Your “Dammit, What Was I Thinking?” Monday Night Football Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Jay Cutler has been placed in concussion protocol.
    • They weren’t sure if anything was wrong until the doctor asked where he was and Cutty replied, “at your office, to get my kids vaccinated”.
    • Might as well just give the Pats the division at this point.
  • The rumours are coming down, via Sporting News, that the upcoming ESPN layoffs could add up to between 80-100 people.
    • “ESPN is dealing with three simple math problems. They have fewer subscribers than they planned for. They have higher costs than they planned for. They lower ratings than they hoped for,” said one source.
  • The Bears have cut Connor Barth and signed Cairo Santos.
    • That’ll show anyone else who questions Foxy’s leadership that 10-32 is a serious record to a serious man.
  • EVERYTHING’S FINE! – Broncos edition:
    • Mike McCoy is the first one to pay for the losing streak.
      • Because the offensive coordinator was clearly responsible for signing Brock Osweiler & Trevor Siemian.
    • John Elway says the Broncos have gotten “a little bit soft”.
      • Some players are perturbed

  • Stealing from Crimebeat! – Packers edition
    • Only coming out now because of the court date last week, injured Packers RB Aaron Jones was stopped on October 1 for a litany of charges.
      • According to records obtained by ESPN, operating a vehicle with a controlled substance in his system, speeding (24 mph over the posted speed limit of 55) and operating a vehicle without a valid license.
        • “controlled substance” = the Mary Jane
    • The League will step in once the legal process has concluded.

Finally, the Georgia Dome was imploded today.

It was adjacent to the new stadium, also has a roof that didn’t open, and has Donald Trump wondering why the building to the south of it in this picture wasn’t also taken down as “collateral damage”.

#FAKENEWS


Didja miss me?

Before you shatter my ego, let me just say this. I was supposed to be away two weeks because of:

  • Vacation; and really just my wife’s need to take a trip to keep her airline status; and
  • Because I was supposed to be away this week due to another colonoscopy.

But, after the trip got wrapped up, the procedure was cancelled late last week. So, I asked the DFO executrixes if I could resume my duties until I’m rebooked & have to go back into the hospital. They gave me a resounding “ehh…sure?”, so here I am.

There will be a “Boots on the Ground” from the trip, hopefully tomorrow. I’ve been rebooked for December 8th, so I’ll be here up until the 6th. Mazel Tov!


Game preview: Falcons at Seahawks

Had everything gone right with my procedure, I would have had today & tomorrow off “sick” so I could have attended this game in person. However, given the crappy weather & snow above 1500 feet, I’m actually glad I’m not driving south today to go watch this thing.

I guess it’s good they imploded the Georgia Dome while Atlanta is in Seattle, so Pete Carroll can forgo any defensive game planning to instead grill Arthur Blank & Dan Quinn about who else was involved in bringing down the dome.

The point spread is still three points & favours the Seahawks, but that seems kind of flexible. The Hawks are down to backups & recent signees at most of the defensive positions, and still have no running game to speak of. There’s going to be more Legion of Boom members in streets on the sidelines than playing in the game. Dwight Freeney might’ve preferred to have stayed retired. Seattle’s game preview on their website reads like a cult leader trying to deny anything’s wrong. If the Charmslinger survives the game upright, that might be the sole victory Pete Carroll takes from the contest.

Meanwhile, the Atlanta defense is coming off beating the Cowboys hard; it’s never good when the broadcast compares the number of sacks Dak takes to rookie Troy Aikman, although I’m sure he’s glad for the refresher since he doesn’t remember that year. The Falcons offense is alright at best, and Julio Jones should be able to exploit whatever converted lacrosse players the Seahawks will have playing safety. If the Falcons O-line can keep Matt Ryan from being beat into becoming the checkdown-king, he should get over 300 yards. The key tonight will be Devonta Freeman; if he has over 30 yards by the end of the first quarter, it’s going to be a long night for the 12s because having to focus on stopping the run will expose Seattle’s zone defence to Atlanta’s air attack.

I’ve got pulled pork marinating in the fridge, which is going into the oven the second I get home from school, so I predict the only true winner tonight will be my taste buds.


Tonight’s sports:

  • Monday Night Football:
    • Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NHL:
    • Columbus at Buffalo – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Ducks at Sharks – 10:30PM | Sportsnet
  •  NBA:
    • Thunder at Pelicans – 8:00PM | TSN2
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s Basketball:
      • Texas A&M at Oklahoma State – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • Hampton at Xavier – 8:30PM | FS1
      • Baylor at Wisconsin – 9:30PM | ESPN2
      • Michigan at LSU – 11:00PM | ESPNU
      • U*NC at Stanford – 11:30PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the post-Survivor Series show – getting things set up for the Rumble

It’s good to be back in the saddle. AT LEAST I CAN STILL SIT! FOR NOW!!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Brocky
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Senor Weaselo
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What’s today’s reason? Not that it’s needed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I sure feel badly for the editor who has to digitally darken up the more translucent panties before CBS airs the VS show next week.

h

ttp://sharenxs.com/gallery/adriana-lima-victorias-secret-fashion-show-shanghai-20-nov-17_5a136c7d93e63/adriana-lima-victorias-secret-fashion-show-shanghai-20-nov-17-11_5a136b1b65b50/original

Brocky
Member

peacocktease?

