Request Line: I Beg Your Pardon

INT. DINGY BASEMENT – DAY

MARC TRESTMAN’S WINDOWLESS VAN sits in an overstuffed lounge chair, napping gently.

MARC TRESTMAN’S WINDOWLESS VAN: [sits up with a start] Oh shit! I forgot! Request Line is on!

He takes out a radio set and fiddles with the dials, joining the radio show in progress.

NFL GENERAL COUNSEL JEFF PASH: …and so as the old adage goes, “imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.” And since the owners had no interest in actually standing up to the administration, we decided that’s the route we would take.

PRODUCER: So let me get this straight and put it in plain English for our listeners. Roger Goodell…

JEFF PASH: [interrupts] The Commissioner.

PRODUCER: …ahem, the commissioner is going to have his own pardon power?

JEFF PASH: You know how we lawyers feel about plain English, but yes, that’s the gist of it.

PRODUCER: But doesn’t the collective bargaining agreement make the commissioner…

JEFF PASH: Capitalize that, please.

PRODUCER: [blinks a few times, continues]…The Commissioner into the sole arbiter of discipline, as well as give him control of the appeals process?

JEFF PASH: Yes, that’s right.

PRODUCER: So…isn’t the “pardon power” as you describe it already inherent in the process?

JEFF PASH: No, because what we’re talking about happens after the disciplinary and appeals processes have completed.  If a player expresses sufficient regret for their actions, The Commissioner may choose to grant them clemency.

PRODUCER: So basically if a player who has been disciplined by the league does a sufficient job of groveling…[rolls eyes]…The Commissioner may choose to grant them a reprieve?

JEFF PASH: Again, that’s not the language we’d use to describe the process, but I think the basic idea is coming across here.  Perhaps it might be fitting with the nature of the program to play some music that illustrates that.

PRODUCER: We’re talking songs about apologies and expressing regret?

JEFF PASH: Exactly.  I’ll get us started with one from Belle and Sebastian, as a reminder to young players who are thinking about disrupting the pre-game rituals – strike that – ceremonies with ill-advised protest actions.

Editor’s Note: Today’s theme is “expressing regret”.  In order to have videos appear in comments, you don’t have to mess around with embed codes or anything, just post plain links as such: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuQ_g00d3LL”.  When you hit refresh it should show up as embedded and you can rock out at your leisure. If your link doesn’t pick up, an admin will try to help out.

 

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Subscribe
Notify of
132 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Page Hamilton seems like the kind of guy that has a Google Alert go off whenever his name is mentioned anywhere online, so if you’re reading this Page, go fuck yourself. It’s not Helmet without John.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPC239id9xY

King Hippo

Relationship regret, from Hippo’s ideal crazy lady:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVQqZg5BisE

Brick Meathook

MTWV was upstairs in a cheap office chair that kept breaking. I miss that dude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C-jXJl0Zrg

Horatio Cornblower
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

And I mean done.

King Hippo

For once, I am Kruschev pounding the podium in confidence of Glorious Proletariat Victory:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spKOib_D5YY

SonOfSpam

Probably their best song. Colin Hay’s voice is made for regret. And brogue. Mostly regret.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIGetEs1ooE

SonOfSpam

DOUBLE SHOT. A more downer version of a similar subject.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyBDXluVBFk

theeWeeBabySeamus
yeah right
yeah right
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, one last regret for now, then my lazy ass should really go get some things done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwtkZ7oTv1o

SonOfSpam

Dude.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

theeWeeBabySeamus

Garçon!!! Moar regret over here please…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJWIbIe0N90

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What are things young supple budtenders say before repeat dates with tWBS, Alex?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn dude, that’s just mean. 😀
(she’s coming to this side of the country to visit in about a month, btw)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m mean out of love and a tinge of jealousy

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, I’m still pretty proud of myself.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did you check her ID?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Didn’t have to. Waiter did it for me the first night we went to dinner and she ordered a drink.

SonOfSpam

Are, um…how to put this…are you guys gonna be safe, like, um, being together, uh, in public, uh, where you live in the south or whatever?

Sheesh, that was awkward.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No need for awkward. It really is something which could be a potential issue depending upon where we go while she’s here and the routes we take to get there. In this immediate vicinity, it’s not an issue.

