It’s a frosty, uncaring world out there. What’s the point of even holding the door open for anyone anymore? And yet we do it because in our heart of hearts we know that we have to be optimistic, we must believe that there is good out there in the world. We football fans slog our way through the week so that we can be rewarded for our patience with the world at large on Thursday [LOUD RECORD SCRATCH] “Denver at Indianapolis? Denver at Indianpolis!!?? ” You’re trying your hardest to break me, NFL, but I’m not giving in out of sheer unadulterated spite. ‘Spite’ can be be a positive emotional response, right? Right? Hmmm. Ok. TO THE GAME!
Broncos/Colts: Both of these last-place, division basement-dwellers are so pathetic even the ghost of Kenneth Pinyan wouldn’t be able to support them.
Pssst! The Cavaliers are playing somebody tonight.
First off, Carrot Top is giving all the props to human-titanium hybrid Frank Gore. The guy John Riggins-ed his way to 36(!) carries last week to the tune of more yards than I can count.
Hey! You! Yeah, you. The Caps and Bruins looks like a great game.
How can you lose eight straight games when you have the league’s overall best D and the second-best pass defense? Seems impossible, don’t it? Well, Denver found a way to do it.
Do you like JV basketball? #21 Baylor is gonna whup Texas Southern tonight.
So, uh, perhaps you’ve got T.Y. on your fantasy roster or that kicker that’s never gonna retire-whatever your reasons…enjoy.
The Women’s Network is featuring A Song For Christmas at 8pm. A pop singer is gonna get stranded in a small town, be all high and mighty, get her comeuppance, fall for simple-livin’ farmer and give up fame and fortune or something. (I bet)
Do what ya gotta do, kinfolk.
BROCK….BROCK…..dun dun dun dun dun!!!
So, does this game determine which horse team goes to the glue factory?
The answer is yes.
Both teams are going to go live on big farms out in the country where they’ll have lots of room to run and play.
MINGOED
That sounds way dirtier than it should
cool, MOAR points. THANKS, dumb delay of game penalty!
or NOT
Usually when I say “Mingo just dropped Siemian” it means something totally different.
Dilemma: I need Donks D on the field to get points. However…Donks D on the field is….well, ya know.
well shit, fucking up my fantasy score there. Assholes
Turn on the game and monkey boy takes a hilariously bad sack. Good football.
“That orange crayon is really good!”
-A 2 year-old, watching a Denver rb gain yards
perfect, long FG range!!
Do you know who kicks long field goals? I do.
LMFAO
Greg the leg is better…
Orrr….maybe you don’t.
This game needs moar snow.
I mean they already suck, so why not roll a snow making machine in and make it fun at least?
0-7…comfortable lead or insurmountable lead?
Elway: was that chaw or sunflower seeds? Either way, I’d rather see him pick his nose.
Seeds.
But agreed.
if I hadn’t bet on MNF, I woulda bet Humps moneyline. SIGH
You haven’t heard about my saturday bet yet have you?
I need to stop being drunk after losing previous bets.
ha, nope – cooling off is good idea!
Anywhoooo…
I moneylined the Bears for saturday for 3 bills at +230.
Goddammit, gimme a turnover.
(yeah yeah… -A. Reid)
Also, stop fucking throwing to Doyle.
C’mon Jacoby, you be wolven. Help a brutha out.
No, not like that asshole.
I was going to make a Republic of Doyle joke, but very few would get it. It is a show from Newfoundland. Look it up, great scenery.
We get it.
Now if they were detectives that is a show I would watch the shit out of.
Barkevious Mingo!
I’ve always thought that was an awesome name. I had a discussion with my Massachusetts born and raised nephew when Mingo signed with the Pats. Midway through the season, he made a play and had his name called during a nationally-televised game, I texted young Billy something about “Barkevious!” He was watching with his family and responded by telling me his mother had never heard of such a name, and I stated something to the effect that his mother didn’t know any black people. He then said that was because she was a real estate lawyer, not a criminal lawyer. I told him that was a racist comment, and he replied that his response was probably due to his recent visit to my home in Texas. I could not gainsay him.
I’ve got my spine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mSmOcmk7uQ
Good to hear, Mr. Shazier.
/Too soon?
I just want to note for the record that the Bengals don’t torture us with Orange-on-Orange color rush. To my knowledge, they don’t even have orange pants.
you see those “orange D on orange” hats? Talk about a FASHION RISK
“Orange D? See? The NFL loves me.”
