Your Non-Futbol Semana de Odio Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Of course, we can have a DFO Futbol Semana de Odio in advance of our World Cup previews in May.

NFL Notes:

  • In what reads like a note from a stroked-out Grandpa, Johnny Manziel has started his “Comebackszn”.
    • He will be playing in the new-ish Spring League, which is a thing the NFL & CFL started that runs out of Austin.
      • It has four teams, runs joint practices, and is designed as a developmental league for undrafted or sidelined players. Its season runs from March 28 to April 15.
  • Speaking of strokes, someone check on John Elway.
    • The Broncos are looking at signing A.J. McCarron if he becomes an UFA.
  • Remember the Jags fans who threw shit at the Seahawks when they were leaving the field? Well, two of them were identified & have been “banned indefinitely” from Jags games.
    • Prior to last season, that wouldn’t even have been considered a punishment.
  • In what sounds like a component of their new Thursday Night package, FOX will broadcast the opening nights of the NFL Draft.
    • This raises speculation that the NFL might add more bells & whistles to the production.

Finally, a little “Stealing From Crimebeat!” legal coverage:

  • the lawsuit against the Giants over fake memorabilia continues apace, with the Giants requesting summary judgement in their favour.
    • The plaintiffs allege the Giants engaged in fraud by purposing non-gameday articles as authentic gameday merchandise, and sold it as such, creating material benefit for them & exposing the purchasers/resellers to liability if the goods were, in fact, found to be frauds
    • The Giants want summary judgement because they allege the plaintiffs haven’t proven a thing despite 18 months of discovery.
  • Colin Kaepernick’s lawyers want to depose Papa John in Kaep’s collusion trial against the NFL.
    • It’s a result of the comments he made about ratings hurting his pizza sales, and that he wanted the league to do something about it.
      • Specifically, they want to know if Papa John spoke or worked with Jerry Jones on countering or toning down the player protests immediately after his comments.
    • Kaep is also suing certain agents, who his legal team believes prevented him from receiving valid employment opportunities as a result of not wanting to offend owners who were vehemently against the players’ actions.

Tonight’s sports:

  • Olympics:
    • NBCSN
      • 7:00PM – Pairs free skate (long program)
      • 10:00PM – Hockey (Women’s Group A): U.S. vs. Canada
    • NBC | 8:00PM – Figure Skating, Alpine Skiing, Skeleton, Speed Skating
    • CNBC | 10:00PM | Hockey (Men’s Group C): Finland vs. Germany
    • CBC | 8:00PM – Figure Skating, Alpine Skiing, Skeleton, Speed Skating
    • TSN:
      • 7:45PM –  Women’s Giant Slalom and Men’s Downhill
      • 8:25PM – Pairs free skate (long program)
      • 12:00AM – Men’s Curling Round Robin: Canada vs. Norway
      • 12:00AM – Hockey: Norway vs. Sweden
    • Sportsnet1 | 11:30PM – Men’s Snowboard Cross

  • NHL:
    • Blue Jackets at Leafs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet / NHLN
    • Panthers at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Clippers at Celtics – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Raptors at Bulls – 8:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Warriors at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • NCAA:
    • Villanova at Providence – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Virginia Tech at Duke – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Kentucky at Auburn – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • Seton Hall at Xavier – 9:00PM | FS1

It’s going to be extra sad once the Olympics are done. They’ve been a welcome distraction from the end of the NFL season. DON’T FORCE ME TO WATCH THE CANUCKS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

4 pt game going into the 4th quarter.
happy I stayed up to catch this warriors game.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

“impure thoughts” “Impure, Impure!!!!”
hahaha

WCS
Member

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Got home from the airport, she made some fancy veggie dish, I made salmon and sazeracs. That’s a decent Valentine’s day right there. If only we weren’t so tired that the evening probably ends there.

Senor Weaselo
Member

I redact my earlier questioning of reality, as St. John’s came back to win. At-large bid still alive!
/If they win literally every game from here until the Big East tourney final. And even then, probably not.
//No, you shut up!

