2017 Quotables – Super Bowl (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Out with a whimper, here are the last of your 2017 Quotables. A special thanks to Unsurprised for his contributions this week.

Make me proud.


This is the only Eagles fans rioting gif I went with. I think the timestamp is what makes it so wonderful.

Pink removes a lozenge before performing the National Anthem.

Rob Gronkowski is visibly shocked to read of the passing of Edwin Jackson.

Eli Manning performs in a commercial.

In local news, there was a streaker at the WM Open this weekend. The full clip is over two minutes.

Danny Amendola botches a pass to a wide open Tom Brady (who was only that open because of his amazing route running abilities).

I don’t normally like to go with popular “memes” but I’m interested in what you all can do with this.

Fin.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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JerBear50
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JerBear50

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As a loss draws closer, Brady reflects on the horrors of having to return to his palatial Brazilian estate, living like a modern god, and fucking his supermodel wife; clearly sympathy is in order for this broken man.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“I now declare the games of the fifteenth Special Olympiad to be open!”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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This Caddyshack remake is some gawd-awful shit.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Belichick: “Cut him.”
McDaniels: “Who?”
Belichick: “All of them.”

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Seems fitting:

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.”

I’m going to still put in the work, but you’ve all been crushing these like:
1) Gronk::beers/puss
b) Grumblelord::cougars/hopes
iii) Andy Reid::buffets

WhyEaglesWhy
Member

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“Hey, you got your Pats Schadenfreude Day in my Romonobyl!”
“Hey, you got your Romonobyl in my Pats Schadenfreude Day!”

Redshirt
Member

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Commenting on DFO during the Halftime Show with the performer next to you? That’s dedication.

Redshirt
Member

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“See I can do commercials. Am I as good as Peyton now. Does my dad love me? I mean ‘the public’. Does the public love me now?”

Redshirt
Member

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“Not so easy this Super Bowl Quarterbacking thing, isn’t it Danny?!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Make me proud.

What are we, not your kids?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

JOSH MCDANIEL?!?!

Irsay, you pill-addled fucking incompetent failson motherfucker!

King Hippo
Member

He really does give us pillheads a bad name ,, smgdh

Redshirt
Member

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“‘Let them have Philadelphia. They’ll destroy their own city in celebration.’ Has thy head been hit by a cannon ball or something?” – Lord Charles Cornwallis, August 14, 1779

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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Not so much a joke, but I’m dumbstruck at how weak his shoulders seem to be.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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At least JPP would’ve had a decent excuse for that shitty pass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Seriously, is there some reason why [generic Patriots white receiver] couldn’t set his feet?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

5’7″

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

BWA-BWA

Beerguyrob
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“HA! Fuck you and your wife!” — Wes Welker

Beerguyrob
Member

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“The Gang Lights Rickety Cricket’s Farts”

SonOfSpam
Member

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Surprising she only had one cough drop. I thought you were always supposed to put two in the Pink.

King Hippo
Member

Why do we even try when we know Spam is gon’ come along??

Redshirt
Member

I was going to go with “I always suspected Pink was a spitter”, but I see it’ll go to waste.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Why’d you say it twice?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is fucking beautiful.

*Would put one in her stink, but only so she could hit the high notes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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“Timmerlake…Timmerlake…GODDAMNIT GOOGLE WHO THE HELL IS DUSTIN TIMMERLAKE?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Btw, blax, thanks for doing these all season long. They are a delight, even when they’re a pain in the ass for you.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

— Chip Kelly, thanking his practice squad for their 50th set of wind sprints that day

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Someone got into Super Bowl form two days late…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

#nodaysoff #riseanddickjoke

King Hippo
Member

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Shouldn’t all that grit on the pass have made it MOAR catchable?

King Hippo
Member

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Logenze or cheerleader pubic hair? You make the call!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Yes

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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“Damnit, isn’t there something the equipment guys could do to make these balls easier to catch?”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

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Coach is going to be so impressed with how much I improved my footwork this offseason!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

PornHub went on to point out that all searches within the Boston area also included the term “White.”

SonOfSpam
Member

“WHITE AND NAWT QUEEAH”

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

OW-AH BANG BUSES AHH BETTA THAN YOR-AH BANG BUSES!! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Enrico Pallazzo
Active Member

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Can you believe that this team won three whole games this season?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

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Man, I loved this scene in the new Cloverfield movie!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

When I said “cloverfield” and “nudity” this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.

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Beerguyrob
Member

Meatballs 5: The Restraining Order

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

Thought this was from “Blair Witch 2: The Purge”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk Towards Me

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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“Always important to make sure your airway is clear before you take the stage for the Big Game.”

– Cris Collinsworth, briefly removing Tom Brady’s balls from his mouth

ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
That’s why whenever I come around
Your QBs run to you
And I know you want it (I know you want it)
It’s easy to see (it’s easy to see)
And in the back of your mind I know
You should be playing me

Don’t cha wish your quarterback was good like me?
Don’t cha wish your quaterback was fun like me?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?

Wakezilla
Member

“This guy knows how to pick em!”

–Jerry Sandusky—

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Wakezilla
Member

I wonder if I left my front door unlocked?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I haven’t seen someone nail it this perfectly since about two thousand years ago.

King Hippo
Member

“Nailed IT!”

– Pontias P., Galilee

WhyEaglesWhy
Member

Astounding. Give that guy the $10,000!

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

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Shit, shit, shit. I think they are on to me, the lovable idiot persona isn’t working as well anymore. I think Bill knows I have all the evidence from the years of his cheating in the safes at my house, gotta make sure nothing happens to it.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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The NFL is reviewing this clip as he was obviously in a defenseless position.

Or

Textbook example of DPI on a P*ts reciever

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

The second one, please.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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Mom always said those dancing lessons would come in handy.

ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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As Tom sits and patiently waits for the bail out flag, that surely, must be coming, he ponders his legacy and how much he needs to tip all the reffing crews for his MVP trophy.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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Good to see Gronk practicing his safe driving skills. Look, left, then centre, then right when entering an intersection.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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Damn kids on his phone in the middle of the concert with JT right beside him, wtf

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

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BIG GAME. GRONK FOCUS…. TITS! …WHERE GRONK AGAIN?

nomonkeyfun
Member

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Prince is dead, but Minny still had Time to make things right.
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ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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That camo suit worked so good the kid next to him had no idea who Justin was.

StuScott Booyahs
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StuScott Booyahs

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StuScott Booyahs
Member
StuScott Booyahs

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should’ve played more basketball in high school

nomonkeyfun
Member

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I saw more focus at the Puppy Bowl.

nomonkeyfun
Member

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Motherfucking, shit, fuck, goddamnit, you had one job Danny. Lead your receiver into traffic, just like Tawmmy.

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

– Giselle

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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:grumble grumble: Jimmy would’ve caught it :grumble grumble:

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Remember, kids, this is what PASSING the concussion protocol looks like.

Wakezilla
Member

Not only is this a funny joke, but, holy shit, great observation!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Should’ve gone ahead and eaten that strawberry

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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“SOMEBODY GET HER OUT OF HERE, I DO NOT TOLERATE GIRLS WHO SPIT, YEEEHAAW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”

nomonkeyfun
Member

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Pink, wasn’t the only person who forgot to remove something from her mouth before the broadcast.

Cough, cough, Colinsworth.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Your version of this is better than mine.

nomonkeyfun
Member

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That’s the most protection Eli has received from his O-line in years.

Unfortunately, there is no joke in that comment.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

That’s not true one time David Diehl handed him a condom and tried to give him “the talk” but Eli had already run away screaming “cooties, cooties, all the girls have cooties!”