2017 Quotables – Super Bowl (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

Out with a whimper, here are the last of your 2017 Quotables. A special thanks to Unsurprised for his contributions this week.

Make me proud.


This is the only Eagles fans rioting gif I went with. I think the timestamp is what makes it so wonderful.

Pink removes a lozenge before performing the National Anthem.

Rob Gronkowski is visibly shocked to read of the passing of Edwin Jackson.

Eli Manning performs in a commercial.

In local news, there was a streaker at the WM Open this weekend. The full clip is over two minutes.

Danny Amendola botches a pass to a wide open Tom Brady (who was only that open because of his amazing route running abilities).

I don’t normally like to go with popular “memes” but I’m interested in what you all can do with this.

Fin.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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JerBear50
JerBear50

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As a loss draws closer, Brady reflects on the horrors of having to return to his palatial Brazilian estate, living like a modern god, and fucking his supermodel wife; clearly sympathy is in order for this broken man.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“I now declare the games of the fifteenth Special Olympiad to be open!”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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This Caddyshack remake is some gawd-awful shit.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Belichick: “Cut him.”
McDaniels: “Who?”
Belichick: “All of them.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Seems fitting:

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.”

I’m going to still put in the work, but you’ve all been crushing these like:
1) Gronk::beers/puss
b) Grumblelord::cougars/hopes
iii) Andy Reid::buffets

WhyEaglesWhy

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“Hey, you got your Pats Schadenfreude Day in my Romonobyl!”
“Hey, you got your Romonobyl in my Pats Schadenfreude Day!”

Redshirt

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Commenting on DFO during the Halftime Show with the performer next to you? That’s dedication.

Redshirt

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“See I can do commercials. Am I as good as Peyton now. Does my dad love me? I mean ‘the public’. Does the public love me now?”

Redshirt

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“Not so easy this Super Bowl Quarterbacking thing, isn’t it Danny?!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Make me proud.

What are we, not your kids?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

JOSH MCDANIEL?!?!

Irsay, you pill-addled fucking incompetent failson motherfucker!

King Hippo

He really does give us pillheads a bad name ,, smgdh

Redshirt

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“‘Let them have Philadelphia. They’ll destroy their own city in celebration.’ Has thy head been hit by a cannon ball or something?” – Lord Charles Cornwallis, August 14, 1779

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Not so much a joke, but I’m dumbstruck at how weak his shoulders seem to be.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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At least JPP would’ve had a decent excuse for that shitty pass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seriously, is there some reason why [generic Patriots white receiver] couldn’t set his feet?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

5’7″

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

BWA-BWA

Beerguyrob

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“HA! Fuck you and your wife!” — Wes Welker

Beerguyrob

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“The Gang Lights Rickety Cricket’s Farts”

SonOfSpam

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Surprising she only had one cough drop. I thought you were always supposed to put two in the Pink.

King Hippo

Why do we even try when we know Spam is gon’ come along??

Redshirt

I was going to go with “I always suspected Pink was a spitter”, but I see it’ll go to waste.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Why’d you say it twice?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is fucking beautiful.

*Would put one in her stink, but only so she could hit the high notes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Timmerlake…Timmerlake…GODDAMNIT GOOGLE WHO THE HELL IS DUSTIN TIMMERLAKE?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw, blax, thanks for doing these all season long. They are a delight, even when they’re a pain in the ass for you.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

— Chip Kelly, thanking his practice squad for their 50th set of wind sprints that day

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Someone got into Super Bowl form two days late…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

#nodaysoff #riseanddickjoke

King Hippo

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Shouldn’t all that grit on the pass have made it MOAR catchable?

King Hippo

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Logenze or cheerleader pubic hair? You make the call!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yes

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Damnit, isn’t there something the equipment guys could do to make these balls easier to catch?”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Coach is going to be so impressed with how much I improved my footwork this offseason!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

PornHub went on to point out that all searches within the Boston area also included the term “White.”

SonOfSpam

“WHITE AND NAWT QUEEAH”

JerBear50
JerBear50

OW-AH BANG BUSES AHH BETTA THAN YOR-AH BANG BUSES!! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Enrico Pallazzo

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Can you believe that this team won three whole games this season?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Man, I loved this scene in the new Cloverfield movie!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When I said “cloverfield” and “nudity” this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.

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Beerguyrob

Meatballs 5: The Restraining Order

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

Thought this was from “Blair Witch 2: The Purge”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk Towards Me

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Always important to make sure your airway is clear before you take the stage for the Big Game.”

– Cris Collinsworth, briefly removing Tom Brady’s balls from his mouth

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
That’s why whenever I come around
Your QBs run to you
And I know you want it (I know you want it)
It’s easy to see (it’s easy to see)
And in the back of your mind I know
You should be playing me

Don’t cha wish your quarterback was good like me?
Don’t cha wish your quaterback was fun like me?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?

Wakezilla

“This guy knows how to pick em!”

–Jerry Sandusky—

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Wakezilla

I wonder if I left my front door unlocked?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen someone nail it this perfectly since about two thousand years ago.

King Hippo

“Nailed IT!”

– Pontias P., Galilee

WhyEaglesWhy

Astounding. Give that guy the $10,000!

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Shit, shit, shit. I think they are on to me, the lovable idiot persona isn’t working as well anymore. I think Bill knows I have all the evidence from the years of his cheating in the safes at my house, gotta make sure nothing happens to it.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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The NFL is reviewing this clip as he was obviously in a defenseless position.

Or

Textbook example of DPI on a P*ts reciever

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The second one, please.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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Mom always said those dancing lessons would come in handy.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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As Tom sits and patiently waits for the bail out flag, that surely, must be coming, he ponders his legacy and how much he needs to tip all the reffing crews for his MVP trophy.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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Good to see Gronk practicing his safe driving skills. Look, left, then centre, then right when entering an intersection.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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Damn kids on his phone in the middle of the concert with JT right beside him, wtf

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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BIG GAME. GRONK FOCUS…. TITS! …WHERE GRONK AGAIN?

nomonkeyfun

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Prince is dead, but Minny still had Time to make things right.
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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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That camo suit worked so good the kid next to him had no idea who Justin was.

StuScott Booyahs
StuScott Booyahs

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StuScott Booyahs
StuScott Booyahs

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should’ve played more basketball in high school

nomonkeyfun

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I saw more focus at the Puppy Bowl.

nomonkeyfun

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Motherfucking, shit, fuck, goddamnit, you had one job Danny. Lead your receiver into traffic, just like Tawmmy.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

– Giselle

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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:grumble grumble: Jimmy would’ve caught it :grumble grumble:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Remember, kids, this is what PASSING the concussion protocol looks like.

Wakezilla

Not only is this a funny joke, but, holy shit, great observation!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Should’ve gone ahead and eaten that strawberry

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“SOMEBODY GET HER OUT OF HERE, I DO NOT TOLERATE GIRLS WHO SPIT, YEEEHAAW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”

nomonkeyfun

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Pink, wasn’t the only person who forgot to remove something from her mouth before the broadcast.

Cough, cough, Colinsworth.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Your version of this is better than mine.

nomonkeyfun

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That’s the most protection Eli has received from his O-line in years.

Unfortunately, there is no joke in that comment.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s not true one time David Diehl handed him a condom and tried to give him “the talk” but Eli had already run away screaming “cooties, cooties, all the girls have cooties!”