Your “It’s Kinda Slow” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Well, this is interesting:
    • OBJ says he won’t play without a contract extension.
    • Giants co-owner John Mara said Sunday, “I wouldn’t say that anyone is untouchable.”
    • As we saw last season, Eli doesn’t play well if all his toys aren’t in the sandbox with him.
  • It’s “hurt feelings” day.
  • The list of coaching names for the proposed Ebersol-organized Alliance of American Football has some interesting names on it.
    • They include Steve Spurrier, Mike Singletary, Rick Neuheisel, Jeff Fisher, Mike Martz, Rob Ryan, Pepper Johnson and Jim Fassel.
    • The idea that it will be a developmental league meaning hiring experienced coaches, and Jeff Fisher, to legitimize the teams isn’t wholly an insane idea.
  • After the Jets pulled their offer, the Rams are considered the frontrunners to land Ndamukong Suh. have offered Ndamukong Suh a one-year, $14 million contract.
    • The deal was pulled by the owner after the GM proposed it. As Christopher Johnson put it, in what sounds like an actual strategy:
      • “I don’t want to be a flash in the pan,” Johnson said, speaking of his team-building approach. “I don’t want to load up on people who can get you there but can’t keep you there. This is about building something great long-term.”

Given how slow it is today, what with the Flacco Eight hangover and such…

World War I Centenary:

March 26, 1918 – The Doullens Agreement

Marshall Foch

In sum, The Doullens Conference led to an Anglo-French agreement to appoint French Marshall Ferdinand Foch Supreme Allied Commander of their forces along the Western Front. In reality, this event will be noted as one of the key reasons for German defeat in the West, and ultimately the war.

In response to the German “Spring Offensive”, launched on March 21 with “Operation Michael” (see below), a result of the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk & fighting finally ceasing along the Russian front, the British & French met to discuss a coordinated response to the German assault. Highlighting the ridiculousness of their efforts up to this point, the British & French had been fighting separate, uncoordinated conflicts with the Germans, which exacerbated the breadth & length of the trench-warfare stalemate in the West since 1915.

—————————————

Operation Michael,

launched on March 21, was an attempt to drive northwest through France, dividing the British & French armies, and hopefully forcing the British to retreat to the coast & back to England. Since the end of conflict along their eastern front, the Germans had been re-positioning forces into the West in hopes of one final barrage that would force either the capitulation of France or the removal of Britain from the field of conflict.

Haste was of necessity for the Germans, as the Americans had yet to commit any real forces to Europe, but Pershing’s armt was expected to arrive in April. By turning the conflict in their favour before the US arrived, it was hoped that the war could be concluded before the Americans – unwilling participants as their politicians were – felt it necessary to begin shooting.

Only in 1918, and in desperation at the post-Brest-Litovsk German one-front strategy, had the idea to coordinate their forces entered their collective government’s minds. The launch of Operation Michael led British Commander-in-France General Haig to force a conference to finally decide to coordinate strategy against an enemy with only one-front in focus at this point. The politicians quickly agreed to this proposal.

It was decided that a French general would be in charge of the coordination, as it would be awkward for a British general or politician to rationalize military decisions in and for France. Marshall Foch was preferred by the British over Petain, who would instead lead the French army. On April 3rd, the Agreement was cemented at Beauvais – the Anglo-French forces would operate under Foch, and the increasing nimbers of arriving Americans would operate in France under Pershing but coordinate with Foch.

From left – right: Petain, Haig, Foch, Pershing

Operation Michael was stalled on April 4 outside Amiens (British textbooks) in a village named Villers-Bretonneux (French textbooks). The combined British-French armies under Foch had made their last stand here, because a German victory would have cut train lines to both Paris and the coast. They were able to hold the town and force a German retreat. A German counter-offensive April 24-25 to attempt taking the town was unsuccessful, but is notable for being the first tank-versus-tank battle in history, the Second Battle of Villers-Bretonneux.

   

To that point, the British had had 178,000 men killed, injured, or captured. The French totals were 77,000, and the Germans 239,000. The difference was the British & French were able to supplement their forces with the arrival of the US Army, whereas the Germans had used their remaining general forces.

One year earlier, on April 6, 1917, when the United States declared war against Germany, the nation had a standing army of 127,500 officers and soldiers. The failure of Operation Michael would mark the start of the German decline in the West, an event hastened by the arrival of the US army’s American Expeditionary Force, who had one million troops in France by May 1918, leading to their eventual surrender in November 1918. In the end, around 4,000,000 soldiers were mobilized and 116,708 American military personnel died during World War 1 from all causes (influenza, combat and wounds), and over 264,000 were wounded.

As important, but unknown at the time, the Doullens & Beauvais Agreements would set precedent for Eisenhower’s “Supreme Allied Commander” status when the Allies were planning their western front in World War Two. Because, why would they think they’d have to do this again in 20 years?


