Your “Now He Can Screw Up TV Broadcasts” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • In a “good news / bad news” type of situation, Gene Steratore has retired.
    • And joined CBS as their rules analyst, for both the NFL and college basketball.
      • Since he worked both for over 20 years.
    • Besides Steratore, Ed Hochuli, Jeff Triplette and Terry McAulay have retired.
      • Hochuli, shockingly, didn’t take a TV job but instead is working as Al Riveron’s assistant.
  • Le’Veon Bell says a long-term contract is “close”, and the odds of him going to camp on time seem “pretty good”.
    • They have until July 16 to work out a deal, otherwise his franchise tag for 2018 is $14.5 million.
  • Julian Edelman’s suspension appeal was heard Monday.
    • The substance for which Edelman tested positive wasn’t one the league’s drug testers recognized. That remains one of two key issues at the heart of his appeal.
      • The other, according to a source, involves a mishandling of the documentation and delivery of Edelman’s test results.
        • So – the classic “someone must’ve tampered with it due to your carelessness” defence, which will play on WEEI & Barstool.

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Diamondbacks at Marlins – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Blue Jays at Astros – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Cubs at Dodgers – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Rockies at Giants – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • College World Series:
    • Finals Game 1: Oregon State vs. Arkansas – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • Last night was rained out.
  • WWE:
    • Smachdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Thanks to everyone who’ll be stepping in for me over the next week or so. End-of-year deadlines plus a failure to plan has resulted in being unable to contribute regularly. I’M NOT SURE YOU’RE SUFFERING!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamusblaxabbathMoose -The End Is Well NighBrick Meathookyeah right Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Probably to have been expected but the Trumpers are blaming Harley-Davidson for competent executive responsibility. Not the guy who arbitrarily* started a global trade war.

*Russia

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

…and HillarBama.

blaxabbath

Just got back from a three hour “New Father Boot Camp” where I guess I “learned” how to change a diaper. But it was basically 2 hours of this guy’s fatherhood-centric stand up routine.

Look, I’m all for classes being engaging and entertaining — but don’t rob three hours from me when 60 mins would be plenty. Also, i am done with these classes. I’ve heard the same five things in all of them plus some advice followed by, “but you’ll figure out after five or six times.”

yeah right

You’ll be fine.

Your heart is in it and you can do it.

Christ man, I’ve raised 2 daughters and 3 grandkids.

You have so many nights of lost sleep.
It’s worth it.

Really.

blaxabbath

I got a boy — until he tells us he’s a girl and needs $250K.

Senor Weaselo

So, tWBS, who went down on, sorry, to whom, Beavers or Hogs?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

After too many drinks it makes little difference.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oregon State was cruising, had a few calls go against them, then completely imploded.

Arkansas will sweep tomorrow for Nat’l Championship methinks.

My apologies to anyone who took my betting advice re: the Beavers. I forgot Pat Casey was a fucking buffoon. How he managed to not fuck up ’06 and ’07 I have no idea.

Senor Weaselo

Hermana Weaselo finally sat me down to watch Ragnarok. So, ending the world, a normal day in the Weaselo household?

yeah right

Bass!

We need bass!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Okay.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Slapping the bass!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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yeah right

This is subtle yet understated.

With a fine riff.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Agreed

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

yeah right

Proper bass.

Proper.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Proper.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Get hard for toast.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Yvonne DeCarlo was a year older than Al Lewis, she was a Howard Hughes girlfriend, and Tony Curtis fucked her.

This is all my Yvonne DeCarlo trivia knowledge.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And Tony Curtis was gay; she was just that hot.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Tony Curtis was so gay, he screwed every actress in Hollywood. See, that was his was of hiding his gayness back then, by fucking as many women as he possibly could. Tragic, really.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
yeah right

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HARD!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The one thing I read said that rumors started when he told a film crew he didn’t like kissing MM; MUST be gay if he doesn’t like kissing MM. Not true he was being sarcastic. He also had an affair with her. He was a great looking fucker; hell I’d do him. Well, maybe after a nice dinner.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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…and he made a career in ‘MURIKA, so I’m sure he had to deal with all kinds of bullshit.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Does it look defensive? Wasn’t supposed to be. Shit, I only go for the comedy, I guess I kept it too deadpan there. Anyways, I know he loved Spartacus. And oysters and snails.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Probably not; mine was a joke. Well “joke” anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Knowledge.”

yeah right

She was hot in “How the West Was Won.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001119/

That’s a lot of work.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Tim Kurkjian is a fucking imbecile.
Why in the name of everything holy do I still have this game on my TV?

