Your “I’ve Seen Better Lineups At Walmart” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

I can’t say that any of these games are that compelling to me. Will that stop me from eye-balling the hell out of these fixtures? You know the answer. What the hell else is there to do on a Sunday? Church? This isn’t the 1950’s when attendance was compulsory. No, the days of the bat-wielding Anti-Sin Squads bashing down your door and forcing you to eat all the pages of Genesis without a glass of water are long gone. So if we’re not headed to church, where are we headed? TO THE GAMES!

Cin/Jax: Here’s two teams with a bunch of 3’s and 4’s in their records. According to a certain advanced stat by the name of DVOA, (“Divided Villagers Over Alabama”) them Jags have an extraordinarily tough secondary. Thing is, they’re also in possession of a run D that has many of the attributes of a wet paper bag. Rb Mixon likes that whole “dead last in rushing yards allowed” thingy.

Den/Phi: Denver hasn’t won on the road and Philly hasn’t lost at home. There. [wipes hands] Done. I’m guessing newest Eagle Ajayi gets a handful of touches but that’s about it. Brock Lobster is going down, down, down. The Broncs qb situation is called The Big Muddy.

TB/NO: Five wins in a row vs. four losses in a row. Saints DC Dennis Allen righted a heretofore wonky D and now the hits just keep coming-over the course of the win streak they’ve given up an average of less than 160 yds. through the air. Rook cb Lattimore has been a lockdown beast, giving up a mere 6 catches for 75 yards so far this year.

Ind/Hou: The Texans answer to their owners verbal shenanigans last week was to gracelessly collapse against the Seahawks. Things get better in the form of the godawful Clippity Clops dropping by for a visit. There’s a new football movie being shopped around Hollywood these days, the working title is said to be “The Immortal Football Life of Frank Gore”.

Atl/Car: Qb’s Ryan and Cam are brothers in the struggle for more consistency in their overall play. They’ve gathered up 17 intercepts between them. Although both O’s are above average, much more was expected. The winner stays within a game of the Saints and the loser is mostly mired in the morass that is “they can make the playoffs if a, b, c, d and q happens”.

LAR/NYG: Most pundits would have swapped these records around had they been asked to predict how these teams would be halfway through. I guess that’s why they play the stupid games on the sked, eh? The Giants are a fat mess-how do you end up with a longer injury list after the bye week? The general consensus is that the stubborn McAdoo is way in over his head/has lost the locker room/will be shown the door at the end of the year. Meanwhile, under wonderboy McVay the Rammers have more than doubled their scoring average of 14 points last season.

Bal/Ten: The Black Sheep game of the one o’clock spot, both offenses are terrible to watch. The Titans need to hand the ball over to rb Henry-that kid is an explosive talent.

There’s work to be done, gents.