Did you know that Jerome Bettis is still from Detroit and still played for the Steelers? He retired 12 years ago and somehow this always gets mentioned. It’s like he played basketball at Harvard for god’s sake. Now that’s something worth talking about! Let’s do a little rundown of a game between two teams that represent cities that the Manufacturing Sector Fairy (I call her ‘Stinkerbell’ because I’m mature like that) forgot about a long time ago. TO THE GAME!
Pit/Det: The Lions are coming off a bye but it’ll take a lot longer than two weeks to forget about the 52 points that the Saints hung on their sorry carcasses the last time they took the field. They started out 3-1 and the smell of burning tires had started to dissipate. And then, BANG! That sumbitch ‘History’ reared her goldarn head and just like that they’re sitting ugly at 3-3. Contrary to what you might think when you read these game intros, I try to do a wee bit of homework on each team. Who’da thunk that? Anyway, the stat that has floored me is that the Steelers haven’t allowed an opposing wide receiver more than 61 yards so far this season. That’s…impressive. The only wideout more upset with the Steelers and the way they play is their very own Martavis “The Cranky Bear” Bryant. This circumstance has resulted in the promotion of Justin “Time” Hunter. But we all know that Antonio “What Can” Brown “Do For You”* will once again be the feature of the passing game.
Get after it.
*The Berman is strong today
So, Game 5 is going to have a 17-16 final score in 14 innings?
I think it should end 20-15 like SNF.
seems only fair
I’m thinking 18-17 in 22. This has the makings of a marathon.
If it somehow ends up 18-15 I’ll win four hundred bucks.
Never mind, this game might end.
This is why I love you people.
You mean it’s not our delightful charm and gigantic penises?
Is there no end to this game?
WILL THIS GAME EVER END?
This game will never end.
(sorry I felt left out)
Plot twist: This game will never end.
This based ball game is never going to end.
At this rate, Game 5 will never end.
Great minds.
CF makes up for boo boo
Huh, it’s so weird having SNF end before bedtime. This whole “West Coast” thing is weird
It’s awesome. You’ll love it.
Now you’ll get to see the local post-game show.
And she gets to see 60 Minutes at its regularly scheduled time!
Is she that old??
Did you move? Thought you were D.C. based.
She has, despite our warnings, become a Northern Californian.
Now you have time for a proper masturbation session before bedtime so that you don’t go to bed wanting to kill yourself because tomorrow is Monday.
…
What?
CF make boo boo
Justin Turner is not easy on the eyes.
He saves a lot on razors tho. So he’s got that going for him.
but gives it back on delousing shampoo
We hope.
Hehehehehehehe
Brie Larson has a nice ass. I appreciate that shot.
So does Bree Olson!!!
– C. Sheen
Didn’t he give her HIV?
Wasn’t it the other way around?
I’m guessing it was an even trade.
Actually, I just checked and it seems she doesn’t have it.
/googles Bree Olson home address
He seems like the kind of person who would do that, being a crazy cokehead with delusions of grandeur and tons of enablers and all, and so I assume every thing that he touches turns to shit.
Sexy
You get ejected for that?! If you gonna get ejected, at least get your money’s worth!
Why don’t more games end in fights?
– Greg Schiano
Detroit in the red zone tonight.
(artist’s conception)
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
THAT’S SOME GREAT OFFICIATING, CRIS
Where’d you find that photo of me from high school?
It’s Billy Bob!
You just know this guy has some goofy ass nickname.
Fat Fuck is a nickname
But it’s not goofy ass. I’m leaning more towards “Bobo”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dSUdzgmCik
I’m projecting. I gained 100 pounds basically between sophomore and junior year that I still carry 20 years later.
Is this decision making common for Fat Stafford? Because Xenu almighty, he makes a lot of terrible decisions
I’m in Hell. I hate the Steelers and they win and earn the admiration of the nation. At least I don’t have a devil giving me the business end of a pitchfork, but they might be saving that for the 9th Super Bowl Championship Celebration.
Who was Cris describing as Presidential. Because if it was Ben, that’d be rather fitting giving who is in office and H.W., among others like Clinton and JFK
HW has dementia, so he has a loophole.
Also, I must strongly suggest you review your post for an unfortunate typo.
LOL, agreed.
On the typo, that is.
Yeah, thank you South Park for teaching me that word.
