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Out with a whimper, here are the last of your 2017 Quotables. A special thanks to Unsurprised for his contributions this week.
Make me proud.
2017 Quotables – Super Bowl (Submissions)
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As a loss draws closer, Brady reflects on the horrors of having to return to his palatial Brazilian estate, living like a modern god, and fucking his supermodel wife; clearly sympathy is in order for this broken man.
“I now declare the games of the fifteenth Special Olympiad to be open!”
This Caddyshack remake is some gawd-awful shit.
Belichick: “Cut him.”
McDaniels: “Who?”
Belichick: “All of them.”
Seems fitting:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d4C1ZQKmw4
“My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.”
I’m going to still put in the work, but you’ve all been crushing these like:
1) Gronk::beers/puss
b) Grumblelord::cougars/hopes
iii) Andy Reid::buffets
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“Hey, you got your Pats Schadenfreude Day in my Romonobyl!”
“Hey, you got your Romonobyl in my Pats Schadenfreude Day!”
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Commenting on DFO during the Halftime Show with the performer next to you? That’s dedication.
That kid is Sill Bimmons.
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“See I can do commercials. Am I as good as Peyton now. Does my dad love me? I mean ‘the public’. Does the public love me now?”
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“Not so easy this Super Bowl Quarterbacking thing, isn’t it Danny?!”
Make me proud.
What are we, not your kids?
JOSH MCDANIEL?!?!
Irsay, you pill-addled fucking incompetent failson motherfucker!
He really does give us pillheads a bad name ,, smgdh
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“‘Let them have Philadelphia. They’ll destroy their own city in celebration.’ Has thy head been hit by a cannon ball or something?” – Lord Charles Cornwallis, August 14, 1779
Not so much a joke, but I’m dumbstruck at how weak his shoulders seem to be.
Shoulders so narrow
He look like penis
At least JPP would’ve had a decent excuse for that shitty pass.
Seriously, is there some reason why [generic Patriots white receiver] couldn’t set his feet?
5’7″
BWA-BWA
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“HA! Fuck you and your wife!” — Wes Welker
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“The Gang Lights Rickety Cricket’s Farts”
Surprising she only had one cough drop. I thought you were always supposed to put two in the Pink.
Why do we even try when we know Spam is gon’ come along??
I was going to go with “I always suspected Pink was a spitter”, but I see it’ll go to waste.
Why’d you say it twice?
That is fucking beautiful.
*Would put one in her stink, but only so she could hit the high notes.
“Timmerlake…Timmerlake…GODDAMNIT GOOGLE WHO THE HELL IS DUSTIN TIMMERLAKE?”
Btw, blax, thanks for doing these all season long. They are a delight, even when they’re a pain in the ass for you.
— Chip Kelly, thanking his practice squad for their 50th set of wind sprints that day
Someone got into Super Bowl form two days late…
#nodaysoff #riseanddickjoke
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Shouldn’t all that grit on the pass have made it MOAR catchable?
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Logenze or cheerleader pubic hair? You make the call!
Yes
“Damnit, isn’t there something the equipment guys could do to make these balls easier to catch?”
Coach is going to be so impressed with how much I improved my footwork this offseason!
Meanwhile, for the rest of us, the Super Bowl *was* the porn.
PornHub went on to point out that all searches within the Boston area also included the term “White.”
“WHITE AND NAWT QUEEAH”
OW-AH BANG BUSES AHH BETTA THAN YOR-AH BANG BUSES!! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Can you believe that this team won three whole games this season?
Man, I loved this scene in the new Cloverfield movie!
When I said “cloverfield” and “nudity” this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.
Meatballs 5: The Restraining Order
Thought this was from “Blair Witch 2: The Purge”
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk Towards Me
“Always important to make sure your airway is clear before you take the stage for the Big Game.”
– Cris Collinsworth, briefly removing Tom Brady’s balls from his mouth
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I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
That’s why whenever I come around
Your QBs run to you
And I know you want it (I know you want it)
It’s easy to see (it’s easy to see)
And in the back of your mind I know
You should be playing me
Don’t cha wish your quarterback was good like me?
Don’t cha wish your quaterback was fun like me?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?
“This guy knows how to pick em!”
–Jerry Sandusky—
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I wonder if I left my front door unlocked?
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I haven’t seen someone nail it this perfectly since about two thousand years ago.
“Nailed IT!”
– Pontias P., Galilee
Astounding. Give that guy the $10,000!
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Shit, shit, shit. I think they are on to me, the lovable idiot persona isn’t working as well anymore. I think Bill knows I have all the evidence from the years of his cheating in the safes at my house, gotta make sure nothing happens to it.
The NFL is reviewing this clip as he was obviously in a defenseless position.
Or
Textbook example of DPI on a P*ts reciever
The second one, please.
Mom always said those dancing lessons would come in handy.
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As Tom sits and patiently waits for the bail out flag, that surely, must be coming, he ponders his legacy and how much he needs to tip all the reffing crews for his MVP trophy.
Good to see Gronk practicing his safe driving skills. Look, left, then centre, then right when entering an intersection.
Damn kids on his phone in the middle of the concert with JT right beside him, wtf
BIG GAME. GRONK FOCUS…. TITS! …WHERE GRONK AGAIN?
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Prince is dead, but Minny still had Time to make things right.
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That camo suit worked so good the kid next to him had no idea who Justin was.
should’ve played more basketball in high school
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I saw more focus at the Puppy Bowl.
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Motherfucking, shit, fuck, goddamnit, you had one job Danny. Lead your receiver into traffic, just like Tawmmy.
– Giselle
:grumble grumble: Jimmy would’ve caught it :grumble grumble:
Remember, kids, this is what PASSING the concussion protocol looks like.
Not only is this a funny joke, but, holy shit, great observation!
Should’ve gone ahead and eaten that strawberry
“SOMEBODY GET HER OUT OF HERE, I DO NOT TOLERATE GIRLS WHO SPIT, YEEEHAAW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”
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Pink, wasn’t the only person who forgot to remove something from her mouth before the broadcast.
Cough, cough, Colinsworth.
Your version of this is better than mine.
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That’s the most protection Eli has received from his O-line in years.
Unfortunately, there is no joke in that comment.
That’s not true one time David Diehl handed him a condom and tried to give him “the talk” but Eli had already run away screaming “cooties, cooties, all the girls have cooties!”
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