We’ll probably drive AROUND South Carolina if we head on a roadtrip south, however

ArmedandHammered

Exactly what I was going to say, they should be OK, especially if they go to Asheville, but just don’t stop anywhere between there and Greensboro.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Funny you say that. We have talked about heading up to the mountains for a few days by that very route.

SonOfSpam

What sucks is, truly, I was kidding.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Understood.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Doubling it up for the obvious comparisons between the title target, commish, and other pardoner

https://youtube.com/watch?v=VQva5wKSfzM

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/shows self out

ArmedandHammered

Last one for me, great band I saw in Athens GA –

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov_ByEAACok

theeWeeBabySeamus
ArmedandHammered
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I know why this is still on the board, but I’m taking it off the board

https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=PXzuDXZwZtI

theeWeeBabySeamus
SonOfSpam
BrettFavresColonoscopy

This should count but will probably lead to a suspension doubling:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_HPVVuCYBAs&feature=youtu.be

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The sentiments of a lot of the players before the owners went out and got all gag ordery:

https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=x-5OX7CO26c

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck Roger Goodell

SonOfSpam

If I had a nickel for every time I had to say this to a girl…I might have exactly zero nickels.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyNa-ReeZc8

theeWeeBabySeamus

Quality pick, though.

SonOfSpam

“I know I am!”

– Aaron R.

theeWeeBabySeamus

With apologies (heh) to Connie Francis, Ella’s version was better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPY5RLYHWvI

nomonkeyfun

Those Eye-ties don’t know shit about apologizing. Damned greasy wops.

ArmedandHammered

Not that I can ever actually believe that Prince ever regretted anything

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4drKlxfgpdw

SonOfSpam

I think was from that 80s movie where the guy went to Greece and had two chicks or something. Good movie, from a wish-fulfillment standpoint.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo9QxYpMbTU

theeWeeBabySeamus

You are correct. The title was Summer Lovers . 16 yr old tWBS really enjoyed that movie. Several times.
True story, Bro.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I also can’t believe I didn’t think of that song, dammit.

SonOfSpam

LOL right. Good skin in that movie.

ArmedandHammered

The Queen of Regretful Songs-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWCUh6tf7PA

BrettFavresColonoscopy
theeWeeBabySeamus

/starts drinking now in preparation

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is refusal to apologize fair game?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pojL_35QlSI

theeWeeBabySeamus
ArmedandHammered

I sit in the chair
And wait for my name
Wishin’ everything could be the same
Like when I called to the kids

We’ll listen to Phish
I’ll give you candy
I’ll give you everything I have in my hand

Walking among the Corvettes
Papers in my hand
Motions to all the lot guards
Getting it back will be grand

We’ll listen to Phish
I’ll give you candy
I’ll give you everything I have in my hand

Give me, give back my van
Give me, give back my van

Tired of the car pool
Ridin’ round and round
If I don’t get the van back
I’ll never get rid of this frown

We’ll listen to Phish
I’ll give you candy
I’ll give you everything I have in my hand
Give me,…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I should probably apologize for that one. LMFAO.

SonOfSpam

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Now now the Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions

SonOfSpam

Apologizing a trillion times seems excessive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYxAiK6VnXw

SonOfSpam

Mike Ness’ apologies come with a snarl. (I also come with a snarl. It’s unfortunate.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXAU4MmMIMo

theeWeeBabySeamus

You guys just described how not to get divorced.

SonOfSpam

LOL was just typing something like that

nomonkeyfun

If you eat only the fish taco correctly, you won’t get divorced.

ArmedandHammered

Thank you for posting this, I had forgotten this song and I immediately went and bought it.

SonOfSpam

Dammit, too slow. Good song for drinking straight 151 and cutting yourself.

ArmedandHammered

Actually it was Everclear with powdered gatorade and I almost passed out weeping into the lap of my crush while her boyfriend looked at me like I was a loser. Which at that point, I was. That is my definition of pathetic.

SonOfSpam

Ouch. I’m in pain for younger you. But shit…who hasn’t had a moment kinda like that?

ArmedandHammered

Since we used Orange Gatorade mixed w/Everclear at our dorm parties, we called it poontang.

SonOfSpam

(squeezes balls to make voice high) “AIN’T THERE NOTHING LEFT FOR ME”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnfSoaJxe3Y

theeWeeBabySeamus

Which’n?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never mind, I see now. 😛

SonOfSpam

No, Nevermind’s a different album.