World Gawne Mad 2018 – NCAAT Selection Show Special (with Live Analysis!)

Hello, peoples of DFO.  I am back from semi-sabbatical to provide hoopsball tourney coverage.  Please, for the love of God, use whatever analysis comes out of Hippo’s ass for amusement purposes only.  You have been sternly warned.

Warning #2 – this year’s selection show will tip off at 6p EST/5p DFO on TBS – I actually had to use teh Google I was so confused.  At least I can put of finding truTV again until Tuesday night.  That would have given me palpitations.

In advance, I will predict that the #1 seeds are clearly UVA, Nova, Kansas, and Xavier.  Always a small chance Xavier gets bumped, but can’t imagine who would possibly do it.  Arizona is on the naughty list, and their conference is shite.

As always, I have printed a blank bracket so I can fill it in as the 68 are announced…but the fuckers haven’t announced who plays who in the Final Four yet, so I can’t know how to arrange the stupid thing, unless there are clues on the show before the reveal.  Dickmonkeys.

South: Once amateur hour at TBS finally ended, we see a pretty tough road for Wahoowa – should the #1 seed be some kind of advantage?  Creigh-Creigh, Kentucky, and Arizona.  That’s three sides with Top 10 potential when they play at their best.  On the bottom side, Cincy should cruise to the Elite Eight, unless Da U gets super hot.  As they might.

East: WVU and Scary Wheat could rough up Nova a beat, but I don’t see an upset here.  In fact, the whole bracket is pretty much ass, if one doesn’t think much of Texas Tech or Florida (and I don’t).  The committee really wants a Nova/Purdue matchup of guards v. Nazi big men.

Midwest: Kansas gets a rough bracket this year.  Clemson would be a rough opponent in the Round of 16, and Seton Hall could even cause problems in Round Two.  Duke is in the other half, with a murderer’s row of Rhode Island, Sparty, and TCU to contend with.  Whoever comes out of here will have earned their ticket.

West: Xavier was presumably the last #1 seed, and they got the toughest overall bracket.  That said, U*NC (the 2 seed) got the harder half, with Michigan, underseeded Houston (the winner of their really tough opening match v. San Diego State could go a long way), Texas A&M, and Providence – certainly has no easy outs after Lipscomb.  But the Musketeers best not overlook Florida State nor Gonzaga in Rounds 2/3.

That’s that.  Smack me in the head, I’d go with Cincinnati, Villanova, Michigan State, and Xavier.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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ballsofsteelandfury

The only way I’m going to Mars is if someone can guarantee me three-tittied mutants.

WCS

+1 Kuato

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Mars is a shithole planet with a super lot of space crime by foreigners.”

-DT

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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If I was younger…. space chicks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I realize that all of you think I’m stupid for wanting to go to Mars.
Or maybe you think I’m just joking.

I’m not joking. I would go in a heartbeat. The technology will be there in about 10 years. I’ll still be in good health and could be very contributory for the overall mission.

These people they’re considering as finalists are ticking timebombs. Yes, it pisses me off.

Yes, I know I sound insane. I don’t care. I want to go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvkzoqQ5Oak

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, I don’t think you are stupid for wanting to go.

Beerguyrob

I don’t think so either.

I’d go, but as a teacher all they’d see is another Christa McAuliffe. Apparently, teachers are dynamite……people.

WCS

Ouch.

Beerguyrob

At Expo 86, I got kicked out of the USA pavilion at age 18 for waiting until 55 seconds into their Space Shuttle launch video – right after the “go with full throttle” line – to scream “BOOM!”

I was banned from the facility for the rest of the Exposition.

I might be an ass.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Q: Did you know that Christa McAuliffe was blue eyed?
A: One blew left and one blew right.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Q: What do Playtex tampon users and Christa McAuliffe have in common?
A: They both should have stayed on the pad.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Q: Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?

A: Ocean Spray – It was their second choice because they couldn’t
get 7-UP.