WCS
Member

That should be a no goal.

/is watching Canadia-USA women’s hawkey

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Heh.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I wish I could afford a visit to Dr. Jameson.

WCS
Member

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Hi, doc.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Yeah, him. I would dispense with the little cup, even though it’s very cute.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’m still flabbergasted by all of one’s teammates slapping five for missing a free throw.

Participation trophy I guess.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

“perfect harmonic convergence”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I’d volunteer to work on Kaep’s case.

Redshirt
Member

I’m surprised the Commissioner didn’t pull all 32 teams aside and draw straws to see which one takes one for the Shield.

WCS
Member

Should have been you, Houston. You don’t exist, anyway.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

They still might. Jerrah won’t participate and Richardson wouldn’t have, but if it gets further along it really could just be cheaper to do that than to let the lawsuit continue. The NFL doesn’t have the statutory antitrust exemption the MLB does, nor any common law equivalent. This could end up actually hurting the Shield.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

FWIW, I decided to go all in on Boise.
If they win tonight by more than 3, I double my bank to about $2,200 (a little less after the vig).
If they don’t cover, I’m cleaned out.

Either way, I’m done with teh betting after tonight. At least until the next Vegas trip.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

And relax…most of it is house money already.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

😬

I hope they’re better than I remember.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Honestly, I’m mostly betting against the Martin twins.
They’re douchebags of the highest order.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Used to play at NCSU, btw.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Nice neckbeards.

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Having met them a few times, all I’ll say is….Sheep.

Can’t think for themselves.

Redshirt
Member

Surprisingly, this scene aired on ABC’s TGIF.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I presume Scotchy is probably asleep (translation: passed out) by now. But suck it anyway ‘Cuse.

Love ya Scotchy. But still…suck it. 😛

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I hate being sick like this because I don’t know if I can power through it or if it’ll get worse. Anyway, here’s a dancing gif. https://gfycat.com/IncomparableSparklingHind

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Fluids, rest and moar sexy dancing gifs.
Doctors’ orders.

Feel better my friend.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

They are doing construction outside my apartment, so rest from 8am-4pm isn’t really possible. Trying, though.

I won’t be wasting my precious bodily fluids and will just make gifs like this one.

Wakezilla
Member

This…is a fantastic gif. Great hustle

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

How many stars do you dock a Lyft driver if they’re clearly farting up the car?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Give him 1 star. Dutching ovening your passengers is the worst.

Redshirt
Member

Depends on the miles driven. If its a long trip, sometimes you can’t keep carpet bombs in the bay doors.

Senor Weaselo
Member

So let me get this straight, St. John’s can beat Duke and Nova but they’re going to lose a second game to DePaul? In what realm does that make sense?

WCS
Member

Trump is President, the Eagles beat the Patriots… this is The Upside Down.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Nah. The Eagles winning is a sign of things getting better.

monty this seems strange to me
Member

Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski pulling no punches.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Uh …

What a shame Tonya Harding isn’t doing commentary.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

yoooooo! Yees!!! Bill walton is doing commentary for the bball game!

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Why on earth would anybody ice dance to that overblown shitty cover of “Sounds of Silence?” I mean, did they even listen to the words? It’s like a bank commercial using a Lou Reed song about heroin.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Is it the Disturbed cover? Because that’s hilarious then.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Yes.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I don’t know why they’d choose it foar ice dancing. Seems an odd choice.
Having said that, I find their cover of it to be neither shitty nor overblown.
It’s actually quite a good arrangement.
Just my opinion….

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

My opinion is the exact opposite.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yep, I gathered as much. No worries. And I didn’t mean to sound confrontational. Hopefully I didn’t.

