Latest posts by theeWeeBabySeamus (see all)
- Your “Possibly Nihilistic” Friday Evening Open Thread – May 24, 2019
- Why Have People Become So Anti-Social? – May 19, 2019
- Your “Junk In The Trunk” Friday Evening Open Thread – May 17, 2019
[Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, Skyview Suite, 8:03pm]
tWBS finishes showering and towels himself off. After wrapping the towel around his waist, he moves from the bathroom and through the bedroom toward the main room of the suite. When he approaches the open doors he hears some unmistakable sounds. Quietly, he peeks into the room.
Leticia is seated on the sofa drinking her second cup of coffee. She has tWBS’ laptop on the coffee table in front of her.
The sounds of moaning and skin slapping against skin emanate from the speakers. tWBS watches Leticia for a moment, then…
Leticia fumbles her coffee cup then quickly leans forward and slams the laptop shut. Hard.
tWBS: Hey, easy on the equipment there, huh?
Leticia says nothing.
tWBS (giggling): Sooooo….? Whatcha doin’?
Leticia: Shut up. I was just… I mean I was only wondering… Shut up.
tWBS (still giggling): Oh relax, it’s ok. Lemme see.
tWBS moves to the table toward the laptop, but Leticia quickly grabs it and holds it for dear life.
tWBS: OK, seriously. Relax. It’s OK. Lemme see.
Leticia (sitting laptop back down and standing up from the couch): Fine. I need more coffee now anyway. But if you laugh at me, so help me God…
tWBS sits and opens the laptop. When the screen pops back to life the video remains paused. But even from the still image, tWBS immediately recognizes what he’s looking at.
Veronica Rodriguez is on a bed naked. She is about to engage in coitus with a man and another woman.
tWBS: Wow. Nice choice.
Leticia (returning from kitchen): Shut up.
tWBS: No, I’m serious. That one is one of my favourites.
Leticia (sitting back down with fresh coffee in hand): I guess…. I guess I was just wondering what it is about her you like so much.
tWBS: You’re kidding, right? … (clicks play but turns volume down) … Just look at her.
Leticia: Well sure, she’s pretty and all but…
tWBS: Leticia….she’s you.
tWBS: Same size, same build. Same….talents. And even the face, too. You could be sisters.
Leticia: I don’t see it, personally. But that’s why you like her? She reminds you of me?
tWBS: Does it have to be more complicated than that?
Leticia: Well, I guess in a really weird fucked up way… I’m flattered.
tWBS: You definitely should be.
They continue watching for a couple of minutes then…
tWBS (giggling): You’re a little wet right now, aren’t you?
Leticia: AM NOT!!!!!
tWBS: Hehehehe…relax. Enjoy it. Imma go get dressed. Those guys still aren’t back yet, huh?
Leticia: No. Maybe we should go look…
tWBS (heading to bedroom to get dressed): Like hell we will. I’m not doing that again. They know where the room is.
Leticia: I know, but I was…
Vanessa: …hoping to kill some time shopping later.
Balls and Vanessa step into the elevator to head upstairs to the suite.
Vanessa: Oh, don’t be a fuddy duddy.
Balls: Fuddy duddy? Really? Look, all I’m saying is we can go shopping anytime. I can think of much more fun things to do.
Balls slaps Vanessa on the ass.
Vanessa: Don’t you ever get enough?
Balls: Not of you, baby.
Vanessa: Well, there’s always later. We’re going shopping.
Leticia: *sigh* Why do men hate shopping?
tWBS: It’s not that we hate shopping, per se. It’s that we hate shopping with women who insist upon trying on every damned thing in the store.
Leticia: Excuse me?
tWBS: Ummmmm….I’ll shut up now.
Leticia (giggling): Good plan, buster.
As Leticia walks back to the kitchen to rinse out her coffee cup, the elevator doors open and Balls and Vanessa walk into the suite.
Balls: Hey guys!!!!
Leticia: Wow, you two look relaxed.
Vanessa: We should. We just got a couples massage and then… (giggling) … Balls relaxed the rest of me. In fact, I need to sit down. My legs are still weak.
Balls: Hell yeah, they are!!!!
Vanessa (walking to sofa and sitting down): So what are you guys up to? (sees video playing on laptop and giggles) … Ohhhhhhhh, I see!!!!
Leticia: Oh. My. God. I am so embarrassed.
Vanessa: Why? She’s really pretty. She’s that Veronica girl from last night right?
Balls (peeking at laptop now): Oh yeah, that’s her.
tWBS walks out of the bedroom now, fully dressed, and sees Balls and Vanessa watching the video. Leticia is still in the kitchen and still has a horrified look on her face.
Leticia: You shut up. This is your fault.
tWBS: How on Earth is this my fault? You’re the one who was watching it.
Balls: What’s the big deal?
tWBS (giggling): I’ll tell you later. And why does your face smell like Vanessa’s ass?
Balls: How do you know what Vanessa’s ass smells like?
tWBS (giggling): I don’t. Just playing the odds.
Balls: You know me well.
