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Well that was certainly a wild card round wasn’t it?
Last week when we posted the wild card round predictions I mentioned how those “expert insiders” at the 4 letter network had all gone chalk on their wild card predictions. Well guess what motherfuckers? ALL of you were wrong. Every goddamn one of you predicted Kansas City to beat Tennessee. How did that work out for you fuckers, huh?
I checked the wild card round predictions from the 4 letter website (ESPN for those of you who don’t get the reference) as well as our rotund, coffee guzzling, Acela Quiet Car riding, loquacious lard lad’s website, the MMQB, and did a comparison. Let’s take a look shall we?
ESPN “Insiders” yeah the one they make you fucking pay for, had 11 experts and not a single one had all four games predicted correctly. Out of the 11 only 2 had three of the four games correct.
The MMQB meanwhile had a group of 6 of their experts predict the games and had a grand total of NONE with 4 out of 4 correct. The had only one writer get three out of four correct.
How did our very own collection of DFO “insiders” do with their predictions? We had a pool of ten “insiders” and 5 OUT OF 10 had three of the four games correct. That’s right, 5 out of 10 compared to 2 out of 11 at ESPN and 1 out of 6 at the MMQB.
I’m seeing a pattern here. Know what I think? I think one of these groups of experts actually watches the games and the other two groups just follow along like sheep to the slaughter and simply follow the standard narratives.
Who’re your experts now you bastards?
Now that we’ve established prognosticating superiority let’s turn our attention to the divisional playoff round.
Once again we have a pool of ten lovely and talented DFO “Insiders” here to help you predict the weekend games and to offer friendly gambling advice to help you supplement your income and make you infinitely more attractive to members of the opposite sex.
Here we go!
Atlanta at Philadelphia – Saturday January 13th 1:35 PM PST. NBC coverage.
Line: Atlanta -3. Over/Under 41 1/2
Weather: 32 degrees, partly cloudy. Wind gusts up to 15 MPH.
Real Life Analysis:
King Hippo: “Iggles can play the “no respect” card, and ATL just got lucky with a dumb shit who couldn’t catch punts last week. They still suck ass. Eagles win.”
Don_T: “Eagles – better coached team.”
SonofSpam: “Falcons will beat Eagles because Foles is a giraffe and they hate cold weather.”
Litre Cola: “I hope and pray all Foles will be filled but I think it is all on the Eagles front 7. Eagles win.”
My take? Don’t discount the bye week for Philly or the home field advantage. Atlanta is a dome team and built for a track meet instead of a slug fest. Philly’s defense coupled with the cold weather will be the difference, Foles or not. Eagles win 23-17. Don’t fuck with the over/under, Vegas has this one pretty spot on.
“Insiders” collective results: seven of ten pick Philly to win.
Tennessee at New England – Saturday January 13th 5:15 PM PDT. CBS Coverage.
Line: New England -13 1/2 O/U 47
Weather: 26 degrees mostly cloudy. At the time of this writing there was a big ass storm system heading towards the Midwest and East Coast so weather could be a major factor. Minimal wind.
Real Life Analysis:
Unsurprised: “Fuck New England!”
Don_T: “Tits @ NE – Not gonna pick the P*ts—WHO ARE GOING DOWN 30-27 TitANS!”
King Hippo: “The Titans have spent their load, and Grumblelord no doubt predicted the KC implosion and prepared extra for the Tits.”
SonofSpam: “Pats will win (not cover) because God hates us.”
Litre Cola: “Pats will win but not cover will be tight like prom night through the 1st half.”
My take? If weather does indeed become a factor then that benefits Tennessee due to a superior run defense. Our own Don_T pointed out that New England ranked 31st in run defense based on yards per carry and Henry was running in a facsimile to “Beast Mode” last week. This all comes down to weather but in the end evil prevails. New England wins, 27-21. The weather may also alter the over/under of 47. Keep a close eye on the weather and the line because if they do get snow then hammer the fuck out of the under. The 13 1/2 points New England is laying looks tasty as well.