Beerguyrob

I remember most of these; hadn’t heard the tampon one before.

Solid flashbacks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Q: What does NASA stand for?
A1: Need Another Seven Astronauts

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Q: What do Christa McAuliffe and Donna Rice have in common.
A: They both went down on the challenger.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How many astronauts can fit in a Volkwagen? Eleven – four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.

ballsofsteelandfury

YOU GUYS! FUCK MARS! RTD is gonna do a porn parody with Stormy Daniels!! He’s gonna take advantage of the orange hair!

Senor Weaselo

tWBS already did the Kristen Bell TGISF, so clearly he wants to do that too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I think the mop bucket is for the Guatemalan….

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll tell you one thing: Ain’t gonna be no Mexicans on Mars! Not until there are jobs there…

WCS

You’re thinking 250 years too late. Gonna be LOTS of Africans there first.

ballsofsteelandfury

Slave trade again?

WCS

China’s been in the indentured servant market in Africa for a decade.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Would you like a Space Taco (TM) or a Space Brat (TM)? Large Tang?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Honestly, it really amazes me that my application to go to Mars has been ignored, while these antisocial morons get featured. Do we really want these types of antisocial people, who can’t relate to the others and who have no real world experience being the first to go?

Holy shit. I give up.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It will make it a lot easier to bear when they get halfway to Mars and run out of food because someone forgot to convert kilograms to lbs.

Senor Weaselo

“Run out, you say?” -George Donner

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beerguyrob

I guess it’s fit in or fuck off.

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blaxabbath

So no idea what to think of UA in this bracket?

theeWeeBabySeamus

They’ll be fine for a week.

blaxabbath

I’ll take it!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Fuck.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DFO lawyers: This is a serious question. Regardless of the status/results of her NDA lawsuit, can Stormy Daniels legally do a porn parody featuring a Trump lookalike?

Brick Meathook

I took the LSAT and I say yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I didn’t sleep in a Best Western, nor make porn in one, but I took and nap and I certainly hope she can make a cuckold parody.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes.

I’m no lawyer, but I know this answer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’d be covered by that Flynt lawsuit, right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s a precedent, yes.

But more than that.

Senor Weaselo

“6/9, too realistic of a parody”

ballsofsteelandfury

Need a film crew?

ballsofsteelandfury

WAIT A SECOND! Someone I know just got newly-orange hair!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s not what they mean by “Key Grip.”

Senor Weaselo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Hey TWBS, got a dime?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Elon Musk, you’re a pussy.
Call me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8na3oQzcwCk

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, instead of sending me…someone who has life experience….let’s send a guy who masturbates ONLY to reduce prostate cancer risk.

Do these people even understand what real world realism is?

And we wonder why this shit is gonna fail?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Trust me, that guy would snap in a heartbeat and kill everyone on the lander.

ballsofsteelandfury

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know.

But it really annoys me. I’d give my left nut to go. And I can’t even get a call back.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Um….. guess I’m getting my SpaceX news from a different source than you are. The five year time frame for launch of a cargo ship is way optimistic though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep…it’ll be in the 30’s.

Which is why I’m being ignored. I’ll be an old man by then.

Senor Weaselo

Hey, wait a minute, I could become the best violinist on Mars!
Yeah, but I have things to write first, and that won’t come back to Earth.

I’ll become the best violinist on Mars… eventually!

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

“ALRIGHT YOU PUKES, EVERYONE IN LINE!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Last one is named Pvt. Pyle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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How to tell when lunch was GREAT!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

This is so great, although Bugs Bunny confuses me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bugs Bunny; nice guy and everything, but refuses to do proper car maintenance.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

“Oy, get out of the street!”

Fronkenshteen

I’m having my weekly shot & beer. But since the bartender is my friend, my shot becomes a small juice glass of whiskey. Fuck it. I’m doing good.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Kinda fun watching Isaiah Thomas stick it to the Cavs. Also, the Lakers are really fun to watch right now. Just a bunch of young guys (and Brook Lopez) playing fast and whatnot.

