Your “Rams/Vikes And Very Little Else” NFL Football Open Thread

And you were thinking that yesterday’s college lineup was wanting? All I know is that when you need the big boys in the NFL to step up and do the right thing they’ll crawl into a corner and do the wrong thing. I guess this is the football equivalent of the ‘dog days of summer’, only in this circumstance the teams that are one win above or below .500 try to make something of their season. Most never do, of course but watching the process unfold can be a touch exasperating. Ah well, I’m a channel-flipping madman at heart, so off we go. TO THE GAMES!

TB/Mia: Qb Winston has been accused of groping an Uber driver last year. I’d be worried if I was the lady in question-I know for a fact that at one time he had crabs. This was the game that was canceled at the start of the year. No one gave any thought to cancelling it again so here we are.

Ari/Hou: Poor Sean Ryan. “Who the hell is Sean Ryan?”, you say in your squeakiest voice. Well calm down and I’ll tell you. He’s the sorry bastard/Texans qb coach that has been tasked with turning Doc Savage Garden into a competent footballer. It’s not going well. Savage is completing passes at a murky 47% clip and his adjusted yards per pass play is just more than half of Watson’s number. He did find a way to pad the stat sheet last week by turning the ball over 4 times.

KC/NYG: Will Eli fumble the ball yet again? Yes. Will the Giants D give up more than 30 for the third straight week? Yes. Are you taking the over? Yes, yes you are.

Jax/Cle: Them Jags look to be on solid ground as far as getting their seventh win of the season although they may be without their Little Red Fournette. He’ll give his bum ankle a whirl before the game but methinks it would be all kinds of stupid to play him if he’s not 100%. After all, Jacksonville can always lean on qb Bortles and his earthy 51.3 QBR.

Det/Chi: The Lions are tied at 5-4 in the NFC North with the Packers and the Bears are just trying to develop their Truth Biscuit without getting him murderized. That sexy Jordan Howard fantasy pick you made at the start of the season has rewarded you with zilcho TD’s the last five weeks. What were you thinking?

LAR/Min: At the outset of  September not many eyeballs were thinking they’d be glued to this interaction. But here we are-two 7-2 squadoos that dearly want to believe in themselves. You’d think the Ramsters would have piled up the home wins to get where they are but the buggers are undefeated on the road. What a time to be alive.

Bal/GB: Qb Hundley is applying for a new position-that of sixteenthback. He’s more awful than week-old falafel. The Packers haven’t been able to generate more than 17 points under his “leadership”. The Ravens are coming off a bye and should stuff their opponent’s faces right into the frozen tundra.

Was/NO: The workpony of the Dacteds O is wee Chris Thompson. He should do his fair share of whinnying, scampering and snorting while the Saints roll to the W.

Thoughts? Prayers? Directives? Get going!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
698 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Recovery Whiskey

Motion to call Miami / Tampa the Global Warming Bowl

rockingdog

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Is America’s Wang Bowl already taken?

rockingdog

hahahahaha

theeWeeBabySeamus

Thank you for allowing me to break even today, TB.
You may now resume losing next week.

rockingdog

hahahahahah

rockingdog

Sad Reid is Sadcomment image

King Hippo

They Might Be Giants?

Redshirt

Screw, NFL Contractual Obligations! I don’t need to see the Bengals lose. I wanna stay and see how the Giants mess this one up!

Doktor Zymm

The…..Giants?

Gratliff

Chiefs have fallen off a goddamn cliff.

Redshirt

…da faq?!

Gratliff

Don’t score a TD stupid. They will 100% score if you do.

Redshirt

Lets see if the Giants play for the win or for the tie.

Shogun Marcus

I love how they fight for this imaginary line, that beyond this DRAGONS WILL RAPE YOU ORALLY WHY LIVE NOW?!

Doktor Zymm

I bet dragons have spiked penises.

Shogun Marcus

They do seem kitty-like.

