Semi- Instantaneous Balls Thoughts

You may have noticed my absence most of this weekend.  I stopped watching after the Falcons blew a golden opportunity to beat the Eagles at their own place.

This would be the theme of the weekend.

In the DFO Insiders,  I had picked Atlanta,  New England,  Pittsburgh,  and New Orleans. If it wasn’t for some colossal fuck-up-ery, I would have gone 4-4.

Let’s take a closer look at each game and how the losing team fucked up their chance to win


The Falcons had 4th and goal from the 2 yard line as time was winding down.  The ball,  as expected,  went to Julio Jones. HOWEVAH, the play call was atrocious.

First off,  why the fuck do you roll out Matt Ryan? The only way that works is if you are serious about throwing across the field. Julio was lined up on the right,  so they weren’t.

You are basically giving the defense the advantage there by only using half the field.  Makes it MUCH easier to defend.

Point the second. It is obvious that there was no second option. Once Julio fell down,  Matt Ryan started looking like drunk dudes at Last Call desperate to find something ANYTHING to take home.

He saw nothing because everyone knew the ball was going to Julio and no one bothered to try to evade their defender.  Julio managed to get up and Ryan threw it to him,  but it was hurried and high and too close to the sideline.

Even if he had caught it,  Julio would have been out of bounds.  That play epitomized the reason the Falcons lost the Super Bowl, lost this game,  and will never win anything significant.


There are so many things that the Steelers fucked up that it’s hard to pick just one.  HOWEVAH, I’m choosing the atrocious clock management at the end of the game.

After pulling within 7 and making an absolute mess of the onside kick attempt,  the Steelers still had a shot to hold the Jaguars to a field goal,  score a TD, and try another onside.

Alas,  the second onside kick never happened because Tomlin decided to take his timeout AFTER the 2 minute warning.  About 12 seconds ran off.  The Steelers DID score,  but with no time left.  Would the extra 12 seconds have made a difference?

Maybe,  maybe not,  but the course of action taken limited the options available.


As a former defensive back,  I’m horrified and embarrassed at the play that ended this game:


I mean,  seriously,  you let the WR make the catch,  tackle him in bounds,  and the game is over. It’s really very fucking simple.

All you have you do is wait for him to catch the ball. There is no need to hit him hard.  There is no reason to try to knock him out of bounds.  Just wait.

But no,  that’s not what happened. I honestly have no idea what he was thinking. If I was the Saints GM, I cut him before he reaches the locker room and leave him in Minneapolis.


What do these games/teams have in common? The losing teams limited their options at the end and it bit them in the ass. As much as I hate the Patriots,  I have to point out that they are the ONLY team that maximizes their options.  On every play and in every game. This is why they win so much,  aside from the cheating. If you think about it, though, the cheating is actually done to give themselves more options to win so it reinforces my point.

This is a very good life lesson.

If you have money saved up and offers from other companies,  you can tell your asshole boss to go fuck himself or herself if they try to screw you. Wouldn’t that feel great?

A good life is about options.  Having them,  creating them,  and not losing them.

This is why you wear condoms even though they are annoying and different than the real thing. This is why you have designated drivers. This is why you finish high school,  go to college,  and even get advanced degrees.


It’s a good thing I’ve learned that lesson well.  AFL Women’s starts in less than three weeks.



International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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This is such a great gif.

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“Was there any special technique you used to make it happen faster?”

– Sean McDonough

King Hippo

Some of us DID go 4-for-4, is that right? THAT’S RIGHT, Other Hippo!

And to be fair, though each losing side did have something of a shot to win, I think it’s fair to say that the run of play favoured the eventual winner (using Lesser Footy parlance) in each case.

Though Minny/NO is like a 51/49 type scenario


Some of us DID go 4-for-4, is that right? THAT’S RIGHT, Other Hippo!

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yeah right

Same and same!


Alas, the second onside kick never happened because Tomlin decided to take his timeout AFTER the 2 minute warning. About 12 seconds ran off. The Steelers DID score, but with no time left. Would the extra 12 seconds have made a difference?

I’m going to disagree on this point. The reason that they let the clock run down was to limit Jacksonville’s play-calling options. If the next play starts with 2:05 on the clock, the Jaguars have the option (for that single play) to run OR pass without any repurcussions as far as killing the clock is concerned. Letting it run down forces them to run the ball, making it easier (in theory) to get the stop and all it cost you was about ten seconds of clock time.

King Hippo

I would agrees had Jaguras not been in FG position, and willing to try it. Also with BORT v Yeldon/Fournette, I don’t think that’s worth losing two plays.

Coach Epps also should have taken the FG after The Ben’s grounding penalty. Another play in bounds basically ended the game. The clock situation already meant that post-onsides, you would need something akin to a Hail Mary anyway.


But them being in field goal range is irrelevant – if they get the first down, the game is over. Getting the stop is of paramount importance, all other considerations are secondary. I think it’s worth the ten seconds to cut their playbook in half.

King Hippo

They might be playing closer to the vest with FG on the table, in which case I’d risk the pass in order to save two plays/12 seconds.

I said this in real time, but I thought the God-awful onside kick gave PIT an out in that JAX might be less aggressive towards the first down (true) and go for the long kick in the worst possible NFL conditions (true) which maximized PIT’s chances for entropy and thus a win.

Credit to #OddWeekJaguras, though. Special teams executed perfectly.


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Speaking of hot aussie women, do the Saints have a woman’s team this year?


If you have money saved up and offers from other companies, you can tell your asshole boss to go fuck himself or herself if they try to screw you. Wouldn’t that feel great?

A good life is about options. Having them, creating them, and not losing them.

Are you me? This is my EXACT plan as soon as I get the next job offer.