Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Welcome to the Second Annual DFO Hate Week™, brought to you by the Minnesota Department of Tourism, collective disgust, and Slim Jims.

Tonight is the night where we reflect on the shitty state of the League, and all the events that have conspired to create a Super Bowl© that a majority of NFL fans have actually no interest in watching.

Before we get to that, I want to hammer home a point I believe is mostly shared by the majority of Commentists.

This MAGA anthem bullshit during the season. Never mind that Facebook and Twitter should only be used to show Mom how you’re doing and to stalk ex-girlfriends, actually going onto a team’s website to rail against the behaviour of the players actually empowers the team. Comments mean nothing; it’s page views that make the statement. Remember when Howard Stern became a big deal in the 90s?

That’s all the company cared about, and those numbers were used to jack ad rates.

Well, you MAGA “phuktards”, the Seahawks have a 68,000 person waiting list for season tickets, and each of those people paid $100 for that privilege. (The rumor is that the Seahawks agreed to play in London in 2018 as a road team so they didn’t have to give up a home date.) So I don’t think the Seahawks CARE ABOUT YOU or YOUR STUPID FAKE EMOTIONS concerning whether a 200 year-old song is played before a sporting event. Last time I checked, it wasn’t the NFLPA that caused the horrific conditions at veterans hospitals or worked to deny veterans the benefits they deserve for having selflessly served their country.

[FYI: according to Wikipedia, there are 10 teams with a season-ticket waiting list, and four listed as “unknown”. Given two of those unknowns are the Colts & Chargers, I’m going to say they don’t count because they are embarrassed to admit how many unsold tickets they have.]

But those clowns are going to watch the game anyway, because God’s chosen-fucking-team, the New England PATRIOTS!!1!1!, are playing and their owner, Robert Kraft, doesn’t tolerate such behaviour. “We’re red, white, and blue and our name is Patriots. How can you hate something like that?” he once said to Dan Patrick, on air, knowing he would be recorded. So these pseudo-patriotic drips have someone PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN to root for.

The owner during both Spygate & Deflategate, who got caught using illegals to clear snow at Foxboro, was named in the Paradise Papers, and forced Gronk to apologize for banging a porn star while he was getting over his late wife with a 32 year-old actress. You just watch – the day after these fuckers (hopefully don’t) win Patriots twitter, Boston Globe comments sections and WEEI message boards will be full of “Robert Kraft is the reason God-FACKIN’-Almighty shines His bright light down upon His chosen team…”

Oops; getting ahead of myself – Patriots Hate is Tuesday, Owners Hate is Wednesday.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah – the state of the League.

Beyond the whole anthem imbroglio, this year’s Deflategate was Ezekiel Elliott’s 6-game suspension for domestic violence, in that it dragged on all season, casting a pall over every Cowboys game and involved the federal courts. It then devolved into Jones attempting to delay ratification of Roger Goodell’s new contract, and choice headlines like “Jerry Jones told Roger Goodell he would make Patriots owner Bob Kraft look like a ‘p—-‘ in fighting Ezekiel Elliott’s suspension“.

Meanwhile, the man at the centre of the controversy

– no, not him

– Him.

Roger Goodell was rewarded for his lickspittlery with a contract estimated at being upwards of $200 million for five years. In a world where Stormy Daniels got $130,000 for not saying anything about the affair she had with Trump that she already disclosed in 2011, it still stands out as a prime example of the HOLYFUCKAREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME?!1!?/! things that occurred in the League this year.

Then factor in the obvious blackballing of Colin Kaepernick by all 32 teams in the league. Dating back to March, stories have kept coming out about how teams with obvious needs don’t want to sign a player that causes division amongst NFL “fans”. It’s so obvious people in other leagues are noticing the inadequacy of the situation. Why, Baltimore even trotted out Stabby Ididntdoit to refute such inflammatory claims, and to point out how it is his own, or someone else’s, fault.

I can’t see why Ray Lewis would be upset; he got portrayed as the top.

Fans in Indianapolis should be demanding their money back from the Colts, because whoever thought Jacoby Brissett was the answer after Week-5 was fired, but the Colts knew going into the season they weren’t getting Luck back. That’s an obvious fraud. But before those types claim any money, their Twitters should be perused for any MAGA statements about not signing him because PROTESTS and ANTHEMS, which immediately disqualifies them. And then their hypocrisy should be laughed at by any and all.