That’s one of the great things about DFO. We can disagree about certain things and still love one another anyway.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

No worries, I know. It’s all subjective. We’ll just have to agree that I’m right and you’re wrong.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I can live with that.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I got nothin’

monty this seems strange to me
Member

I love Simon & Garfunkel.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I think Imma go make a bagel burger.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, yeak happy VD!!

h
ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/6811843f3ca3bd324537232077d3896c/tumblr_nvckvzFxos1rbrhnko1_500.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Can’t unsee that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt
Member

When you said “happy VD”, I was expecting something a lot worse than that.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

An STI that turns your junk into balloon animals?

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla
Member

I was about to tell a story that involved Beerguy Rick and I, but it seems my first student is about to finish her test.

A teaser: I made Rob hot and bothered, which eventually lead to me giving him 6 inches of pure weiner and him giving me a tip and a smile.

Narrator: The innuendo is better than the actual story.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

No offense to you or Rob….

But I’m more interested in your student. Is she hot?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

fuck you jerry get off the table, asshole.

Wakezilla
Member

Not in the slightest

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Evening gang!

been a nice day. looking forward to this warriors vs trail blazers bball game 2nite.
hopefully you all have some nice friends to lick….

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

@Hippo, you still conscious? I need your sage counsel. I’m considering Boise -3 at home vs Nevada.

I know it’s stupid. Please talk me out of it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola
Member

Kaep went to Nevada. Take them and you hate America.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Oh shit, that’s right. I forgot that.

Plus they stole NCSU’s logo…

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BOISE IT IS!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff
Member

Catching up on Crashing and on the Bill Burr episode, and it’s perfect Burr shit. When I was in Michigan’s UP, I watched this motherfucker do 30 minutes in a fucking half court in a college athletic center in front of 50 sober ass students while dance music blasted through the dividing wall, and now he’s one of the biggest headliners in the country. One of the last not dead, not jailed, not disgraced of the comics from the northeast I followed as a stupid teenager. It would be nice if he doesn’t end up getting Louis CK’d or Patrice’d here soon.

blaxabbath
Member

Narrator: ::adjusts tie and clears throat::

Gratliff
Member

He wouldn’t do that to a fellow ginger

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath
Member

I actually got my wife a couple good (1 nice, 1 thoughtful) gifts bc she’s all pregnant this year and I usually rail against VD. So she goes and works today and gets cravings for Mac n cheese and bagel bites (we’re not white trash, I swear!) so she’s on her way home and I went to target and got her some of the blue box and some gotdamn bagel bites!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla
Member

“I usually rail against VD”

Is anyone ever really pro venereal disease?

Congrats on slipping one past the goalie. When is the wife due?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Is that really the question you want to ask?
I’m more curious how blax will manage not to murder himself in the next 18 yrs.

Or how the wife will manage to not murder him. Or the kid.

He gon’ get murdered, is my overriding point here, I guess.

blaxabbath
Member

That was funny. Typed in a Norm-like delivery. I’m saving a screen shot of it.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yeah, funny.
You’ll be fine.

😛

blaxabbath
Member

Late July. Was gonna be slammed inside all summer anyways — might as well be escaping the heat with a newborn.

Gives me time to get him ready for his first Football is Family season.

nomonkeyfun
Member

Two things.

First, isn’t one of the points of marriage to avoid VD?

Second, I’m sure you never thought THAT blue box would be a great Valentines Day present.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Evening. Valentine’s day just doesn’t feel the same without ass herpes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath
Member

While I am glad that i am attending UA at ASU tomorrow (though UA May very well lose — and that will NOT be a fun place to lose) now, I do regret my assumption that I’d not go prevented me from getting The Dump tees made.

Wakezilla
Member

My Valentine’s Day experience: Married Edition.

Wife wakes me up today at 7am:

Mrs. Wakezilla (who is also on her period): Surprise! I took the day off!
ME: Oh, that’s great. Lets go back to sleep.
Mrs. Wakezilla: I took the day off. What do you have planned for us? Lets spend the day together not sleeping.
ME: Uh, I literally just found out that you took the day off.
Mrs. Wakezilla: I’m going to make us a nice fancy breakfast to commemorate Valentine’s Day.
/20 minutes later, I had come up with the idea to have Wakezilla-ette to open the Disney store.

