Looks like we’re back to fan action this week. But since some people aren’t watching the NFL anymore, you’re gonna have to go to the SEC to see some real fans. Fortunately, snowflakes wear Zubaz too. I’d like to think the broadcasts return to focusing on fan engagement has something to do with efforts to combat the “excitement for the NFL is dying” narrative that is going around (or, at least, was when I was following the league) but let’s stick with a simpler solution — cold weather means fans are drinking more and, therefore, more entertaining to watch.
[Checks loading status: Only 43%? Shoot, what else we got for ’em?]
Then again, how appropriate would it be that Philadelphia would win the championship in the year that viewership declines by double digits? Like, if the Eagles wins Super Bowl L2, did it really happen? I won’t know — I’ll be watching FoxNews’ 24/7 broadcast of us nuking North Korea.
[How about now: 70%? Close enough.]
So here are your Week 13 Quotables!
This was the highest Trevor Siemian’s QB rating would be for the day.
In Noo Yawk?? Now, ah seen everything ,, smgdh
John Boehner’s angry younger brother. He lifts, bruh.
It’s not Zubaz; she’s had so much to drink her pants turned into an exploded Clear Blue stick.
Yet another unsolvable murder in Baltimore.
EDIT:
We need more jokes about how a group of Ravens players could properly be called a “Baltimore conspiracy.”
Murder of Ravens?
A murder is a group of crows. I really wanted to make that joke, too.
Common knowledge
Get it? Because a group of Ravens is called a Common. Eh, you get it.
J-E-W-S…JEWS…JEWS…JEWS!!!
Re: Angry Bengals Fan
“You suck, Wesley Snipes was a much better Willie Mays Hayes.”
DON’T EAT THAT CHILI! [Stares on in abject horror as he is ignored]
in Soviet Russian the chili eats you
/ sorry, IT guy bad joke
Dammit you Bengals, I will turn this car around RIGHT now.
That snap was IN-COM-PLETE
BACK… and to the left.
BACK… and to the left.
BACK… and to the left.
Matt Stafford preparing for his post NFl career as a crash test dummy
or
The Detroit Lions: The only thing that gets more blown up than their stadium, is their Quarterback
“Someone buy those ladies a drink!”
–Al Franken–
I’ve seen this before.
Any Given Sunday:
So either the Lions O line really sucks or it was sabotage.
“Even in a western the Indians won sometimes.”
NARRATOR: They didn’t.
“Gronk smash! Gronk smash!”
“Not now Gronk, not now.”
If Siemen falls to the ground but no one’s watching, is it still onanism?
PAPA REDSHIRT
Seriously, this guy is the poster boy Republican.
Mad, Red, but not nude.
No Papashirt, but he would react pretty much the same way.
John Elway: “For fuck sakes. Time to ask Peyton for Eli’s number.”
or
“We’ve switched Trevor Simian with Ryan Tannenhill. Lets see if anyone notices.”
Hi, yes, this is Brandon Beane from the Bills. We think Kizer has what it takes to be a true Bill. What’s that his first name is DeShone? You mean he’s one of those? Oh, never mind, we’ll stick with Peterman then.
That pass dropped Deshone behind “roll” and in front of “Wilhelm the second” on Hue Jackson’s list of Kaisers he can win with.
I truly enjoyed this one, BFC.
I haven’t seen a Raven knock someone out like that since, well, you know
I haven’t seen someone from Detroit go down like that since Kim Mathers.
Detroit hasn’t had a failure like this since the Silverdome implosion.
In Gronk’s defense, no one ever told him that wasn’t a slip n slide
“15 yard penalty against Buffalo for roughing the passer.”
“Get the boat ready!”
-Fred Smoot
Looks like they are already have a close and personal relationship with the gravy boat.
Okra’s okra, man
When you’re not sure if that taste is defeat or sadness or hopelessness
“Better not let the front office how badly I need a drink”
And the Donald Trump-Robert Kraft relationship deepens
The unblinking dude at the bottom has more signs of life than the Bronco’s offense
Well, if you blink you will miss the Bronco’s offense.
Are we SURE he isn’t still a virgin?
far and away the best thing to happen to the Jets this year
Mike Shanahan is a Bengals fan now?
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man.
Bake me a cake as fast as you can
Roll it, pat it, mark it with a “B”
And put it in the oven for baby and me!
They’re still making Animorphs?
Kizer has fully assimilated as the rest of his team and the Brown’s fans slowly chant “One of us, One of us, One of us”.
So Russel is demonstrating what he last learned at the Ray Rice School of Boxing and Marriage Counseling.
“Guess who I am!”
“Ray Rice?”
“No. Guess again.”
“Joe Mixon?”
“Jeeze, what is wrong with you?”
Yep…boxing is dead.
I DEMAND AT LEAST SIX MORE CONCUSSIONS OUT THERE, LADIES!
Jezus, to have to go through life as the least successful Gruden brother.
“Haley. HALEY! My Vette vs your Camaro. Tonight, out by the railroad yard. FOR PINKS!”
Gronk now has his own version of the Donkey Punch – the Gronkey Punch.
Sorry for my attempt to steal your thunder.
No worries. Kinda writes itself as I am sure if anyone has actually done a Donkey Punch it would be Gronk. Maybe that’s what happened, a flashback to his last Lake Havesu (spelling?) annual spring break.
You can almost smell the regrets, poor life choices and Monistat-7 through the screen.
I never could figure out what it says on the middle gal’s shirt.
I wouldn’t ever want to get close enough to try and figure it out.
Do you want to catch Captain Trips? Cause THAT’S HOW YOU CATCH CAPTAIN TRIPS!
A tight end murdering someone? Definitely the P*triots way!
Hava Bleergh-ila
Hava Bleergh-ila
Hava Bleergh-ila
Au-ta-matic first down!
Tre’Davious White: The concussion is bad enough but ending up with an STD too?
At least I’m not batshit crazy like my brother.
I haven’t seen a lion take a shot like this since Cecil.