Goddess II – Episode 8

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Previously, on Goddess II….

When the elevator doors open…

tWBS (to Balls):  Holy shit, you weren’t kidding.

Balls:  Inorite????

The foursome enters the suite.

Leticia:  I need to go freshen up…  (to tWBS)  …  While I’m gone, don’t you dare do anything I’ll have to make you regret later.

Vanessa:  Me too, I’ll go with you … (to Balls) …  You better behave too.

Balls and tWBS:  *Silence*

Leticia and Vanessa (suspiciously):  Uh huh.  You keep it that way.  Both of you.

The pair moves towards Balls’ and Vanessa’s bedroom.  Once they’re out of earshot…

Balls (to tWBS):  Want some tequila???

tWBS:  Fuck yeah!!!!

Balls pulls out the tequila bottle and begins pouring.

Leticia (from a distance):  HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Vanessa (from a distance):  HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Balls (to tWBS):  Oh fuck, what now?

tWBS:  Dunno, but we better go find out.

Balls and tWBS both down their tequila shots, then move through the crowd toward the bedroom.  Once they reach the open doors to the room, where Leticia and Vanessa are both still standing…

Balls and tWBS (in unison):  HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Balls and tWBS now gaze upon the scene which Leticia and Vanessa have stumbled upon.  On a chair to one side of the bed, a very happy looking Rikki-Tikki-Deadly is…well, there is no other way to say it: completely naked.

His feet are tied to the legs of the chair while his hands are strapped to the arms of the chair.  His pubic hair,  which for some reason he still has,  is bright orange as is his regular hair. Girl#4 is on her knees in front of him.

On the bed,  Girls#1, 2 and 3 are… busy. Darkest Timeline Zack Morris is lying face down with his wrists tied by straps to each of the two posts of the headboard.  Pillows are propped underneath him so his ass is presented like a dessert tray. His ankles are similarly tied to straps that lead to the opposite corners of the bed.

The poor fucker cannot move.

Oh, btw, Girl#1 is also wearing a rather large and bright pink strap-on dildo and is currently positioned behind DTZM.

She was in mid-thrust when Vanessa and Leticia walked in but has now stopped, with the dildo buried deep inside DTZM’s ass.   And DTZM is wearing a ball gag and a blindfold.  We might have forgotten to mention that part before.

Girl #2 is positioned in front of DTZM with her bare feet in his face. Girl #3 is positioned behind Girl#1 and is also wearing a strap-on dildo.

A big black one.  Like extra black. And extra thick.  And….veiny.

In one far corner of the room, a guy with a video camera is filming and bored.  In another corner, a guy with a boom microphone also watches, completely detached. He has a large blue glass bottle by his side.

Balls:  What in the righteous fuck is going on?  I said bedrooms are off limits!!!!!!

Girl#4:  HEY, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU INTERRU (Sees Leticia and Vanessa) Oh,  Hi! I’m Blair Williams. Nice to meet you.

They all shake hands.

Balls and tWBS (in unison):  NO, I’M BLAIR WILLIA….

tWBS (to Balls):  Holy shit dude, that’s really  Blair Williams.

Leticia:  And that’s Kimmy Granger….

Vanessa:  ….And THAT’S Riley Reid!!!!

tWBS:  Holy fuck!!!!!  That’s Veronica Rodriguez!!!!

tWBS begins absent-mindedly moving towards where Veronica Rodriguez sits at the head of the bed holding DTZM’s head down.

Leticia:  Take one more step and you lose more than just your dick.

tWBS:  Oh shit, right.  Sorry honey.

RTD (smiling broadly):  Great fucking party guys!!!!!  Oh hey…it’s YOU guys!!!!!

DTZM:  Ummmmm…..ggdgsj?  Kkhsstsgzt????

tWBS:  What’s he saying?

RTD: I’ve no idea.  But I’m getting blown by Blair Williams!! What a day,  huh? Oh wait…. Shhhhh, don’t tell my wife!

tWBS: One: You’re married?!? Two, gimme just a sec. (To Balls) Dude, what do we do?

Balls (looking at camera dude in corner with a gleam in his eye):  You got that contract offer you sent them?

tWBS: Uh, yeah. It’s in my bag.

Balls: As Blair Williams clearly said to RTD, pull it out.  (turns to Blair Williams) …  Now,  Ms. Williams,  may we have a word?

tWBS grabs Leticia and heads to their bedroom.

tWBS:  Come on….now.

Leticia:  Ouch!!  Let go of me…

***

Maestro:  Goddammit, eh!!!!  Why does everyone keep hanging up on me, eh???????

Litre:  So did you get him, man?

Maestro (startled):  Jeebus!!!  I thought you were asleep!!!!  Did I get who?

