Your “Stack The Box? Don’t Mind If We Do!” AFC Playoff Game Open Thread

[can’t think of anything to say] Intros are for suckers… TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/Pittsburgh:

Taking a look at this game I was reminded of an old Bart Simpson quote which goes something like, “Smashee, smashee”. Yeah, this one is gonna be a battle of physical and mental wills and no matter the outcome, both sides will suffer casualties-think in terms of Attica in early September of ’71. That’s how this one is going to go.

Injuries:

Antonio Brown is out/ready and raring to go, no question/a game-time decision-pick one. If he does throw the cleats on he’ll be staring down cb Jalen Ramsay. I love this matchup. Ramsay was thrown at only 5 times last week and was able to come up with an interception.

We Need To Talk About Blake:

Will the competent Blake or the inadequate Blake take the field today? Last week vs. the Bills he was 12/23 for 87 yards. Not so good, huh? Not so fast-he was able to offset that with 10 runs for 88 yards. Using the very latest-ish in phone calculator technology, I took a look back at his bipedal-centric shenanigans and discovered that in games where he runs 5 or more times he averages 7 yards per attempt. Interesting? Probably not but I’ll make the case that he recognizes/exploits running lanes far more than he is given credit for. I think another way to assess the fella is in terms of ‘comfort zone’. In the games where his QBR rating was over 100, (the lowest mark being 119!) his attempts/completions were 20-31, 18-26, 26-35, 18-27 and 21-29. Perhaps he’s not the game manager I thought he is but just a guy that needs to play within certain parameters in order to get the job done. Once outside those parameters though it becomes a bit of a crapshoot as to which guy shows up.

My Hot Takeaway:

I’ll be surprised if Bell and Fournette don’t combine for 50 carries between them. The thing is, [whips out suddenly trusty phone calculator again] this gives the Steelers a significant advantage. Perhaps Fournette is wearing down a bit but he’s only averaging 3 yards per rush over his last eight games. Mr. “Don’t Franchise Tag Me, Bro” Bell has averaged 4.2 in his last seven. As the carries pile up, it’ll be Pittsburgh that will more easily get up and down the field.

What are you waiting for? Get it on, bang your gong!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“If you saw two guys named Pouncey and Ben, which one would you think would be more likely to commit sexual assault on drunken women? I’d say Pouncey, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Ben.”

montythisseemsstrangetome

We have no evidence that Pouncey hasn’t also.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So aside from WCS and Balls, am I the only one rooting for Yinzburgh then?

OK, time to do some drankin’ I guess.

King Hippo

Rooting against Jaguras is like kicking a newborn puppy. YOU BASTARD MAN.

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU BASTARD MAN.

Whoa…flashback.

Redshirt

If you win this game, I’ll do my part to help you by rooting for NE. Deal?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m rooting for the Jaguars, but I won’t be upset if Pittsburgh wins. They are one of the only teams that the NFL will allow to beat the Patriots.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m rooting for the Steelers. ROOTING FOR THEM TO GET THEIR ASS KICKED.

Spur

yep, the steelers are going to try to get some flags on the jags by starting fights

King Hippo

Telvin Smith is one of the most underrated players in the League. Already, like a tomb in the House that Ketchup Built.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No dumb flags!

Redshirt

Yup! Steelers football.

Spur

pouncey is a scumbag

King Hippo

That’s the guy who STILL defends Hernandez, BTW.

Romonobyl

What did my great-aunt’s cat do to you?

Spur

3 and out. fuck yeah

rockingdog

oh yea! JagginOff all day!

Redshirt

(thinking) must not celebrate Steelers giving up TD. don’t jinx this.

King Hippo

That’s a defensing unit, y’all.

ThePirateSloth

MURRRRRRRRICA ON CBS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every Navy Seal has two families. Except for Sergeant Cromartie, who has ten.

Dick E. Phuck

He has six Seal teams.

montythisseemsstrangetome

The “sitting in gum” woman looks like a man with a bad wig.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So do I at the moment.
I really need a haircut.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Redshirt

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King Hippo

Silky nods, smack a bitch on her ass

fleshwound_NPG

imma laugh endlessly if this is ’96 Jags/Broncos levels of lulz

King Hippo

TOO SOON!!

Note that I do not hold this ass-whoopin’ against Jaguras, TOTES our own fault. I was SO ANGRY that day, I mopped the kitchen.

fleshwound_NPG

it beget two superb owl titles, tho

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If that had been against the Patriots the officials would have ruled Fournette’s knee had touched the ground while he was still in the air.

Romonobyl

I was gonna go with not surviving the ground, but apples/oranges.

Senor Weaselo

Touchdown P*ts?