Vanessa: Wow, I didn’t notice before how much she looks like you, Leticia.
tWBS says nothing, but gives Leticia the obvious “told ya so” smirk. She responds by giving him the finger.
Vanessa: Anywhooo…. Let’s go…
BeerGuyRob (whispering): …shopping? For a vacation?
Beastie (whispering back): Yeah, I know. But it was only gonna be just the one day of shopping.
BGR: Yeah sure, eh.
Beastie: Meh, it’s fine by me. I love her and I want her to be happy.
BGR: But admit it, eh? You’re kinda happy the car broke down now?
Beastie: I wouldn’t say that. (giggling now) … I might think it, but I wouldn’t say it.
Beastie: Hey Rob? I don’t mean to sound unappreciative or anything. But is there any way we can get this gigantic dog off of me? My face is starting to itch a little bit.
BGR: Riga, get down. Back in the back with your brother.
Riga hops off of Beastie’s lap, being sure to step on his nuts multiple times in the process. She hops up onto the backseat next to IWDB on the side opposite Lambeau.
IWDB: Oh I’ve got another belly to scratch now!!!!!
Riga (to Lambeau): Wow, it’s way better back here.
Lambeau (on his back, tongue lolling out, getting belly scratches): Inorite? I love this human. We should go home with her.
Riga: Are you…
Litre is now driving the little blue hatchback south. Maestro sits in the passenger seat, staring out the window. He does not respond.
Litre: Maestro, eh!?!? Are you OK???
At the sound of his name, a giggling Maestro turns to face Litre.
Litre: Oh goddammit, eh? Did you eat more?
Maestro: What???? Nooooooo….
Litre: Dude, I know you’re lying. You’ve got brownie crumbs all over your face.
Maestro (now trying to lick his own face while giggling): Oh. Well in that case, yes.
Maestro: What? I was hungry. But now I’m only hungrier. Weird, right?
Litre reaches over and grabs the brownie bag. Because he’s trying to drive it takes a minute or two, but he sifts through the remaining brownies and pulls out a plain one and hands it to Maestro.
Litre: Here, eat this one, eh? And don’t grab any more without telling me. How many did you eat, anyway?
Maestro (giggling again): I kinda don’t remember, man.
Litre (giggling now): Oh Jeebus. No wonder the Pats lost to the Eagles.
Maestro (still giggling): Awwwww, low blow, man. That was just mean. Hey, can I buy some weed from you, man?
Litre: Dude, when we get to Nevada you can buy all the weed you want. We’ll be sure to go to a dispensary and go shopping. I can even get it back through customs on the way home, no problem.
Maestro: Awwww sweet. That’s righteous, man!!!
Litre (laughing): You’re the one talking like Tommy Chong now, btw.
Maestro: Am not, man. Oh wait, I guess I am. Hehehehehehehe.
Litre: Wow, you’re right. It’s kind of annoying now that I’m on the other side of it. And if you don’t stop that we’re….
Vanessa: …not going shopping?
Balls and tWBS look at one another and shrug.
Balls: Are we buying lingerie?
Balls (disappointed): Awwww…..
Leticia now chimes in very abruptly.
Leticia: Actually, that’s OK. Let the guys do their own thing. It’s fine.
tWBS (surprised): Really? Are you sure?
Leticia (stammering slightly): Yeah ummmm… I’d love to have just a girls’ night shopping. You guys do whatever you want and then we’ll meet you back here in a few hours or whatever?
Balls (suspiciously) : Ookay. I guess that works.
tWBS: Works for me too.
Vanessa (to Leticia): OK then. I guess. You ready?
Leticia: Yup, let’s go.
The girls quickly hit the elevator and are gone.
tWBS: That was weird.
Balls: Yeah it was. I thought for sure we were getting dragged into that.
tWBS: Leticia was acting a little suspicious.
Balls: Right? Is it because she’s embarrassed about the porn? What was that all about, anyway?
tWBS: Nothing really. I caught her watching Veronica and she was embarrassed. Told me she was trying to figure out why I liked her. More or less I explained it was because of her. Because she reminds me of her.
Balls: Is that true or BS?
tWBS: Dude! Do you not see the resemblance?!?
Balls: Well, obviously yes, but I didn’t know if that was just a happy coincidence.
tWBS: Nah, it’s the truth, man.
Balls: That’s actually kinda sweet…how’d she take that?
tWBS: Actually, very damned well.
tWBS (walking to kitchen counter): Oh I almost forgot…. Huh, where is it?
Balls: Where’s what?
tWBS: That’s weird. I was gonna…
Leticia: …show you something.
Vanessa and Leticia are now in the elevator headed downstairs.
Leticia: That’s why I didn’t want the guys to come with us.
Vanessa: What are you talking about?
Leticia (pulling the telegram from her purse): Here, read this….
ROYAL CANADIAN TELEGRAM SERVICE
Attentioun: tWBS and Balls.
Message: Ouverheard soume hosers talking ouver Beaver Tails. STOUP. Plot’s afoout eh. STOUP. Baddies will be in Vegas in 3 days. STOUP. Go Pats! STOUP.
