Latest posts by theeWeeBabySeamus (see all)
- Your “My Nuts Are Falling” Friday Evening Open Thread – September 21, 2018
- Your “This Isn’t What I Meant When I Said Blow Me” Friday Evening Open Thread – September 14, 2018
- Your “Cincy vs Buffalo, I Wouldn’t Even Watch This In Regular Season So Why Am I Watching It Now?” Midday Sunday Thread Of Apathy – August 26, 2018
[Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, Early Evening, Elevator, Going Down] (giggity)
Leticia: So where did they go?
tWBS: No idea. The note only said they still wanted to party and were going to try to double the money.
Leticia: I thought you didn’t care about the money.
tWBS (becoming increasingly irritated): I don’t care about the money. I’m worried about them getting themselves into trouble. You saw how drunk they were. And you saw how much more they drank after we fell asleep. Do you really think it’s a good idea for them to be walking around like that with that case?
Leticia: Yes, I see your point. So then where would they go?
tWBS: What part of “No Idea” did you not get the first time I said it????
Leticia says nothing, but only glares at tWBS as the elevator doors open revealing the Casino Lobby.
tWBS: *sigh* I’m sorry. But obviously, this whole trip was a really bad idea. Everything that could go wrong has. Look, let’s just find them and get the hell out of here. I’ve got a bad feeling that if we stay here things are only going to get…
Balls: …better and better, baby!!!! Latina Attitude!!!! Gotta have it!!!!
Balls and Vanessa stand together in front of a Craps table. As Balls explains the finer points of the game to her, a song begins to play…
Balls (laughing now): But just remember one thing.
Vanessa (nervous): Oh, what?
Balls (now shaking his hips): I’M SHAKIRA!!!!!
Vanessa (laughing now): NO!!!! I’M SHAKIRA!!!!!
Balls: Hehehehe, fine. You’ve got better hips than me anyway.
Vanessa (hugging Balls): Holy shit, you’re amazing. No wonder I love you so much.
Balls (pointing back to the craps table): Soooo….You wanna try it?
Vanessa (excited): Can I?
Balls (picking up the dice and handing them to Vanessa): Of course you can, Baby. That’s why we’re here. Just throw ’em nice and easy. But here, let me blow on ’em for you first.
Stickman: NEW SHOOTER!!! COMING OUT!!!!
Balls places $2,500 worth of chips onto the Pass Line, then blows into Vanessa’s hands.
Vanessa (nervous again now): Was that $2,500?
Balls: Don’t worry about it, Baby. Just toss ’em.
Vanessa takes a deep breath and tosses the dice.
Stickman (pushing $2,500 more worth of chips to Balls’ and Vanessa’s stack on the table): SHE FELL FROM HEAVEN AND HIT ON SEVEN!!!!!
Vanessa (excited again): Did I win???? Oh my God, I love the way you….
Maestro: Crap!!!!!! Where the hell are those guys????? Why aren’t they answering????
He is now trying to both drive and dial his phone at the same time. He keeps hitting the wrong buttons, but finally hits the right combination and it begins to ring. This time, he allows it to ring for nearly a minute. Finally, there is an answer this time.
Balls: Hello? This is Balls. Is anyone there?
Maestro: Balls, is that you finally? Look, you guys gotta get out of there. Luis and Manuel are…
Balls: Hello??? I can’t hear you, you’re breaking up. Can you speak up a little?
Maestro: I SAID THOSE TWO GUYS WANT TO KILL YOU AND ARE ON THEIR WAY TO VEGAS. THEY KNOW YOU’RE THERE AND…
Balls: Hahahahahaha….it’s my voicemail dummy. LEAVE IT!!!!
Maestro (pissed now and hanging up): Oh, I swear to God. I should just let them kill them.
Maestro dials his phone again. This time, there is an immediate answer.
Litre_Cola: Canadia Post….aw fuck…. I mean Canada Post. What the hell is this aboot?