Also, I suspect he has dementia or some age-related mental disorder. My grandfather got it near the end and it lowers the inhibitions. Think of it as being drunk only a lot worse and your stuck in your body not knowing your doing it.
It’s just a typo. No need to psychoanalyze the man.
Yeah, it’s not fun for sure.
This open thread became a subreddit so quickly I hardly noticed
Did someone tell the Lions that the End Zone is made of Lava?
Ooooh, 2 minute warning and I’m all atwitter as to how this will end.
(honestly don’t care as long as DET defense doesn’t find a way to score moar pts)
oh, are you idiots serious?
Stop wasting time, you’re likely kicking 3
FG #6?
that was weak defensing there, Yinzburgh
Free Fire is an insane movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkW-K5RQdzo
TJ better get chewed out by JJ because that glory boy missed shoulder tackle was some single A high school bullshit
ok, assdicks, don’t give Yinzer D any more points
I have two more gulps of my drink left. Goodnight you Kings and Queens of DFO. I’m off to dream of sealed indictments.
Later Tex.
The Farmhouse King? That might kill someone.
That’s right in my wheelhouse. I MUST HAVE IT
Andy Reid had four for lunch and he’s fine.
Having “Presidential” qualities is not a compliment in 2017, Cris.
Romo Jr. just got home from some hoodlum young adult-themed concert in San Antonio, gonna watch the rest of the World Series together. See ya on teh flip side.
Enjoy.
Also, check his pockets.
We now have no excuse why we’re not football players.
I am tall, meagre and slow.
I’m fatter than him.
I see Jared Lorenzen went back to school. Good for him.
Man, it’s hard to focus on these games when I’m all hyped for tomorrow’s arrest of a first year WH intern who will be blamed for 100% of everything that’s taken place in the last 2 years
I’m just waiting for Trump to pardon everyone and himself. That may be the spark that ignites this powder keg.
No, it won’t. Nothing will. He’s getting re-elected in 2020, and in 2024 we’ll have someone smarter and more evil than him succeed him.
The 22nd constitutional amendment would like a word.
(EDIT – never mind, I misread your comment)
How so?
I’ve edited in case you haven’t refreshed the page.
I misread, thought you had said re-election in ’20 and ’24.
Ah. I added a comma to clear that up, although it should probably be a new sentence. Maybe a semicolon would suffice.
Artie Burns sounds like a 90 year old Vaudevillian comedian.
Detroit Detroiting.
(thinking) “This game is kind of close. Maybe the Lions will hold onto this one.”
(Ben throws 97 yard catch-n-run to JuJu)
(thinking) “You’d think I learn by now.”
This is a good football game, but I’m getting distracted by this : http://www.extracrispy.com/culture/456/eating-breakfast-like-hunter-s-thompson-is-a-terrible-idea
Particularly on his final day, when the menu consisted of a single bullet.
I feel like he probably still had a grapefruit first
I respect his final decision given the ailments he had and all, but blowing your brains out in the kitchen is just bad form. People still have to use that kitchen. Take it outside, please.
If I can’t steal pills from Hippo’s house when the time comes, a bullet outside is my plan.
Brains don’t come off the ceiling easily.
Doing many things like Hunter S. Thompson is a terrible idea.
That’s bad Juju.
Baseball teams both have the same R H E: 7 6 1… does this qualify as WEIRD?
MAYBE
Pi. DO SOMETHING CONGRESS
Maybe if it was at the college world series
They must be in Wichita
[throws up shocker gesture]
[gets slapped by wife]
I had True Dreams of Witchita once!
It depends. Is the game in Wichita?
I believe that qualifies as a false flag
baseball is getting fun.
Dirt Oilers back from ded again.
World Series is so much better when the best team from each league is involved.
Doesn’t happen often.
It’s almost like the playoffs aren’t the ideal way to determine a champion.
Absolutely. Big win over the Calgary Stampeders tonight.
This baseball game is bananas.
B-a-n-a-n-a-s?
You might owe Gwen Stefani some dough now….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqcONoahlmQ
She trademark/copywrote teh spalling? Oh darn, I haz no monies. However shall we resolve this?
DON’T DO WHAT I DID!!!!!!
– G. Rossdale
espn so sexist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDy2s7hsfx4
Best X-Files
Jose Chung’s from ‘outer Space”
Home
The Host
Triangle.
Small Potatoes was awfully fun.
Go ahead run for H-town on base!