King Hippo

Punched in the mouth, as predict.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Janay Rice apologizes for that touchdown.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wooooooo

fleshwound_NPG

holy shit that was some walter payton ultra-leap bullshit he just pulled

Spur

thats a TD. Hope?

King Hippo

LOVE IT. BALLS!!

montythisseemsstrangetome

– Aaron Rodgers

fleshwound_NPG

the only WR was an OL on a 3rd and goal

welp

King Hippo

I have 5 bills on Jaguras +7.5

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go Underdogs/Undercats!

Senor Weaselo

These games will suck or super-suck. Those are the only possibilities.

Spur

this seems good.

fleshwound_NPG

Bort…good?

King Hippo

Odd. Week.

King Hippo

Marqise WOO!!!

King Hippo

prop bets are for suckers, but I put $100 on #OddWeekJaguras scoring first (+140)

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s looking good at the moment…

theeWeeBabySeamus

The 5 bills I made early yesterday, I lost late.
Keeping my original stake from yesterday safe. NO ACTION TODAY.

(Unless I get drunk before about 4pm)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s important to keep your steak safe.”

– Andy Reid

litre_cola

So refs want Stillers Pats right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hope so.

rockingdog

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The officiating in the Titans game yesterday appears to have made me literally ill.

King Hippo

I was thinking same thing, but was probably the alcohol to be honest

King Hippo

insert Shad Khan “PREPARE YOUR ANUS” GIF

Gratliff

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Spur

Go Jet Jaguar!

Gratliff

I love that these guys get millions to say such wise shit as “Coaches should call the good plays that make the players be good”

fleshwound_NPG

do the football good

rockingdog

he sounds like a 7yr old.

ThePirateSloth

Oh shit, 10 minutes to game time. I should shut Factorio down and pay attention to the foosball.

Redshirt

Oh, no. Its a feels episode of Scrubs! I don’t want to feel feels before I watch the Steelers play football!!!!

King Hippo

This one’s FOAR Silky!!

Gratliff

All over the country, celebrities and powerful men are being ripped down for any sexual bullshit, and here’s Ben Roethlisberger, still getting the fucking hero treatment all these years later.

fleshwound_NPG

over/under Bort passing yards: 95 1/2

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m taking the over. All in on the Hippo odd week Jaguras theory.

rockingdog

Over. Jags gonna be JagginOff all day!

Redshirt

After last night’s game, its resorted to “Which team will the NFL allow to beat New England, the Steelers or the Jaguars?”

fleshwound_NPG

Stillers never beat the Greatriots, so jags

…but no way in hell Goodell’s stripped goons allow us a Bort/Foles Superb Owl

Senor Weaselo

That would be a glorious thing indeed. Unfortunately we can’t have nice things.

rockingdog

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JustStopDude

Are the playoffs done yet?

I am seriously just done with this season. I don’t care about any of the teams left.

Other than the fact that the Steelers consistently play down to their competition, so I expect this to be 9-6 slog….who cares…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Being a Browns fan does that at all times of year, right?

JustStopDude

Not really.

I can’t be the only one that this season just felt…eh…

If it wasn’t for the browns going for history, I would have watched hardly any NFL. There have been a shockingly low amount of competitive games…or at least that is what it has felt like.

fleshwound_NPG

wait…do the vikes want to kill an old lady?

Gratliff

That old girl knows how to party. You know that brick didn’t used to be foam.

Spur

no but she got invited to the next team boat party

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“No, doctor, we have no idea how she broke her hip”

Gratliff

So I’ve had enough time to run worst case playoff scenarios in my mind, and I think I’ve figured it out. Vikes beat Saints, but lose Case Keenum in the process. Sam fuck Bradford goes to Philly and blows them out of the water. As an Eagles fan, I truly believe that shit’s got better odds than the under.

fleshwound_NPG

THERE IS NO DANA, ONLY JACOBSON

fleshwound_NPG

the jags have a better chance against the pats than the steelers do

King Hippo

THIS GUY gets it!

Like 30% chance v. 3%

ThePirateSloth

gah, stupid link didn’t work

King Hippo

he sure sounds like a covert fella

Redshirt

Wasn’t me. I’m more “Put laxative in everyone’s food and then sit back and watch the fun unfold on TV.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

The guy’s name is Yuttana Choochongkol . Will there be racist comments in the comments?
*checks comments*
Of course there will.

Spur

Folks

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Allegedly

King Hippo

maybe

Redshirt

Doubtfully

King Hippo

True or False: BORT is pretty much your best case scenario for The Biscuit of Truth?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

False. Ceiling for Truth Biscuit is probably Mariota.

Redshirt

I dunno. I’m getting a Dalton vibe. He’ll be good, but he won’t elevate the team.

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