Maestro: Hey Litre, it’s me. This is going to sound weird, probably. But remember those two guys Balls and tWBS told us aboot last year? Well they’re driving across Canada right now on their way to Vegas to kill them. I’m sure as hell not following them all the way to Vegas by myself. So I know it’s a lot to ask, but…
Litre_Cola: They’ve got legal weed in Vegas now, right?
Maestro: Yeah, but I don’t see what that has to do with…
Litre_Cola: I’m in!!!! I’ll be ready in five minutes. Come pick me up.
Maestro: Wait, really? Just like that, you’re willing to….
Dave: …travel across the country to Vegas!!! This is the only way to do it!!!
Dave sits atop the big rig car carrier. From his vantage point, he has a view of the wide open spaces of the heartland as it passes by.
Dave: Last time I traveled along through here, that asshole was pushing my accelerator so hard to the floor I thought my engine was gonna explode. This is much more relaxing. Though we did have fun. A lot of fun. And we saw some great things driving across the country. That day in Nogales is one I’ll never forget. And I got to see Joshua Tree. Awww, I really miss those jerks. *sigh*
Dave clicks his radio on and tunes to the 80s station…
Jim: Hey!!!! Keep it down up there!!!! The rest of us are trying to sleep.
Dave: Who said that?
Jim: Geez, this guy’s an idiot. I’m down here. On the bottom level of the rig. The charcoal grey Pathfinder. Name’s Jim. Try not to be stupid, OK?
Jenny: Oh be nice, Jim. He doesn’t know any better. Hi Dave!!! I’m Jenny. I’m the red Altima right in front of you. It was pretty cool how you got yourself loaded up to get across the country for your people. None of us have people yet. But when we do, I hope mine loves me as much as yours do.
Dave: WTF? You guys are…..?
Jim: Oh look, the truck with weird sentience is surprised. Arrogant dick thought he was the only one.
Jenny: Be nice, Jim.
Dave thinks to himself…. “Wow, Jenny is really hot. From back here I can really appreciate her…..”
Luis: ….great ass!!!!
Manuel: Hey, stop looking at other guys. Aren’t I enough for you?
Luis: Of course you are, Baby. But remember you promised me a threesome for my b-day? Just because I look shouldn’t make you feel badly. But that guy who pulled in behind us is really cute.
Manuel (looking in the side rearview): Oh, yeah, which guy?
Luis: He’s in that little blue hatchback behind us. And he’s really checking me out. So, all I was saying was that he looks like he’s probably got a great ass.
Manuel: He’s not checking you out. If anything, he’s checking ME out! Besides, he’s on his phone. You really are full of yourself. You always think everyone is checking you out. Let’s just get our food and get moving.
Luis (looking in rearview mirror, shrugs): Sometimes they are checking me out. Plus like I said, he’s really cute. He looks like his dick is probably at least….
Stickman: …ELEVEN!!! The body of a sinner, but again she’s the winner!!!!
The Stickman pushes $2,500 more in chips to Balls and Vanessa, then pushes the dice back to Vanessa as well. But when she reaches for them again…
Balls (grabbing her wrist): No Baby, we’re done here.
Vanessa (surprised and disappointed): But, why? This is so much fun and I’m doing great!!!!
Balls (loading the new chips into the grey case): Baby, I love you. But you just hit seven or eleven, seven times in a row. I’ve never seen a run of luck like this. You added $17,500 to our bank. But the key is knowing when it’s time to stop. Our run on this table is done. We’re taking your luck elsewhere, now.
Vanessa: So we’re just quitting?
Balls (kissing Vanessa and whispering to her): Just quitting craps, Baby. Now it’s time for the big fun. (handing a $100 chip to the Stickman and each of the dealers) … Gentlemen, Ladies, thank you for a wonderful time. Later, when your shift ends, feel free to pop up to the 62nd floor. I have a feeling that tonight we’ll be…
Leticia (angry): … celebrating being back together. And now you tell me you think this whole trip was a bad idea and you have a bad feeling it’s just going to get worse?