Vanessa: What is this? And what language is that?
Leticia: It’s a telegram that came today. It’s from one of their friends. He’s Canadian.
Vanessa: Ah! So, what about it?
Leticia: When I showed it to tWBS, he seemed confused about it. He…
tWBS: …didn’t know what it meant. It was weird. Where the hell is it?
Balls: What are you talking about?
tWBS: It was a telegram. From Maestro.
Balls: From Maestro? Why would he send a telegram? Wait, telegrams still exist?!?
tWBS: Apparently so. But like I said, it was weird. Something about a plot of bad beaver tails.
Balls: What the?
tWBS: It was something like that. Where the hell is it?
Balls: Bad beaver tails? Maybe it’s a euphemism? Maybe he had a hot date last night or something?
tWBS: And then sent a telegram to Vegas about it?
Balls: Hmmmm….good point. Well shit, I’ll just call him.
Balls heads to his and Vanessa’s bedroom and begins looking for his phone while tWBS continues looking for the telegram. A few minutes later…
Balls: Hey, have you seen my phone?
tWBS: Oh shit, I completely forgot to tell you. We need to go buy a shitload of rice.
Balls: Are you high?
tWBS: No!!!! But that’s not a bad idea actually.
Balls: Try to focus, would ya?
tWBS: I kinda drowned both of our phones by accident. Your phone was ringing, it was dark, and when I walked back into the bedroom I tripped and dropped them both into the tub by accident.
our phones are fucking waterproof! We’re not like Hippo with a Blackberry from 1996. Where the fuck are they?
tWBS opens one of the drawers in the kitchen and pulls out both phones. He hands Balls’ phone to him, and they both press the power buttons. Both phones immediately fire to life. After a moment…
Balls: Huh, I have a missed call from him.
tWBS: Me too.
Balls: OK, let’s find out what this is about. I’ll…
Vanessa: …just call him.
Vanessa and Leticia step out of the elevator and move toward the area where the shops are, just off the casino floor.
Leticia: You think?
Vanessa: Well, you said you think it’s something to do with Luis and Manuel, right? You said he called you.
Vanessa: How did he sound? Did he sound angry?
Leticia: No, not at all. He sounded happy, in fact. He said he and Manuel were happy together, and they both just wanted to clear the air so we could be one big happy family again.
Vanessa: OK, so that’s good, right?
Leticia: I think so.
Vanessa: Well, my opinion is that this could be about anything. It would be a huge coincidence if it had to do with them. Heck, after all of that that happened last night, who knows? A lot of people probably want to beat ’em up. So just call him and find out. Besides, whoever it is, it says they won’t be here for 3 days, so we’ve got time to figure it out. But I wouldn’t tell the guys about this yet until you’ve talked to him.
Leticia dials her phone. The line rings several times, but then goes to voicemail.
Leticia (faking cheeriness): Hi Luis!! It’s Leticia. Just calling to check on your progress on the road. Let me know when you get close, OK? Bye.
Vanessa: So? Can we go shopping now?
Leticia: Yeah. I left him a message to call me because…
Balls: …he didn’t answer.
tWBS: Did you leave him a message?
Balls: Nah. You know Maestro. If it’s important, he’ll call back.
tWBS: So what now? You wanna go down to the casino?
Balls: Hell no! One of the reasons I didn’t want to go shopping is that the porn girls are supposed to be up here in about an hour. And this time they’re bringing more friends.
tWBS: You are gonna get me so killt.
Balls: Oh, would you relax? Part of the deal I made with Blair was that they could use the suite for another shoot tonight, gratis. This one is a lesbian orgy.
tWBS: Say what now?
Balls: Right? So just relax and get ready to watch some live behind the scenes porn.
tWBS: Hmmmm…. Maybe we oughta clean this shithole up a little bit then, huh?
Balls (picking up house phone): That, my friend, is what housekeeping is for.
Luis and Manuel wake up and realize the vehicle isn’t moving and Brad is nowhere to be found. In the darkness, they are confused for a moment.
Manuel: Where the hell are we?
Luis: Where the hell is Brad?
They look around and realize they are parked at a highway rest area. Just then, the driver’s side door opens.
Brad: Hey guys, sorry if I woke you. Needed to take a leak. I should probably sleep for a couple of hours too if that’s OK. But we’re already into northern Utah, so we’ll still be there by first thing in the morning.
Luis: Yeah, that’s awesome actually.
Manuel: Yeah, sleep for a bit. I’m gonna go take a leak myself, in fact.
Luis (smiling): I’ll go with you. Maybe we can knock out a quickie too.
Manuel (smiling back): If Brad’s gonna sleep awhile, it doesn’t have to be all that quick, actually.
Luis: You read my mind. And then tomorrow, we kill those guys once and for all.
While Brad falls asleep quickly and Luis and Manuel spend some quality time in the rest area men’s toilet, Luis’ phone rings again. Once again, it is left unanswered.
To Be Continued….