-Herr Charlemango
Orange pants would show the brown too easily when the Bengals shit themselves on the field.
Andy Dalton probably has orange pants. He seems like just the sorta guy.
I’m not even a Broncos fan but seeing the old Denver-D logo on the current helmet blue fills me with rage.
Just go back to the old orange jersey, Elway. Don’t halfway it.
Oh, cool! Tom Savage is apparently livestreaming the broadcast for free!
https://www.twitch.tv/primevideo?ttid=b61226c9de
…aaaaaannnndddd that is why I woulda used the Humps had I not a bye in DFO ball this week.\
Who’d I pick up fer Week 16, ya reckon?
That was delicious.
Siemian is regressing.
Wouldn’t he have had to have been decent first in order to regress?
I say Siemian, you say Sam I Am…
Oh boy. Kirk Cousins wants to be tested for CTE. Wonder if they’ll cut his brakes before he leaves for the doctor’s office.
sky cam is good for watching the OL, or if you just really like CJ Anderson’s ass
Denver could also double FOAR a prison highway cleanup crew
You’re referring to just this week, I presume.
Woooo!!!! I’m winning 10-0. Don’t fuck this up Donks D.
/promptly ushered out of playoffs by Beastmode
Nope HUMPS ALL DAY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y38Ec57yMG8
Sounds like a rap song.
My comment was funnier before I realized you linked that abomination.
This is going to be horrific, isn’t it? And I’m old and so not a fan of that skycam bullshit (rattles walker). May not last too long this evening. Please entertain me, commentists!
HODOR! will be out the door as soon as he stops filling those scripts
A couple just got married on the Fat Humps field. Odds there’s a gravy fountain at the reception?
“a” gravy fountain?
So it’s an over/under deal, and that’s before the honeymoon?
If it’s on the honeymoon, that makes it a German ceremony, and a wedding video I never want to see.
(this may or may not be foreshadowing)
((sorry balls…I had to))
Good point.
?itemid=10312535
Holy shit, there’s an actual gravy fountain gif:
“SMH. What will they think of next?”
-Coronary Artery Disease
this is enough to make me want to never eat again
/fasting physical at 11 tomorrow, will binge by 2pm, regardless of #ShameLevels
The deep-fryer at every table thinks that Lemonjello is fairly naive.
I was thrown off by neither the bride nor groom being on rascal scooters for the ceremony.
“Thrown off a rascal scooter” is Chris Christie’s secret fetish.
also, Trevor the very-bad-not-good-QB is right, Donks look like traffic cones tonight.
Those of you on social media? Make #CursedHumpsWedding “trend” or whatevs
you want FANTASY IMPACT? Brandon McManus, muthafuckas!! DONKS WOO!! Fuckin’ up our own tank job.
They need to pitch the shutout tonight with a coupla pick sixes.
Why yes, I do live in a fantasy world. Why do you ask?
Hey, at least the old weird fucker knows what he wants.
Even if he can’t spell quadriplegic.
(I’m presuming whomever he dictated his ad to wasn’t into it?)
The lengths a sitting president has to go to to relax…
“You: carnie midget with blueballs”
Papa Smurf should jump/squat on this…
Am I the only one who’s thinking of the Papa Smurf video from… however long ago it was?
Year-end inventory tomorrow. We’ve got over 5,000 sku’s. Where will I be counting product? In the goddamn freezer, that’s where.
#firstwarehouseproblems
I do not miss doing inventory in freezers. I could always tell it was time to seek refuge when I would feel like taking a nap as the scanner became less and less responsive.
I can’t even fit in mine.
But that reminds me, I’m still out of taquitos.
I’ve found that the first time in, you have to stay as long as possible because after the chill sets in you can’t warm up again and have to step out every 10 minutes afterwards.
The summer ones were nice. I’d take my breaks out in the sun and basically pass out as soon as my body temperature normalized.
Ha!!!! NOW the Caps are up.
My phone was just time traveling earlier I guess.
So…how soon does Cox start violently fucking me?
I’m figuring its 48 hours or so before they throttle my shit down to nothing to force me to get a landline I fucking don’t need, along with cable I will never watch.
It’s the violent fucking that’s gonna get throttled.
I wonder what the porn companies are gonna do? Or have already done?
“Senator Cruz – Brazzers on Line 1.”
It’s gonna be awhile for everything to shake out in the courts. By which time there will probably be a Democratic congress so everyone will blame it on them (and even though they could pass a law and restore net neutrality, they will do fuck-all because they are worried about how Fox News will use it as a club to bash them with).