Tonight’s sports: (* = tentatively scheduled broadcast)

  • NHL:
    • Capitals at Rangers – 7:30PM | NBCSN
    • Colorado at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • Lakers vs. Pistons – 7:00PM | TSN
    • Nuggets at 76ers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1 / NBATV
    • Celtics at Suns – 10:00PM | NBATV
  • NCAA:
    • Women’s Basketball Tournament:
      • Connecticut vs. South Carolina – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN*
      • Notre Dame vs. Oregon – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN*
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
    • Former Colts punter Pat McAfee has signed a WWE contract. No word if it’s just announcing or as in-ring talent.

There’s pre-season baseball all over the schedule, and the Blue Jays are playing the Cardinals in Montreal, but if it’s not regular season, I DON’T CARE!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not saying I wanna get AIDS. But if one had to contract AIDS, I think getting it from Fiona Apple* would be worth it more than most.
* Not legally stating Fiona Apple has AIDS. But I’m guessing yes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFOzayDpWoI

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never mind.
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Wakezilla

She is the OG Lana Del Rey

Senor Weaselo

Fan-fucking-tastic, I’m getting sick. At least it’s the week before I get a week off.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Alcohol is an antiseptic.
Just sayin.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate CenturyLink.

Those fuckers can all die in a fire. Slowly.

Brick Meathook

If I was a general during World War I you know what I’d do? I’d invent the B-52 bomber and then really carpet bomb the hell out of the enemy, and then I’d hit them with missiles from the nuclear submarines that I also invented around the same time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wernher Von Braun holding for you on line 1, Sir.

Wakezilla

I’d just tell my guys to not run in a straight line to get mowed down by machine guns

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve said it before….

This is the first documentable kitty attack kitty meme.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC9AUR-iTo0

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK….we’ve rapidly devolved.
Or at least I have….
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Unsurprised

This is a weird Germany documentary, but I like it.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Rita is not German how dare you, Sir?

Unsurprised

Well, to be fair she is wearing lederhosen.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She could wear a burlap sack and I’d be ok with it.

Wakezilla

/obligatory Weiner in schnitzel joke

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, this chick on this Mars documentary is kinda hot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus Youtube!?!?!?!? How in the righteous fuck did Miley Cyrus end up on my autoplay FFS??????

Cleanse, cleanse….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je-CPZRwbh8

Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

So THAT’S why I failed my term paper.

Unsurprised

Mmm. Bananer.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So on the way up here I stopped off at Del Taco and the cashier was actually impressed at the value of one of my coupons. “Spicy chicken burrito for only ninety-nine cents? Wow,” she said. It’s normally three-fifty. I didn’t think they would accept the coupons because it’s supposed to be just local to LA but they did.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You a smoove mofo.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Much credit to the kebab place where I had dinner. It was a thoroughly pleasant experience, especially considering my waiter was the only person working (other than kitchen staff).

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehehe…..
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Given the chance, I’d punch Dr. Phil in the dick.
But this made me laugh anyway.
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

OBJ is an asshole and I am despairing the day when he does something dickish this season and Deadspin has another thinkpiece defending it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like stinkpiece amirite?

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Lotsa pussy in here tonight.

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Vodka with a beer chaser at 12:25am on a Monday (OK, technically Tuesday).
What could go wrong?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hailing from the uncanny valley…

theeWeeBabySeamus

My cat just bit me.
Cunt.
Imma kick ‘at bitch in the head.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Allegedly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Safe word is “OOOK.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

You got me there.

Somehow I haven’t lost weight in 18 months in spite of being more active and dieting. I didn’t think my cheating was that bad, but I need to add another hour of work and just zero out everything I don’t have to.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Was actually aimed at meself.

I’ve put on about 15 lbs in the past month. I’ve taken about five of it back off, but still. I been eating like a fiend.

Unsurprised

We’ll both get there, buddy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve added about five pounds since the beginning of the year but it’s mostly muscle. I have been good about my workouts but mostly I have focused on not getting hurt.

Brick Meathook

“Everything’s all set.”
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Brick Meathook

“Excellent.”
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Unsurprised

Looking good, Frankenstein.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ruh roh; haven’t even taken off yet and the flight attendant is warning me about a potential whisky shortage

Unsurprised

Won’t somebody think of the children!?!!?!?!?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What does one call the denizens of Wyoming? Can I suggest Wyomites?

Unsurprised

Worthless.

Senor Weaselo

Cows.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought we’d concluded Wyoming was fake.

YOU GUYS LIED TO ME???????

Senor Weaselo

No, Wyoming is real, it’s North Dakota that’s fake!

WCS

Who cares? Wyoming is a country, not part of the US.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ca0T6jbhHo&ab_channel=Movieclips

Unsurprised

This was once true.