Litre:  Balls, man.  Or tWBS, man.  Either one.  And it’s “whom”, man.

Maestro:  No, I just talked to Rob.  He’s heading south and we’ll meet up with him at some point.

Litre:  Awww, sweet man.  I love that dude!!!!!!

Maestro:  Why are you talking like Tommy Chong, eh?

Litre:  Have you even tried calling tWBS, man?

Maestro thinks for a moment, then pulls out his phone and dials tWBS.  After only two rings, tWBS answers…

tWBS:  Hello?

Maestro:  Oh thank God, eh?  I’ve been trying to reach you guys.  You gotta get outta…

tWBS (loud casino noises in background):  I’m sorry, who is this?  I’m in a Vegas Casino so I’m having a bit of trouble hearing you clearly.  Can you speak up?

Maestro:  *sigh*  I SAID IT’S MAESTRO…LUIS AND MANUEL ARE HEADED TO VEGAS TO KILL YOU AND…

tWBS:  Hahahahahahahahaha…..IT’S MY VOICEMAIL DUMMY!!!!!  Leave it!!!!!

BEEEEEEEEP

Maestro (hanging up):  *sigh*  Fucking assholes.  When we get to Vegas, I’m going to beat ’em down myself.

Litre (giggling):  Haha, they got you again, eh?

Maestro:  How can we get a message to them?

Litre (giggling):  How aboot Pony Express, man?

Maestro:  Goddammit Litre, this is serious!!!!!

Litre (unwrapping another brownie):  OK, sorry sorry.  OK….how aboot a telegram?  You can have it sent right to them where they’re staying.  Some of the casinos even have the telegram office right inside their buildings.

Maestro:  Holy shit, eh??  That’s a great idea!!!  Why didn’t I think of that?

Litre (pulling out a brownie):  Because you’re hungry, man.  Here, eat this.

Maestro:  No, no way.  I’m driving.

Litre:  No, man.  This one is plain.  You need to eat something.

Maestro:  OK, thanks.  But we still need to send a telegram.  Where can we do that?

Litre:  Gimme your phone, tell me where they are, and tell me what you want to say.  We can do it right online, eh.

Maestro:  Holy shit, cool.

Litre:  Working for Canadia Post has its advantages, eh?

Maestro:  You mean Canada Post, eh?

Litre:  What did I say, eh?

Maestro:  Canadia Post, eh.

Litre:  How’s that different, eh?

Maestro:  You know what, eh?  Let’s just get this telegram sent and then figure out…

***

Leticia:  What the fuck is going on here?????

tWBS frantically digs through his briefcase and pulls out a garbled mess of folders and papers.

tWBS:  I need to find something fast.

Leticia:  First you need to tell me what’s going on in there and who those guys are.

tWBS:  Still hazy on the first part actually.  But I can tell you who the guys are.

Leticia:  Don’t fuck with me right now.

tWBS thrusts a grouping of stapled papers to Leticia while still looking through the rest.

tWBS:  Here, read this.  I’m not fucking with you.

Leticia begins thumbing through and reading one of the scripts from the first season of In Search of a Goddess, as tWBS continues his frantic search.

Leticia:  Wait, what is this?  You wrote about us?  You named me LETICIA?????????

tWBS (sheepishly):  Heh heh, well I couldn’t use your real  name.

Leticia:  But LETICIA??????  I am NOT  a Leticia.

tWBS:  Well you are now.  It’s already been published in electronic print media on DFO.  That’s big time.  That’s permanent.  Can’t change it now.

Leticia:  So like what…?  Maybe 30 people read it?

tWBS:  *sigh*  Probably closer to 10.

Leticia:  Probably.

tWBS:  But fine, you don’t wanna be “Leticia” when it goes on screen, then that’s fine.  But none of that matters if I don’t find this contract.

tWBS continues desperately looking, Leticia continues reading.   Just when tWBS is about to give up searching through the mess of papers, he finds the contract.

tWBS jumps up and begins heading back to the other bedroom.

Leticia:  Wait.

tWBS stops and turns back to Leticia.

Leticia:  You really wrote about us?

tWBS:  Yes.  I mean…. obviously it’s embellished to a large degree in places.  But…yes.

Leticia:  Why didn’t you tell me?  Did you think I’d be mad?

tWBS:  What?????  You?  Mad?  Noooooo….

Leticia:  Please.  I’m serious.

tWBS:  *sigh*   I didn’t tell you because…..  I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.  And your opinion means more to me than anyone else on the planet.  I don’t think I could stand it if…

Leticia:  I love it.  And just the fact that you thought enough of our time together to write about it is just…

tWBS:  Well to be fair, I also wrote at least as much about my truck named “Dave”.

tWBS smiles, then goes in for a hug.  Leticia slaps him across the face….HARD.