Finally, the League ended the year with a sexual harassment scandal at the NFL Network, with Donovan McNabb,  Marshall Faulk, Ike Taylor and Heath Evans among others named in a suit brought by a former Network employee who claims she was fired for protesting their behaviour towards her. Also named is Eric Weinberger, a former network executive producer and current president of Bill Simmons Media Group. She’s claiming wrongful termination. In addition to the harassment allegations, she further alleges that she was “aged out” of the network, in violation of the Fair Employment & Housing Act. The NFL “vehemently denies” these allegations, while the plantiff’s lawyer alleges this action may develop into a class-action lawsuit. But they have also suspended the individuals in question, and McNabb has been treated the same at ESPN. Somehow, this is the least-objectionable thing to have happened to 345 Park Avenue this year.

I’m not even going to get into the discussion about the rash of injuries this year, ongoing CTE issues, and what constitutes a fucking catch, because at this point I might not renew my season’s tickets. And that’s before I get a full dose of the Eagles & Patriots fans ahead of Sunday.

Why am I a fan again?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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WCS

Nothing quite like the smoke detector falsely going off in the middle of the night to get one’s adrenaline flowing.

That was fun.

Wakezilla

I;m sure your little ones appreciated that

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, time to go talk to Estonia for a while.
Nite gents.

Wakezilla

G;night. May your cyber sex be merry and bright

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wakezilla

Oof. This is bad:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well should we be surprised? Dude walks around in a robe with no underpants.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s The Dude.

Wakezilla

Bush X still puts out decent music

Wakezilla

Are we doing celebrity Superb owl pics? If so, is anyone doing Larry Nassar?

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

She’s like 10 years older than Larry preferred.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So you’re saying she’s available?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

*accessible

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, that much is obvious.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

ballsofsteelandfury

The remix is good, but you can’t beat the original video:

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I love bush.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe….me too.
Oh wait…you meant….

Wakezilla

Love that song. Takes me back to my teen years.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have to get up early tomorrow for meetings.

But I also bought eggs for breakfast.

But I don’t want to get up any earlier than I have to tomorrow.

So no, I don’t think it’s weird that I’m cooking the onions tonight so they’re ready to go in the morning.

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU GO LEARN ESTONIAN RIGHT DAMNED NOW YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

ei

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shoulda known you’d be the one to fuck this up for me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No one else knows how to use Google translate?

Wakezilla

Meal prep is life.

Wakezilla

Hey tWBS,

I’ve been meaning to ask, are those pics of Alexa Bliss getting railed by that one guy, legit?

On a related note, it’s 69 days away from Wrestlemania. . . Nice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Haven’t seen those.
Probably good thing.

Wakezilla

They SEEM real, especially since they were released around the same time as Paige’s pics. But, considering how I only recently–and truthfully, by accident– came across these, I’m a little skeptical.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Here…learn Estonian you fucking heathens. LOL.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ve seen a supervisor. You, sir, are no supervisor.

Wakezilla

You got an Estonian girl? You must clean up over there because their country is known for making tax filing easy, meaning, they;re all a bunch of nerds!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I ain’t got nothing of the kind. She’s just a friend who thinks I’m cooler and smarter than I really am. But she doesn’t deserve to have to know the truth just yet so just be cool man.

Fronkenshteen

Quite simply, the genius of The Howard Stern Show was realizing that his audience was locked up for 2 hours in NYC rush hour traffic. Hostages. And when he started in New York, I don’t believe WFAN existed yet. Hence Lesbian Dial-A-Date.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Senor Weaselo

Why is there a guy in a shark outfit at Media Day?

WCS

PFTC in disguise. Don’t blow his cover, man!

Senor Weaselo

Okay, fair enough. Because Bruce Beck of NBC briefly interviewed him to ask why.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Has anyone seen Sharkbait today?

ballsofsteelandfury

Can someone tell Pornhub to create a Wheel O’ Porn that you spin and it randomly takes you to a category?

I feel the carnival element is missing in today’s adult media world…

WCS

That sounds like a jorb for Fek.

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t need a “Trans” pie piece…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought thumbzilla and xhamster and some of the other old ones used to have a random option.

I mean, what’s pornhub?

