I’m over power rankings for this season. Are you? Yeah, me too. I think we all can agree that the only power that exists this season is that of The Shield (except for controlling players kneeling). Now, before we get to this week’s candidates, I have to admit that I didn’t see any Week 9 Action so my contextual understanding of all this is limited. Which is probably good because now I know how Pac-12 officials feel every time they see a play.
Forcing in Pac-12 talk, you say? Well, since we’re on the topic…
Okay, not really. I think it’s unreasonable to discuss JV roundball (also known as the Suns amirite?) when, somehow, San Francisco is still not yet eliminated from the postseason. Yes, I think SF is worse than #ThePauls but here’s a nice write up of their remaining schedules and how two 0-16 teams seems entirely plausible this year.
Continuing this rambling [checks gif loading status — 80%], I was in San Francisco last weekend and accidentally rode BART (The BART?) to Oakland. I have nothing to say about the place, as I did not leave the station, but I think it’s neat how the train goes under water. Anyways, that’s all the space I was obligated to burn so below are your Week 9 Quotables and let’s take a crack at these things together.
Also, thanks for BFC for filling in last week.
Back…and to the left. Back…and to the left.
It was this moment that Jalen Ramsey regretted teasing AJ Green with the thought that he is wasting the prime of his career with the Cincinnati Bengals.
Brock Osweiler throws the ball away like the Houston Texans throw money and draft picks away at terrible quarterbacks.
“More like Jailin’ Ramsey, amirite?” – Jacksonville cops, critiquing A.J. Green’s chokehold technique
Also something something P.D. Blue.
“I haven’t seen someone interacting with Jameis Winson so unaware that they’re about to get hit from behind since…are you guys even gonna write this down?”
– Me, trying to report a crime to the Tallahassee Police Department
“I can do it too, Philip.”
Looks like it’s time to call the glue factory to come get this string of Broncos.
“I had hoped my long-lasting deodorant would be dry by now.”
“I pray to my spirit animal, Mr. Winkles, to protect me during this play. In his name SNARLCHOMPGNASHSNARL!”
“FINISH HIM!”
/Mortal Combat Theme plays
“Cross my heart and hope Peyton dies, mom brought enough orange slices and juice boxes for everybody at halftime.”
I haven’t seen Jets involved in this kind of carnage since that stretch of Hwy 80 between Basra and Kuwait City in 1991.
“Soon as this dadgum camera is off me, load the hookers and blow on the G6 so we can add another notch in the ‘Mile High Club Belt’. YEEEEEEHHHAAAAAAAAWWWW I AM FUCKING CRAAAAAAZYYYYYY!!!1!”
In Jerry Jones’ world, much like in Sterling Archer’s, “The Walking Dead” means the girl has transformed from “Call girl” to “hooker”.
Winston was just playing the old “Pull my finger joke” on Lattimore.
It’s too bad Mike Nugent isn’t on the Bengals anymore, otherwise my Stranglehold joke would actually be relevant.
“Glasses, slippers, Legos and milk.”
Did they have matching towels?
Seattle’s version of the “Turkey hole”?
CATFIGHT!
Alternate:
Ramsey: Great taste!
Green: Less filling!
Alternate alternate:
Ramsey: Pitt the Elder!
Green: LORD PALMERSTON!
Cody Parker does a bang up Blair Walsh impression
Lattimore reacted reasonably given that he thought Winston was giving him crabs
more like the “Cheese Touch”
That is the type of leadership learned at FSU, distracting your opponent to set up the cheap shot.
This is how big of a vagina Russ Wilson is
Popke from Necessary Roughness hasn’t changed much
I know I’m not Catholic, but we need all the help we can get!
BEHOLD!!! I AM A MOTHERFUCKING STEEPLE!!!
Damn, last time something flew that fast at a Saint it was Sebastian.
When “it’s my ball and I’m going home” ends badly.
Great takedown technique.
-Dana White
What the hell is the dude in the white shirt doing. I keep watching but am unable to come up with anything.
/no joke
He’s there to make sure that the hookers stay down on their knees and can’t be seen on any camera. Or the poor bastard is Jerrah’s prostate stimulator.
When Stalin gets up, you get up.
Eli signals for the bunt.
Jameis almost learned his lesson about unwanted touching.
James Harrison was fined $100,000 for that illegal hit.
You’re welcome.