Leticia:  My name is NOT  “Leticia”.

tWBS:  We’ll talk about it.  But later, OK?  Right now, can we…

***

Lambeau:  …talk about this for a second?

BeerGuyRob drives through the night while his kids sit in the backseat of the van, discussing the situation.

Lambeau, still a big puppy, is restless and not happy.  Riga, the young matriarch, counsels him.

Riga:  *sigh*  What now?

Lambeau:  Well, what the hell is going on here?  I was asleep and warm at home.  I’d just taken a righteous shit in the yard Dad would have stepped in later.  That would have been funny.  But now…?  BOOM.  We’re in the van in the middle of the night going to….where are  we going, anyway?

Riga:  Are you new here????

Lambeau:  YES!!!!

Riga:  Oh, right.  Sorry.  Well, see….Dad kinda has some weird friends.  Sometimes they do weird stuff.  Then Dad goes and does weird stuff.  And we always tag along.

Lambeau:  But why?

Riga:  We’re dogs.  And we love him.

Lambeau:  But weren’t you happy a few minutes ago when we were warm and asleep?

Riga:  Well sure I was.  But I’m happy now, too.  Besides, we’re going on an adventure to Lost Vagueness.  I hear it’s sparkly.

Lambeau:  What’s….”sparkly”.

Riga:  I dunno.  I heard Dad say it and it sounded nice.

Riga hops down from where she is seated and jumps up, propping her front feet on the armrest of the seat from which Rob currently guides the van south.  She licks his face.

BeerGuyRob:  Awwwww, there’s my girl.  Are you keeping your brother in line back there?

Riga:  RUFF!!!!

BGR:  Good girl.  Go back and lie down.  We’ve still got a lot of driving ahead of us.

Riga:  RUFF!!!!

Riga returns to her seat.

Riga (to Lambeau):  See?  It doesn’t take much to make the humans happy.

Lambeau:  But what about….

Riga:  You know what?  That’s enough for now.  Here, go get your ball.

Riga grabs Lambeau’s ball with her teeth, and with a twitch of the head she slings it to the back of the van.  Lambeau, in his excitement, clumsily topples over the back of the seat in pursuit.

BGR:  Hey!!!  Settle down back there!!!

Lambeau continues chasing the bouncing ball in the back of the van, but the bouncing of the vehicle itself causes him to keep missing.  Finally he corners it.

Lambeau (excited):  Hey…

***

tWBS:  …I got it!

Leticia and tWBS return to the bedroom.

Balls: Perfect! (Hands it over to Blair Williams) Ms. Williams, it’s been a pleasure to meet you. See you in a couple of hours.

Blair Williams shoots finger guns at Balls.

Blair: Right back atcha!

tWBS: Um, what just happened?

Balls: Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.  Let’s go grab some breakfast.

Vanessa: Yeah,  we got this. Also, I’m starving.

Balls: Baby, what do you think? French toast,  waffles, or pancakes?

Vanessa: Yes.

Balls: I love you.

Vanessa: Hey,  do you think they have real maple syrup?

***

Litre_cola: Nothing but Canada’s best, man!

To Be continued…..

***

 

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nighlitre_colaSenor WeaselotheeWeeBabySeamusSonOfSpam Recent comment authors
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litre_cola

Tommy Chong went to school in Calgary. A lot of people don’t care.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Well there’s no way this can end badly, right? Also I think I’m confused now, but I’m definitely not high enough.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

So the guy who keeps this site moving likes pegging. BGR’s dogs are smarter than all of us and RTD has red pubes.

Well that is enough learnin for me today.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There WILL be math on the test.

SonOfSpam

So the guy who runs the site is getting railed by a young lady while gagged and blindfolded?

How long is this post gonna stay up? (heh heh…”up”)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I keep reading it as Blair Walsh and waiting for the inevitable shanking joke that never comes.

Beerguyrob

Yep – that’s about 99% accurate for a drive with the dogs.

Sounds like everyone else is in a …

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holee shit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fucking WEIRD.

comment image

What I’m saying is; WELL DONE!

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

based on the survey, i think at least 56 (ml) people read this

and I find the shiney siclon flag disturbing for some reason

ballsofsteelandfury

You misspelled erotic.

Enjoy it while you can. Given today’s “sticky situation” we put the Powers That Be in, we fully expect a cancellation notice any time today…

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

So the last post then points to the go fund me page for DFO 2.0, notupforwhatever.com?

nomonkeyfun

It sounds like Rikki is “up” for whatever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not enough advertising dollars? Or is it the boycott by The Prude Association of Pearl Clutching Gaspers of Altoona, PA.?