Leticia and tWBS stand just outside the bank of elevators, arguing.
tWBS: Hey, I was excited about this. I couldn’t wait to see you. Everything was feeling free and easy again. I thought maybe it could be a fresh start and then…down the road…who knows?
Leticia: OK, so then why are you being such an asshole now then?
tWBS: Why did you go to your sister’s house? Why did you have to go and put that cloud over things again?
Leticia: *sigh* I dunno, it just felt like…
tWBS: When is the last time you even talked to her? Before yesterday I mean.
tWBS: Exactly. So why dig it back up now?
tWBS: Exactly. And I’m not blaming you, I’m really not. I totally get it, in fact. I’d like to tell her a few choice things, myself. But I really was hoping the past could stay the past, and we could move forward. Together.
Leticia (smiling just a little): Together? Really?
tWBS: *sigh* Yes. But admittedly, then I went and fucked things up worse too.
Leticia: What do you mean?
tWBS: I should have never told you what I told you earlier tonight.
Leticia: Well your timing wasn’t perfect, I’ll give you that.
tWBS: I know. And I’m sorry. It just kinda jumped out of my talk hole in the moment. But your response was less than ideal as well, as long as we’re being honest. I mean I tell you that I L… errrr, what I told you… and then all you can say is….
Pit Boss: … WTF did you just say?
A crowd is gathering as Balls negotiates one last hurrah for the night.
Balls: You heard me. $42,000 on one hand of Baccarat. Call whomever you have to call to get the approval. I’m deadly serious.
Vanessa (nervous again): Baby, are you sure about this? I don’t even know how to play this game.
Balls: You don’t have to know how to play this game, Baby. And yes, I’m sure. You just stand here and look beautiful and let that luck of yours pour all over those cards.
Pit Boss (picking up the phone): Gimme a minute.
Balls: Take all the time you need. We’ll be here waiting…
Leticia: …to hear me say how I feel about you? You can’t be serious. You know how I feel.
tWBS: That’s not what I said. And yes I do know. What I said was that by me saying it, it only worsened the situation and put more awkwardness in the air. Which you started first of all by going to your sister’s house.
Leticia: Fine. I can admit that. But you yourself said you understood why I did it.
tWBS: *sigh* Yes, I totally do. But you should have waited. Now wasn’t the time. If it was going to be done, if you needed to tell her, it should have waited until later and we should have done it…
Pit Boss: …together?
Balls: Yes, she and I are together. There’s only one bet from us. $42,000.
Pit Boss (to the crowd still gathering): Folks, for the time being, this is a closed game. No outside bets. (to Balls) … You’re approved for this wager, Sir.
Vanessa is now both nervous and excited. She moves toward the table and the gathering crowd closes in behind her.
Balls does not follow, but rather hangs back and whispers into the Pit Boss’ ear. The cards are dealt.
Dealer: First Player card…Jack. First Banker card…Four.
The crowd groans, Vanessa looks clueless.
Dealer: Second Player card…Eight.
The crowd cheers, Vanessa still looks clueless.
Dealer: Second Banker card…Five.
The crowd groans loudly, while Vanessa begins jumping for joy.
Dealer: Banker Hand wins with the natural.
Vanessa: Wait, what? We lost? But I have 18 and you only have 9.
The Pit Boss steps in…
Pit Boss: $42,000 WAGER ON BANKER’S HAND IS THE WINNER!!!!
The gathered crowd erupts in cheers and applause.
Vanessa: OK, I’m really fucking….
tWBS: …confused how to act when you got here. And I really am sorry for how I’ve been acting. But, I didn’t know why you’d go there and talk to her now. So it was eating at me all day. When you got here, I was in a pissy mood.
Leticia: You still kinda are. And you’re fucking my mood up too.
tWBS: I know. Which is why I want to clear the air right here, right now. Then maybe we can move on from this and be OK. I’m sorry I told you I L… errrrrr, what I told you.