Recovery Whiskey

Eli throws it up for grabs. And its not.

litre_cola

We demand a tie.

Shogun Marcus

MEH APPROVES!
/seriously would this deity have any other name?

litre_cola

WICHITA

Doktor Zymm

Oh for fuck’s sake.

King Hippo

somewhere. someone with moneyline bets on NYG and WAS is tying their noose…

Doktor Zymm

What was the line on that one?

King Hippo

KC -10 and NO -8.5, each moneyline in the +350 to +400 range

Doktor Zymm

Oh hey, Ginn is on the Saints now, so someone could conceivably sing “When the Saints go Marching Ginn”

Redshirt

A tie! A tie! We demand a tie!

rockingdog

rememeber when it used to 31-16 SLURS?

Doktor Zymm

A Witch! I mean…a Tie!

Gratliff

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kamara kinda made that one interesing.
But still loving the Kamara.

rockingdog

Thats was crazzzzzzyyyyyy!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I might have shouted some profanities during that “reception” and scared my cat outta the room.
LOL.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Foe. He would hunt us for creating him because existence is suffering. Also because we’re obviously a threat.

Wakezilla

Jesus fucking Christ, Saskatchewan! Even the Browns are embarrassed with whatever the fuck that derp was. Argos win. That was a really good game

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Maybe Barth is the secret plan to tank for a better draft pick

Doktor Zymm

Seems like a smart plan actually, so probably not something the Bears would do

...

/increasingly loud sound of stomping feet leading to door flying open

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Sad Bears are sad
comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Where be the Hippo with his RAMMIT love?

One game down, two to go…

Unsurprised

Higher than a motherfucker

theeWeeBabySeamus

You shush. Those assholes cost me a c note today.

Doktor Zymm

was it middle C? That one is super important

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe. Nice.

King Hippo

temporary setback!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Conor Barth should die of gonorrhea and burn in hell

Doktor Zymm

Is that what they mean when they talk about burning “down there”?

Gratliff

That was some Ray Finkle shit right there

Wakezilla

Touchdownnnnnn Argos! Fajardo is really good at sneaking into areas.

25-21 Argos.

Col. Duke LaCross

Let’s give Barth a chance to fuck this up!

King Hippo

BARTH!

Unsurprised

comment image

rockingdog

comment image

litre_cola

Wow, Browns. Wow.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That one was foar my girlfriend!!!!

– Mante T’eo (sp?)

JustStopDude

Can the Browns move again?

Doktor Zymm

I…the…just….Oh, Browns

rockingdog

Thats sooooo Browns. LOL!

Doktor Zymm

They’ve actually changed the meaning of “crazy like a Fox” to mean shitty

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How excited is Jim Caldwell right now?

Shogun Marcus

Reach under the shade and find his nipples!

Wakezilla

43 seconds left,Argos on Riders 1, down by 3…

JustStopDude

comment image

rockingdog

Thats good design.

rockingdog

Bears look dead…comment image

litre_cola

John Fox lose his job soon?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Be this God’s will

Recovery Whiskey

Wouldnt matter unless the whole front office went with him

Shogun Marcus

And sold. Ppl forget that.
/packers fan, just wants good football.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Trubisky looking g for Gheorge Muresan there

Gratliff

Apparently, SNL had an actually funny sketch last night, so they’ve met their annual quota.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=284&v=8Ij4a6x_mPs

Gratliff

Interesting point, those scores in the ticker are the actual NHL scores for Saturday, and I appreciate them reminding me that the Flyers haven’t won in like a month.

Gratliff

That’s extremely fitting.

Doktor Zymm

CAUSE we ALL WANTED TO SEE MORE CHIEFS GIANTS

JustStopDude

I fucking hate this team with every fiber of my being.

rockingdog

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Alex Smith does know that you aren’t supposed to slide head first, right?

Unsurprised

It’s not like he knows you can throw more than 3 yards forward, either.