Sorry for the late postings, I forgot.
But glad tidings, my imaginary friends, for Fat Sam a/k/a Gravy Tits a/k/a That Hippo Head Fuck/Cunt a/k/a The Gravy Boat has been formally sacked. Hippo can wear his Everton hat again! And with PSV Eindhoven’s Marcel Brands already taking the reins as the new Director of Football, things are finally looking like a professional outfit on Merseyside. Yes, that means no more Wayne Rooney sideshow as well.
This weekend, some limited Lesser Action remains. Bayern looks to wrap up its weird up-and-down season with a Cup final win against Eintracht Frankfurt (2:00 EST, ESPN Deportes, ESPN3). Of course, there is also the FA Cup final on Big Fox, and it’s full of Bastard Men (12:15) – but I guess I will pull for badass Romelu Lukaku to lift his first trophy, even if it means asslicker Mourinho gets a laugh in at Chelski’s expense. I mean…someone’s gotta win.
All of the Frog sides play there denouement fixtures at 3p on BeIn (and various BeIn Connect streaming options), with a three-way (hey, it’s the Frogs amirite??) battle for slots 17 (safety), 18 (relegation play-off), and 19 (straight the fuck down) amongst Caen, Toulouse, and Troyes. Caen have the most points coming in, but also the worst goal differential and also play PSG. So…could get interesting.
Spain and Italy finish up their bidness on Sunday Funday, again across various BeIn platforms. I can’t identify any drama whatsoever in Spain, but as many as 5 Italian sides are fighting over 2 relegation slots, which could be fun.
huzzah, Young Boys came good late, bringing in $400 for me!
/wait, that sounds pretty bad
Hippo gots $ on the German footy? I need a rooting interest.
I put my $10 free roll on not-Bayern (+1200) just for shits and giggles
Woot! Woot!
Fave Memory of Chelsea-
Charged with generating invoices for product delivered the next day, she walked out of work at 6pm to watch her son play hockey. She was absolutely stunned when we let her go the next day.
So the triple is winning the Premier League, FA Cup, and Champions League?
Yes. Cup + League + Champions. Last one to do it was Barcelona.
wait, Phil Fookin’ Jones was playing ahead of Juan Mata?? Yeah, that Mourinho’s sure some kinda genius.
“I’m guessing you’re discounting my biceps.”
-Phil Fookin’ Jones
Congrats on the removal of your Fat Sam Mr. Hippo.
That’s a 300 pound monkey off your back.
chuh chuh, ah should go FOAR a jog
“It’s a lot more roomy here all of a sudden.”
-The Remaining Monkeys
JI Watt paying for those kids’ funerals is going to put him in a debate he doesn’t want to be in. Hope it doesn’t get too ugly.
JJ Watt paying for the funerals? Is he a gun legume?
I have no idea. But people will assume his charity is based on his beliefs on the matter, I’d bet. Then, he’s forced to answer shitty questions when all he wanted was to do a good thing for some fellow Houstonians who’re really hurting.
He’s just building his brand. It’s not like he’s funding anti-gun campaigns.
Here come Martial and Big Rom. GAME ON.
Just watched “Get Me Roger Stone”. Wow. How has no one put a bullet in that guy?
In my “Perfect Scenario”* future, all these shitheads undermining the democratic process go to jail and their names are not allowed to be mentioned by the press afterwards.
*sponsored by the good folks at Pollyanna Industries
I just smoked a bunch of weed trying to comprehend what I just watched. The architect of the modern GOP and the pioneer of American political lobbying. One man.
Halftime!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3z__zRFwu4
[wants more beer]
[is on a self-imposed two beer limit]
“Why have the Gods forsaken me?”
Not sure I’ve mentioned this before, but when will I be able to see the fellas that like my comments? I’ve quite valuable presents to send to those dudes.
SECONDED!!
I changed my avatar over a year ago (to something even funnier) but it never shows up, except when there is a tweak to the blog format and then my new avatar appears but everything else breaks. And then the format gets fixed and my new avatar changes back to my old avatar. This time, the format broke but my new avatar didn’t appear. I don’t know why I’m writing this.
Even funnier than Bill The Cat? My custom-built (by Steve Martin, btw) humour abacus tells me that this is simply not possible.
Mickey Mouse poking out both of his eyes with his bare fists. That funny.
Chelsea defenders tackle much better than Deion Sanders.
Name a cleaner set of uniforms sent to Canton YOU CAN’T!!!
“EDEN HAZARD GETS ALL THE WATERCRESS SANDWICHES!”
usually no safer GAMBLOR than the big Turkish sides
/grinds teeth into dust
/2 of 3 immediately come good, Hippo happy again!
“Bit of lollygagging by both sides early in the game.”
