Request Line: Things You Maybe Heard Right

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.

A grizzled old man settles into the chair behind the microphone.  He looks through the glass at the GUEST PRODUCER, who has been silently staring at him since his arrival at the station.  The grizzled old man starts to talk but wisely thinks better of it and waits for the man on the other side of the glass to make the first move.  Finally, after a stretch of time that only feels like an entire 4th quarter comeback attempt that fails miserably at the last ill-timed moment, the GUEST PRODUCER punches a button marked TALKBACK, glares, then releases the button and pulls open the studio door and pokes his head inside. 

GUEST PRODUCER: To be clear, I hate you.

BRETT FAVRE: [As intelligible as he can muster] Hoosawassafrassinfuss?

GUEST PRODUCER: I’m sitting in today to run this show, and I don’t want you to muck it up.  It’s my first time filling in as guest producer, and unlike some–or all–the teams that play in East Rutherford, New Jersey, I have expectations that rise above just not shitting yourself.

FAVRE: Wuzzagahtalkahdifon?

GUEST PRODUCER: He took the week off.  Something about a religious emergency.

FAVRE: Wimmutyut?

GUEST PRODUCER: No, we haven’t met.

FAVRE: Geeshucks, sooooayeyahatinmah?

GUEST PRODUCER: Well first of all, I’m hungover. Yesterday was my birthday, and if I’d known I’d spend the morning after with you, I would have just kept drinking through tonight.

FAVRE: Daggumhuppabuddah, djeetgud? Baddatimedasnight, datwhyyahatin?

GUEST PRODUCER: Shut up. You know what you did.

FAVRE: Datnamwihawtchickychickyflashcroc?

GUEST PRODUCER: I mean, yeah, that was horrendous and you should be ashamed of yourself, but that ain’t it either.

FAVRE: Zitcuzahtrytahodedamicafone?

GUEST PRODUCER: Actually, the fact that you were so terrible in your audition for MNF that you had to deny interest is decent schadenfraude, but yeah, what made you even think you could handle being live on television every week?

FAVRE: /shrugs Yanomahboiturryburdshuhduzit.

GUEST PRODUCER:  Uh, fuck Terry Bradshaw.  And fuck me, I’m going to get fired since we let the first 5 minutes of the program be dead air.  At least I won’t spend the next few years hinting at returning to this job after I walk out the door.

FAVRE: :stares blankly:

GUEST PRODUCER: Well, fire it up and try not to fuck things up too badly.

The GUEST PRODUCER angrily returns to the booth, slams the door, and lets the disdain drop from his countdown before pushing a button on the console.

FAVRE:  :clears throat: Howdy, folks, I’m BrittFar and I’m gonna take some calls and sling songs all over the airwaves today. Lotsa tunes out there sound like one thing when maybe they mean another. So let’s hear some requests for songs where maybe you thunk you know the words but really di’int. Or maybe they’re like me, generally misunderstood, like a downhome country boy nestling up to his favorite hog on a cold night. Golly, this sure seems like fun. So let’s kick things off with that classic Nirvana song about Dan Marino, another gun-slinger with no behavioral shortcomings or desire to be on TV anymore!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6r7vs6Zgz8

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West, then to SoCal, then back to the mountain West, and then again back to our nation's capital. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

“She’s got electric boobs, a bowl of soup, you know I read it in a magazine..”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5rQHoaQpTw

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Hold me closer, Tony Danza….”
(damn you Phoebe!!!!!!!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBWfUc5jKiM

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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ELECTRIC BOOBS THIS ONE SAYS?!?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

I didn’t know there was a cartoon version of Dune available…

LemonJello

I don’t know what she’s singing…and I’m not sure I really care.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUT5rEU6pqM

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Kickin’ your cat all over the place”
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJYN-eG1zk

nomonkeyfun

I’m not sure if I can’t understand what he says, or the lyrics themselves are nonsense.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

“Excuse me, while I kiss this guy”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGc4TLyr9yc

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I scrolled back but must have missed it.
Apologies, Good Sir.

theeWeeBabySeamus

In my youth (sort of) a good friend of mine and I were high as shit one night. Shocking, I know.

We got the munchies and decided to make grilled cheese. As we’re about to butter the slices of bread, this song comes on while the aforementioned friend is looking for a butter knife.

Of course, being the asshole he is, he began singing “Can’t find a butter knife”. And now, I always hear that when this song plays. I love the guy like a brother, but I’ll never forgive him for that shit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbpUfWz-rlc

theeWeeBabySeamus

For years, I thought “You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in” was “You could capsize that boat of lies that you’ve been living in”.

I still like mine better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRYZijLZR-Q

theeWeeBabySeamus

I presume I’d get beaten severely if I post every REM song from the early 80s.
But yeah, they all pretty much fit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vktKyXaiSWA

yeah right

Here’s the very definition of a late round steal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uYWYWPc9HU

yeah right

And double shot, triple shot etc. to your hearts content.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFkzRNyygfk

LemonJello

Maybe I’m hungry whenever I hear this song, otherwise why would I think it’s “Baking Carrot Biscuits?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmwic9kFx2c

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It feels so good it’s like walkin’ the glass.” Am I mishearing that or does it just not make any sense? Do any of the lyrics to this song make sense?