Mrs Wakezilla: OK, I can’t make breakfast anymore because we’re going to the Disney Store. Lets eat at a restaurant instead. Where do you want to go?
Me: Lets go to IHOP.
Mrs. Wakezilla: No, I don’t want that.

TLDR: This is why you don’t get married, folks.

We actually did have fun today, but jesus christ, there were some speed bumps along the way.

blaxabbath
Member

Periods. Ugh.

Wakezilla
Member

It definitely cramps everyone’s style.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

It definitely changes the flow.

Wakezilla
Member

That pun wasn’t bloody necessary

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I feel a pregnant pause coming on.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Perhaps I ovary acted.

litre_cola
Member

Better late than pregnant.

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

Bloody hell …

King Hippo
Member

just tell me where we are to go and quit waiting for me to guess correctly, goddamnit!!

/this constituted 75% of my waking brainwaves whilst I was married

Wakezilla
Member

She’s normally pretty good with my suggestions, at least when it comes to breakfast. But there has been a few times with dinner where I would have been OK had an asteroid struck.

blaxabbath
Member

i was gonna rip on choosing IHOP but brunch places are overpriced and so unimpressive, overall.

Wakezilla
Member

I mean, what’s open Wednesday mornings for breakfast anyway? . . . That is on Valentine’s Day and not booked up?

blaxabbath
Member

same team.

Team “
If it wasn’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.”

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Whut up, my Ninjas?
Ouch…shit.
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Wakezilla
Member

On here while I’m teaching a class

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

It’s cute that you think ninjas would make their presence known other than by the icy kiss of a steel blade.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NFL QB potential; arm strength, accuracy, and touch placement abilities are excellent, scrambling and playbook/ study habits are a minus.

King Hippo
Member

Scent of Friar blood is in the air

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Soup’s on!!

King Hippo
Member

Jesus, Nova is fucking unded

King Hippo
Member

Methinks Friars got this mofo. WIns over X and V, that should get them out of the dreaded 8/9 ejector seat bracket.

King Hippo
Member

Bridges fouls out for Nova. Yuuuuuuuge.

King Hippo
Member

MOAR Big East entropy tonight, Providence taking it to Nova.

King Hippo
Member

But Nova punching back. Fun League.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Well, I get to go to a fancy restaurant for Valentine’s Day. To play. For 5-10 minutes. For $30. In gift card form. To the fancy restaurant that I won’t otherwise go to. And I already ate.

But I walked by a PETA protest so there was that?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

That’s good hooker BJ money!

Senor Weaselo
Member

Gift card, Ballsy. Not legal hooker tender. As opposed to SNL musical guest, Legal Hooker Tender.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I meant that you’re earning at a hooker rate. That translates to $180 per hour, which is not too shabby.

Also, you never know. Hookers get hungry too…

Senor Weaselo
Member

Ahhhh. Never gonna top my personal best which was $500 for 90 seconds. Good to know it’s been all downhill from when I was 12!

litre_cola
Member

I thought that you were from New York, not Happy Valley.

/feel bad about this one

Redshirt
Member

Happy Valentines Day, Fellow Single Commentists.:
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Redshirt
Member

…and to show some love for all other Commentists with loved ones, here some words of wisdom I found while on my travels through the internet:

If your sex does require an emergency supply kit, and ends up with someone passed out, covered in hives and bleeding while the fire department is kicking your door in, we humbly suggest you just seriously did something wrong. Like really wrong. Whatever you were doing, don’t do it again. For the love of God, don’t do it again.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Can Hippo put money on that happening to me?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Shit, I’D put money on that!!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Singles unite in not spending money on a forced show of affection!!

Gratliff
Member

That shot of Todd is also my desktop wallpaper on my SCCM server. It makes me feel exactly how he looks.