Also, the Lakers have Cleveland’s first round pick, so beating them is extra-primo-good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The taint-to-balls back kick is one of the most devastating.

SonOfSpam

Cringing involuntarily.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Dutch Master-baters?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, so this happened in the mid 90s. I’d been out of Vet School a few yrs. My colleague and I had been doing pro bono work for the Museum of Life and Science in Durham, NC for a while by this point.
http://www.lifeandscience.org/

They also had other animals. Most of which would not be a worry in any case. But also wolves, coyotes, and other assorted predators. None of which also I’d sweat much, considering a rabid Rottweiler once tried to take me to the ground and eat me. But bears are a different story.

I don’t know if you guys know what a pole syringe is, but it’s more or less to get a sedative into an animal that will otherwise kill you. Once they are contained and dosed. So, we arrive….

We went whenever one of the animals had a problem. But twice yearly, on a rotating schedule for the different animals, we’d go and draw blood and check general health.

Sooooooo…..

On this day, we’re doing the Bears. Three bears. Yes, I know.

We draw blood from the first two…no problem.

Then we go to the third bear. Just so happens to be the biggest of the three. I grab him and roll him over, with syringe in hand to draw blood.

Fucker stands up and rawrs. He’s prolly about 8 feet tall.

OK, fuck this shit.

I got my ass outta that enclosure faster than you can imagine.

I didn’t shit my pants, but it was close.

Mr. Ayo

Nice try, BIll Cosby

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A friend’s daughter was getting married in a mountain ski town and he had most of the reception food locked in the house they rented. During the night they heard pounding on the door….. that stopped for a while, then they heard the window crash, he went downstairs and was confronted by a full grown black bear chugging lemonade from the big container they bought, doughnuts, bread, potato salad was gone including containers. They were yelling, but eyeing escape routes. Next morning the park ranger was there setting a bear trap outside the house; he did NOT think my Yogi picnic basket joke was funny at all.

It all ended well as the beer and liquor were safe.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Phone call to the clinic later…

Dick who didn’t sedate the big bear properly: So how do we know he’s OK?

Me: HE’S FUCKING FINE TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Buzzed bearing is still drunk bearing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also, how was the porridge?

WCS

This is pretty fun:
https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/2018-march-madness-predictions/?addata=espn:ncb:index

Penn has a 5% chance to beat Kansas! Woooo!

Senor Weaselo

That’s downright Carl’s SCLotCotW by 16 vs. 1 standards!

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Did I ever tell you guys my “Oh shit that Bear gon’ kill me” story?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I didn’t know you’d ever gone to a gay bar

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee.

But no.

litre_cola

Well played sir. Well played.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You shut up if you wanna hear the story. 😛

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL.

Senor Weaselo
theeWeeBabySeamus

If you can watch this without saying “D’awwwwwwww”…then you suck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C3zgYW_FAM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Evening commentists. How the fuck can Polish people drink so much vodka and feel fine in the morning. I feel like death and they were all fine at lunch. I vomited, I haven’t done the day after puke in 10+ years.
Pray for mojo.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The answer is moar vodka.
Always…moar vodka.

Imma have some moar vodka meself, actually.

Woooooo!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I like her.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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She said “Go deep.”

JerBear50

“Easy for her to say with those massive hands.”
– A. Smith

Spanky Datass

Welp, there is the first loss on this current six-game road trip for the Ice Cowboys. They are soooo fucked.

litre_cola

I want them to finish ahead of the Ice Vikings so the Ice Bombers get them in the 1st round.

Spanky Datass

Tough ask for this squad considering only four of their final 13 games are at home.

WCS

I’m not complaining about tonight’s result.

WCS

Fucking Syracuse is going to the Elite Eight, aren’t they?

theeWeeBabySeamus

No. No they are not.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Not a ray gun and the speed control is not for the backpack.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is 9:45pm on Sunday too late to start drankin’?
I’m in the mood to drank a lot of things.

