives me a pang of regret that I probably won’t ever be able to check that visit to Easter Island off of my bucket list.
Fuck it one more drink.
Why not two?
Too much mint, 2/10 would not drink. Or bang.
Congratulations, Vikings, on your default NFC North win.
https://giphy.com/gifs/season-5-the-simpsons-5×15-xT5LMwsUArdUhqkeic?utm_source=media-link&utm_medium=landing&utm_campaign=Media%20Links&utm_term=
That is the exact opposite of a safety!
It was a total “dangerousy”.
20-12 is still kind of silly.
Shhhhhhhhhhh, don’t let Roland Emmerich hear you say that.
Nice.
That’s some good Juju.
Juju is bastard man
Do baseball players feel pain?
Need MOAR Prater
I kinda want a safety here because 13-14 is a silly score
You will get not that and like it.
Well that didn’t work.
I think that counts as “good.” I mean, it hit him in the face which is above the crossbar.
Goshdarn midget holder fucked it up.
(you saw the midget holder, right?)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmv5pTyz–I
I “Should” listen to this while snorting coke and drinking Vodka.
Fat QB sack instead.
You rock, Detroit.
Why does Verizon think some obnoxious hipster who revels in a lack of sports knowledge is an effective tool to sell phone service to people watching sports?
I wonder what Usain Bolt’s 40 time would be?
We should have had that. For science.
Stafford needs a snack after that run.
And oxygen.
I smell MOAR FAT KICKER
I suspect that is a smell which one would remember.
I dont know what to watch. Fantasy is done, listening to Kid A. Football or dirt football???
Drink more
Collinsworth is the king of the overstatement.
Bleergh comes in late on that one.
Also, bullshit call.
D’awwwwwwwwwwwwww
Kittehs!
This is why trophy hunters need to find a way to die…quickly.
they get bigger
Even Chuck Norris would drop after a kick in the jimmy.
That was a pretty entertaining 10 seconds of football
Shit.
DOINK
It’s like Houston wants to lose. Even i could tell that pitcher should have been been pulled.
Dirt Oilers ded agin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KhGUE_KjIo
Pistons up by 7 on Golden State
Go Detroit! Enemy of my enemy and all…
We can haz a ball game! All tied up in Houstonia.
I would hug you even if you were in a Cowboys Jersey
No jersey, my fandom doesn’t influence my choice of clothing…neither does any currently acceptable definition of modern fashion.
Zubaz and a pink golf shirt see you soon.
Fuck pantaloons!
Also Lederhosen!
“Does your clothing influence your fandom?” -Gangs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxvTOxeeFSA
Who among us haven’t shouted “I’M A CREEEEEEEP!!!!” at full volume while listening to the radio on the way home from work?
Also, while not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ju8xO_Zvfo
That Naval vet was on the USS Indianapolis. Someone queue up Quint’s speech.
Oh, crap. New X-Files.
No Gillian, nawt X-Files.
yeah is somethin’ art just because you put it on the wall?
Better than new Will and Grace
Bring back the Lone Gunmen
Can’t, the government has weaponized the show and is using it for their own nefarious means. (The first LG episode has them stopping a false flag attempt to crash a plane into the world trade center. Air date: March 2001).
More like the Why Files, amiright?
b/c the Californication money went up Duchovny’s nose?
Sexaholic “therapy”
/hookers n blow.
Does Guriel have to water that thing on his head?
Managed some more of that greasy Saag Paneer. I seriously think they managed to make spinach even less healthy than spinach deep dish pizza
Like they always say, “If there’s a veneer on your paneer, stear clear.”
Hawt Taek: Maybe Texans’ players are a little too butthurt over a senile old man mispeaking.
Glass houses, gentlemen.
Glass prisons. Or plantations if cackalackian.
Maybe I’d feel differently if they’d also choose to protest their co-workers’ beating, raping and killing of other human beings.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7Uy0Uznw4E
I want nothing more than for Sean Spicer’s Unearned Redemption Tour 2017 to end with him being dragged out of his home crying in handcuffs
What a bunch of fucking nonsense.
Dirt Oilers ain’t ded yet.
Thassa fack Jack!
Dammit. I just remembered I’m uhsposed to meet with attorney first thing in the morning to re-draft will and decide who gets my shit when I’m dead.
Meh. I can do that hungover probably, right?
Split evenly among Commentists
I call his car and TV.
I plan to take Dave with me.
You can have the TV.
I could live with that.
It’s all probably going to NCSU Vet School though. At least that’s how I’m a leanin’ currently.
Sorry.
Cut me in and I’ll promise to clear your browser history.
I haven’t redone my will since I went to Afghanistan 10 years ago and I’ve been thinking I need to do it. If I should precede my folks, they’re going to have to deal with the hassle of getting rid of all my shit (they’re in their 80s but in good health; better than me, anyway). They’ve got plenty of bank so they don’t need mine. Gonna change it to leave to my cousin in Mass to distribute to her sons and a couple of my other cousin’s sons. She’s a lawyer who deals with exactly that kind of stuff, so she be good with distributing some scratch to the kids.
Haven’t redone mine since my wife became my ex wife (then became dead).
I plan to spend heavily for the next 5-10 years and off myself when the dough runs out anyway, so….
This is just in case I get hit by a bus before then so none of my shithead family gets it.
Leave it all to your favorite pet. Loudly tell all your other pets about it.
Tangential but kinda funny. HS buddy of mine was raised by staunch Catholics and rejected religion/God in his early adulthood. His parents tried for 40 years to bring him back in the fold to no avail. His mom died a few years ago, and his father passed away back in the spring. I was talking to him recently and he told me they had written the will in such a way that he would not get his cut of the inheritance (appx $200K) unless he took and completed the Catholic Catechism and became friends with the priest at their church. Man, talk about reaching out from beyond the grave and putting the fuck on your kid….
No judgement on them (or him), but I don’t need no money that bad.
Yeah, I don’t think he’s going to do it, even though the money wouldn’t hurt his current situation.
“And then there’s something illegible about Eggs and a strange colored stain. Eggs Wodehouse?”
All for Dave?
He’ll be dead too. Suicide pact.
See below.
I can see you trying to attempt a Thelma and Louise, except since you’re in a truck it ends up just being really bad off-roading.
http://vimeo.com/1054468
Ghost story time
Growing up I lived in country by random creeks and streams. i was terrified of La Llorona when i was little but don’t think much of it as i got older.
i stayed late to clean up my uncle’s barn and had to walk home alone at night. Not a big deal, I’ve walked home alone at night countless times. I was maybe a mile from home when i heard a high pitched scream and then whimpering by the stream along the road i walked. I just remember running and my mom trying to calm me down. I’ve walked that road for years and heard/seen every animal in that area at day and night. I try to explain to myself that it wasn’t her screaming it was a cougar that night 25 years ago. I researched and cougars don’t exist in South Texas anymore.
i know what i heard and I can explain it.
You didn’t live, by chance, near Woman Hollering Creek over there between SA and Seguin, did you?
I beg to differ, cougars are alive and well in S. Texas. Otherwise, I’d still be a virgin.
i don’t recall anyone screaming “IS THAT IT??!!” . so eliminate that option
I knew I should have sprung for a room.
I had a similar experience with a ouija board: nobody will ever be able to convince me that what happened was “just a coincidence.”
It wouldn’t have helped, but kinda wishing I had picked Prater back up after dropping him during the bye
Godammit Astros!!!!!
I think I’ll be saying that a lot tonight.
For once you and I are on the same team.
back in fat kicker range