“So…how soon does Cox start violently fucking me?”
…nah, I’ll pass on this joke.
Hehe
“Uh, what now?”
~A. Rodgers, Green Bay, WI
(sniff) Its worse than I thought. We all thought the Bengals quit last Sunday. They insisted they didn’t.
That meant they were actually trying their best and lost to the Bears 33-7! (sobbing)
Redshirt (artist rendering):
SPOILERS my reaction to this Sunday’s upcoming 42-10 loss:
See you then.
I’m going to the outdoor classic between the Sens and Habs on Saturday. It’s projected to be a low of zero. 0° F. So -18° C. And that’s before windchill.
Please send me all of your clothes. All the ones I own won’t be enough to make it through this game.
The seething, burning loathing for all things Montreal should keep you warm.
Surely the Montreal strip clubs aren’t included in that statement of loathing.
Though maybe the part about “burning” is still applicable.
Not until a few days later.
You can have my pants.
I’m not using them.
[puts pair of pants in the mail]
[wasn’t using them anyway]
Wow, this is all sort of sudden, but I’ll try anything once.
(starts to undress)
Finally. I thought I was gonna have to roofie you.
Ah, the Cosby.
At least the air won’t have smoke? Sorry, that’s all I got.
Gonna give us a report about it???
Don’t mess with this kid’s sister!
http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/comedy/boy-runs-to-sisters-rescue-in-funny-clip/vi-BBGEtGg?ocid=ientp
“She ain’t heavy, she’s my sister.”
He didn’t come in with a chair, so it doesn’t count.
Heehee, the fact that the only news about ottawa is about trading Erik Karlsson is probably gonna give scotchnaut a stroke soon.
Me fucking too man. Eugene Melnyk is almost as cheap as Mike Brown, and that is fucking saying something.
Every blog/podcast I’ve visited has started with “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO!”
I assume it’s tronto fans clamoring about where he’s going to go, hoping it’s to them. Isn’t he under contract for this season and next? Why would Ottawa do anything with him NOW?
Just premature speculation on extension negotiations, which thanks to the tailspin this past month have seen, have been top of mind. Also due to the news leaking that Melnyk was too cheap to want to keep both Kyle Turris and Matt Duchene… Which was apparently on the table at one point instead of the crazy 3-way deal we saw.
Melnyk sounds like the nerd boss character from some 80s office movie where the cool guys have to do something cool to save the company. Which makes sense when you remember Ottawa couldn’t sell out conference championship games last season
His agent has indicated that Karlsson isn’t going to settle for the “home team discount”. He wants the mega contract that Ottawa can’t/won’t pay. Also, given how bad the team is sucking right now, the media seems to be pouring gas on the dumpster fire.
Aaron Rodgers is making it very difficult for me to sustain my resolution of not making any more of those kinds of jokes about Aaron Rodgers.
https://mobile.twitter.com/zachkruse2/status/941097052821389312
Wow! Indy-DEnver! What a quarteredback matchup! Luck vs Peyton! New vs. Old! The casted away for the newly minted!
Ah memories…….
I have to watch this and hope for a humps blowout. FF and all. Still alive no thanks to you NFL concussion protocol
No, this will not do. Considering I picked up the Donks’ D again, I must differ with you here, Sir.
“What are you blaming me for? I’m just a placebo for the masses.”
-NFL Concussion Protocol
Fun fact: “Humps blowout” is how the Indianapolis media referred to it when the Steak n Shake had an e.coli outbreak.
Agreed. Caps up early too.
(shut up WCS)
Or maybe my phone lied to me.
Stupid phone.
Drink check. Ive got a Narragansett.
http://dcsportspodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/bruce-allen.jpg
Knob Creek and cream soda.
So…with this match up…
I’m not the only one getting wet right?
I highly doubt these kids are whiter than the kids I know. I did grow up in Connecticut, after all.
Anyone else find it ironic that the one year both the Titans and Jags are actually good neither of the games was featured on Thursday night?
Checked in to see who’s playing in tonight’s game and when I saw it was disgusting horse on horse action I changed my mind about watching it.
SO, now you’re definitely watching?
/may have missed the point
John Elway: A Football Life is just weird, man.
Evening, Imaginary Internet Friends!
Sour gelatinous individual.
Whats good?
Weed and a nice ripasso from italy.
Four minutes late to the party. Many oh-so-Canadian apologies to everyone.
S’okay, eh?
We’d fine ya, but it’s CAD so who cares?