-English Announcer
really is fookin’ turrrible so far
/wishes Barkley was announcing this
I’ll take Romo.
The birthing hips on that singer…
Our company was forced by circumstances to rent a building (even farther north) for trucks to off-load product. The manager there texted me that he got the keys yesterday. My response? “Excellent! Remember to urinate on the floor to mark it as your territory.”
Scotchy became Walter White so gradually…
You’re damned right?
you forgot “eh?” buddy-guy
Speaking of Buddy Guy, I managed to convince an ex-girlfriend that this tune that features “Ride, Sally Ride” was actually a tribute to the first female astronaut in outer space….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8M_3JTwtPg
How was the anal?
It hurt a little bit but I tried to be a champ about it.
So glad England is getting the FA Cup out of the way now so that its best players can get a bit of rest before the World Cup. Wait a bloody sec…*
*written specifically for my Britain-hating, Scottish brother-in-law that doesn’t read this site
JFF just signed with the Hamilton Tiger Cats. As opposed to Tiger Dogs you see.
Well, time to get out and partake in some physical activity.
/Not Pictured
Young girl waiting patiently to jump in and start skipping
It’s not good when the people at the bagel place know your order when they see you, right?
Only if you also have a reputation for not tipping.
/Not a Word of a Lie Time
Last Saturday at the Horton’s drive-thru I ordered a beverage and the girl said “you’re not having your bagel with cream cheese?” I was forced to mumble, “not today, no.”
/I’m pretty sure she’s sweet on me but still…
Hey, wanna know what’s cool? When the naked chick in your bed wakes up, and starts getting ready to go to work at her job at the weed store. And while she’s getting ready, she asks “what kind of weed do you want me to bring you tonight?”
Yep, that’s a victory moment right there.
So Sativa and IPA this evening good sir?
Now that you mention it, her tastes in beer are fundamentally sound as well.
SatIPA, new from probably Lagunitas!
That’s some great iced tea.
Did you ask for extra medium?
Time for the Serbs to kick off. There May Be Bombs.
What do the ppls think? FK Dinamo Vranje or FK Sindelic Beograd? I lean the former, even though on the road and I suspect Serbian Lesser Footy comes with a distinct home pitch advantage.
The only Serbians I know in football are Mitrovic, ans the greatest manager in Fulham history in Slavisa!
A big Hippo thank you to Ostersunds FK (a new favourite) and AGF for this morning’s contributions.
You bet on something called “Ostersunds”….?
Two weeks has taken my stake up to $5,555 even! I am gonna miss Lesser Footy season. Sudamerica has been especially good to me, but I love the wacky European names aussi.
I wanted to bet “Cultural Leonesa” solely based on the name, but couldn’t talk myself into it before they scored (as a road dog). Up 2-nil at the half now.
RTD made a funny in the deadspin comments about the schools having too many entrances.
https://deadspin.com/astros-manager-a-j-hinch-on-santa-fe-shooting-though-1826155397
Prisons for minorities, home-schooling for whites.
you just made Sen. Cornyn cum in his good Saturday morning suit, I hope ur happy smh
Tell me that isn’t what the federal government is doing
Look who’s running the fucker, tis no surprise.
Was gonna drive to West Raleigh for breakfast, but then I realized would much rather worship Almighty GAMBLOR than eat.
The west coast is a shitload earlier. I always expect to naturally fall back into that, and I do. But lemme tell ya it’s annoying as shit to be awake at 4:41am with nothing to do.
Well, I did get baked and watch cartoons…but still. I’d rather have been asleep.
Whoa whoa whoa, morning weed is the best weed.
Oh, I’m baked. No worries. I been high since about 4:48am.
Plus there’s a naked chick in my bed sooooo….I’m not exactly complaining.
If you were in Asia I would ask you to check under the hood.
I have plundered the booty in Asia. Several times.
Oh wait…you meant….
Does she know she’s in your bed?
I feel like I should say……yes.
Just lay there.
– B. Cosby
I laughed way too hard at this.
Fortunately, still some Swedish and Danish Lesser Footy for sweet, sweet GAMBLOR.
Have to say I’m legit furious that the “royal” wedding of a b-list American divorcée and the love child of princess Diana gets WALL-TO-FUCKING-WALL coverage on CNN over the biggest constitutional crisis in the history of the republic.
when the blood letting comes, those inbred fuckwits best be first in line
Royal family or our politicians, description fits both.
Assemble the Commissione.
Have you heard the Good News of our Lord and Savior, the Earth-Destroying Meteor?
“The Cowboys” is on AMC. I hope those kids had as much fun as it looked like they were having.
But I came here for hawt Royal wedding taeks.
technically, u r a subject so partially your fault smh
Yes, but I am Scottish so burn it down.
fair point