The Commissioner Calls a Meeting

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Thank you all for coming on such short notice. With the conference championships upon us this weekend, this meeting had to happen at once. I think we all know that this has been an extraordinarily exciting post-season. Comebacks and rallies and heartbreak and a quarterback throwing a touchdown to himself and I think maybe the Bills were even there. For the first time in NFL history, a playoff game ended on a come-from-behind game-winning touchdown as time expired.

[member of the audience interrupts]: That’s fantastic!

Can I finish?

While all of us are committed to putting a great product on the field, really, we all know the real job of the NFL is to protect the shield.  And how do we protect the shield?

:blank stares:

We make enough money to literally cover the shield in impenetrable layers of cash. And the way we do that is through lucrative TV deals.  That, my trusted friends and colleagues, is not happening. Every single divisional round game had lower ratings than last year. Our biggest market didn’t have any teams make the playoffs, and our exciting new LA presence and mentor to the Chargers was eliminated after one measly game.  Hell, the New York Post thinks the guy who scored the game winning touchdown in the Saints-Vikings game was named Stefon Riggs. Our best AFC match up would have been a rivalry rematch between Big Ben and our league’s golden boy, Tom Brady.  But someone threw a wrench in the works there, and even early attempts to derail the boring Jaguars for next week hasn’t worked.

I am leaving nothing to chance. This season has been challenging enough for me personally and professionally. And it’s unclear how long we can use the specious argument that it’s Colin Kaepernick’s fault that ratings are down. We MUST have a narrative friendly Super Bowl. I can work with either Philadelphia redemption or Case Keenum bringing the Vikings back to the Super Bowl for the first time since Fran Tarkenton. But I WILL NOT ABIDE A JACKSONVILLE SUPER BOWL.

NOTHING CAN STAND IN THE WAY OF THE RIGHT SUPER BOWL MATCH UP! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

 

                               SIR, YES, SIR!
BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The gif versions of what rockingdog linked.

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rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog
SonOfSpam

Ooh, breaking news: Todd Haley’s Camaro will not be welcomed back in Yinzerville. Bitchin.

yeah right

“The Toddster is OUT!”

/sound of burning rubber.

King Hippo

Once again, time to FUCK EVERYTHING, GO DEEP!!

WCS

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LemonJello
LemonJello

That’ll buff out.

SonOfSpam

Isn’t Triplette coming out of retirement to do this game?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sorry honey, the forward progress on our trip to Italy has been stopped.” – Jeff Triplette

King Hippo

I am fairly confident that, if Jaguras play their A game (despite the evenness of the week), they win no matter what. I mean, The Ben completed 3 damned near miracle throws against them, and the Stillers were never truly in position to win, or even tie the game.

That team is WAAAAAYYYY more dangerous than given credit for. Hard to prepare for, too – nobody really plays like that, and you can’t practice for that kind of defensive game speed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

From your mouth to God’s ear. I hope.
$250 on Jags’ ML +360
$250 on Jags ATS +9.5

theeWeeBabySeamus

Was also gonna toss another bill on the over (46.5), but so far haven’t pulled that trigger.

King Hippo

I went 2 bills ML, 3 bills ATS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If the refs make it as obvious as early as they did against the Titans, the Jaguars should just cut their losses and make a point of trying to injure Patriots players. Give Gronk a nice forearm to the back of the helmet after the whistle, see if Goodell’s punishment for such an act has evolved.

nomonkeyfun

“No Donkey Punch Gronk. Only Gronk can Donkey Punch.”

-Sad Gronk

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ballsofsteelandfury

Injure Brady. Can you believe Hoyer at QB for the Pats?!?

litre_cola

A Hoyer v Foles/Keenum Superb Owl is what we deserve.

yeah right

The group consensus from last week was the same; if Jacksonville can’t win then inflict as much damage as possible.

Are you not entertained?