Time to look for porn.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“You see something new every game. What an amazing sport!”
– Tim Kurkjian

yeah right

“The important thing about being consistent is consistency.”

– Joe Morgan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

*adds to Sensible Chuckles folder*

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The obituaries are the best.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Who farted?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Imma get some sleep. I’ll have 95 minutes and 16 seconds of soccer to watch tomorrow.
😉

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You’ll be back for today’s stoppage time no doubt.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m already back. Had to write tomorrow night’s open thread.

Now I really am gonna get hammered and watch….something. But it sure as hell won’t be anymore of Cub/Dodgers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WELL AT LEAST I’M BOOZY!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I would totally agree except I’m NOT flaccid. Well I am right now, but not when it counts dammit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Oh yeah?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh I will, baby. You play your cards right and we both can.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*I’ll enjoy on you…..”

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, lol. I’ll stfu. I know I’m the only one who cares about college baseball.
Imma go get drunk.

HOLY SHIT. Don’t send him there.

OK, I’m done. Baseball sucks.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

They easily tagged that Beaver

theeWeeBabySeamus

Come on Beavers…I mean it’s fucking Arkansas here FFS!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pat Casey kinda looks like….
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….and by “kinda”…I mean “separated at birth”.

Just as smart, too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kinda seems like you should pulled that pitcher like I told you … AGAIN… huh, Pat?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, did you get lucky there, Pat. Holy hell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Arkansas should consider warming someone also. But I hope they don’t.
Fuck the SEC.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Beavers got lucky there.
Better pull that kid tho. He’s outta gas.

Also better rev up the nation’s best offense soon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, my offense is revved up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She DOES seem nice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Pat Casey…pssssst….

I suggest you get someone else warming. But you won’t.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh holy shit…he did.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

So he does know how to coach. Sometimes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut occasionally.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

David Cone has been calling Joe West Barney Fife these last two games, and I love it. Because Joe West is a disgrace to two of the things I love most, baseball and music.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Do you see that? This guy gets it.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Last time I ever fly economy minus.”

Senor Weaselo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Pat Casey can whine and shake his stupid little dumb head all he wants. Bad calls aside, he fucked this up by not having someone warm and ready WHEN I FUCKING TOLD HIM TO!!!!!

If I can see it from here and I’m not getting paid….then do your job you fucking pinhead.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

He’s too invested in the redemption story for the child diddler.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You may be right. And I don’t wanna say much about that because I don’t know.

But Casey fucked up tonight as far as doing his job for Oregon State Baseball.

Pat Casey : Oregon State Baseball :: Elliott Avent : NC State Baseball

A head coach who can’t handle a pitching staff and/or who won’t let a pitching coach manage it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That hit the fucking line. It won’t get overturned. But Oregon State is getting the screw job here tonight, intentionally or not.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’m loving all these slo-mo Beaver reviews. Especially when they zoom in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Money shot?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I haven’t seen a snake mesmerize a pussy like that since….

Shit, what were we talking about again?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, holy shit. Can’t believe they overturned it.
Still shoulda been 2nd and 3rd, but better than I expected.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Although all these reviews are really going to add to the stoppage time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why I oughta slug you.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Why are they reviewing this?

It’s a helluva catch, but it was obviously a fucking catch.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Ridiculous.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

They’re not the only thing rising tonight

litre_cola

I watch prison docs quite a bit. I have come to the conclusion that I would not do well in there. At all.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s the lack of weed availability…AMIRITE????

(weed is available actually, but you wouldn’t like the “price”)

litre_cola

Or how it got there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe….that too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You’d just have to get rid of your front teeth.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a coincidence that I’m making chimichurri sauce tonight.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice. Grilling later?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Arkansas’ pitcher is named Blaine.