DAMN YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

Nope

LemonJello

/checks DFO bylaws
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe some Jello would make you feel better.

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Senor Weaselo

Do you have anything Monday? If not, go for it!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nothing that can’t wait.

Pain in the ass Aunt who reneged on her agreement for my house is showing her shitty face in town (from Alaska) on Thursday. But I won’t have to kick her bitch ass until then.

Woooooooo!!!!!! Vodka it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I’ll still get half, which will buy a nice boat to be parked in a SoCal marina somewhere eventually….but that wasn’t our deal….she’s a money grubbing piece of shit)

Spanky Datass

I’m drinking caipirinhas and pretending I’m in Rio … where it’s warm.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

They see me rolllin’
They hatin’

LemonJello

These emotional support animals are getting out of hand…

JerBear50

HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE THE LEGITIMACY OF THE ORANGE VEST I BOUGHT WITH NO ACTUAL QUALIFICATION?!?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Deleted scene from Smokey and the Bandit?
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JerBear50

Don’t you bastards judge me. It’s lonely at closing time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You gots two dates!!

ballsofsteelandfury

I have just entered my bracket in the DFO challenge based on having watched absolutely zero college basketball.

Naturally, I will win.

theeWeeBabySeamus

…having watched absolutely zero college basketball.

You’re a poor excuse for a UCLA alum.
John Wooden’s ghost is judging you from hell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Worst STD ever – R. Grossman

ballsofsteelandfury

John Wooden can rot in hell. He is the worst thing to have happened to UCLA.

He disguised cheating the system with his “principles” Fucking con artist…

Yeah, I said it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Totally agreed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Hacking Rex Ryan’s laptop now, are we?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He and Balls have a few things in common.

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ballsofsteelandfury

If that’s opera nowadays, I might go back…

Senor Weaselo

That is not opera nowadays. Although my friend’s gf (now fiancée) sang a main role in a lesbian opera at Stonewall. My friend normally doesn’t like her kiss scenes, but he was more okay with this one.

Unsurprised

What’s basketball?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

World Cup Foot-Ball?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Before cups.

Senor Weaselo

“OW, MY BALLS,” the pre-TV years.

herodotus450

Boo everyone!

LemonJello
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Two 1-seeds, the Big East is back!
/Naturally they’ll both lose in the Round of 32.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I should also plant tomatoes for the spring.

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Heya

WCS

Network TV does that to people.

Unsurprised

Melted my brain. Sorry. But you’re right.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Family is a pain in the ass.

That is all.

ArmedandHammered

Thankfully the Grim Reaper is working to alleviate my pain.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hmmmmm….I want to ask.

ArmedandHammered

All of my asshole uncles, aunts and cousins are aging out, and I made a point not to keep up or talk to the rest of them. How to put it, they had a family get together to raise money for Trump’s campaign. One uncle has set up his TV to watch Fox news. Of course the family members I like have already died off to old age.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OOOOF.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. Throw in a handful of sociopaths and brother pulling life in prison and I’d swear we’re related.

ArmedandHammered

Remember I am from the mountains of NC, best thing I ever did was moving the hell away and staying away. Before you move to the west coat would like to get together and have a few drinks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds good to me my friend. And no worries, I can’t pull up stakes and hit the left coast permanently until I convince my mom to come with (the only one of them I care about still, and sadly she won’t let go of the rest of them yet bcuz she feels ‘sponsible), or until she dies. Whichever comes first. Then I’m outta here.

But yeah, I’ll reach out and we’ll figure out a thing. I’d love that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe we can even get Hippo out of the house too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wow; your cousins are aggressive. Maybe they just need lube.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which do you want stabbed; his dick or ass?

theeWeeBabySeamus

He probably tucks. You could probably get both in one shot.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Daylight savings time is catching up to me. That and the skiing.

Brick Meathook

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WCS

“Nailed it!” — Blair Walsh