Brick Meathook

Hey I just realized that John Cazale is a central figure in both these clips! He’s dead you know.

Brick Meathook

Speaking of Wyoming, here’s some guys deer hunting in Pennsylvania:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kd9_2TRib3k

Brick Meathook

Holy shit I just learned that this is Mt. Baker in Washington State, not Wyoming as I’ve been led to believe. I blame society.

Wakezilla

Wyoming Riders?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Me, after eating this salad.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be fair, it was actually quite tasty.

Brick Meathook

The piss, or the vinegar?

Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

About to fly to LAX and have been postponing booking accomodations until I know for sure this storm in Denver isn’t going to fuck me over…

Unsurprised

Just crash into at yeah right’s place just off the airport.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I would sleep under a bridge for her.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d jump off of a bridge for her.

Senor Weaselo

I’d push someone else off of a bridge for her. (Because if I jumped I wouldn’t be able to be with her, see?)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stupid Sexy Senor, always planning ahead.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Git ’em!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is there a quieter place in the world than downtown Modesto on a Monday night? I contend that no, there is not.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was trying to think of a witty retort. But I can’t.

Which kinda proves your point I suppose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Anywhere outside of Modesto?

Unsurprised

I meant “Outside of downtown Modesto.”

I don’t know if that’s funnier.

WCS

Roanoke, VA (JSD can vouch), and Moundsville, WV

theeWeeBabySeamus

I prefer Almond Joyville.
Sometimes you just feel like a nut.
So to speak.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeibzLZn2hU

Brick Meathook

The anechoic chamber at Orfield Laboratories in Minnesota is so quiet that the longest anybody has been able to bear it is 45 minutes. Inside the room it’s silent. So silent that the background noise measured is actually negative decibels, -9.4 dBA. It’s so quiet, it reminds people of downtown Modesto on a Monday night.

audience laughs uproariously followed by thunderous applause

Brick Meathook

STAGE MANAGER: Brick Meathook, you’ve done it again! You slayed that audience!
BRICK MEATHOOK: Fuck you asshole
Laser beams shoot out of Brick’s eyeballs and cut a hole through the steel door. He exits.
STAGE MANAGER: That door wasn’t locked.

Senor Weaselo

If they pay me, I’ll try to do it for an hour.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What is funny is that I’m actually up here to measure noise. I’m impressed that you used dBA, that’s shop talk!

Brick Meathook

I’m a visual artist, I can’t even spell dBA.

rockingdog

found a funny:

[me, to my brother] I can’t believe we’ve never been to Coachella…

[my Ukrainian grandfather] when I your age, bear eat my wife.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Man, I really wish military history could hold my interest. Never got into it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Buddy Hackett!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, we got learnin’ up in this biyatch tonight. I’m glad I finally woked up and read this.

Yes, I’ve been a lazy fuck today and have been asleep since late afternoon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Deactivating my Twitter was such a good idea.

...

I just log in here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa7uLxu0XAc

NUYK NYUK NYUK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

I just want to say that fucking every single PE I end up dealing with via my job as an engineer is a fucking tool and liability.

Unsurprised

Funny. This is basically how I wasted my afternoon. Because it’s not like I … Fuck it.

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...

I too flog my hog without the benefit of thumbs because it’s more fun that way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Greetings from lovely Ceres, California. My hotel room has a lovely view of a storage facility.

WCS

Beats having to stay in a storage facility with a view of a hotel.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not 100% sure that’s true. This hotel is awful. And it’s the highest rated and most expensive one (that is covered by my per diem) in the area.

Unsurprised

There’s a Bret Harte neighborhood.

Senor Weaselo

I am genuinely impressed that Georgiev gave up 3 goals on 3 shots. That takes dedication!

Horatio Cornblower

Guarantee you I could go 4-4.

ballsofsteelandfury

I love it when you talk history…

Horatio Cornblower

Except it’s total bullshit. Everyone knows Wonder Woman ended WWI.

scotchnaut

If you’d like some peace and quiet as you try to go to sleep, just turn the channel to the Ottawa Senators at home while they’re on the power play. #snoozytime

King Hippo

oh, I may be bored out my skull, but not so much that I will acknowledge the Ice Skyhawks’ existence

King Hippo

that guy FOCHS!

scotchnaut
Horatio Cornblower

I will never miss a chance to post this…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvXmtkl4Nmk

scotchnaut

[reads Blurbfellagob’s post]

“Damn, that summation rocks!”

-Margaret MacMillan

/okay, this is the nerdiest comment that’ll ever come from me

SonOfSpam

“Operation Michael” is a pretty uninspiring name for a military manoueuouever. Sounds more like some dorky high school girl’s plan to get the swim team captain to like her. (Somewhere near Green Bay, Wisconsin, a lonely voice sighs “Yeah…”)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Operation Michael” would actually be a cute name for a teen romcom.