Wakezilla
Member

Victoria Secret’s lingerie is pretty basic, but man, they sure hire attractive women to wear them

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/20/style/starbucks-gay-agenda.html

I don’t really care for Starbucks over roasted coffee, but I’m going to frequent them through January anyway.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I do work there since their cold brew is decent, I get free refills, and it’s 500 feet from my front door. So you can always just put money on my card or something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I need to stock up on the Gay Agenda cups.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Buddy can probably get you some directly from the Gay Factory.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

If it’s not this shit, it’s some assholes trying to exploit their hiring of thousands of refugees (ignoring that those jobs are in overseas locations, not that it really matters anyway) or their veteran-hiring initiative or some other shit.

At least the veteran thing blew up in those guys’ faces spectacularly when they did a Reddit AMA and got called on their bullshit such that they ran off like the runny turds they are.

Wakezilla
Member

Scissor me timbers!

Wakezilla
Member

Speaking of Starbucks, when did they cover up the woman’s breasts? I wanna say around 2001ish?

yeah right
Member

Beansie approves!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Hoping it’s … Shit. I wanted the killer meteor.

yeah right
Member

You signed him. And now Coach Zimmer’s master plan is fully in effect!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff
Member

So only Saints, Vikes, and Rammit to worry about going forward. I refuse to believe Case Keenum is the answer.

yeah right
Member

Say what you want about Keenum but the defense is the real story.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Remarkably sunny for a cyberpunk dystopia.

WCS
Member

You all know damned well Walsh nails that exact kick at the exact time and situation in the inevitable SEA-MIN Divisional Round game.

Drew isn’t allowed to have enjoyment.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Fuck Drew

Brocky
Member

…in general or did he do something to draw our ire?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

In general. I don’t care much for him anymore.

Gratliff
Member

Atlanta better start putting up NBA numbers if they want any shot

ThePirateSloth
Member
ThePirateSloth

Welp

/chugs all the bourbon

King Hippo
Member

Iced the coach!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I remember predicting this game coming down to a Blair Walsh kick

King Hippo
Member

you see ded kickers

litre_cola
Member

You certainly did.

Gratliff
Member

Oh Derpy Birds

King Hippo
Member

yeah, leave the middle of the field wide open. That won’t bite you in the ass at all

ThePirateSloth
Member
ThePirateSloth

The Seahawks cause me to drink dammit

King Hippo
Member

ATL is the stupidest goddamned team in the NFL.

King Hippo
Member

maybe also shoulda played defense last series too

King Hippo
Member

So, run the ball on 2nd and goal and it’s 1:06 on the clock now.

King Hippo
Member

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSUS

King Hippo
Member

I guess we will soon see if the Falcons have learned anything.

WCS
Member

Narrator: They had not.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Well at least it wasn’t a strip sack with runback for TD.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I showed up at my buddy’s place in SF and he had Treehouse waiting for me. I may cry.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower
Member

I have 12 in my basement fridge right now. Haze and Julius.

Tomorrow I’ll be camping out in Bloomfield to try to get some of Back East’s Ice Cream Man, which is goddamn delicious.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

What are the other ten victims’ names?

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Keep it up. Treehouse is 40 minutes from my house. I’ll make a trip just to gloat.
/convinced a lot of people actually do that.
//those people are dicks

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I would.

King Hippo
Member

Gee, might be nice to have 40 extra seconds off the clock huh ATL?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl
Member

Nite all, may all your turds be tapered.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the anal gland expression again.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

And to you I wish a clean snap as well

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Marine Captain Vice Principal, Esq.

Street Name: Evil Bert

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Romonobyl
Member

Seems legit.

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WCS
Member

I just noticed one of the tags. Seattle is forever known as the Shithawks.

King Hippo
Member

oh bullshit!

Romonobyl
Member

I think I’ll pour some out for ol’ Charlie Manson. By pouring some out I mean going to the bathroom and taking a runny dump.

King Hippo
Member

SEA has one timeout. You HAVE to run the fucking ball.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Uh oh. I know how this movie ends.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Never change.

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Horatio Cornblower
Member

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That’s just what they want us to do! Matty, throw three straight through the end zone!

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