Leticia: Well you know that I L….
tWBS: Don’t. Don’t say it. Don’t fuck it up like I did. When you ever do say it. IF you ever do say it? I don’t want it to be forced. I really didn’t say it to get you to say it back, anyway. I know how you feel. I just wanted you to know how I feel, in case you didn’t already. I thought it might help with how you were feeling about your sister, and to know that I only ever wanted to be there for you. I thought it might help you feel better in case…
Balls: … you still don’t understand, Baby. I wasn’t betting against you. You weren’t even really playing. You were just pouring your beautiful luck all over those cards. And Baby you came through for us big time. This game is not like Black Jack. The cards are dealt, and any player can bet on any hand. But the banker’s hand has better odds. I wasn’t betting against you, Baby. I was betting that you’d be able to win us a shitload of money just by standing there looking pretty.
The Pit Boss walks over and hands balls a much bigger case.
Pit Boss: Sir? $79,800. Would you care to let it ride?
Balls (handing the Pit Boss a $1,000 chip): No thank you, I think we’re done for the night. Can you deposit these in the Casino’s safe for me?
Pit Boss (taking the case back): Very good, Sir. And thank you.
Balls (speaking to the gathered crowd): OK, folks. As I promised if we won, we’re celebrating tonight. You’re all invited to meet us on the 62nd floor.
Vanessa (very excited now): Holee…
Leticia: Now what?
tWBS: We started arguing and completely forgot to look for Balls and Vanessa.
Leticia: Shit, you’re right. OK, let’s split up. You head around the Casino floor in that direction. I’ll go this way, and we’ll either meet back here if we don’t find them, or whoever finds them first stays put with them until the other shows up?
tWBS (turning to begin the search): Sounds good.
Leticia (grinning): Hey, dumbass!!!!! You know I do, right?
tWBS (turning back): Yeah, I know.
Leticia blows tWBS a kiss.
tWBS: Oh Jeebus, cut that shit out!!!!!
Leticia giggles as she turns in the opposite direction to begin the search.
A group of four attractive girls drunkenly stumble into the Eyecandy Sound Lounge, overlooking the Mandalay Bay Casino Floor.
They spot two really cute guys sitting at the bar and approach them.
Girl#1: Hey there. You guys look kinda lonely.
Girl#2: Yeah, we’re about to head upstairs to a party in the Penthouse in a few minutes. You should come with.
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris: Thanks for the offer, ladies. Sincerely. But we’re just trying to have an easy going night and figure a few things out.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Hey, wait now. Let’s not be so hasty. Maybe…
Girl#3: OK, suit yourselves.
RTD: DAMMIT DTZM!!!!! That could have been a lot of fun!!!!
The four girls move to a table at the edge of the bar which overlooks the Casino floor. RTD watches them for a moment as they walk away. And then…
RTD: Holy Shit!!!!
DTZM: Oh relax. They’re probably hookers anyway.
RTD: First, that would be OK. Second….LOOK!!!!!
DTZM turns in the direction RTD is pointing.
DTZM: Holy shit!!!! Is that tWBS???? How the hell did he know we were here????
RTD: Hell if I know. But look at him. He’s looking for us.
DTZM: OK, OK…don’t panic. We can avoid him.
RTD: Follow me…
RTD gets up and moves to the table where the four attractive ladies are now sitting enjoying their drinks. He and DTZM quickly sit down in the empty seats with their backs to the Casino floor just before tWBS passes closely by and peers into the bar in search of a glimpse of Balls or Vanessa.
RTD: So, ladies. I’m sorry for before. My friend and I had a weird day. But we’d love to accompany you to this party upstairs if the invitation is still good.
Girl#4: Hell yeah, let’s go!!!!
All the girls in unison: Woooooo!!!!
They all exit the bar together and head toward the bank of elevators in the opposite direction tWBS is still walking and searching.
To Be Continued….