His parents should be beaten and then buried alive.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

They could have named him Dark.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

Senor Weaselo

“Or Golden!” -Whoever the guy who owns the Vegas Golden Knights is

scotchnaut

I’ve got the nasty notion that The Purge 4 is going to do very well within a certain demographic. Me? I’m giving it two opposable thumbs down.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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WCS

Coming up next, the peyote finally kicks in for Wayne Newton.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oregon State better start warming somebody if they haven’t already.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Need to have that Beaver warm to work.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think this Beaver is spent.

Seriously, they need to pull Heimlich or this is gonna get ugly very quickly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Really Casey? Do you not see this?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Heimlich is a great pitcher. But he’s a kid and he’s rattled. Get his ass outta there and save a little of his arm to possibly come back for game three.

Holy shit, Pat Casey is a fucking moron.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, NOW they decide to start warming someone.

Holy shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

smgdh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus…it’s about fucking time.
And you killed his confidence even more than if you’d have gone and gotten him when I fucking told you to originally.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Beavers about to open it up.
Hehehehe

LemonJello
LemonJello

/files away “look at those beavers spread open…the field” jokes for JV NFL

theeWeeBabySeamus

Beavers just got fucked.

Senor Weaselo
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Al…you still got that White Bronco or what?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Eli’s finally slipped up.

scotchnaut

“That’s just great….who is going to be our #1 outside corner in training camp?”

-Hardcore Giants Fan

herodotus450
herodotus450

“I KNOW I can guard Aaron Hernandez, but how to prove it…”
-J. Jenkins

scotchnaut

She was a tennis player. One of the best ever, I’m told. Why does no one remember Jaime Sommers?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck that bitch for stealing my thunder. If I ever catch her….
Shit, she’s faster than I thought.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

She was a tennis player. One of the best ever, I’m told. Why does no one remember…..

“Someone call me?”
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No Anna, no one has called.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Soooooooo….Heather Locklear seems pretty stable, huh?
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/26/entertainment/heather-locklear-medical-call/index.html

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scotchnaut

Perhaps if you were posed as an ad for a sex doll for 30 years you might end up with an issue or five.

/me? I’d take my chances.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude, If I thought anyone wanted to see me pose as a sex doll, I’d fucking scream with joy.

But sure, I might then kick a cop and try to OD. Tough but fair.

scotchnaut

Guh! I HAVE A LONG HISTORY OF PRETENDING TO BE A HEATHER LOCKLEAR POSTER! IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is too!!!!!!

LemonJello
LemonJello

“STOP! JUST STOP FIGHTING! YOU’RE RUINING CHRISTMAS. YOU CAN BOTH BE HEATHER LOCKLEAR POSTERS!”
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scotchnaut

“JUST BECAUSE YOU EARN THE MOST MONEY-IT DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BOSS AROUND YOUR MOM AND DAD”!

/”AND WHERE ARE MY SMOKES?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

scotchnaut

I wish I could recall the female tv star that shook her tits after winning an event in this ‘contest’. 12 year-old me had quite the awakening.

theeWeeBabySeamus

scotchnaut

[ball is flushed thru the net with both hands]

“I mean, it could be a dunk. Maybe. I think the league office should provide some clarification.”

-Gene Steratore

Wakezilla

So, Gary Bettmen got inducted into the Hall of Fame…

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Of Disgraces?

Senor Weaselo

“Sorry, our bad. Bettman was elected to the Hall of Lame.” -Hockey writers, I hope

scotchnaut

I heard that the NHLPA is going to present him with a gold swatch to commiserate the occasion.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s go Beavers. Pound those Hogs!!!!!

Hehehe.

scotchnaut

You’ve been sitting on that one (heh) since the teams were announced.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I see what you did there.
Bravo.

litre_cola

Hmmm what to talk about… thinks maybe check on the AL East.

Orioles doing well….

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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blaxabbath

It’s June 26.

How behind are you that you’re already flailing to meet year end deadlines?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey man, I’m just happy to have electricity tonight.

Kudos to Duke Energy (in spite of your stupid name) for getting that shit cleaned up and my A/C back on so quickly. I thought it was gonna be a long damned night.

Wakezilla

Beerguy Rick is a teacher. It’s crunch time for them here in Canadia