Anyhow, until today I always thought in the chorus they were saying “Get set!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG_k5CSYKhg

SonOfSpam

This version’s a little more clear:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDGMdrOmTvQ

LemonJello

That was a rather bizarre rabbit-hole I started down…

SonOfSpam

They’re a lot of fun.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m gonna DOUBLE SHOT this up – I can understand like maybe one of ten words in the chorus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32bdevGClD4

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Trussee-was-my-way-aiiii…”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps317u9Rhl0

LemonJello
SonOfSpam

One of my favorite dude-sounds-like-a-girl-singing-and-I-can’t-understand-what-he/she’s-saying songs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-mxBDuRaZ8

nomonkeyfun

It’s Van Morrison doing the official musical genre of Germans. Scat!!!
Not that it sounds all that much different from the rest of his songs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEFPX-uTbkI

nomonkeyfun

And someone made a supercut of all the times he does it on albums.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlQ_EkPWMHM

nomonkeyfun

I can’t believe this dropped so far.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StlMdNcvCJo

yeah right

From Way back in the deep memory banks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZclLDlcXO0

ArmedandHammered

A band, that like Sublime, I would have loved to see what they would’ve done for their follow up albums.

nomonkeyfun

They were a real shot in the arm.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey oh!!!!!

LemonJello
SonOfSpam

something something NINETEEN SIXTY FIIIIIVVVVVEE YEAH

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPNFVj-pISU

yeah right

I guess technically any song sung by Shane MacGowen would qualify.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4v6aNjGFFk

SonOfSpam

Well it’s hard to be clear when your teeth are fighting to escape your mouth.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be fair, it’s be like being in a prison where half the other inmates have already busted out. Of course you’d try too!

Wakezilla

Britney Spears- “If you seek Amy”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aEnnH6t8Ts

yeah right

This one fits. It’s TITLE is a misheard lyric.

What happens when a Swedish metal band mishears “San Antone?”

And good luck with any of the lyrics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mV_HHL-h6g

yeah right

“And their booms and their goons.”

SonOfSpam

Dude.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude.

Yes, I like some bad shit. But not that bad.

LemonJello

Beastie Boys Doubleshot Pt1!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilnnMzK_m8w

LemonJello
Unsurprised

Hawtchickychickyflashcroc? I love that guy! He’s my favorite DFO writer.

ArmedandHammered

The only lyrics I ever paid attention to were, “Have another hit” and “Fresh Air”, never really understood the rest of the song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUHlxBZMiqw

LemonJello
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also known as “how long I expect Rudy Giuliani to remain as part of Trump’s legal team”.

SonOfSpam
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I could have sworn it was ‘excuse me while I kiss this guy.’ Man, is my face red…”

– Anonymous

PLOT TWIST: “Anonymous” is actually Mike Shanahan

Unsurprised

Gentlemen.

Happy 4/20.

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LemonJello

Great value pick!

ArmedandHammered

If you ever listen to the album, this is one side and the other side sounds like Spinal Tap’s pop song “Cups and Cakes”, must be where they got the inspiration.

Off to find my Iron Butterfly and Spinal Tap CDs.

SonOfSpam

That sounds like rock AND/OR roll.

LemonJello
Senor Weaselo

Not Shaggy, but the other guy, Rikrok
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv5fqunQ_4I

LemonJello

Just a no-good hornswogglin’ cracker-croaker…

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Brick Meathook
SonOfSpam

Exactly how should a douche be wrapped up?

ArmedandHammered

From BFC’s post, it looks like they wrapped him in album cover with his picture on it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Via the illustrious Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esquire:

“There’s a bathroom on the right…”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BmEGm-mraE

SonOfSpam

Wife’s a doc??? I could use some Oxy and/or medical-grade hashish.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

J.D.

SonOfSpam

Oh, ok. In that case, I’ve been having some trouble with some pictures I sent across state lines, and the fascists at the FBI are talking about “child endangerment” or some bullshit so if she has some advice or whatever

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is this song about getting high? No! It’s clearly about martyrdom. But then you do the math of 12 x 35 and wonder…is it really?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qAZTrwLMxo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

WHAH BLA YOU WHA GOO CANNONBALL!

(Oh, to have been the meat in a 90s Deal sisters sandwich)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxvkI9MTQw4

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
SonOfSpam

Hadn’t seen that – good for Conan!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My thoughts upon reading BFC’s work here:

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“NOBODY UPSTAGES LITTLE RIKKI! (hisses)”

SonOfSpam

I’m ever so pissed!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

For decades I thought this song’s lyrics said something about the F.B.I., but I always thought I was just mis-hearing them because I could barely understand half the lyrics anyway. About six months ago I looked it up and I’ll be damned they really do say “F.B.I.”

SonOfSpam

Also, nice job, substitute teacher! Reading this was like trying to translate one of the old Emmitt columns.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s real information there! It’s not just pure gibberish!

It’s like BFC resurrected one of my old puzzle posts!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What’s so hard about “Rockin’ the cat’s box.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ9r8LMU9bQ

SonOfSpam
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hush hush…even downtown…it’s so scary…”

– Chip Kelly, when asked about his thoughts on racial segregation in Philadelphia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uejh-bHa4To

Unsurprised

Counterpoint: free beers.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s a nice catch, and a good thing, too. Getting hit with an unopened beer is like getting hit by twenty batteries at once.

Unsurprised

I never noticed that. Yeah, that would’ve sucked.

yeah right

Fifty years later and I’m still not sure of the lyrics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clJb4zx0o1o

yeah right

So you’re saying…
What are you saying?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hs8y3kneqrs