WCS

WCS

Made-for-TV movie from the mid-’90s about an asteroid impact on Earth, and it’s repercussions. It’s told entirely through the lenses of TV cameras and reporters. I don’t expect yinz to watch it all here, just something to bookmark and view when you can. It’s shockingly good.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gratliff

tWBS has some competition
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey!!!! Darkest Timeline Andy Reid!!!! Get your damn hands off her!!!!
She is my density!!!!!

Gratliff

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theeWeeBabySeamus

All I’d have to do is grab her and move side to side. He obviously can’t move his head to follow.

SERPENTINE ALEXA!!!!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

@scotchy – You can’t masturbate to Supergirl?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

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WCS

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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Senor Weaselo

It’s confirmed!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The list of reasons not to be an NFL fan is so much longer than the list of reasons why that I almost feel embarrassed when someone asks me why I still watch every week.

blaxabbath

Yeah.

I really need to just go camp more. Surely the newborn will make that feasible!

WCS

Oh, most certainly. It gets easier as they get older, too!

Gratliff

Because people are less likely to call the authorities when they’re left at home for the weekend

litre_cola

Honestly it is because of you guys, gambling and taking a day of the week to myself is why I still watch.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I just post random hockey thoughts instead of football; no one’s caught on yet!

litre_cola

I appreciate it, my Ice Bombers are doing well.

Gratliff

If we’re being honest, It also helps when your team is suddenly real good.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We can’t all be blessed with Foles.

blaxabbath

Hey what up?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Guys. GUYS! Who left this at the clubhouse? Should I just leave it at Lost & Found?
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Senor Weaselo

And why are the pages sticky? It explicitly says to NOT masturbate to it!

Redshirt

Well technically it wasn’t considered masturbation.

WCS

Damn it, Seamus!

theeWeeBabySeamus

What????? I thought that’s how one was supposed to fish.

rockingdog
rockingdog

I was just holding it for a friend. I promise!

Gratliff

LemonJello
LemonJello

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rockingdog
rockingdog

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LemonJello
LemonJello

This made me scare my dog, I laughed so hard.

litre_cola

I can’t believe this is true. It is just superb.

herodotus450
herodotus450

The bestiality message sure is more obvious than I remember

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I’ve said it before: The Patriots fanbase is the worst.

Never forget this fucking guy: http://boston.cbslocal.com/2017/12/08/national-anthem-protest-patriots-jersey-burning/

And surprise surprise, he’s not watching the Super Bowl.

That being said,
Go Pats.

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Speaking of poor modern parenting, and FREEDOM:

herodotus450
herodotus450

Bob Kraft looks like he’s on his way to the Fall Out Boy (just realized that’s probably where the band got their name) audition in those shoes.

scotchnaut

It’s Prime Time! Look What We Got!

Fox: Lucifer

CBS: Kevin Can Wait

ABC: The Bachelor

NBC: The Wall

Try To Contain Your Excitement!

Gratliff

FFS Johnathan Coachman is back on WWE. So many ESPN cast-offs popping up lately. Why isn’t Skip Bayless dead yet?

Wakezilla

Wakezilla-ette is a year and a half and has begun watching Sesame Street, which is cool. One thing I can’t help but notice, is how, uh, athletic that show has gotten. It’s still a great show, just wondering what made them go all in to become all Glory,-boyish.

LemonJello
LemonJello

You’d prefer something “grittier” like, say, Blues Clues?

Gratliff

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Gratliff

Goddamn, I haven’t heard this in almost 30 years

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Umm… Are we sure that’s a crayon and not “Mommy’s massager?”

Gratliff

Not while mommy’s still conscious, it isn’t

scotchnaut

“Hate weak? I hate strong! I hate vacuum cleaners because loud noise. I win?”

-Eli Manning

WCS

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WCS

NON-BREAKING NEWS: WEEI remains evidence as to why extraterrestrials continue to avoid Earth

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Fuck man…I don’t know about anyone else, but this week is starting off shitastic for me…

Between my 2014 state tax bill that I am STILL waiting for PWC to tell me what the fuck they did, I had my yearly physical this morning.

I have managed to gain nearly 30 pounds since I quit smoking. I don’t fucking even know how. I am seriously hiding it well. I came back to the office and the women I sit near asked me what was wrong. I told her what I weighed and she didn’t believe me.

Fucking depressing and its difficult as fuck to lose weight with a shit back because pretty much anything I try to do extra puts me at risk of blowing out my back.

This really fucking sucks…and now I want a fucking cig.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is beautiful. Hate week is a beautiful thing.

Senor Weaselo