“Insiders” collective results: nine of ten predict a New England victory. Shit.
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh – Sunday January 14th 10:05 AM PST. CBS Coverage.
Line: Pittsburgh -7 O/U 41
Weather: 16 degrees, partly cloudy with minimal wind. Pittsburgh isn’t currently in the winter storm cross-hairs but it bears watching.
Real Life Analysis:
SonofSpam: “Stillers will easily beat Jax because we’re out of Bort license plates.”
Litre Cola: “Pittsburgh will murder-death-kill the Fulham Jags because their QB is an Abortle.”
King Hippo: “Odd Week Jaguras have already pounded the Yinzers in Yinzburgh, and will do so again because Odd Week and last week’s PREDICTED BAD MATCHUP GAME will have PIT overconfident.”
Don_T: “Steelers – blowout.”
My take? JAX defense comes into this game extremely confidant having already beaten the crap out of Pittsburgh at home. Remember The Ben’s 5 interception game? He won’t throw 5 picks in this one but there will be a couple of turnovers, a shitload of sacks giving The Ben many owie spots and just a handful of pass attempts from toastmaster Bortles. Jacksonville wins 17-13. Save your cash and steer clear of the over/under. Too many variables in regard to weather and turnovers.
“Insiders” collective results: 7 choose Pittsburgh to win.
New Orleans at Minnesota – Sunday January 14th 1:40 pm PST. Fox Coverage.
Line: Minnesota -4 O/U 45 1/2.
Indoors with 100% chance of cheese curds.
Real life analysis!
King Hippo: “Vikes and Saints is all-out war, and we will be lucky fuckers to be witnesses to it. Somehow, Kai Pond will stick the landing on the winning FG as time expires. Winner here wins it all.”
Litre Cola: “New Orleans will roll up the Vikes. I feel that this may be a blowout.”
SonofSpam: “Vikings will beat Saints because Breesus will make short-guy mistakes,”
Don_T: “Vikes – In the best game of the season, so far.”
My take? There’s a reason why I posted the photo of the 2009 NFC Championship game. We owe you a beat down you bounty having, CHEATING MOTHERFUCKERS! Despite the fact that Adrian Peterson fumbled the ball about 16 times the Vikings still had a chance to win that goddamn game. Many of you already know my feelings about that particular Vikings team. We were NOT supposed to win the Superb Owl with “He Who Shall Not Be Named” as the quarterback. But still.
Remember that opening week game between these two teams back at the start of this season? Yep, Vikings won 29-19. The offense has changed with Keenum in for Bradford and McKinnon and Murray replacing Dalvin Cook but you know what hasn’t changed?
These. Are. Some. Bad. Mother. Fuckers!
Everson Griffin was selected for the Pro Bowl at defensive end.
Anthony Barr – True American Hero is a Pro Bowler at linebacker.
Xavier “Rhodes Closed” Rhodes is one of if not the best cover corner in the game and is a Pro Bowler as well as first team All-Pro.
Harrison Smith has been rated as the top safety in the NFL, was first team All-Pro yet wasn’t selected to the Pro Bowl. Fuck you Pro Bowl! You hopefully won’t have ANY Vikings players this year since they could be busy elsewhere.
The Vikings will be able to shut down the Saints two-headed run game, similar to what Carolina did last week with the difference being the Vikings secondary. The pass rush will be able to get to Brees and will force at least one monster turnover. Keenum doesn’t have to be a god at QB since he has another Pro Bowler at receiver in Adam Theilen not to mention Stephon Diggs is pretty beastly himself.
As a Vikings fan I am prepared for gut-wrenching heartbreak but this isn’t the week.
Vikings win 31-21. If you have a couple of bucks to kick around you may want to consider the over.
“Insiders” collective results: 7 of 10 pick the Vikings to win.
The “Insiders” have spoken!